I can't ever forgive infidelity but is it too late to start over at age 42?

Question

He broke my only single exception that I can't ever forgive nor work out. I haven't really confronted him yet because our twin sons' 19th b-day is this Sunday.

I've discovered his infidelity last week (even have his own voice recorded where he has a private conversation with his friend and admits to it) and found out it has been going for nearly 8 months. I really hate to break up our family, never wanted to but it's like he gave no choice. I can't forgive that. Cheating has always been a deal-breaker for me.

Taking him back would be an insult for me as a woman and setting a bad example for our sons. I can't tolerate it. I'm waiting until Sunday is over. I'm not even going to yell nor make a scene; no need for if he literally threw away 22 years of love (2 years of boyfriend and girlfriend and 20 years married) as if it meant nothing. I just want to be done with him as quickly as possible and not see him again.

Is it too late to start over at age 42 once I'm done with all this process?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I completely understand how you feel. But have you actually tried talking to him about it? Like why he did it? You sure it wasn’t something that happened not just because of him but because of both of you? A lot of times people tend to think it’s the other person’s fault, like they had no part in it. Most people will say no, I haven’t changed he s/he changed. As for starting over, honestly no it’s never too late but in reality, you’re much older. A lot of men aren’t looking for older women. There may be some but that’s not a lot. You might have a better chance since you’re son is an adult, so you don’t have a child holding you back from doing a lot of things like spontaneously getting up w your man the next day then deciding to drive to Vegas for the hell of it. Also depends on your looks. Sure a lot of women say they have men texting or calling them, maybe checking them out all the time. But the real question is do they want something serious or something just for fun? Usually it’s just for fun. I will say you might have a better chance as well considering you’ve been married for 20 years. It shows you’re committed to staying in a relationship as opposed to women who may have been w 5 different men in the last year or so. But it also depends on your requirements. Meaning does he have to be a certain height? Make over so much financially? In shape? Etc, etc. Once you start throwing in a lot of requirements those numbers start to go down drastically.

Drew-1990 · Accepted Answer

It's not too late to start over. Upon hearing the true reason you left your husband many men will understand. I personally don't like divorce and don't want to date a divorced woman expect in a case like this were the husband was unfaithful to you. That is one of the very few reasons I find divorce acceptable and would be willing to be with that woman. You have every right to leave him and good for you not making a scene about it and waiting till after the party. I'm sure when your son's hear the truth they will understand completely.

poshspice123 · Accepted Answer

It’s not too late.
I divorced my husband for cheating when I was 33.
There are plenty of fish in the pond.

Firstly if you can’t forgive it then no point staying. (I couldn’t forgive, and it was veryyyy hard for me to leave him because I was codependent)

After leaving know that there might be times you’ll be lonely, needing a man to do some chore around the house or lift furniture and your husband won’t be there. But at least no one would be cheating on you.

If he can’t even follow the simplest rule is it worth it?

My therapist asked me this question when i was scared of leaving “had he not cheated were you happy with him? Did he make you happy? Did he put in efforts?”
If the answer is yes then try to work on your marriage. If the answer is no then leave him.

Also being cheated upon is not YOUR fault. You asked what made him cheat etc… don’t ask such questions as it’s lowering your self worth. I had to work so hard to stop asking these questions. I used to think I’m not good in bed maybe or not intelligent etc. but the answer is that he CHOSE to cheat. It was his choice and not your doing. I’m sorry you went through this.
I know it’s Sunday but don’t be a peace maker that keeps quiet till Sunday is over. Speak up! Stand up for yourself! You deserve a noise! He cheated! It’s a big deal!

AmyHew1tt · Accepted Answer

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. Please don't take him back! You can absolutely start over. And even if you couldn't, being single would be so much better than being with someone who betrayed you like that. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise.

Jessica405 · Answer

So sad! However, it is never too late to start again.

In my case, my dad passed away when my mum was 30. She was devastated. She was like you, in her early 40's before she felt able to love again. She had known this guy for a few years while they were walking their dogs. She held back, in case my brother and
I were against it. We both told her to go for it!

He moved in with us about 8 years ago. A great guy.

You can do it, too! Find another decent guy. There are a few about.

AviatorTom · Answer

It's never too late, but giving up on your 22-year relationship may not send the kind of example you want for your twin sons. It's your call, but please be sure about what you want to do versus what you should do.

Changiis07 · Answer

It is never too late to fond love again, it doesn't matter what age. Sometimes we can't control what happens but we can choose to try again with someone else

SueShe · Answer

It is not too late to start over at age 42 but it is a little more complicated because unfortunately, people are judgmental and will consider you damaged goods. Sorry for the blunt comparison but alas, that is unfortunately how a lot of men see a woman past her prime that would like to start all over again.

I am not a fan of dating apps but you have to make a clear cut and dating apps are not an option. You will fall into those traps that those hookup sites put out because they are actually hookup sites and not dating sites.

Your best option would be to join a club or take up a hobby where you are likely to meet people that share the same interests as you do. It is usually a good way to start friendships because of the common interests. Good luck.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Firstly , can I just say how sorry I am that this has happened to you. Nobody deserves to be cheated on , I have only contempt for your husband and like you I would not care for my wife’s reasons if the situation were reversed. The deception is more hurtful than the intimacy in my opinion.

No , it’s not too late for you and well maybe dont frame it as “starting over” or that 20 plus years of your life / marriage have been thrown away although I’m sure that’s likely your “hurt” talking. It’s truly sad that this experience will shape your next relationship and if I could have any wish or advice for you it would be to try and heal before inviting another man to share your life , I know that is easier said than done though. I still carry baggage round from my 20’s. I have no doubt you’re still very desirable to a lot of the “right” men out there. Good luck with your divorce I hope you both get what you truly deserve and I wish you well for your future

IslaTheWitch · Answer

you are not obliged to look for reasons. If he had any reasons, he should address them first. He should let you know something doesn't work. So you both could work on it.

I feel the same. If he couldn't talk to me and break up in a civilized way but, he could cheat on me... there is nothing to speak about...

MrShaun · Answer

It sounds like you've already made up your mind. I can't say I blame you, but I'm not in your particular situation.

I will say this: there are times when a spouse attempts to communicate with their other half and the communication falls on deaf ears. Communication and "working things out" can only happen if both people are willing. Unfortunately, the alternative can be the infidelity and the end of a marriage.

Regardless, I would try to examine the reason for the infidelity. It's an important start to a new life, so to speak. IF the reason came about because of issues on your part, it's something I'd consider or your new life will only likely end up like the old one.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not too late to start over. But you have to be REALISTIC about your physical marketability at this point. The good news is a GOOD woman NEVER loses value. The biggest problem you're going to run into at this age is EVERYONE has baggage. At 20 years. Old we haven't lived long enough to be all that different. That's not the case at 40. People know what they want, don't want, and are VERY QUICK to judge you.

Welcome to the 💩 show that is dating as an older adult.

My advice to you though is. You're not even divorced yet. Take some time and deal with that. Find you bearings. Then consider dating.

Dinklex3 · Answer

My friend’s mom got married last year at 56 🤗

My mom’s friend is in her late 50s and dates around. I think it’s pretty normal to see people date in their 50s. 2 of my coworkers in their 40’s went through divorce as well.

It’s never too late.! Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t respect you. You’ll find someone else.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

I had similar circumstances where I had to start over at 36. It sucked but was absolutely worth it in the long run. Happiness & self-respect are not trivial things.

Sorry you are having to endure this pain. It’s unfortunate. Just learn from the process and be the best you can be from here on out. The hard part for me, was not letting the next one pay a price for the last one. You’ll need to work through some things to be ready for a new relationship.

sheikalana · Answer

Dear, my heart aches for you I'm really sorry. Terrible situation to be in. I wanted to say that you're not breaking up your family he's the one who committed a huge mistake and now he has to take full responsibility for his actions but you'll eventually be fine trust me. I can see that you're a mature strong woman. What exactly do you mean with starting over at 42? Starting a new career or a new life? I'm a bit confused.

RealMarek · Answer

It isn’t too late. I started over again around the same age and spent several years before even considering dating. There is always a risk of not finding a suitable match, but I found that there are worse things than being single before eventually meeting my girlfriend. What your husband did to you is terrible and I hope you find peace of mind. If your path forward brings you together with a man, I hope that you find a good man who will love you and be loyal to you.

Anonymous · Answer

I would take the time to assess whether he's learned anything from the experience, whether there is value left in the relationship. And ignore moral righteous or ego. Be smart. If you've raised your boys correctly, they are old enough to decide his actions for themselves. I would expect being single again in your 40s to be a hollow experience. Life is not over either way but you need to make sure you choose the best path forward and for the long term.

Sweetbrunette305 · Answer

It is not too late to start over at any age really. A 42 year old woman is not old. I'm sorry for what happened to you!

slatyb · Answer

No, it's not too late. You probably have 40+ years left.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

No it's not too late. Infidelity is a ultimate break of trust. Forgiveness may be possible but that level of trust will never return

DreamLife7 · Answer

Are you that desperate , insecure and hate yourself so much that you have to find someone immediately so that u won't be alone? That's the issue with you. Sounds like you hate your own company

TacosRAwesome · Answer

It's not too late to start over as long as you're realistic about what you are able to attract.

WhyohWhy69 · Answer

Broken men will blame you. Don’t let them. There is no excuse for cheating.

handsomelad70 · Answer

H**L NO !!! As long as you live, you can begin afresh.

Anonymous · Answer

He cheated because his relationship with you sucked. Deep down you know this.

Anonymous · Answer

No never too late

I can't ever forgive infidelity but is it too late to start over at age 42?

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