Do I still have a chance with my ex?

[Olympusfitness]

Long story short, I hurt my ex by lying to her about a girl I was snapchatting behind her back even though I told her i wouldn't. It was one of my clients and i wasn't flirting at all. I fucked up and i spent the rest of the relationship her arguing with me about it. But i remained committed to her from July to December. She broke up with me cause I had my client on tiktok still and i didn't even realize it. We broke up and i tried to give her space and she wanted to get back together but i was skeptical becuase she held resentment. We still talked everyday and hooked up and all that and one day I asked her to hangout and she said she was seeing someone. He already met some of her family and they have gone on a couple dates. She wanted to friendzone me and keep me in her life but Im keeping my dignity and am on day 7 of no contact. I'm waiting awhile to reach out to her again. But am afraid that she will still be with this guy. Opinions on what I should do? I already begged and pleaded for her back on day 0 of no contact

[Changiis07]

Up to you. You can try again and note that you gave it everything to get her back and if it's not enough then it wasn't meant to be. Thing is it's best to be honest in your relationship, if you had nothing going on with her then it would have been easier to tell her the truth right away. Like why was it so hard to come clean to her. You have to know that women we know when something is up. You will save yourself any trouble when you are honest

[DiegoO]

Never mix a personal account with your professional account or job account. She obviously stop trusting you. I don't know all the context of the story, but if she already have someone, you should consider finding your way. If you did nothing wrong beside having that client on tiktok and your ex never believed you, that can mean two things:

1. She never trusted you2. She stop trust you at some point (before the incident with the client).3. She was waiting on an excuse to end the relation and have something serious with the guy she was already seeing.

[Sam_25]

Don't kiss her feet just bkoz he have hole...
Move on.. she moved on so now your turn.

[Sia_nee]

Maybe reach out to her again but if she's still with the guy or another then she really did move on

[OBB29]

If you don’t want to repeat this torture over and over again throughout your life, really think about this: do you really want to be with her (is she a good person, does she treat you well, AND are you willing to meet her needs too?), or are you craving attention from her now that you might lose her to someone else?

I’d suggest spending some time (at least days) thinking about what your role was in the breakdown of the relationship. What were the things she kept having an issue with? Really think about it from her perspective. Sometimes people don’t trust others due to baggage, other times people prove themselves untrustworthy, and sometimes it’s both. If you’ve lied to her (“even though I told her I wouldn’t”) and you’re not willing to admit that you knew you were still connected with the client on tiktok, then it might be hard for you to do what needs to be done. You broke her trust, and it’s on you to repair it over time whether or not there was more to what happened.

Don’t contact her while you have an intense urge to. Wait until you feel really calm to decide if you want to reach out to her. The best way to get her back will be to confidently admit your weaknesses in the relationship and explain how you’re willing to change. Do your best to avoid bringing up what she did “wrong.” If you get back together, you can bring up your issues about her later and not all in one conversation. Your first goal is to rebuild the relationship. Have a time limit (keep it to yourself) for how long you’ll talk about getting back together. Stick to it, no exceptions. Do not hook up with her. If she insists on staying with her new boyfriend, cut off all contact. There are almost 8 billion people in the world. You will find someone else that you connect with.

[Olympusfitness]

I just saw that they were Facebook official so I don't know if I should even contact her while she is in that relationship even though I want to

[OBB29]

Facebook official isn't that big of a deal. Especially because you talked to her a week ago. Hold yourself accountable though, and wait until the intense urge fades. Only make a decision when you feel calm.

[Olympusfitness]

I don't know if I want to talk to her when she is still in the relationship. I'm just searching for why she continued to talk with me and hangout with me on Easter and then 3 weeks later she is "seeing someone" and then another 3 weeks later they are Facebook official. Why would she try and hang onto me while she was monkeybranchinf to someone else. And with the intense feelings we had she told me she didn't love me or have any emotion for me. And then when I talked to her on the phone 2 weeks ago she said she would always have love for me, and to move on and I would find someone and then continue to tell me that I am still the best sex ever and she hasn't slept with him yet which is b. s. because now they're together

[OBB29]

Yeah, that’s pretty wise on your part for hesitating to talk to her while she’s in a relationship.

No matter how much we study people, we can never truly know what’s going on in someone’s mind. We can ask directly, listen to what they say and see if their actions match their words. I’ve read a lot of psychology info. and have a psychologist friend, and based on that, I’ll say this: I truly believe that when most people reach out to you (in any way) there is a part of them that has an emotional connection to you. They care for you. They think about you. They miss you. Most people do not lie when they’re saying nice things about you. *BUT* their behaviors and actions need to match those nice words in order for it to be love that will be fulfilling to you.

Maybe she’s trying to get over you, but she’s finding it hard to let you go fully. Usually when people speak out of anger it means they’re really hurt. So when she tries to hurt you, it’s maybe because she’s hurting. The sex comment is her being a little lazy/lacking strong boundaries about her commitment to move on. I do believe there’s probably still a chance, but someone is going to have to be vulnerable and really say how they feel and what they really want without being petty. It involves risk of rejection, but it’s a necessary risk. But, if she still says no, understand that a relationship takes two to be committed to making it work. No one person can fix the problems that two people create, but you still can do you your part. But maybe you have your answer already, because she’s said move on. I’d look up “anxious attachment” and “fearful avoidant attachment” to see which one you think she is most like with you. Look up “Personal Development School” on YouTube for videos on this, and it should explain more.

[OBB29]

Also... maybe stay no contact until she reaches out to you, then be direct with her about your feelings/what you want, not in a begging way, but saying "Hey, I still feel this for you, I want ____, and I want to make it work with you, but I'm not willing to just be friends or wait for you. Do you want to give this another try?"

[Olympusfitness]

You are amazing and I appreciate your help. she has abandonment issues and it correlates to her actions. I think I will just remain in no contact and try and work on myself and if she reaches out then I'll talk with her and if not I know that she doesn't think of me anymore. I begged her so she knows where I stand. I think she wants to be chased but I'll lose my dignity. The hardest part is trying to focus on other things whilst they are both in my head literally 24/7.

[OBB29]

I appreciate that, and I'm glad it's useful. I've been there... and looked up *all the info* haha. I think the harder thing to accept is that she likely does think about you, but isn't sure about what she wants or isn't willing to do what needs to be done. The best advice I've gotten about getting "over" someone, is to let yourself feel sad, or mad. Don't beat yourself up for missing her. You had a strong connection with someone and now it's not the same. It was real but it didn't last. All of that is true. That's a normal thing to feel sad about. Wanting someone and not having them is extremely frustrating. That's normal. But yeah... just doing things that make you feel somewhat better, like working out, being outside, watching a favorite movie, and spending time with other people really helps. Look up Tylenol for emotional pain. Don't take too much. Take care.