Can he just forget about me overnight?

My ex & I lived together for about 7 months. Things were serious between us, he'd been there for me & my family when my dad died, I'd been pregnant & had a miscarriage, we were trying to have another baby & he constantly asked me to marry him. We were always doing things together. We took several weekend trips, went to concerts, fished all summer, & had the best Sundays ever. We got up early, went to church, ate at our favorite Chinese restaurant, then went shopping at Walmart...I know, kinda lame.

I'm 7 years older than him and had been married for 12 years before I met him. He has never been married and outside of living with me and one other girl when he was 20, has lived with his parents all of his life. We had problems, as any couple does but we still loved each other. I told him I wanted him to move out in September and he didn't argue. The breakup was entirely my decision (involving issues with my ex-husband) but my ex-bf didn't fight the idea of us breaking up.

When he came to pick up his stuff, I cried and we talked about it being for the best and it would give us time and space to work on our relationship to make it better. Everyday since he left, he's texted me and told me he loves me. He said he never wanted to lose me out of his life completely and he would always be there for me. He wanted us to always be "friends". Well, during those months, he never put any effort into making our "relationship" better but he wouldn't let me go either. He'd always give me just enough to keep me holding on. Even though I initiated the breakup, I almost instantly regretted it and wanted to get back together but he didn't.

A couple weeks ago, he found out that I'd been talking to my ex-husband and we were trying to work things out. We had one last, big fight and it really felt over. He called my best friend to tell her he'd always been in love with her (they dated before he and I did). She and I are both pretty sure he was drunk at the time and just did it to hurt me.

Now, he's dating another girl and it seems like he's trying to duplicate the life he and I had with her. Of course, since he and I aren't on speaking terms, you may be wondering how I know this...Facebook, of course. I know the healthy thing would be not to look at it a hundred times a day but that's something I'm working on. Within a matter of days, he's gone from telling me he "truly" loves me to "being in a relationship" with her and using the same sappy nicknames and saying the same things he used to say to me. He even went to church with her and her family last night.

In my heart, I know this is probably just jealousy and he could sincerely be happy with her but it's driving me crazy. How can you go through what we did and tell someone everyday that you love them and within a matter of days, be head over heels in love with someone else?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Emotions don't have a set script, and we can't know if he's buried his feelings for you in order to have entered the relationship he's now in. But he has entered a serious relationship, from what you say here.

    And it sounds to me like you need to deeply and thoroughly grieve this loss and not prolong the agony or pain by visiting his Facebook page for his status and news updates. To me, it is totally understandable that you are doing this--I think A LOT OF US would do the same thing if in your shoes, but it clearly isn't serving you emotionally or spiritually.

    You ended it with him. He may have thought he could be friends, but realised that this was not possible and that he really needed to move on. So please work toward acceptance of what has happened. And do this by blocking your ability to even see his Facebook page, if you aren't sure you can willingly just stop visiting it. He's entitled to move on, and have happiness, as are you. He gets to post stuff on his Facebook page, as that's what most people do!

    But you going there is, in my view, VERY unhealthy and not good for you, which you also acknowledge. So figure out how to have a week-long if not months-long barrier between his fb page and your eyes. However you can manage it. Stop salting your wound and keeping your heart bleeding sadness and regret. Heal from this and be in better shape for whatever the future holds for you. This pain will ease in time, but going to his fb page over and over will drag this healing process out indefinitely and make your heart more scarred and tight.

    He could have fallen in love. That's the truth of it. And he also might discover down the road that he has some unfinished emotional work to do, by himself, about his past with you. Do your best to not "hope for a future with him", as that, too, will only block your grief and keep you from fully healing. Good luck to you!

    • yes you are right ,visiting his face book page is completely unhealthy,coz I have done this before,i even created a fake account on the dating site where we met ,and talk to him daily,but I just did that to find a reason to hate him ,but it's not true at all.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Sorry... you pretty much ruined things or perhaps made it worse. Men are very stubborn creatures. If our ego is damaged, we will not yield. You initiated the breakup. You began talking again with your ex-husband. And now you have to accept the consequences. Now your ex feels he has to prove to you that he's moved on. Sorry, but it's just a very tangled web of frustration and drama. Hopefully you learned a lesson.

  • It's called rebounding. Chances are he's not over you, but he's suppressing his feelings and using this other girl to fill the void. Of course this probably won't last and he'll eventually have to deal with it like you are now.

  • OK so you break up with HIM and then he moves on and you start stalkig him on Facebook?

    He tried to give you a chance to make up by texting you all the time and gave up and found another girl. There's noone to blame but yourself so stop stalking lol

  • Actually, I think he's just working the jealousy thing. He wants you back, but he can't so he's trying to make you jealous so you'll want him back. You f***ed him over and he's not going to give in and let you back unless you swallow your pride to get him back. He was there and he loved you still, but you were done with him because of other sh*t. So, now he's done with you for other sh*t. He would take you back, I'm sure, but not with those same questions and that same bullsh*t.

  • Good for him, you are a bitch. At least you are not too much of a slut, it was your ex-husband, but still. Let him be and work with your ex-husband.

    • Seriously?? I mean, REALLY! You know, the reality check from the other responses I can deal with and even appreciate but the insults really just aren't necessary. I truly love my ex and wish nothing but happiness for him, even if it's not going to be with me. I'm just grieving and confused about his actions and wanted a little unbiased insight into what he may be thinking in these regards. Yeah, your answer really provided that...thanks!

    • Glad I helped.

  • Rebound relationships last about a month.. and 90% of them fail. There's no way he's over you at all, unless it's been leading up to it for 4, 5, 6 months (which it doesn't sound like it has been)

    So maybe you said something and he's just trying to "get back" at you for it. I for one have just lost my girlfriend of 2 years and have no idea how to win her back, but even though she's talking and flirting with other guys, I've been told by pretty much everyone that there's no way she's over me... she's just TRYING to get over me by doing this whole... flirting charade.

    Which I think applies to your boyfriend too. He's trying to get over you but that's not how it's going to happen, and pretty soon you could probably be there to help pick up the pieces.


What Girls Said 2

  • Ask my whore of an ex girlfriend. She did it to me with my best friend and got pregnant by him. And now she has one of these ridiculous profiles just like you, bashing me and telling you people she's still so in love with him, but he's only around for their child 3 hours a week if that. And I've been raising her child with her since the day he was born, and we were supposed to be getting bacck together, but luckily I went through my history tab on my laptop and found this bull crap on here, She has been telling me that she's falling back in love with me, and wants to marry me one day, and whatever. I've just come to realize that she's just using me since her POS baby daddy isn't around for their child. Oh, and she is making me look like the bad guy in her little story about her situatuin with the baby daddy, saying that I was a terrible boyfriend and cheated on her ALL OF THE TIME, when in fact it was her who cheated on me continuously. When we first got together she was with two other guys, just found that out recently, and she was with other dudes as well later in the relationship, as well as sleep with my best friend while we were still together and sleeping with each other. You know what I did? I made out with a couple chicks! OH WOW! That makes me the terrible one?! You slept with my best friend you dumb slut! God you women are retarded! And yes I am on her profile, because she uses the same exact email and password for everything, thus furthing the proof that you women are retarded

  • He's not in love with her...He hasn't forgot about you. If he truly loved you, he will always love you to some level. He's probably just confused or trying to ignore his feelings. Now, if he didn't really love you, he hasn't forgotten, it's just easier to put your relationship in the past.

    Honey, go out with your girlfriends. Have fun. Go shopping and pamper yourself. Eventually, you'll feel better.