Child's father has new girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I was with my ex for three years. We have a 5 month old son together. We broke up with him when I was 6 months pregnant because all he cared about being with his friends. When I had my son he was there during birth but was always so quick to leave. I had to beg him to come back to sign the birth certificate. Then when the baby was 3-4 months I never heard from him in weeks because he kept giving me this "heart condition" story and he was in the hospital for weeks at a time. When the baby came home he would come to visit one a month or twice a month (I live in pa he lives in nj) and give me anything I needed for the baby but now he has this new girlfriend and all he has been doing is ignoring me. He won't answer my calls, texts or anything. He told me one night that he wasn't going to have enough money to come visit me and the baby and his phone was dying so it was going to be off so I would have no way in contacting him. Then the next morning he tells me he is having breakfast with this girlfriend (who is 40 years old by the way he's going to be 23 in July) I asked him about this and he got mad at me and started cussing me out. Then another day he sends me a text telling me he was at the hospital because his friend had a baby and he was her emergency contact at her job. I got pissed because he doesn't have any money to see his kid but goes around other women and their kids? Not cool. So I filed for child support because I was tired of the bs and he has been ignoring my calls because he is with this woman who is basically telling him that it is OK for him to treat me and his son like this and she supposedly goes to his church. I'm honestly still not over him and I don't have anyone new because for some reason I only attract guys who want sex and it upsets me that he would just get a new girlfriend and most importantly it's like he completely forgot that he has a son but he has the nerve to ask me to have him father's day weekend but I told him no because of this situation. I'm really hurt and pissed off. I don't know how to get over this. What am I supposed to do? How do I deal with this?

[Brendi87]

He's going through a phase in which he wants to experiment with older women. A few of my guy friends went through this. They like the fact they can attract a cougar; so, please don't take it personal. It has nothing to do with you, but all about him boosting his ego. I know, it sounds a little gross but when we get to 40, we may see what that's like.

Besides that, I'm really sorry for your situation but I think it's important that he stays in your life. Him ignoring you is immature, but you shutting him out won't make things better. He is the child's father whether you like it or not. You don't have to like each other, but you should get along for the sake of your baby. Another thing, don't communicate with him unless it has to do with the baby. I tried communicating with my ex about my feelings, and he didn't respond. It broke my heart, but it made things clear.

I knew of a girl who tried to keep the father away from the child by changing her phone number, and I think that was very cold. What she and her baby daddy had was over, but the child shouldn't have to pay for it; for not having a daddy around. So many people don't have a father due to death or their father disappeared, but as long as this guy is trying, give him a chance to be in the child's life. Your baby boy has a right to be around and get to know his father. He might not say it, but baby's know and want to feel daddy's touch and love.

[Asker]

i know. I'm trying to be fair and I want him to be in the baby's life. I don't want my son to suffer but when he does things like this it makes me so upset and I don't even want to see him but I know I have to because the baby is with me so it's unavoidable. I just want to get past a point where I don't even care about him having a girlfriend,

[Brendi87]

I understand, it's like, ugh, why bother 'cause you're putting yourself out there. All you can do is focus on yourself, your baby, what you can do to keep yourself happy, whether it's a hobby or cooking your fav. meal. Talk to family and friends, re-connect with old ones, make new ones. Communicate with mothers at a daycare. Wherever you see a mother, talk to them. Sure, there are days it's going to be tough, and it's OK to be sad but get back up and continue. You are strong. Don't forget that.

[cballo32]

I am in the same situation but my ex moved in with his girl while I was six months pregnant. I know betrayal is hard to deal with. Do you have any postpartum depression? Sometimes women become depressed because of the lack of support during and after pregnancy. First if you think you have postpartum depression get help. It helps because I got help and after I got therapy I realize what a jerk my baby's father really is. Start to think about his decisions and he is wrong and you can move on. What man doesn't want to be around his baby deserves karma? Believe me karma will come to him. If he treats his flesh and blood like he doesn't exist is incapable of love. Chances are his girlfriend lacks self respect, because if a women dates a man who doesn't see or take care of his child is a women who lacks self esteem. In the meantime go back to school or take up a hobby whatever it takes to get this pest off your mind. God bless, stay strong and remember the blessing that you have. Eventually you will meet someone who loves you unconditionally but start loving yourself. Afterall if you can't love yourself how the hell you expect someone else to love you. When you start loving yourself you wouldn't put yourself through pain, you reject undeserving a**holes. Take care

[Standingpretty]

You should ignore his ass. It sounds like your on his clock. He only wants to come over when he wants to and you have to schedule his visits around your schedule? That's bullsh*t. First off, you should save all your phone records so that when you bring him to court for child support, you'll have evidence that you tried to contact him and make an civil effort to work things out for the child and that he just wasn't trying. Second off, you should ignore him as much as possible(except for child support) from this point on. If he has any feelings for you, he'll try to talk to you again because people want what they can't have. Right now, don't worry about finding a BF, your job is to raise your child and focus on that. I know it's hard being a single mom, but being a parent is about sacrificing and living for your child despite your own interests.

That's an excuse not having money. If any guy goes to bed with you unwrapped he should know the consequences. He should under all circumstances be paying for his child. Birth control is FREE at planned parenthood. The main thing I am trying to say is, even though you have feelings for this guy, focus on your child and self and put the two of you first instead of chasing after a guy who'should be chasing after you.

[loomis1031]

are you more mad he has a girlfriend, or that he's abandoned his son? you shouldn't worry about this deadbeat dad in a relationship sense. you did the right thing by filing for child support. if he doesn't abide by the laws, he'll be in jail, hopefully.

as for guys just wanting sex, where are you meeting these guys. don't you have friends that know decent guys you can meet. make sure you're over the loser first before you want a relationship with another guy, otherwise you're just wasting your time.

maybe find a support group where you can meet other mothers in the same situation you are and learn what they did to cope with the situation. eventually you'll meet someone good, don't rush it.

[Asker]

i'm mad at both. I'm not over him but it makes me mad that he seems to think his new girlfriend is more important.

[loomis1031]

well he will learn once you get him to court that his girlfriend isn't more important. it will definitely be a fight and I'm sure when you go through this process, you'll find yourself over him. I wouldn't allow him visitation either, unless supervised with you. Until you go to court, tell him he can only see his son at your place, that he is not to take the child with him.

[Asker]

thats how it is with visitation now. he's mad about it but I really can't trust him.

[275153]

You are ticked off that he has a girlfriend and has moved on after you kicked him out. My ex was the same way. She asked for a divorce and I called her on her bullshit. Now she is pissed because I didn't go back groveling, but instead moved on and am in a solid relationship with a trophy girlfriend.

The fact that I choose to be involved in my kids life is a matter of how I was brought up. I had a great dad. I want to be a great dad. He apparently doesn't. Get your support from him and move on.

[christian2724]

The joys of pre-marital pregnancy. This is why I believe in abortion.

[Voltaire]

Maury show?

[Asker]

um no because paternity isn't the issue. you're whole vibe is ignorant.

[Voltaire]

No way, Maury does shows about promiscuous teens, cheating boyfriends and irresponsible mothers all the time.

[Asker]

first off I'm 22 years old, I'm not a teen, like you are seeing as your 17 second I'm not promiscuous, third I'm not an irresponsible mother. I'm a damn good mother as a matter of fact. so like I said. ignorance.

[Voltaire]

I was just listing things that are on the Maury show. If I wanted to insinuate you were any of those things, I'd have just said it.

[Asker]

still. the comment was ignorant.

[Voltaire]

Ignorant? link

[Asker]

i'm done. not only are you IGNORANT but your immature. pls don't comment anymore.

[Voltaire]

There's that word again.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

I couldn't help but lmfao to this, damn I'm horrible.