Why was my ex so hot and cold with me?

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend initiated contact after few weeks of break up:

Him - "im grateful for everything you have done for me so thank you Sarah"

Me - "all i wanted was an apology.. but if you want to talk let me know"

Him - "no im done.. take care of yourself"

2 days later he contacted again:

Him - "i have so many things to say to you.. but you are not worth the energy."

Me - "thats rude?"

Him - "Just please give my stuff back to my sister please. Leave me alone. Dont contact me again please"

Wtf?
he's the one contacting me first
And he's telling me to leave him alone?
Why would he thank me then? Then few days later, he becomes cold to me...

He still has feelings for you

he's angry

Both above

Other reason/s

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like one of those mixed emotions type of things. Breakups are tough and emotions get pulled in every direction. Sounds like he is contacting you when those emotions come up and then regrets it so goes into defense mode.

[Asker]

Oh ok so it doesn't mean he still has feelings?

[PrettyPriya]

He might... he may not. Sounds to me like he has no clue what he wants nor how to act upon it. He reaches out with an attempt to talk about it and then becomes rude all of a sudden.

[Asker]

Oh okay yeah
But dont you think he wanted to open some type of communication between us?
We haven't spoken for weeks since the break up

[PrettyPriya]

It sounds like he wants to talk, but he isn't doing a good job of staying calm and rational about it. Maybe give it some time and space and try again. Just tell him that you think it is best to not talk right now until you both have time to process everything.

That will serve two purposes, it will allow both of you time to figure the right (and rational) thing to talk about when the time comes and really understand what needs to be said.

[Asker]

Yeah its so complicated what happened between us..

If he's completely done then why still contacting me? And thanking me in the first place?
doesn't make sense to me

[PrettyPriya]

It really doesn't make sense to me either. It seems like he wants to vent about it, possibly making you feel bad to make himself feel better. I would cut contact if it were me.

[Asker]

Oh as in he's trying to get my attention? And to feel sorry for him?

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like it to me.

[Asker]

Yeah thought so too.

I ignored his last message.
But do you think he might still contact me again even if I ignore him?

[PrettyPriya]

Likely yes he will. My guess, just by the details you have given is he will get even more nasty when you ignore him.

[Asker]

I just thought he's missing me..😢

[PrettyPriya]

He might be! It is hard to say not knowing either of you, nor the circumstances around the breakup. I'm only guessing what is going on with the info I have. You never know.

Sounds like you want to reconcile with him. If that is the case, give it a little time and approach it when calmer heads prevail.

[Asker]

When he said
"I have so much to say but you are not worth the energy"

What does that even mean?

[PrettyPriya]

To me that is rude. He is saying that he has a lot of things he wants to tell you about or talk about but you aren't worth the time to do so. Unnecessarily rude in my opinion.

[Asker]

Yeah it is rude.

The fact that he keeps contacting means he still thinks about me though right?

[PrettyPriya]

Absolutely he is thinking about you or he wouldn't contact you. Question is, what light is he thinking you in? Good? Bad? Hard for me to say.

[professormesa]

Sounds like he's insecure in this relationship.

[Wise4myage]

Duh, he's an ex for a reason. Keep it that way.