How do guys feel when getting back together after breakup? If you feel you can't see a future with someone, can that feeling change?

[jjjuvely]

last month, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. I couldnt accept it and asked him to rethink but he was very adamant about the breakup. he thinks im too selfish and can't see a future with me. we talked and met up during the breakup i begged him to give me another chance.. we got back together a couple days after.
we've been seeing and talking but things have changed in the relationship. he used to be the one to initiate conversation and he would call and text throughtout the day.. but now the roles are reversed. he used to be the "clingy" one but now its me. i think this is because he's still hurt and needs time to heal so i am trying my best to be a good girlfriend since i was shitty during our relationship. we have sex but dont kiss or make out. this makes me feel like im just a hookup not his lover. i asked him to kiss me one night before sleep and he jokingly blew air kisses and said his throat hurts and doesn't want to make me sick. this made me sad thinking he didn't want to kiss me and i broke down and asked him how he feels about me. he said he doesn't know what to say and the way he thinks and feels about me changed. when he agreed to get back together he did say he didn't know if he can have the feelings about a future with me again. he says he still loves me. we kissed and had sex the next day.
the reason we broke up was bc i gave him a hard time with my jealousy toward his past relationships. we didn't have any real issues but fought a lot. i know i messed up and that the past is in the past. i just thought he would never leave me bc i knew how much he loved me, i took advantage of that. i told him all these things and i would be better bc i want to.
is there anyone who got back together with an ex? do u think this is temporary or will this not change? have you lost faith in someone and had that feeling come back after seeing that that person also changed? just want some insight from someone whos gone through this before.

[Aassem]

I had a kind of similar experience, I was with my girlfriend for 18 months we broke up because of family issues, she had a boyfriend for six months, then we got back together after 8 month from our break up. I didn't think she could date and love anyone else because I trusted that she truly loves me and she just couldn't, so after we got back together I always had trouble trusting her again, but she was straight and consistent with not disappointing me for a while, during this time I began to trust her again but before I did things started to go down between us and she started falling for another guy. Eventually I learned that it wasn't that she was an untrustworthy person, it just was because we weren't right for each other, that's what caused her to not hold on as she could and vice versa.
What I'm saying is that we almost were solid again and even got engaged, our chemistry just couldn't keep up with our incompatibility, so we had to end.
In your case if you stay consistent he will eventually forget and believe in you again, but I doubt that will happen, I think when things get back to normal between you two, and you become solid again, the jealousy problem will arise again and he wouldn't be able to handle it again and things will end badly.. That also could not happen, it's just what I think. I wish you good luck, and you should believe in yourself, if he's really a good guy then you should hold on and be a better person for yourself and him. Again good luck.

[jjjuvely]

thank u for ur reply. as a man, do u think consistency will bring his old feelings back?

as a woman, even if I've formed an opinion about a man, if he's is good to me and tries hard enough i start to grow feelings for him again. i heard this isn't the case for men once he's made up his mind.

[Aassem]

No that's not true, consistency earns trust for everyone.

[razelove]

Well, it's like a rollercoaster. Every time you get back together it feels like a high, things are great, lots of sex, lots of attention. Then comes the drop, jealousy creeps back in, insecurity, it bottoms out, you break up again... and the next high isn't so high as the last one, just reliving a memory.

If you really want things to work, both of you need to approach the relationship differently so you don't do the rollercoaster ride until it bottoms out and neither of you wants to get back on. You need to get over your jealousy, that's your problem. He needs to pay more attention to you so he can tell when you're about to break and stop that downturn of the rollercoaster.

It is hard to say, but true, when a guy breaks up with you, there's still a chance, when you break up with him, that door is closed.

Ask him to look out for signs of jealousy and you shutting down your feelings. Promise him you'll try harder to not be jealous of the past, as it is the past, and not part of your present or future. Try to live up to that promise as well. If you both work from both ends on that, you'll be good, if either of you fail, well, ride that coaster until it bottoms out and you break up with him, or he finds someone else.

[jjjuvely]

I think everyone is confused about my jealousy.. i trust him to not cheat, he's a good person which is why i want to get him back. my jealousy was rooted from the fact that i thought his ex was unattractive and i couldnt accept that he could love and be good to someone that unattractive. im over it now.

but yes i agree its like a rollercoaster. its all good but there's moments when i feel super sad that he broke up with me and then its all good again.

thanks for your opinion, it helps to get a guys perspective

[razelove]

That's a you problem. You see her as unattractive, he obviously didn't. He needs to look out for you starting up on that jealousy and tell you to cut that crap out before you pull into yourself too much. While obviously you need to work on that however you have to on your own end. I don't have much advice on that one as usually when women got jealous in my life they pushed ultimatums, then they were out of my life forever.

If both of you aren't willing to put a little work in, why bother? You'll fool around and warm a bed with each other for a while, then you'll bring it up again, or be thinking about it, and get nasty over something else and he won't remember or care about this last break-up besides that it happened, and apart you go again. Then he gets horny, or you get lonely, and that coaster peaks a little lower.

It's only good if you both like drama, and don't care about each other so much.

[Paolaa988]

I got back together with my long distance ex boyfriend before then we called it off for good this past January and sometimes it can work for people if they can overcome those issues but if the fighting is too much and can't be resolved there's no point really. I realized that after a year and believe me you, it hurt like fucken hell because i opened up a lot to him, we video chatted everyday almost or called and to find out about his secrets and him hiding things just took it to another level and he didn't care to make effort to fix it. It was all one sided. Look, if it's one sided it'll never be fair to you on your end and you won't feel happy. You always have to think of you at the end of the day and if that person cares enough they'll make ends meet but if he doesn't seem genuine and wanting to put forth, you have to move on because that is damaging to your heart, mind, and health.

[devilish-cutie]

You should give him space. You dont want him to force you to be with you. You cannot have what was before right away. You gotta be patient. You should reflect on what you did wrong and what you need to do to change. You also gotta give him the chance to do the same.

[jjjuvely]

i needed to hear this, thank u! i know it in my head but its hard to act on it. just need to hear from other people

[devilish-cutie]

You gotta do opposite of what you feel, that is the hard part. Get busy with other things in life. Accept that if its meant to be it will be. Accept the worst outcome too.

[LohrvsData]

It sounds to me like you've been trying to force yourself on him a bit. That's a big turn-off for men. I'm sorry for being so blunt, but this is something you need to hear so that you don't push him away a second time.

If I may suggest, my advice would be to back away from him a bit. Give him his space. Eventually, he might want to hang around you a bit more if he sees that you're giving him the space he needs.

It may also help to look into finding out why you get so jealous over his past relationships. Is it because you have trust issues that come from other men cheating on you? You might want to find a professional to help you with that.

You definitely need to work on yourself before you try to pursue this guy again. Not every man is a creep that's going to end up with another woman the next day, and hounding us about out past relationships is only going to make our animosity grow. As it stands right now, you're making him feel like he's being forced into the relationship.

[jjjuvely]

thank u for ur honest opinion.. its hard to give him space bc im so desperate to bring our old relationship back but as u said im trying.

i wasn't jealous bc i thought he would cheat.. i trust that he would never cheat. he's a very good person and wouldn't betray anyone, which is why im trying to win him back. i was jealous of his past bc i thought his ex was too unattractive for him and hated that he loved her. i know that was wrong and im trying to be less superficial.

as a man, do u think its possible for him to get his old feelings for me back? he was very much in love with him and i want things to go back to how it was before.

[LohrvsData]

Absolutely. If he sees that you're working on making yourself a better person, there's always a chance that things could go back to the way they used to be.

Good luck with that.

[Sentimental_Stoic]

I broke up with my girlfriend for some similar reasons. But before that, she had broken up with me a few times. every time she did that, I told her to not do it if she doesn't mean it. Yet she kept doing that. I told her I was drifiting apart with each of this incident. And I told her I'd be at the point of no return soon. And once I got there, I had to leave. For her and my own good. Your boyfriend is very close to that point of no return. Or very likely already there.
I am sorry , but trust me, you know what the problem was. Just try not to repeat the same mistakes and be with someone who actually wants to be with your.
I don't see that he would change his decision.
But you know better.
Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

Time heals everything. Overtime people change whether it’s for the better or the worst. Sometimes falling apart and breaking away is the best thing to do. My exes weren’t at their best places in life when I was with them so they weren’t able to see my worth. As years went by, I reconnected with one of my ex’s and surprisingly he remembered all the times I was there as a girlfriend, the times I cooked for him, the times I spent money for us to have fun, every little thing that made him happy. He remembers those because perhaps no one else was able to give that to him selflessly.

If it’s true love, your past will look at all the things you did out of the kindness of your heart and if they’re stable just as you will are or will be in the future, then it is mean to be.

[jjjuvely]

yeah he is "you" in our relationship.. he's a good boyfriend and i was too caught up to realize it. thank u for sharing1

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t sell yourself short. You realize your mistakes and that tells me you have more to offer within yourself. It’s no problem.

[bamesjond0069]

Men are logical. If we dont see a future we dont see one. My last ex was perfect in every way until i found out she lied about her past and had casual sex. Which was ok for casual relationship but not for marriage. And she was looking for marriage so we broke up. She wanted me to reconsider over and over she begged but i typically date only very innocent girls and thats what im accustomed to and thats how i was raised and i just know id feel disgusted putting a ring on a girl who fucked a rando at a bar. So yeah we stayed together for awhile but it was never going anywhere no amount of love or anything could change my mind. So if he tells you its not going anywhere, he has a reason and its not going anywhere and thats that.

[jjjuvely]

he told me his opinion and feelings for him have changed and that he doesn't see a future with me because im selfish. i was acting selfish because of my jealousy but im able to be better than that. do u think his opinion and feeling won't change even if he sees that im not the selfish person he thinks i am?

in ur case, ur ex already had sex with randos which can not be changed. if it was something that she could change, would u have acted differently?

[bamesjond0069]

Maybe. If he is being honest. It might be something else and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

[Chriscunning]

So me and my girl broke up for a month or two, sorted things out, got back together and got married. I think if you mature enough to give someone a second chance, you also need to be understanding that changes don't happen over night.

Oddly my girl was also extremely jealous of my past ex's. In fact keep insisting i was speaking to her. Somehow she got over it. I do think i told her she needs to get over it otherwise things might not work out. And she did.

[jjjuvely]

yeah i understand these things take time, i know it in my head but hard to act on it. im just going to keep up the consistency and wait for him to come back around.

about the jealousy thing.. i think its just what happens to girls when they feel their man is special to them. its not that we dont trust them, we just want to feel as special to him as they are to us. its complicated. glad she got over the jealousy thing. hope u and ur wife have a happy marriage!

[The_Maphio]

Going back with somebody you left/have left you is hardly a good idea.
Things are gonna be the same as it's quite probable that the couple broke because of a personal trait that doesn't mix well with the partner's or similar stuff.
Unless one of the two is willing to change (another thing I advise against), teh result of doing the same thing again with the same variables is gonna be the exact same all over again.

[Paris13]

You need to Play Hard to Get. Look at how He is Treating you Now that He thinks you are Needy for Him? This is a Turn Off for Me, This Sly Guy. xx

[jjjuvely]

hate that its always a game..

[Paris13]

Stop enabling It, sweetheart!! xx

[exitseven]

It looks like his feelings for you have changed. He is trying to make this work but he feels what he feels.

[jjjuvely]

do u think his old feelings can't come back? i thought i just need to be patient to bring the spark back.. but is that not possible with guys/

[spartan55]

Your jealously will rear it's ugly head at some point.

[jjjuvely]

so do u think im doomed? im trying to be better

[spartan55]

I appreciate that you can admit you have jealousy issues. Jealousy is rooted in low self esteem, so start there. Also remember: you are powerless to prevent him from cheating, if he wants to HE WILL. No matter how much you browbeat him and monitor his activities. It's something you can't control. But you do control you.

[jjjuvely]

I have no doubt he will cheat.. he's a good person and i can't imagine him betraying anyone. my jealousy was about his past relationships bc i thought his ex girlfriend was too unattractive for him and i hated that he loved someone that isn't as attractive (i know this is vain). im trying not to be so superficial and to be better. as someone whos lived longer and prob has more life experience, do u think he will come back around to feeling the way he used to? before i showed him my ugly side.

[jjjuvely]

no doubt that he will NOT cheat**

[spartan55]

I don't understand, if you think you are more attractive then his ex then what is the jealousy about?

[jjjuvely]

i was jealous that he was good to her even though she is unattractive. like someone on her level didn't deserve someone like him. i know its superficial and i know its wrong to feel superior to someone but those were my honest feelings.

[spartan55]

That's kind of disturbing. What were some other behaviors?

[GoldenTulip]

I say leave the guy alone and let him come back to you when he is ready.. the fact that he agree to the relationship again is already a good Start.

[jjjuvely]

yeah i agree, like i know it in my head but its hard to act on it

[GoldenTulip]

Sometimes the right thing to do is difficult. Indeed. But you can do it!

[SavageGirl101]

Just find another guy you’re acting like he’s the only guy in the world😂

[jjjuvely]

lol thats what i thought when i was 18.. when u turn 30.. most of the decent guys are taken, damaged, or unavailable

[SavageGirl101]

There are plenty of fish in the sea

[dudeinohio]

I have never got back after a breakup... the old issues will always be there... it will fail.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Ex's who get back together

Have no lives, and are pretty pathetic people

[Iron_Man]

It feels great