Why won't he let me go if he clearly does not want me?

[Anonymous]

It's been 2.5 years of back and forth with someone i genuinely care about and saw a future with. The relationship was full of toxic arguing and we have been broken up for a year and a half. He has repeatedly said he does not want to be back together unless I "fix my attitude" ... Every time I try to move on (times when we don't speak or see each other for weeks), he calls me out of my name. Recently, I was dating someone for a few weeks. He found out (wasn't a secret, just not his business) after he brought me flowers and we spent the night together and called me a "trash ass bitch" the next day. That was enough for me. This was not the first time he has called me out of my name for going on a date in the time we have been broken up. Mind you, he lives down the street and goes weeks without seeing me even though I ask, pull up to his place, and tell him he needs to plan dates.

Since he called me a "trash ass bitch" I blocked him on everything and did not answer for a month. He left voicemails from blocked numbers. Last week, he left a message begging to go to my law school graduation. I gave in and allowed it. He came to the graduation and left to go to his roommate's sister's party, where he stayed all night despite me asking him to come hang out with me. I was confused because why did you beg to come then? I told him I wanted to go on a date Sunday... did not hear from him until 5 pm Sunday and he made no plans for us. Next day he went to a concert with his friends.

I want to move on but I hate the thought of him tarnishing my name and calling me a hoe on social media. I also really love him. Why would he be begging for me if when I finally answer, he blows me off for any and everyone under the sun?

[HollyK21]

Honestly you are better letting him go and deal with the fallout if there even is any. 9.5 times out of 10 these are just empty threats to control you, keep you around for his own use and keep you scared (which by the way is NOT love). But you’re not a prisoner to any guy or situation, and a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. You ask why he won’t let you go, but the real question is why do you keep allowing him back? You act as though he has infinite power over you, when really he doesn’t and he just behaves however you allow. He knows there’s no repercussions for calling you out of your name. He knows that he can come and go as he pleases. He also knows that he can give you zero commitment, just empty lies and still be likely to get sex (if you have it) and attention from you. That guy has nothing new to say or to bring to the table. So do yourself a favor, stop allowing him to dictate your life and future, be strong and walk away. You CAN do it, but you won’t believe it until you stop telling yourself that you’re powerless and can’t break away.