What would you do if you found out that the person you're dating was still legally married?

Question

They've been separated from their spouse for a while, but neither of them have filed for divorce. Would you continue seeing them or break up with them?

Qdbrown · Accepted Answer

If you want a serious relationship, ditch them. Freshly divorced people are not wise investments. Barring that they couldn't afford to divorce or were estranged for years might help their healing time, as a general rule people not divorced should not be messed with. There are a lot of red flags. People with purpose do what is necessary, and don't let problems keep on, keeping on. There are exceptions, if you want roll the dice, that's on you.

If you're just recreational sex, I personally would not sex up married people. This is why the dating landscape is so messed up. If married people faced more consequences, they would take their vows more seriously. If people has ethics and morality, they would not knowingly touch a married people. All these people are running around thirtsy and entitled to believe they can get all they can, but then wonder why later on their wives bail for the dumbest reasons. Then they wonder why, and actually get mad, when earlier in life they thought it was funny to bag married person. It really does rub both ways, and life has a funny way to deal you, as you dealt it.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

I would still date her but tell her the only way we can be serious is if she proves to me she is filing for divorce and proves to me she is not with him anymore , A lot of people get separated without filing divorce and the main reason is for financial reasons so if she proved to me she is no longer with him then I would be supportive of her but if I feel like she is just playing games I won’t waste my time with her

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It would depend for how long they had been separated and on how emotionally invested I had become..
Actually my mom and dad are not legally divorced but just separated for 25+ years now xD. So crazy, but obviously they are over each other and I do refer to them as divorced if telling about them.
If it was less than like a year that the person had separated with the ex it would probably be a problem because I would think they might not be 100 % over each other.. I have tried that a man did not say something important about his life situation before I had fallen for him, and we never really worked it out.. I hope that will never happen again, because I do think it is difficult for me to trust someone who kept a big secret.

Ally247 · Accepted Answer

Make them file for divorce, give them an ultimatum

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. He is still married and, regardless of how long they have been separated, he does not prepare to move forward until the divorce is final. In the meanwhile, you are an interesting - and perhaps fun - diversion, or maybe a rebound relationship.

2. If you get beyond the problems raised above. . . has he affirmatively mislead you about his marital status or did you make assumptions without asking or verifying the facts? How did yo eventually discover that he is still married?

coachTanthony · Answer

-----------Many people split up and decide to get divorced but in the end they never get around to it so they go about their lives. Years later they forget they aren't actually divorced on paper even though they have been separated for years. This can be an issue if your partner finds out so without a good explanation I would probably move on.

"Not everything is what it seems."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

Break up with him!!!

I don't care if they are separated: until I see those divorce papers, he's still considered married.

I don't mind dating a divorced man: once he's officially single. But to lie about it? Nope. That's a dealbreaker

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

So by find out❓ That means they started dating me  before  they told me they were  still  married❓ Oh.. That's definite deal breaker there... Someone that starts a relationship built on lies, I want no part of that..

Paris13 · Answer

Firstly, He would have Lied to me. I would Not Trust him. I would Think He is Still Hooked to Her and How about WHEN is a Divorce? Of Course----He may Not Do One, hun. xx

spearheadbt · Answer

I don't understand some of the answers. Things are hardly black and white here. First, it depends on how you find it out. If it is your date who told you, then he/she is being honest. And frankly, if you are still married, is this something you'd write in your dating app profile, or the first thing you'd tell someone who just accepted a date with you? "Hey you, wanna grab a coffee sometime? by the way, I am still married". "by the way, I have a very big debt" or "by the way, I want/don't want kids".

Then there is the why no divorce was filled. In Canada, you have to wait at least a whole year of living apart before filling up. Unless you sue your spouse for cheating or violence, but I doubt you want to lie in court. Then if both ex-partners are living in other cities, it might make things complicated. And it's also not necessarily cheap to divorce, so you might want to wait a bit. There's all sorts of reasons that might prevent people from divorcing right away. You're not necessarily a rebound.

And there's also the whole question of how long they were together. Being in a marriage for 10 years, or a couple of months is totally different. It might have been a marriage of convenience (ie. to be able to bring your spouse abroad) and things went wrong.

For the same reasons you don't talk about all your problems the first couple of dates, you might not want to bring this up too early. If I don't know the girl and she tells me this straight away, I might think about it two times before accepting dating her. But if I date her for some time and really dig her, and as it gets more serious she tells me, then I'll be understanding and it's no biggie. But maybe I don't like her and we stop dating before she ever tells me. That's the thing, it's better to get to know the person first, to see if you actually really like the person, before going into the negatives. If you start with the negatives... not a good idea.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Back about 20 years ago I was dating a lady who wasn't fully divorced yet. If I had it to do over again, I don't think that I would do that. She hadn't got over it yet and she was still on the rebound.

On a different note, I know a lady who was engaged to a guy for a year. So after a year, she was asking him when they'd finally go through with it and get married. He said that he needed to get divorced from his wife first. He had been separated all that time and had never bothered to file for divorce. She had no idea. Needless to say, she didn't marry him... LOL

RichardCranium6201 · Answer

I don't know... there's a lot of things still in question. Like, how do u feel about him? Regardless of every 1 telling you to break up with him, that's not gunna be a easy thing to do if your feelings are involved. But you need to do something. Ok so, 1st, u need to be open and honest. 100%. Let him know it's not cool, and if the divorce isn't moving forward in a 2 weeks, then your out. Your gone. 2 weeks is plenty of time for him to get his ass to a court building and at least start the process. If he does that, make sure he keeps moving it forward and only does he stop when it's the 6 month grace period. Cuz at that point all your doing is waiting for the 6 months to end, for the divorce to be finalized. If at any time he stops before that, then he's just playing with you in which case i agree with every 1 else. Leave him. He's no good.

Anonymous · Answer

A relationship built on lies, is not a relationship. Separated, and "almost divorced," do not mean available in any way, shape, or form, in my book. If that person was serious about me, they would have either told me straight away what was going on and allowed me to make a competent decision based on the facts of the situation as to whether to even continue on, or made it clear that we can't be serious until that paperwork is on the books. People in these nasty sort of situations have been known to change their minds and go back with the ex and where does that leave you....the fool desperately holding on to a pipe dream.

MasseurDeMojo · Answer

This actually has happened to me. I liked the woman, and would of had her; she came clean, and let me know she was married. I told her, I do not play with married women. She understood where I was coming from and told me about her friend who was single.

She eventually found a man who did not care that she was married, and she got what she wanted {sex}. I do not play that game; I do not want a husband coming after me, and be the reason why their family fell apart!

Red_Arrow · Answer

I actually have a family member that was married to an ass. She separated and did not see him any more, but left the marriage in place as a shield to protect herself from getting into another bad relationship. She met a guy who she adored, filed for divorce, and married the new guy (and is still very happily married). They dated before the divorce was final.

Minx7282 · Answer

Literally happened to me yesterday. I went fucking off at him. Especially because I asked for important details. He just assumed I would be cool with it. When I told him I'm not. He basically was trying to make no big deal about it. I told him I'm not some side piecewhore that you can fuck with. He only replied with ugh 🤦‍♂️
Blocked his ass and haven't regretted it.

Harleigh90 · Answer

This is tough because sometimes it isn't that easy to file for a divorce, it's expensive and draining. I dated a 'separated' man for 18 month's, we split because his past cough up with him and couldn't let go of the toxic relationship he left. But unfortunately he still couldn't financially afford child maintenance and the looming court proceedings.

It's obviously a conversation that you both need to have and whether you can forward.

HawkPerception · Answer

It wouldn't sit right with me. Knowing the person you're dating is officially married to someone would make you feel like they're still somewhat committed to that person in some form or way. It also reminds you of that part of their life constantly. I'd take my leave.

BCA6010 · Answer

They are legally separated? That's a bit iffy and circumstantial. If she had lied about or kept it a secret, it's a problem. If a divorce isn't imminent, then I'm not getting involved until it has passed.

I actually had a very similar scenario happen to me years ago, but the woman was pretty upfront about it early on and told me when the divorce was finalized. We didn't *really* do any earnest dating until then, and instead spent that time getting to know each other better.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Honestly, it's a gamble. Since neither of them have filed for divorce, that's a pretty big red flag that neither of them really wants divorce and there's a high chance of them working it out, without you of course.

The one exception would be that the separation was recent, and in that case it's pretty much an unknown. Some people.. when it's over it's over. Others, not so much.

Miristheiss · Answer

Clarify?

They say they are divorcing their wife... the paperwork and court date are still pending but they are separated and free to date others... it is still just awaiting the legal finality... or they are actually married, they never told you they have a wife and you are a home wrecker?

MannMitAntworten · Answer

This has happened more than once. Each time I told them. “As long as you are married this relationship is going nowhere.

Three effing times women I had been seeing lied about being divorced. Two it turned out were still living with their damn husbands. One was just living a separate life from her husband. He had a live in girlfriend and she was casually dating which I numbered on the casual side till learning she was still married.

menina · Answer

I would break up with him. He could be lying to me and telling me that he wasn't with his wife anymore and that he wanted to be with me. But then he could be happy with her while he was also dating me.

KittyBites · Answer

Hiding anything in a relationship is a huge red flag, especially being married. Being separated for a long time with no divorce is another red flag. He's still attached to his wife and keeping her as a safety net.

Leavesbound · Answer

I would have to investigate to find out if this was going to lead to a divorce or if in fact there was a chance of future reconciliation. I have no desire to waste my time on a relationship that is likely temporary.

Nik1hil · Answer

Get a video of us doing it..
The day she tries to end our sex relationship..
Blackmail her.. Into continues sex otherwise the hubby gets the clip..
, 😂😂more sex for me.. JK
She calls my bluff..
I don't send the video..
I won't actually destroy her relationship

OF Course it's end of the dating unless her husband is cuck and wants this..

Anonymous · Answer

Where I am, you need to be separated for a couple of years before divorce. It feels like no man's land because you're not in a relationship and not divorced. Potential mates understandably treat you with suspicion and some of the dating sites will not even entertain you.
Having them as a play mate is fine but for anything more, you need to tread very carefully. They may ultimately decide their old playmate is a bigger pull.

DisappointingHope · Answer

Marriage is really nothing but some fancy words on a piece of paper if you don't value it. I would assume that the person didn't value that marriage very much if they were seperated for a while.

PinkMichae · Answer

If he told me before the first date I'd stay. But from your question it sounds like you mean if they were deceptive by keeping it from you while you two were going on dates. Then I'd end it.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

If just dating and they are separated, then just continue but make it clear there was not going to be a relationship, it was sex only. if in a relationship dump them

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I would break things off with them and never talk to them again
My elderly cousin was married to this guy and here he was also
married so he managed some how to slip through the loops to
marry my cousin

exitseven · Answer

I would want to keep seeing them but I would want some timeline about getting a divorce and I would want to make sure that the husband would not be waiting for me outside my office with a couple of his friends.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Well oftentimes a marriage is "over" long before the paperwork is settled. As long as the ex is good and truly out of the picture, I'd consider moving past the issue. It really depends on the context

COMMODOREII · Answer

I would break up with them. I can not be a party to their indecision. I really do not want to hear excuses or so called reasons. You are either single or not.

Unbeatable · Answer

jumping into a new relationship after a breakup is sad. they'll bring their toxicity with them. anyone looking for a serious relationship would first fix the part of themselves that hurt the relationship they were just in.

hahahmm · Answer

If either of us ever indicated that we were looking for serious, I would dump them for not sharing that info on day 1.

Alyssa11 · Answer

Break up. We can pick things up when you’ve brought along the divorce papers and evidence they’ve been blocked/not in your life any more.

rosemilk · Answer

Impossible. But if this situation were true, it's very hard to hide things from me, and his family who he is still close with so...

AndrewMG · Answer

Oh there's been time in my dating history where the only criteria have been do they like me/do we get on! lol... Legalities, Technicalities, Lawfullness... bah! lol

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

It can sometimes take years for the courts to process a contentious separation and divorce (not to mention the cost), so I suppose it would depend on the situation.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I'd leave.  Billions of women on this planet. I'm pretty sure I could find one that WASN'T married!

DWornock · Answer

Just because she is married doesn't imply that she is not a good fuck. However, I would be more cautious about the places that I would fuck her and certainly I would avoid fucking her in her house where her husband might show up unexpectedly.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

I’d have them hit the road unless it’s an amazing excuse and he has grown from then. Like you have seen a positive change in him. You should be able to tell.
But if he has lied to you out of convenience, get rid of him.

EmmaMary · Answer

It would be the immediate parting of the ways from the deceitful, dishonest lowlife b******.

DarkCarousel · Answer

I don’t think there’s any explanation that would lead me to stay.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i've had this happen. the papers were in the mail but the divorce wasn't finalized. why would i care when they are separated?

Citizenkirk · Answer

I would probably do 🤮 on them...

AnggieGirl · Answer

I never date someone that’s divorced, or separated (still married but not together).

Tiptoetamm · Answer

If they were seperated I would. I am no home recker so I would continue cautiously

Kaneki05 · Answer

I hardly care if the goverment legally say someone is married. So i would carry on seening them.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Depends how long we'd been dating and how serious we were. Being married wouldn't in itself be an issue, hiding it would be.

TremorJay · Answer

Marriage is important to me, so I may have to call the whole thing off

jasco · Answer

I mean I would be curious as to why. But at the same time I wouldn't see to many women doing this, but who knows? Honestly I stay friends till she left.

Devlaw5 · Answer

It depends on why they haven’t filed yet. If that reason in some way leads back to them still being interested in their spouse then we’re for sure breaking up.

TessCasie · Answer

Dump them cause they lied who knows what more they’ll do smh 🤦‍♀️

AgentRED · Answer

I would stop seeing that person. I have no interest in a love triangle.

karaspara · Answer

I would continue seeing them but I would want him to file for divorce as soon as reasonably possible

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

If they knew this and hadn’t told me I would break up with them

Browneye57 · Answer

Ask them to explain. Isn't that what mature adults do?

Iron_Man · Answer

I will flip out and then end it right on the spot. And I’m still not an adulterous because she didn’t tell me anything

Shark_61695 · Answer

If they are honest and upfront about it then fine... If they conceal it or continue to see their spouse then I'd be upset.

throwsomecheeseonit · Answer

I mean this is prevalent scenario if girl was upfront I. would consider still dating.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Unless a divorce is in his very near future, DROP HIM!!

Likes2drive · Answer

Well if they are legally separated it’s probably ok And only a problem if you want to get married to them eventually

What would you do if you found out that the person you're dating was still legally married?

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