How do I stop feeling like I'm not worthy of this relationship?

[lilyanony1]

I've dated a few guys but I've never gotten to the point where I have met their parents and family. Actually tell a lie one guy introduced me to his sister and her children. But due to our cultural differences I think he wanted to be sure we were a sure thing before he got his family so mixed up.
Anyways I've met a guy that I'm really happy with, and he is totally besotted with me. We've met each others parents after 6 months and we are meeting extended families and starting to do joint birthday things which is nice. When I spend time with his family I start to get anxious and worry that I'm going to mess things up.
My longest and most traumatic relationship had me feeling like I was so inept. That I couldn't keep my sex drive in check, would hump anything with a pulse, that I couldn't make clear and effective decisions, that I was lazy and just not wife material. Consequently despite therapy it's coming back to haunt me as this new guy talks more and more about marriage.
I think initially as happy as I was I went along with it as its something I want but I'm so used to things ended that I kind of was just like yeah, OK great... But now im panicking because past experiences even in my own family I've been rejected so much and left out.
I feel really vulnerable. I don't really know how to say this to my partner not without him sort of saying I'm overthinking things. And it's not because he is insensitive but because he thinks I'm just worrying unnecessarily and putting the stress on me.
But this is a feeling I've become to used to. Feeling like the person on the outside looking in on the ideal family, friendship group etc and not being included.

Even when his mum was asking about my family, I wasn't embarrassed that I'm one of 6 and only know 1 sister, it was more that I felt sad to not be able to say that my sister and I are close despite everything. Life feels a bit jaded to me.
I feel like I should keep my dark cloud away from normal people.

[Staximus]

You deserve love and stability, a normal relationship and life. You should just accept it instead of rejecting and sabotaging it. He has accepted you. Now you should accept him and his love and return the love and acceptance. You need to also accept yourself and love yourself. If you can't do that, maybe you need professional help. If you don't want that, that's fine too. Just be as good to him as he is to you. You are overthinking it. You don't want to step outside your wall and let go of what you think is your control, but it's time to do that instead of pushing him away.

[lilyanony1]

Thank you... I'm trying not to sabotage things, but as a consequence I'm a lot quieter than I usually am. I guess I'm just trying to let him lead and trusting that he has my best interests at heart.

[RealMarek]

You seem to have a good man from a good family. Why don’t you share with him what you wrote here? Admit up front that you overthink about this but explain why. I’m sure he would reassure you and wouldn’t that be good? If this is the man you will be with for the rest of your life hopefully you can be open with each other about your deepest insecurities.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Not to be too blunt, but I think that this kind of issues is much better addressed with the help of a licensed and credited therapist, who will help you heal from past trauma and move on.

Otherwise, you could end up sabotaging this relationship, and then it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I did this mistake too in the past with a past girlfriend, and ended up things with her over my issues - initially she tried to get me to stay, but eventually gave up.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I would say look at yourself in the mirror and think what mistakes are you making, and what can you do to take away them mistakes and improve yourself image, I believe this could help you also ask yourself what are looking for in a long-term relationship? What are you afraid of the relationship failing you? I would think self awareness is what you need to do?

[Massageman]

It's his decision whether to accept any "black clouds"- along with their owner- if he decides to have a relationship with you. Just be honest, discuss things, and let whatever will happen, to happen.

[OddBeMe]

Your lack of confidence is linked to something or multiple things from upbringing. You gotta let it go, however is easiest to do. I just became more sociopathic.

[lilyanony1]

It's a really difficult situation to be in. It's like when I would go to friends weddings and as happy as I would be for them I'd suddenly get the sinking feeling, wow this probably won't ever happen for me. Or look at how close their family is, their dad is giving them away. Mine at the time I wasn't speaking to and now he's passed away.
It's just a cycle of sh*t... I'm trying to not be selfish and make a fuss about it but there's a feeling that I may explode. Trying to contain it all.

[OddBeMe]

You nailed it. Cycle of shit. And gotta break that cycle. Nothing says you can’t.

Obviously I make this sound easier than it is. I’m right with you. Shy introvert, don’t talk to family because they’re assholes. If I wasn’t married I’d be worse off than you.

But seeing “the other side” so to speak, I can say it’s all about the weight you carry. Or at least that’s visible to others. I was moping around occasionally asking out a girl and getting turned down.

I relate it to my business today. I have to go out and meet people to sell products. I get 9 no’s and maybe 1 yes. But that yes could be big. Gotta learn how to take no’s.

[Jerre]

I think your best solution is to keep on humping. Find 2 or 3 guys who want to be your friends with benefits, THEN YOU CAN FUCK WHENEVER YOU WANT.

[Surely]

Take two and call me in the morning!
No idea what to tell you?

[antelope51]

Imposter syndrome.

[lilyanony1]

I've heard people mention this on social media but I haven't paid it much attention simply because I don't always trust psychology talk thats thrown around so loosely, but I will read into this.
I just have so many badd experiences, it's hard to shake.

[antelope51]

www.psychologytoday.com/.../imposter-syndrome

[antelope51]

Ok. Re-reading, maybe not imposter syndrome, but definitely something akin to not feeling worthy of love/appreciation