Can you see yourself being good friends with your ex assuming you’re over them?

Question

Can you be friends with them without any agenda/reason?

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

It really depends on the ex and why we broke up in the first place and if they’ve grown since. I’ve been in 7 exclusive relationships and I can only see myself being friends with one of my exes. Even though I’d never want to get back together with them, I still wish them well and hope they find happiness.

Flashbacks of painful memories kill the attraction I once had for them. I do still have a soft spot for them, but I will also never trust them with my heart again.

I could be friends, but not close friends. I still care about them, but I can’t be vulnerable with them. Vulnerability is important for the closeness of any relationship, romantic or otherwise, so our friendship would be have its limitations.

MysteriousDarkness · Accepted Answer

The only way I see that working is to have a healthy amicable breakup or else there is no use in trying to be friends if kids are not involved. Why would you want to be just friends with someone that you had positive romance and intimacy with? I wouldn't.

melnc · Answer

No, I can't pretend that everything is okay when reality says everything is not okay. Friendship after love affair is impossible for me because no matter how politely everything ends between us, we still have a shared history that I can't put behind my back and pretend that nothing happened. I just can't.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I suppose that if I tried, I COULD be friendly with some of them, but why would I want to do that?

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I want them to be happy and healthy and safe but I don’t think we can ever be friends again.

Tinana · Answer

I don’t know why but if you end things with me my heart closes towards you romantically and just moves on. Literally I used to really like one guy and he said he liked me to a lot. Thennn out of the blues he said he wanted to just be friends at first I was shocked but after I slept literally felt like friends. He tried to rekindle what we had but nah it was over I had zero feelings just thought of him as a friend. 🙈 funny story I ended up dating his friend and one time he came to school to see me. And we were talking casually like friends with space and distance observed. Then he tried to gaslight me to giving him my friends number which I said no too. Because she actually doesn’t like her number being given out. Then he started spewing bullshittttt about me being jealous that he’d call her not me and I was sooo confused. Because I’ve spoken to him once in two months for my assignment. And I’m the last person to get jealous. Honestly if someone isn’t giving me attention and would rather give someone else attention then I’m gone and my heart closed towards you. After that meeting I just put more space between us no more conversations. Oh and I told his friend 😇

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Not really. I left my previous partners because I was outgrowing them.

They were stagnant, not investing time or effort into improving their lives or their situations. I'm not able to stay stagnant. I have to build, create, do - we were a poor match, but lessons I needed to learn.

Well, technically, I'm good friends with my first ex. But we "dated" for months in junior high and stayed friends through high school and uni. He's like my gay mentor now.

But with my exes from my long term relationships, I don't think they'd have anything to contribute to my life. The first helped me address my mental health, but neglected his own. The second admired my mental health progress but refused to work on his own.

Both earned less than me and had less professional experience. I'm fairly career and goal oriented, so those relationships would have nothing to offer me.

Neither was able to keep up with me physically, and I like active things.

There's just not enough in common.

Man-O-Metal · Answer

For me, yes. In my case, I never actually dated this girl. She lead me on for 3 months then told me she just wanted to stay friends. Made me feel I just got shot with a.50 caliber bullet. Also made me feel very resentful of her. And after time passed, I had an opportunity to see her again. I thought it would be my perfect chance to tel her how much she hurt me and how awful a person she was. Then she said hi to me with her cutesy little head tilt. I knew after that I couldn’t tell her what I wanted to. Then as we started talking I realized that she just sucks at trying to date. When you just spend time with her as a friend, it’s pretty nice. So if I have the chance to be friends with her again, I would definitely try it out. Never ever ever going to attempt to date her again (even if she figures herself out and matures). But I certainly wouldn’t mind having her back on my close friends list. She lives half way across the country now, which is fine with me. But if she ever decided to move back, I would gladly welcome her.

wheresmrcunnunglis · Answer

I have a general strict rule around relationships, " once its over we go no contact. point blank period." I would of course allow time for there to be continued communication for like a week in case either of us left something behind at the other persons' house. But once that time is up. That person will not be able to get a hold of me. Ever again.

I don't like being in contact with exes to limit any potential messiness from happening. Such as, them wanting to reminisce on the good times and that leading to a regretful one last act of sex, stirring up old feelings, etc.

Cold-hearted, maybe but it helps cut down on stress and unnecessary drama so I'm sticking to it.

hahahmm · Answer

No... but with 2 exes (before I got married) we'd be in touch maybe once every 5 years or so just to say hi. No negative vibes. But everybody has moved on basically. It's like talking to your 2nd cousin who you haven't seen since you were 6 or something. I guess if I lived in the same city with them, maybe BUT my wife would be 100% welcome to be friends with them too and if she didn't like me talking to them I wouldn't cause they don't mean more to me than what I have with the wife & I expect the wife to do the same for me.

CurlyGirl42 · Answer

yes.. I strive to be first and foremost very good/best friend with my partner. Will be awesome to keep the friendship to some extent after if it does not work out romantically. I'd definitely be sad to see them dissappear completely from my life.
That is one of the worst things about breaking up. That it is common enough that people move completely on so it kinda becomes more of a death. In some cases it makes sense, if one was treated very badly, but a longterm relationship has more often contained a close and solid relation for long which is a shame to neglect because it ends.

Screenwriter · Answer

It seems unlikely. I have a grown son with my former spouse and he's such an angry person, he can barely be around me and never speaks to me unless it's an emergency about our son. We never co parented either.

It was and still is, 22 years later, a sad situation. I don't understand it. He had many good qualities and one or two glaring bad ones that ended our marriage. Since I'm not married to him anymore, the bad qualities don't affect me, so why not? Because he STILL can't get over it.

I think that's the usual case. But, I'm about being happy. I think we have a well adjusted and happy son who's finding his way in. his life. I think we've done OK. Clearly, emotionally, he hasn't done as well. And that's how it's ended up. But I am always open to new friends and when I make them, I usually make good choices. People who are kind and supportive. He's unable to be that. No loss. But would be better for our son. Can't have everything, though!

Chris_7565 · Answer

My ex-wife is a very beautiful, but sadistic and emotionally abusive bipolar type of person. She's the type to only be nice to me if she wants something, otherwise it's like trying to talk to some psychopath about your feeling. She doesn't care, she has no feelings. There's no way to be friends, she has no soul.
Talking to her is like being in the presence of evil and I get chills, and I feel heartbroken.
I'm still attracted to her physically which is dangerous because she is a succubus. A real life demon unfortunately. I don't see a friendship in the future unless she gets a new heart or something.

CubsterShura · Answer

Depends on what the relationship ended. If it's for reasons like you couldn't be on the same page with your future goals or reasons like that instead of one person treating the other badly (such as abuse, cheating etc) then yes you can be friends after breakup.

NathanDavis · Answer

I am best and close friends with my first two girlfriends, yes...

and yes, we are in very good terms, and our past relationships are well gone as well... more than 10 or 12 years ago

so, nowadays it feels a whole lot more like old time friends rather than ex-girlfriends, that makes it very easy

Dandelions678 · Answer

Me personally absolutely not, but that’s also because all of my relationships have been toxic and just not healthy people to have in my life period. But I think if your ex and you end on a good note (of at least a respectful note) then absolutely you can stay friends. The only problem that arises is that if you stay friends with your ex straight after the breakup it can be hard to get over them. Maybe try creating some space by saying something like “I value you and want to keep you in my life as a friend, but I need some time to process my feelings first.” The space can be a day to a week to a month, whatever you need. If you can do that then there’s a big chance y’all can stay healthy platonic friends :))

Jabberjaw · Answer

Yes, but 9 out of 10 times... why would you?

When I was younger I was friends with all my exes after, but things change when they've seen you moved on and you realized on some level they get off on the sexual tension.

When you get a girl and the ex disappears or starts getting moody because her attention from you is in question you can see it's not quite friendship

Lliam · Answer

Sure. I remained good friends with a couple of my exes. They were really good people. And it's not like we were looking to get back together.

I'm even Facebook friends with my very first girlfriend from when I was 16 and she was 14 back in 1970.

TruthBringer · Answer

Nope. I have no respect for narcissists. Especially the ones who caused me emotional abuse. I'm not going to pretend. Narc or not, an ex is an ex. And I don't keep exes around in my life. Their time within my life is over and I respect my partner enough not to have them around.

HawkPerception · Answer

I personally can't. I don't know how other people are able to just see the person they were intimate and had sex and not have even a slight irritation when they see them with another person. It's not that I'm not over them. I definitely am and don't want to be with them, but it still irks me to see them with someone else. I just want to be happy for them from a distance.

RavVid · Answer

Am. We took our time breaking up which helped us to realize we were better friends than lovers.

The downside is that we both enjoy bickering and squabbling and that's the thing that thing our friendship is based on. It takes time to build up that sort of friendship!

Not much has changed when I look critically.

JosyJosy · Answer

If I was single no problem. We ended it in neutral terms and if we run into eachother we catch up. But out of respect for my current relationship, I don't see it happen. Seeing my ex regularly now even if it's just as friends is not a good idea.

Panzer21 · Answer

One of them yes.

Another one, her and I have agreed that despite the end of our relationship, the feelings between us are still strong and being just friends isn't really an option, it will become toxic and frustrating. So our involvement with eachother still has a romantic and sexual aspect to it.

Crankor · Answer

Good friends no. That would require discussing personal things which I would have no desire to. Maybe good aquantences would be a better term in my case. But overall I wouldn't see the point. As time goes on there really isn't any reason to keep them included in your life. Many times it just causes a lingering attatchment that hinders your own life progress. Unless you want hope of getting back with them which again is usually a bad idea

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I am friendly with my ex husband because we have two kids together. It helps that we get along and kids see us as friendly. beyond that … respectfully… we are loyal to our new partners.
mad for others, no. I have no reason to be their friends.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

I can be but it’s up to them. I don’t believe in grudges or clinging to the past. Not everyone is capable of that which depends on the situation and the individuals involved at the time. I’m personally able to move forward

hellomellow7 · Answer

Possibly.. one ex that ghosted me and came back in friends with now, but I can sense h wants things back so I feel like he’s just being friends with me hoping me and my boyfriend will break up and I’d choose him again.

melanieeeB · Answer

Yeah it could maybe be in a few years, because I do get over stuff but I won't forget the shit they did, so there will be no chances of becoming more then purely friends but like I can still like the person, without wanting more

Espresso-Grande · Answer

No. It can complicate future relationships. I think it would be unfair to a new partner.

I have no need to keep in touch with an ex. Even if it ended on good terms. I wouldn't be interested in what he's doing on his life anymore.

Monica1 · Answer

Only if there was children involved I would be civil and friendly but not too close as affairs and cheating are born out of these kind of relationship. Your Ex already knows your weak spots and can take advantage of that before you know it you are in bed together, cheating behind your new partners.

Guy13 · Answer

I can be nice to someone without an Agenda but a friend is an outworking of Planning. No, it’s impossible to be in formal relationship without Intent. My opinion…

sheikalana · Answer

Nah. I'm over my ex but I know he will always try to have something more with me. Is best if he stays away from me than living in a fantasy. Also out of respect for my husband I don't have any intentions to befriend none of my exes.

Turtlewax1994 · Answer

I am currently and I’m happy for em. It all depends on the situation honestly  Mine please? https://www. girlsaskguys. com/dating/q4827291-doesn-t-seem-to-be-as-interested-as-i-thought#new

mobiusforniner · Answer

No, because the feelings are too intense. Even if we moved on somehow and met new people, if we saw eachother and reconnected, we will reCONNECT literally...

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Yeah I am friends with a few of them. good friends with Ex wife and ex girlfriend x 2  It greatly comes down to how things ended.

ImJustSomeGuyLol · Answer

Nope, mainly because me and my ex really weren't aligned and don't have much in common. So staying friends would be weird since there is nothing much we share.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Yes, after 20ish years my exwife reached out to me and we are friends. She lives halfway across the nation, but we have talked and texted. Wish each other happy holidays and birthdays.

Bram852OOO · Answer

Yeah, of cours. My first relationship ended on good terms and i still talk with her daily, we're still good friends (she's part of the friend group)

Fvghtlxght · Answer

He was a douche. I don't think he has a positive view on women. It's best to stay away and never look back.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I’d be willing to be friends with any of my exes because I haven’t dated anyone else since highschool. It’s been so long and I don’t have any feelings anymore so I wouldn’t find it weird or anything.

MountAverage · Answer

I am good friends with my ex. Obviously it always depends on why and how it ended, but most people here seem to say they would never be friends with an ex no matter what. Shows what kind of people they are...

_deeznuts · Answer

yeah if we didn't have a toxic relationship and we broke up for each other's benefits

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Depends on how the relationship ended but I am friends with a couple of em

Kaamraj · Answer

No, I advice men not to be friends with women period as they get very little from it. But exceptions always exist.

Fa1con · Answer

Yes! I am friendly with several of my exes and am happy with how they are doing with their lives.

Flower7 · Answer

No, I feel like trying to be friends with an ex is never a good idea.

RobT312 · Answer

Good friends no. but I have been friendly with them after the relationship

roy_ricky09 · Answer

Friends No. It's a wrong path to be on. I never burn the bridges. So just keep in contact with limitations or just don't. But never look back in the rear view mirror.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I am good friends with one of my exes but we were never super serious to begin with

Citizenkirk · Answer

It's possible, but potentially a slippery sl😱pe. 😏

DermalPunch · Answer

The pnly ex I could be friends withbis my ex husband because we have an intellectual connection.

grkmanga · Answer

I'm very good friends with acouple exs. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't

motownplayer2000 · Answer

You will never be over them. If you keep them in your life. Trust, you will always go back or think about them in a way that will pull you back in

Carina0 · Answer

It's important how relationship got end. If one of us is got hurt I don't think it's a good idea but if it ends good why not

brezzybaby · Answer

Well my problem is it takes me a while to get over someone I actually loved but I am friends with most of my ex's.

Valso · Answer

Friends - no way. She was my first love, it took me 13 years to get over her. If we were to start a friendship, those feelings would return for sure.

kkc2018 · Answer

Yeah, I currently am we are chill we both needed different things from a relqtionshio. Relationships end but we were friends before no reason not to be after. I did need a break though.

Better_off_here · Answer

i think it can happen, yes feelings can change and you can be friends since most relationships do start off as friends so why not just go back to that?

dolemite89 · Answer

no i can be cordial with ex if i had to interact with them for some reason still ike they’re an acquaintance why would i be their friend tho? 😂 that seems beta af

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No, because if we were compatible enough to remain friends, the breakup would not have occured.

bethanl0u · Answer

I think it would depend how the relationship ended and the circumstances

RuthlessAggression · Answer

"friends" with a "girl" as a "guy", doesn't make sense... maybe if you're 5 But not 40

Can you see yourself being good friends with your ex assuming you’re over them?

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