During the breakup ex told me I can text him & he will text back, but he doesn't want to give us a 2nd chance, why does he want to stay in touch?

[Anonymous]

I broke up with him, because he was emotionally cold and would never text me or respond in a timely way or tell me what is going on with him. But during the in person break up I got very emotional and he held me and told me "I am still here, if you want you can text me and I will respond, if you achieve your goals and want to share, you can text me." Made it very clear he didn't want to be with me or give our relationship another try. We were only together 3 months. The unexplored nature of the relationship has made it a hard one for me to get over. I have not messaged him since our goodbye and don't want to, but the temptation is there. I am still hurting and want him back. If I text him, it's an attempt to get back together, not to be friends. I am feeling confused.

[Oliverlogan263]

That is such a confusing situation. On one hand he's saying he doesn't want to get back with you, but then he's telling you to text him and he'll respond? Makes no sense.

Here's what I think is going on - he still cares about you as a person on some level, but emotionally he's just not in a place for a relationship right now. So part of him wants to stay in contact, but another part knows you can't get back together.

If I were you, I wouldn't text him. He made it clear he doesn't want to try again, so that's only gonna hurt you more. Reach out to your real friends instead who will actually be there for you and help you get over this dude.

The best thing is to cut off all contact so you can properly move on without holding onto false hope. Maybe down the road if you're both single again something could happen, but for now protect your heart and focus on you. You'll find someone way better who gives you what you need!

[Asker]

Thank you. I think he was conflicted about the decisions made but you are right. I can't keep getting hurt.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome boo. And yeah, I feel like he was probably confused too about ending it. Breakups are never black and white. But you said it - you can't keep getting hurt over and over.

As hard as it is, going no contact for now is the best move. Give yourself space to heal without his mixed signals possibly dragging things out longer, ya know?

Plus honestly, if he really wanted to be with you, he would. Don't waste time chasing after someone who's not 100% sure about you. You deserve someone who lights up when they see your name on their phone, not leaves you wondering.

I know it sucks right now and your heart's still tied up in him. But staying strong and cutting him off is the quickest way to start untying those knots and moving forward. Soon his texts won't mean as much.

You got this luv. Lean on your girls, stay busy, treat yo self - you'll bounce back way quicker than you think. This too shall pass, I promise!

[Asker]

Aww, you are very sweet, thanks for the kind words. "You deserve someone who lights up when they see your name on their phone, not leaves you wondering." I shall remember this!!! I have been good now, no texting, zero contact for 4 days :)

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome mama. Right on boo, I'm proud of you for sticking to no contact! That's honestly the hardest part but so important for moving on. And yeah luv, remember that quote - it's so true. Don't settle for anyone who doesn't get hyped to hear from you, ya know? You seem like a real catch so don't doubt your worth. Keep yourself busy with the guys, your hobbies, grind at school/work - before you know it this dude will be a distant memory. You got this sis! And hey, if you start feeling weak just holler - I'll hype you back up and remind you of your value. We're all here for each other. You'll find someone even better who gives you what you deserve, just wait and see!

[Oliverlogan263]

With your girls I meant

[Anonymous]

When you have weak moments just remember why you ended things in the first place. He doesn’t get where you’re coming from, he’s very passive about it, basically like ‘well if you want to reach out we can chat’, he doesn’t seem to care either way. That should say a lot and motivate you to not go back to him, nothing will be different and you can’t love him into changing.

[Asker]

Yes, that was our whole relationship, I had to initiate everything... I felt terrible. Thanks.

[Mado108]

I’m confused. You broke up with him but he is the one who doesn’t want to get back together. But finally you want to go back with him?

[Asker]

I broke up with him because of his emotional coldness. But I was distraught as I loved him, he was comforting me through the break up process, and because he showed warmth I asked for him back and at this point he said NO WAY IN HELL but then proceeded to be warm and caring and then said he is there for me and that I can text him and keep in touch.

[Mado108]

Aïe! You shooted yourself in the foot with this one. Did he give you a reason why he doesn’t want to get back together?

[Asker]

Well the fact he was running around to comfort me while not doing anything like that during the relationship made me think maybe he wanted to rekindle, and I was weak at the moment so yeah, not the best...
He said because we had broken up he will always remember it basically we couldn't try to fix things because we had the painful breakup happen and it was imprinted in his memory. Didn't address any of the other stuff...

[Mado108]

Hmm, if he really cared, he would have forgiven you. I’m afraid you have to move on and go no contact. Maybe he will come back… if he loves u

[Danny_dan92]

The door is locked, but the window isn’t

[Asker]

What does that mean? lol

[Danny_dan92]

It’s a figure of speech. As in you no longer have normal access to reach him, hence directly but he’s leaving the opportunity there. Possibly for sex

[Asker]

He doesn't do casual sex and he's not a super sexual person.

[Danny_dan92]

That’s not the only reason.

He’s leaving the possibility of you coming back there.

[Asker]

If he sees no chance of us being together, and leaving the window open knowing I will try to crawl in?
Ego boost?
Lessen his own pain?
Want to consider me in the future?
Wants friendship?
I don't know, I know I have to stop wondering and focus on myself.
Thanks.

[Danny_dan92]

Basically he has set it up so you’re a backup plan. Like a squirrel saves nuts for later. He’s saving you for later if needed