Should I ask my ex for closure?

[Anonymous]

He broke up with me about 4 months ago. I went on no contact but he tried contacting me a few times but was never consistent. At one point he said he wanted us back but I said I was fine on my own and he hasn't texted me again after that. To be sincere I thought he'd fight for me, give more effort but that was it a relationship of about 2 years just ended like that. I imagined he'd care enough to apologise but he never did, he only said he took responsibility of making the decision. He broke up with me several times and I kept coming back because to me it was him I guess. When he dumped me he said I complained he hurt me too much and that I had attitudes that he didn't want in his girl. Why didn't he say that from the beginning. Now I've got lots of questions and suddenly I need answers. Do u think it's advisable to reach out to him?

[Oliverlogan263]

Upon reflection, I do not recommend reaching out to your ex for "closure." Here are the main reasons why:

1. Closure is a myth - True closure comes from within yourself when you accept the reality of the situation and make peace with it. Others cannot provide that for you.

2. Reaching out can set you back - Contacting your ex risks stirring up old feelings and prolonging your healing process. Even if you get answers, they may not provide the relief you seek.

3. Your ex may not provide useful answers - Based on his past behavior, it seems unlikely he will give you the thoughtful, insightful responses you want. He could deflect, blame you or provide vague answers.

4. Your ex has already moved on - It's been 4 months and he hasn't consistently reached out. His attempts to rekindle things were half-hearted. This suggests he has emotionally moved on and detached from the relationship.

5. You deserve better - Someone who is willing to fight for you, communicate openly and work through problems together. Asking for closure from your indifferent ex gives him power he hasn't earned. You deserve respect.

In summary, while it's natural to seek answers after a breakup, focusing that energy inward is likely much more constructive. Work through your thoughts and feelings on your own or with the support of friends/family/a therapist.

With time and self-reflection, you'll gain a deeper clarity and peace that no half-assed answers from your ex could provide. Stay strong, keep moving forward, and don't look back. Someone deserving of you awaits.

Hope this perspective helps! Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot.

Its funny how it hurt when I read the part where u said he's probably moved on.

Its kinda hard to accept that part. I was actually waiting for him to move on so I could but now that it seems like he has I feel sad but its for the best. I pray ill be able to accept that things truly have ended and I deserve better

[Oliverlogan263]

It's perfectly normal and understandable to feel sad when facing the reality that an ex has likely moved on. Even when a relationship has run its course, there can still be lingering feelings of attachment, hopes for reconciliation, and a desire for that person's happiness to be intertwined with your own. But with time and distance, most exes do move on and continue living their separate lives.

What's important now is focusing on your own healing and growth. Remind yourself that you deserve love and happiness - within yourself first, and then potentially with a new partner one day who truly values you. The reality is this ex did not give you what you needed to feel truly cherished and secure in the relationship.

The pain you feel is a sign that you cared deeply. But it also signals that it's time to let go and redirect that caring nature towards yourself and future relationships. As you move forward, practice self-compassion. Get comfortable with being solo and living life for you. The more fulfilled you feel on your own, the less you'll crave external validation from this ex or anyone.

In time, you'll accept that things have truly ended and it's for the best. You'll see there really was no "closure" to be found - only a door opening for you to walk through towards a future filled with love that nourishes your heart and soul. I know this journey won't be easy, but you absolutely have the strength within you to walk this path of healing. I'm rooting for you.

I'm here to support you through this process however I can.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. This means a lot. I hope i can move past this. When I do I'd be so grateful to God. Thanks a lot. I hope we could message eachother sometime

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome, I'm glad I could provide some helpful perspective. You sound like a kind and resilient person - I have no doubt you'll move past this in time. Just keep focusing on yourself, your goals, and doing things that bring you joy. Each day will get a little easier.

And of course, I'd be happy to continue our discussion if you have any other questions or just want to talk through how you're feeling. My responses to you here are purely to provide helpful advice - I don't offer any kind of formal therapy or counseling. But I understand sometimes an outside perspective can be grounding and reassuring when processing an emotionally challenging experience.

So feel free to reach out any time. In the meantime, I wish you all the best on your journey of self-discovery, healing and growth beyond this relationship. Keep your head held high - you've got this!

[Asker]

Thanks a lot. You're the best. Yup I understand you are no therapist or any of that but you've got knowledgeable really

[Asker]

I guess I can't send u a private message. Anyways I'm hoping I get better. I guess it starts with ny mind. So I'll start from there

[Oliverlogan263]

Thank you and I think one of us have to follow each other. But I think you will be better and of course

[SnowedIn]

Nope.

You won't get closure. I validate your need/want for it, but you won't get it.

It could get worse, too, if he tells you things that are hurtful, etc.

Let it go and let it end.

[Anonymous]

girl ew his attitude alone is enough for you to let him go. don't ever let another guy treat you like that ever again. not worth it. any contact with him will only prolong your suffering, you won't actually get the answers that you need. you YOURSELF need to let go. not have this guy hanging you on a thread. he probably likes any attention that you give him because he thinks you're vulnerable so please don't.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot. I'm so grateful. I hope I learn to let go

[Opinion Owner]

you can and you will!!

[Asker]

Ok there's a big problem. I went to fix the cables of my first laptop which I had given my ex to use at one point when we're together. Now that the cables are working and I turned it on... I realised he put a password and I don't know it. And I need the informations on the system.

What do I do?😭

[Opinion Owner]

oh... i'd probably take it to a place who can let you have control of the laptop again. like best buy or something

[Asker]

I think that may require them wiping the phone or something. I don't know...