How long does he need time for?

[girl504]

So my boyfriend and I recently went through a break, I initiated it and I went no contact. After a week I came back saying I was sorry and I loved him no matter what. When I came back he seemed fine and everything was back to normal. After a couple days, he said he needs time to himself. When I asked him how long does he need he said “it’s not like I’m gonna take a week and I’m still gonna talk to you unlike you did” . He keeps saying he’s not leaving me and that we’re going to make it through and just to give him a little bit of time” I’m so confused about the situation.

[DaveJord]

You are probably just as confused about the situation as he was when you did it to him. I mean basically you could do it again at any given time, and sounds like you really hurt him. I mean her is this woman you really like and care about and she breaks it off and ghosts on you, and when you just start to get over her... she comes back and wants to pick up where you left and act like nothing happened.

When love someone and the hurt you, and start to get over it and move and then she's back... I mean you started falling out of love her, and now you have to really decide if this something you want. When she can do it again to you without much rhyme or reason to it. Sure, you had you reason and logic for it, but that does not mean it made any sense to him, and now you want to do it again. Give time him all the time and space he needs, and hope he sorts it out. But there is nothing more you can do but be patient and supportive.

But you need to understand, no matter how you feel... if you did it on purpose or not... you seriously hurt this guy's feelings and you need to take responsibility for that.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's really messy situation you guys are in. Breaks are always super tricky to come back from, even when both people want to make it work. I can understand why he'd be feeling a little unsure still, even if you apologized. When someone hits you with the no contact suddenly, it does something to your head, makes you start questioning stuff. Him saying he needs a bit of time now is totally fair - he just needs space to process things on his own and make sense of how he's feeling.

I wouldn't worry too much about the comment about you going no contact before. He's probably still feeling hurt over that even if he took you back. Guys don't always show our feelings right away. Just give him the breathing room he asked for without bugging him too much. Resist the urge to constantly check in or ask when he'll be done with his "time" - that'll just make him feel crowded. Let him come to you when he's ready.

In the meantime, plan some little things you can do to show him you're still thinking about him positively. Maybe make him a care package with his favorite snacks or write him a nice note about how much he means to you. Small gestures like that will reassure him of your feelings without putting pressure on him.

He said you guys will make it through, so I think if you give him his space now he'll come around. These things just take time, especially after a break happens. Stay positive - I'm sure once he's had a chance to unwind, he'll open back up to you again. Just be patient and let him work through it in his own way. Hope this helps give you some perspective! Let me know if you need any other advice.

[girl504]

So we have each others location and I see that he went to the mall and then Starbucks. He hates going to the mall I know for a fact that he hates going out period. I also notice that he followed a new girl on instagram and I put puzzle pieces together. I sent him a message saying take care and stopped sharing location with him. He hasn’t said anything yet

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, don't even stress yourself out trying to decode all that. From what it sounds like, he's definitely trying to keep you at arm's length while pursuing this other chick.

I'm sorry, but following some random on IG while asking you for "time" is shady AF. And him actually going out to public places? Big red flag, sis - he's on the hunt.

You made the right call cutting off location access and telling him to take care. Don't even wait around for an explanation either - unfollow him on everything so you can bounce back in peace.

From the sound of his half-assed replies, he was probably hoping you'd just keep waiting on the sidelines until his new situation either works out or doesn't. Don't let him play you!

You're so much better than being anyone's back-up option or sloppy seconds. His loss girl - keep your chin up and just focus on you. One door closes so a bigger one can open, you feel me? On to better things!

[girl504]

After I said take care and wish that the other girl could make him happy, he said “it’s not even that, hopefully we can love again someday. Goodnight”

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's rough. It seems like things might be really over between you two then, even though he said he just needed space. Saying he hopes "we can love again someday" makes it sound pretty final.

I can see why you'd be hurt that he was talking to someone else so soon after breaking up too. That always stings extra. As much as you probably want answers, I'd just leave it for now after he said goodnight. Blowing up his phone with questions won't make you feel any better.

It's gonna suck for a while, but time does help make things hurt less. Try to keep busy with friends and other stuff you enjoy so you don't sit around thinking about it too much. And don't be afraid to let yourself feel sad too - breakups are tough. Just remember there are other fish in the sea and you'll find someone even better someday who won't do you like that.

Stay strong - you handled it well by walking away with your pride. Maybe hit me up if you ever wanna talk about it more. I'm always around if you need a friend. Just take it easy for now and do something to get your mind off things.

[Anonymous]

Why’d you breakup in the first place and what has changed?

[girl504]

I wanted a break because I was tired of him ignoring me for video games. After a week I realized I loved him no matter what and went back to him.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow, you basically love him despite being ignored. Do you really have no self respect? No morals no standards, nothing? Because that’s what this comes off as. You are willing to throw out everything about you worth respecting just so you can lay on his bed while he games with friends. It’s sad really.

[girl504]

But what do you think “it’s not like I’m gonna take a week” means?

[Opinion Owner]

Wow. Just wow.

[BonzoInBitburg]

Wanting to take a break makes a guy think twice about a long term relationship with you. For me, a break is the same as a break up and it would never be the same so I would move on

[girl504]

This would be his third time breaking up with me. He came back each time. But this time is different