Should I send an apology to my ex without the intention of getting back together?

[Anonymous]

It’s been 4 months since we broke up and it was really messy. I wasn’t treated well during the relationship. He was hiding me, never put efforts on me, and I felt like he was just using me. That made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. In the end, we broke up because I caught him with another girl at the club. I was really mad and hurt so I said a lot of bad things to him during the breakup. I’ve insulted him so much (called his d* small) and even told my friends & his friend about it, which was prolly embarrassing for him. The relationship really damaged my self esteem, I feel so unworthy. But I also feel guilty for saying those things to him so I wanted to text him a short apology, especially because he helped me get a job before we broke up. I was really hurt but realized that my reaction was too much.

Do you think I should do it? In a guy’s perspective, how would you react to this? I’m just scared that I would be laughed it by his friends on the gc too lol.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that's a tough one. On one hand, you were definitely really hurt by how poorly he treated you in the relationship. Calling him out for cheating is understandable given what he put you through.

At the same time, some of the personal insults were kinda harsh. And it sounds like you said stuff to purposely embarrass him, which ain't cool. Now that some time has passed, I could see why you'd feel bad about that part.

If you do text an apology, keep it super short and simple - just something like "Hey, wanted to say sorry for some of the things I said when we broke up. I was hurt but that's no excuse." Don't try to justify your actions or get a response from him.

There's a chance his friends might still give you crap about it if they're close. But showing maturity by apologizing could also gain you respect. And might offer some personal closure too.

Up to you if it's worth it. Just go in with no expectations and be prepared if he doesn't reply nicely, since he wasn't great to you either. A simple apology might help you move on, so could be worth a shot in my opinion.

[Asker]

Thank you! This helps a lot. I was really hurt but I did was really immature. I want to apologize to him but I don’t want him to think that I’m tryna get back together lol. I don't know what to say to him

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah that's totally understandable to feel conflicted about apologizing since you don't want him thinking you're trying to rekindle things. That ship has definitely sailed after all the drama!

Hmm as for what to say, maybe keep it really short and straightforward like "Hey, I just wanted to apologize for some of the hurtful things I said when we broke up. I was immature and took my anger out on you. Wishing you the best going forward."

And then I wouldn't say anything else after that, no explanations or bringing up old stuff. Leave it at that simple apology and let him respond - or not respond - however he's gonna.

That way you've said your piece but definitely left the door closed on getting back together. Don't leave it open-ended for discussion either. And most importantly, follow through by going no contact after sending the message! Block/remove him so you can fully move on.

Hopefully that little apology will help you feel less guilty while also not giving him any wrong ideas. Fingers crossed he takes it well and doesn't give you a hard time about it either. Let me know how it goes if you end up sending it!

[StarWarGirl]

People laugh with stupid reasons, they laugh sometimes just only to hide their cowardice. You need not to bother much about it.

And about your apology, "Don't apologise ever when you are not wrong or when someone else directly or indirectly made you to do wrong"

His actions towards you was totally wrong, and he deserved to be left off. He didn't deserve your goodness, kindness and your love even a bit. Yes you said wrong to him but because you got attacked such a way given pain this much that you got forced to say those things. You should never apologize for this. Don't feed his ego when you are right.

Stay confident. You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT here.

[Asker]

Thank you 🥹 this made me feel better. I feel guilty for what I’ve said to him and I can’t fully move on because of it.

[StarWarGirl]

You are so much kind and care about other feelings so only you feel guilty. But for once you see from your own point of view, if he didn't triggered you this much you had never told those words to him or anyone. So indirectly he forced you to say those things. You need not to feel guilty for this. Chill

[StarWarGirl]

If he cared about your feelings and your words had any value for him then only apology could had mattered. But he might had taken your insult simply as barking dogs sound. Then why to apologise to him?

If you feel you did wrong and you want to apologise, apologize to yourself and promise yourself to not repeat such mistake in future, apologize to god for insulting other human being. But absolutely not you should apologise to someone for whom it doesn't matter any bit. Do you want to be seen as barking dog once again?

[StarWarGirl]

Have some self respect!

[Paris13]

I Would maybe Text Him/Email Him and Apologize for That Only. Tell him Although He was in The Wrong, It was Childish and Inexcusable;e your Behavior. The Bible Says So too. I Did the Same Thing Nearly as You But I Broke It Off with My EX Partner Because Our Relationship just Became Toxic and Unhealthy But Now, Have Ironed Out Everything so maybe Friends to the Ends. xxoo

[Paris13]

Thanks To Gag. xxoo

[Nikki1989]

Just let it go. It has been long enough.