What's the likelihood that my ex was cheating on me? She moved in with a new boyfriend in less than a month?

Question

Just wondering what other people's thoughts on this are... Me and my partner of 6 years broke up in May. In late July she she got with another bloke and less than a month later (mid August) she moved in with him. They've also gotten pets together and posted photos of them all over FB (I'm still friends with her as I need to keep in touch in regards to money that she owes me that's rightfully mine!)

Personally I think that's insanely fast to get over a 6 year relationship and move in with someone! I can't help but wonder if she was seeing this guy behind my back whilst we were still together. What's everyone else's take on it?

Itsok2behapp-e · Accepted Answer

Allocate a letter to you. For example, you're Man A whom she was with for 6 years.

She has in that time seen and heard many men. Man B, Man C, Man D etc.

Did she or did she not refrain from acting upon her impulse and just maybe:

Have a coffee date with Man B whilst you're out working all hours of the day?
Have a walk/jog/run in the early hours of the morning with Man C whilst you laid in bed on your day off?
Have an unexpected 'work meeting' with Man D out of hours?

Maybe, maybe not.

Truth is she knows. You don't. However, I can tell you that why start at letters for there are only 26 of them, right?

Right. Start with numbers. So you're now Man 1. Coffee date is Man 2. Walk/jog/run is Man 2. Work meeting is Man 3.

See now the possibilities are endless. Infinite in fact.

During your 6 years, at some point she would've done something. Met someone. How many? Only she knows.

Once she does it once (and you don't find out) it's a little thrill for her to test what else is out there without losing the stability and security of you.

I can't say when she stopped her feelings for you but they would've been long gone way before she left.

Right up until the day she left she would've said "I love you" but they're just words. Anyone can say them and not mean them. Three words don't mean a thing when you know they're untrue.

When her feelings stopped for you she would've continued to tell you she loved you but when she meant them they weren't being said to you.

Whilst you were working, whilst you were planning your future together, the next steps in your life together, she was already checking out mentally.

She just needed time to physically move out. She wouldn't have done this on a whim.

Everything she needs, her safety, her security, her resources no matter what they're, once she has those she is secure in her mind that this is it "If I leave now, I'll still be OK as I won't be on the streets, I won't go hungry, my standards of living won't have dropped etc."

When she does this and tells you she's leaving, it's done on her terms so she can leave. What's confusing for you is "Everything was OK yesterday? You told me you still loved me only... yesterday?"

Subtlety. She wouldn't have changed out of the blue. Small changes over time. Such that her actions become what you think is her normal behaviour. Little do you know these are required for her to execute her plan to leave.

Only you know how much she owes you financially. If it were me, if I could manage without it then let her have it. Peace, quiet, no constant back and forth arguing for your money is worth more than the actual value of the money itself.

Take a deep breath. Cry if you want to cry. Get over her by looking after you first and foremost from now on.

Don't look back. Don't you dare take her back, understood? You will be OK. You will make that money back and more.

She may make you feel small but it's time to stand tall. Stand tall!

'Foolin Me' by Arron Erskine

What's the likelihood that my ex was cheating on me? She moved in with a new boyfriend in less than a month?

Not_Average · Accepted Answer

She monkey-branched. The reason she did this was most likely insecurity. They can't deal with their emotions properly, so they immediately jump to someone else in hopes that they can mask away their deeply rooted insecurities and issues. Somebody who is assured and confident within their self worth would decompress and grieve.

I'm sorry that you got to go through this man. I've been in a similar spot, and it's one of the most betraying feelings you'll experience. It's really not you though. Like I said, she's got a shit a load of issues if she monkey branches like that. Be thankful that she left you instead of cheating on you in marriage.

The only way to heal through this is to wish good for her. Recognize her flaws, and genuinely hope that she feels happy one day. It's hard, but carrying resentment will only weigh you down. I guarantee you she doesn't feel happy with this guy. She's still just as broken. On top of that, realize that her actions don't define your self worth.

Taylah9 · Accepted Answer

My ex did the same thing even though I was the one who broke up with him. He jumped straight into a new relationship which looking back on it I know deep down he had been seeing her behind my back. So don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it- if she cheated with him then she will most likely do the same thing to him eventually but it doesn't mean she did cheat- she could just be rebounding in the extreme. The way I see it though- you're in a better position than she is. Because she clearly couldn't be by herself and had to jump into another relationship without taking time to process the break up and learn from what/if anything went wrong in the relationship. So many people find themselves in the same position when they jump into another relationship that fast because the problems transfer from your relationship to the new one. Not always but I've seen it happen so many times.

Espresso-Grande · Accepted Answer

It's is very quick, considering she moved in with him. If she was just in a relationship, but not living with him, I'd assume she could be on the rebound.

It depends on her personality. Is she the sort of person who moves that quickly? Whey up the situation against the person you know she is. That'll give you more insight into it

ScottStevens · Answer

She probably discovered him while you were still a couple. Two points to ponder:

1. Why after six years were the two of you not more than just a couple. What kept marriage from happening at your age.

2. She may have discovered him, but that does mean they had become intimate at that time. Begs the question as to what kind of communication you two maintained to get while you were together. Does not sound like either of you were transparent in your feelings.

All that being said. You are over 35. In your next relationship you need to improve your level of commitment when you find the kadytof your dreams.

DizzyDesii · Answer

there's a possiblity she was already with him while with you. However i came out of a 2 year relationship and moved on in less than a month. Its not hard to move on. However, how you move on is what matters. I was happily flirting my ass off again but i didn't move in with a guy and adopt a pet. I think she was certainly cheating

Anonymous · Answer

She probably mentally checked out of your relationship a long time ago, which is why she was able to move on so quickly. Whether she was cheating or not, well without hard evidence there’s no way to know, so don’t upset yourself trying to figure that out. You’d be better to just move on, keep her out of sight out of mind and focus on healing.

humpbackjack · Answer

Who did the breaking up? If she did I’d say there’s a pretty good chance she was cheating or at least had him lined up and the reason she broke it off. Really though it’s not unbelievable for her to of met him started dating and moved in with him that fast. Regardless though it’s obvious you and her weren’t meant to be together anymore and if he’s the one for her then you should just get your money and part ways civilly and move on to your forever chick

rcljr · Answer

She did what is called Monkey Branching in America, she was fucking him and secure with him before she left you… she is the monkey and she didn’t let go of you ( the branch she was on) until she had another branch (him) securely in her grasp, most ( not all) women do this as a way to maintain security, it’s either that or she flat used you for money, a lot of women do that too, I call them amateur whores.

Aquariusmystery · Answer

Hmmm not sure. But with women we usually move on emotionally before we actually break up with you. We come to a point of being disappointed so often we just get used to it and lose feelings. If you don’t listen you’ve probably lost her months ago without realising. That’s why women seem to move on faster. We basically go through the breakup emotionally before officially ending it.

Drzen · Answer

Sorry to tell you but probably she knows him for about a year but you don't know. Don't give her the damn joy of chasing her don't think about getting her back because then she will be sure she have done the right thing by leaving you. Leave her and Don't be friends with her work on yourself.

Have you ignored any red flags back then?

CreamySeed · Answer

I dont think chicks are worth it at all they can rip your heart out and pulverise it and that is difficult to recover from. I am just going to live single and have a dog be my friend they love you unconditionally and you save a shit ton on money not having a nag around.

Interstate · Answer

If she owes you money, I wouldn't count on seeing it again!! It is likely she was unfaithful, but then again it is possible she just doesn't like the thought of being alone. Or she is just planning to sponge off of him for as long as he'll take it.

Anonymous · Answer

If the breakup was mutual it's possible that they met later.
If she dumped you or uninitiated the breakup there's a very good chance she was involved with him before she broke up with you.
That's what most women do, they Monkeybranch.
From one guy to the next, cheating on each one with the next.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Impossible to tell. The fact she moved on quickly doesn't mean she cheated.

Some people just don't like to be alone at all, and if someone attractive comes along and they click then they get into a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

My suggestion. Don’t think about that. It doesn’t help you heal, it only makes you hurt. It’s in the past. Let her go and move on.. when you are ready.

R4zor · Answer

99% "He was just a friend ":) Women you know what I am saying please be quite.

Texaskid1 · Answer

That relathionship was over long before you broke up with her you just didn't know it yet.  Yup, she was fooling around behind your back.

Lonely888 · Answer

They all do that, they got someone lined up before they dump you dude

DiegoO · Answer

It doesn't matter anymore. Only wate, her new relation will fail fast. She obviously don't put much energy into romantic relationships.

VikingWarLord · Answer

Don't worry about it, she did you a favor, go have fun fuckin other bitches now!

888theGreat · Answer

Sounds like it. I knew someone that got married to another guy like a month after she divorced. Now you know they were doing the wild thing.

PRoche21 · Answer

Even before you mentioned the new baby thing. Id have put it at 90%. But I'm a bit of a pessimist.

AnthonyJ01 · Answer

My ex cheated on me with a county deputy 4 days before she filed for divorce and lived with him for 17 or our 18 month divorce.

What's the likelihood that my ex was cheating on me? She moved in with a new boyfriend in less than a month?

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