Girlfriend works 9am-8pm Mon-Fri. gets off work doesn't cook. Orders take out most of the time but calls me selfish because im unhappy and want out?

[Anonymous]

She says I'm selfish for wanting her to leave her job. She makes 45/hr fulltime. So she doesn't get paid overtime. But as a man, I dont need a work a holic female. (I make 40/hr FT). But all I ask is she cook dinner and be more open sexually. But the reality is, working 9-8pm and eating pepperoni pizza/chicken wings everyday is a turn off for me. It is just not what I want from a woman.
Would I be selfish for breaking up with her and saying she doesn't have time to give me the relationship that I want? And maybe we can get together in the future?

[AmandaYVR]

If she works more hours than you then why should she cook dinner?
If this is about her eating habits, what she eats, then you could cook dinner and have it ready for her when she comes home so that she eats better than frozen garbage.

When you say "more open sexually", you mean to try different things, not more available to you sexually... right?
Cause cooking you dinner and being more available to you to have sex sounds a bit caveman-ish in today's age. Not uncommon, but a very modern woman may not see it that way.
But if you really mean less dull in the bedroom, that's understandable, and a definite reason some men will feel unsatisfied and want to break up.

There must be benefits with the money she/you both earn. Is it worth it? Does she think it is, but you do not?
Covid killed travel, but have you ever taken some great trips to break out of your routine, and did that change your dynamic, even temporarily?
Are you both saving to buy property, or something for the home? Paying off debts?
Does she think she's making hay now, because it will dry up and not be available later, in time of famine?
Do you live together?

Why would you want to get together in the future? People do break up over lifestyle differences sometimes, but getting back with her later seems a bit odd.

I was in a not entirely dissimilar situation once. My boyfriend had a lot of energy, led a pretty busy life. I was more on a consistent schedule and routine and got home earlier. It would irk me that he would come over to my place so late, and we couldn't enjoy dinner together. I would be hungry and need to eat earlier, after the long walk back to my place from work I would be starving, but he would not show up until later evening sometimes, and then, honestly, I questioned whether it was even worth it. He wasn't just coming over to have sex and then go to sleep (pretty sure.) He liked being with me, hanging out, but for only a couple of hours, that pattern started to bother me. I would call this a lifestyle issue, and yes, it was unsatisfying. But years later, I regretted arguing over it, bringing it up repeatedly. (At least he made the effort to come to see me, is my takeaway now, more.)

So it's really up to you, how unsatisfied you are, probably based on how your relationship is otherwise, and where you are at in your life.
Some people need, and relish, significant time apart. But if you want more, maybe you're just wasting time in this relationship.
If you really loved her, you would maybe want to spend as much time with her as possible (if it's in the early stages, not a long relationship already.)
But you can't just choose people based on convenience/inconvenience. Choose them based on compatibility in general.

I watched a reality dating show last night and there was a girl in her late 20s I think, who wanted to be married with kids by 35 and the clock was ticking, yet she had commitment issues and maturity issues, according to the experts. Her fixation on eating nothing but frozen prepacked food, and the dozens bags of vegan chicken nuggets at least 4x/wk, was a good representation of her resistance to grow up.
Does this ring a bell for you?

[Anonymous]

You could try and create a balance, like meal prepping together on Sundays or something, so that all you have to do is throw the dish in the oven and you can eat together when she gets home from work. However, if you generally just want a partner who’s schedule is less hectic and etc etc, then she’s not the one for you. Don’t be selfish and ask her to quit her job or work less hours because you don’t feel like cooking and want her to do it (which sounds like the case, because why can’t you make dinner rather than complain about take out?). Be single and patient until someone who better aligns with what you want comes into the picture.

[MCheetah]

Just like I would ask a woman to do... Reverse the genders here and see if it sounds any more or less reasonable.

GIRL: "He says I'm selfish for wanting him to leave him job. He works 45 hours a week, full time. But as a woman, I don't need a man who neglects me and doesn't pay attention to me! All I ask is he give me what I want and be more open sexually. But the reality is, working a $45 an hour job and not giving me the attention I need is a turn-off for me. I need a man to give me what I want!"

So yeah, in short, you're selfish. You sound like a nagging wife. You two upper middle-class corporate types probably just aren't right for each other at all and should get break up. Don't even get back together with her. You need a trophy wife or sugar baby or something, from what it sounds like.

[OlderAndWiser]

"The Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 29 U. S. C. § 203 (FLSA) is a federal labor law that creates both the right to a minimum wage and "time-and-a-half" overtime pay when people work over forty hours a week. If an employer has at least $500,000 of business or gross sales in a year, then these requirements apply to all of its hourly employees.

[LZPanzer]

She is probably salaried they don't get overtime

Though those work hours are excessive. Her employer is definitely taking advantage of her.

[OlderAndWiser]

@LZPanzer I'm sure you are right, but it sounds as if she does not want to change. Your options are to accept her as she is, and be prepared to live like this for the remainder of your life, or move on from this relationship.

[LZPanzer]

I doubt very much any sane person would work those hours for very long. I think the relationship can be salvaged I just think the poster just said some thing that came off as rude/chuvanistic.

[OlderAndWiser]

@LZPanzer Sorry, I forgot that you are not the Asker. There are "smaller" employers who routinely violate the FLSA and attorneys who make a living representing employees on claims against employers.

[LZPanzer]

All good, I don't know how effective getting a lawyer would be. I think she has plenty of leverage against them as is.

She gets paid 45 an hour equivalent, probably means she's high skill/important to the function of the business, meaning she's hard to replace. If she threatens to quit itt cause more loss of revenue than a lawsuit would.

[OlderAndWiser]

@LZPanzer Depends on the amount of back wages owed. Under the FLSA, an employee collects twice the amount actually owed, as a disincentive for this kind of behavior, and there may be a number of other employees with similar claims to be filed.

[OlderAndWiser]

AND the employer must pay the employee's attorney's fees.

[LZPanzer]

I don't think they are snubbing her on pay. Like I said she's probably salaried, and they don't get paid overtime. Some companies skirt the law by making employees salaried and forcing them to work long hours because they don't want to pay overtime. Dollar general is a big user of this tactic. It's extremely skummy tactic but it's completely legal for companies to do.

I believe the Obama administration tried to tackle this, but it got dismantled during the Trump admin.

[LZPanzer]

I don't think you are being selfish. I do think what you are SAYING is selfish.

I think you would make far more progress by saying

"I'm concerned that your work is taking advantage of you by scheduling you to work such long hours, I feel it's interfering with our relationship and your health."

[Anonymous]

huh? are YOU OFFERING to help cook? or just expect it to be ready for you? you have no room to complain.

women are allowed to be workaholics. you are way too old fashioned. get with the times. are you upset that she makes $5 more than you? maybe she wants you to have a bigger penis. but can't do anything about that...

[exitseven]

Is it even legal to not pay overtime for this? Besides that, it is a lot of hours. Some people really like their jobs, it fulfills them and maybe more than relationships do. If that is the case, maybe it is time to re-examine your relationship.

[Redstang88]

Well, yeah. You obviously want different things and that’s unlikely to change, move on

[RelevantJ]

2 choices suck it up and make dinner 4 her since she works later than you.
Or break up with her since it's obvious y'all want different things

[Agape93]

I’ll take her, you can hit the bricks. Bye bye

[jahaims]

You are being selfish