Is it a red flag if a man is no longer in contact with his children?

[Anonymous]

i am with a guy who is divorced and has two kids from a prior marriage, which he had never told me about. I discovered it by myself on my own. we are currently 6 months into knowing each other, moved in together. Recently he asked me to Marry him. He has narcissistic personality disorder.

When I questioned him, He said that he divorced his ex wife because he wanted to have sex 2-3 times a day while his she only wanted to have sex once a day. But I find it kinda strange how he no longer has any contact with his kids. It's like his ex just completely disappeared with the kids. He didn't even bother to fight for visitation. I have a feeling there is way more to the story than what he is telling me. I also never told him that I know he has 2 kids. He thinks I am unaware of it , as long as he keeps his mouth shut.

As big his flaws are, I can't live without him. But at the same time, I don't want to make a mistake into marrying him. I would love to dig up his ex wife's phone number and have a talk with her about what really happened. I don't want to Marry someone that I would end up regretting just like her

[avery58]

Honestly think you should leave the ex wife alone. I'm sure she's already going through a hard time raising her children alone, the last thing she needs is to be reminded of her irresponsible ex husband.

He told you himself that he's a narcissist and now you know that he's a deadbeat father to, if that doesn't set red flags all around this guy I don't know what else could. At this point you're the one choosing to stay with him for no real reason, you just met him or have been getting to know him for 6 months.. you haven't wasted years on him, so I don't know how you would feel that you couldn't live without him. You're actually seeing all the warning signs fairly early enough into the relationship, if I was you I'd seriously reconsider.

Someone who doesn't care for his or her children doesn't really care for anyone but themselves.

[Asker]

I just can't tell if his ex wife ran away from the kids or if he just gave up fighting for visitation. but I am soo emotionally attached and invested into him that I can't live without him. he is my emotional support. He has part of my soul, our souls are intertwined.

[Asker]

He didn't tell me he is a narcissist. I could tell he is a narcissist. but as flawed as he is, I just can't go 2 days without talking to him. that's how attached I am

[avery58]

He told you that he's a narcissist though. And it's common for narcissists to love bomb a person in the beginning of a relationship.. the abuse usually comes later when they get bored or feel confident that they have the person wrapped around their finger

[avery58]

Just read your second comment, okay he didn't tell you but you saw the red flags yourself

[avery58]

Tbh your relationship is very unhealthy. You're choosing to ignore the red flags and you're codependent on this person. I think you should just work on yourself and go to therapy or something instead on focusing on this relationship cause it doesn't seem it will have a good ending.

It's your choice though. But I still think you should leave the ex wife out of it

[Asker]

every person you will ever date in life will have some sort of huge flaw. there is no such thing as an unflawed person. Looking for that perfect man will just keep me single for the rest of my life. That's the only reason why I've decided to stick with him all along. I've been picky in the past and it just meant a life of spinster.

the narcissm is hard to deal with but I have ways to avoid him or ways to cope with his personality issues. otherwise, I would just fight back hard because I also have a very savage , fierce , vengeful temper. I am not afraid to fight or destroy him. He also knows I can be very mean.

but at this point, its just very hard, or close to impossible to just up and leave. I'm emotionally dependent on him for many things. He is also emotionally dependent on me. I'm just hoping that it wasn't him who decided to cut his kids out of his life but rather it was his ex wife who decided to block him access to the kids. (some women actually do this as form of revenge for their husbands divorcing them)

I just don't know what happened. that's why its such a huge deal for me. I wouldn't want to be with a man who decided to cut his kids out of his life.

[avery58]

May I ask why you don't want to let him know that you know about his children? Don't you think if he finds out that you contacted her without letting him know he might get mad?
I say, yeah you're right that have a right to know exactly what kind of person he is before marrying him. But it would probably be best to tell him you would like to talk to his ex wife first.

[Asker]

I dont wanna ask him because I can see that he went out of his way to hide it from me. It makes me feel like this is an uncomfortable topic and that I'm interrogating him. And when you interrogate anyone, they usually won't tell the full truth.

im not afraid he might get mad because i know he would never be able to leave me. we frequently get into arguments/ fights, mad at each other but we always make up and end up being ok. Nothing can come between us. Thats how strong we are.

I can ask him for the truth but it really won't mean that he would be honest enough to tell the truth. I do find it very strange how he would no longer have any contact with his kids. Fathers can fight for visitation, if not custody. Or it could be that his ex wife moved far away with the kids.

So far, he says that HE divorced his ex wife, she didn't divorce him. Maybe she could've taken the kids away from him as a form of revenge. He had a pretty lame reason for divorcing though. He said that he divorced her because he wanted sex 2-3 times a day while she only wanted it once a day.

[DishLady]

Yeah it is. What kind of guy does that? No one is want to know.

[molonski2]

Massive RED flag ,
You have moved in together far too quickly , take a big step back , this guy is a jerk , and that's not the reason he left , and then just got giving a Fck , get out of this situation immediately.

[Asker]

How would you know he is a jerk?

[molonski2]

Anyone who does NOT want to see their children , or leaves their WIFE/ partner for the reasons given , is a selfish , idiot , total JERK off , thats why , what a moron this guy is.

[AlinaJanowska18]

It's just shit , not father...

[strateguy632]

he is just busy but not on purpose

[WintersDaughter]

Yes, that is a HUGE red flag.

[WintersDaughter]

Everything about him is a red flag, actually.

[slatyb]

Huge red flag. Run away.