I have severe OCDP. It's gotten really bad in the last year. I don't take meds because it is my cross to bear.
We have been going to counseling. My wife s idea.
I hate my wifes plants all over her office. I worry we will get germs from them. She wanted a garden outside. But I mowed It down. I hate gardens and feel it's cleaner just to have a yard.
I need all the lights turned off and the blinds shut. Light bothers me. My wife refuses to do this because she can't see. so we fight. Mostly I yell and she cries.
At work we have a strict no talking policy. i am an accountant. I can't stand it when she wants to eat or talk to me. Or the dog looks at me. I was sending the dog outside every five minutes because I can't stand it looking at me. my has it in her office too.
My wife has to stay in her office now for hours and hours. Because I have to focus on my rituals. I can't stand it when my wife wants to talk about my day or tell me about her day. When anyone talks or makes any noise at all like chewing. i go ballistic. The fridge annoys me. The neighbors a/c bothers me. I also have a strong aversion to air wicks plug inside perfume incense body wash nail polish and candles. My wife loves all these things. I have yelled at her about it. But she still uses them.
We sleep in separate bedrooms. She has gained too much weight 12/14 and I refuse to have sex with her. she always trying to get me in the mood she told our therapist she can't do this anymore she feels like she is in prison.
I dont want my wife showering more than once aweek. She has been taking one anyway and we end up fighting.
We had a big fight because I kept checking if the lights were off. While she was exercising and she told me this is bullshit she has been in her office all night. Why can't I leave her alone. I thought she'd want to know she exercises ineffectively. I want to show how to do it better.
She wants a divorce if I don't change.
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Wow, that is a lot going on for both of you. I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a struggle
It must be terrible.
Question, what made you fall in love with your wife? What about her made you decide she was "the one" & compelled you to propose? Think about those things. What things about her make you smile, happy, laugh, etc? What good memories have you had together? Then ask yourself if you can rekindle those things again? Maybe you should talk to a doctor & gather information about what might be able to help you. This in turn may help your wife & marriage.
I can see how frustrated you are & understand how frustrated she can be as well. Was this an issue for you when you first were dating? When you first married? If so, then she knew about it & decided to marry you "eyes wide open". Granted, if it's gotten worse & with what you describe. I understand her side. Feeling you don't want to take medication because it's "your cross to bear" isn't necessarily fair to her because she deals with the fall out. It would be like being diabetic & going into a coma because you had a quart of milk & an entire package of Oreos for dinner & she found you passed out on the couch with the evidence around you. Your direct actions/choices or lack there of directly affect her. I'd definitely see a doctor
Good luck
I married her because the woman I love doesn't like me back. I don't love her.
I'm so sorry. I know how difficult it is when you deeply care for & love someone & they don't reciprocate your feelings. If you don't love her, then I'd say do the honorable thing and release her by dissolving the marriage & letting her go so she can find her own happiness & you can find yours.
It doesn't sound normal for your OCDP to be controlling your life and marriage like this. I know it's hard to deal with mental health issues, but you could be crossing lines by isolating your wife and dictating so much of what she does every day. No one deserves to feel like a prisoner.
It was good you started counseling, but you may need more help managing your OCD symptoms if they're still this severe. Are medication or a higher level of treatment an option to consider? Your wife's quality of life matters too.
I'd try having an open talk with her about compromises - like she may need to live some parts of her life separately for now. But you also need to make an effort to give her more freedom and stop policing her small actions. See if there are OCD coping strategies the counselor suggested you haven't fully tried yet.
Divorce should always be a last resort. But you need to find a better balance or she may feel she has no choice. Your mental health is important, but so is caring for your marriage and letting your wife be happy too. Keep communicating with her and your therapist - there has to be solutions you aren't seeing yet. I hope things work out.
2nd,,