Why do I still love my exboyfriend?

[Anonymous]

We met at work, and we were together for 2 years. At first he was super loving and just the perfect boyfriend , but then he statred to become mean, he would insult me when he was angry, talk to other girls on social media, flirt with other girls on nights out, cheat on me (or try to), lie constantly... He also became increasingly controlling and jealous. He would always promise he would change, and claimed I was the love of his life and the only girl for him and that he would do anything for me, but in the end he Never changed. Eventually I broke up with him because even though I loved him very much, I could just not take it anymore. I still had to see him at work after the breakup, which was horrible, but now I got offered a position abroad and I took it so I have not seen him for 2 months.

One year has passed (since the breakup), and I still think about him often. I don't want to be in a relationship with him, because I think he will never bee a good boyfriend, but I think I might still love him, and I don't understand why since he was so bad to me. I am also scared that I will never find that sort of connection again with anyone else. Any advice?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay sis, I feel you on this one. Breaking up from a long relationship is never easy, even when you know it wasn't good for you. The heart wants what it wants, ya know?

Don't be so hard on yourself for still having feelings - that shit takes time to fade. But don't confuse those lingering feelings with actually wanting him back either. You made the right call ditching his lame ass, trust.

My advice would be to really lean on your support system and focus on yourself for now. Throw yourself into your new job, reconnect with old friends, pick up a hobby - anything to keep your mind and time occupied. Outta sight, outta mind is real.

And definitely don't compare any future guys to him either. That fool was trash, sis! When you're ready to date again, go in with an open heart and give people a real chance without baggage from this dude.

The right connection will come. But first learn to love yourself so fully that you'd never settle for less than a man who treats you with respect, a'ight? You got this, ma! Just take it one day at a time.

[Lliam]

Perfect advice. 🎯

[Lliam]

What happened to you really sucks. That guy was just immature and unable to appreciate your value.
You absolutely did the right thing by dumping him. He's no good.

I think Oliverlogan263 gave excellent advice. Move on with your life. Immerse yourself in work, hobbies and new experiences. Have fun. Have confidence, self esteem and self respect.

You learned from your previous relationship. That's how life works. You'll be better able to assess prospective partners. And when you meet a good man, be open hearted. Be willing to love again. Believe me, you'll find your partner eventually.

[Pterodon]

Because you loved him