If a middle aged man doesn't have kids is this a red flag?

[Meatunnel69]

We all know single baby mommas lose a lot of points when they have a brood but men look desirable and responsible if they have kids and if they dont by middle age you ask yourself whats wrong with this dude that he is not telling me?

No its a turn on if they have kids

Yes its a turn off if they Dont have kids

Updates

+1 y

Yo gals who commented please also vote we only have two pink voters lmao

[nella965]

Usually people have kids when they are married. Those who are unmarried with kids usually aren't seen as very responsible. Because raising kids with a bf/ girlfriend relationship is very unstable. There is no contractual agreement for staying together. One day dad can just walk in and say that he wants to leave and never come back.

But what is the biggest red flag when it comes to dating is : when I see a single 34-36 yr old with around 6-8 gfs from the past. The type of person you just encounter once in a while who just always keeps bringing up an ex in every meeting. He just has so many exes. This is the type of person that I avoid dating no matter how great he may seem to be. There must be a reason why he's had so many exes. And there'll be a good chance that you'll turn into one of his exes.

I had a female friend with around 8 exes. I thought nothing of it. When I left the friendship, I finally found out the reason why. She was a very nice girl with major issues and was semi crazy.

[HikerDude]

So somebody who's very social and dates a lot is "semi crazy"? That makes no sense. Some people meet a lot of people and date consistently from a young age. I had 8 exes by the time I was 20. Moreover, I think it's silly to get married to the third person you date just because. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, so the person you marry should be special beyond special. Finding that person requires that you meet a lot of different people in your life, i. e. that you have a lot of exes.

[nella965]

@HikerDude Generally from my experience, it’s those that have way too many exes who keep constantly bring up about them in conversations. I have know 3 people in my life that are like that. Having too many exes makes you look like you either have issues or a waste or time.

1. You have terrible judgement when it comes to selecting your potential mates
2. You have issues which is why so many relationships don’t work out
3. You aren’t serious about relationships

dating history Tells a lot about a guy. Your dating history is your resume and your exes are your references. Sorry if this is insulting but it’s the truth.
Relationships are a huge investment of time and effort.

[HikerDude]

Yeah, it's "the truth," because you alone get to decide what constitutes the truth. Get real. Your three points don't survive even a basic test of reason.

1.) No one knows anyone until he begins a relationship with her. In the sexual sphere, this is called "dating." There is simply no way to know if a relationship with someone will work out before you actually try it. That's because compatibility for long-term relationships is so much different than the compatibility that attracts people initially (i. e. physical attraction, chemistry). The only people who get hung up on people they've never dated are virgins and socially stilted people who've had very little experience.
2.) Ah, "issues." Again, the only people who think all relationships fail because of some personal failing are virgins and socially stilted people who haven't dated much, if at all. Many relationships don't last long term because the two people want different things in the long term. People move away for jobs, they decide they want different lifestyles (country vs. city), they realize they have different values, the other person stops making an effort and gains, weight, etc, etc. Their are literally a thousand reasons relationships fail that have nothing to do with personal failings. They're called "life."
3.) This is a literal oxymoron. The person who is out there meeting people and dating is much more serious about being in a relationship than the person who sits on the sideline and never even dates. Waiting for the right person to come to you is waiting on a miracle that will never come. The person who never dates is telling the world that she doesn't care if she's ever in a long-term relationship, because she's not even making a basic effort to initiate one.

In rereading your thoughts, they sound quite a bit like those of the bitter guys who are constantly complaining that women are undesirable if they've been with more than 2 guys in their lives.

[nella965]

@HikerDude

1. You don’t make someone your girlfriend when you don’t see romantic potential in them. If you have made 30 gfs in your life by the tine you’re 30 years old, you’re making the position of a girlfriend look very cheap. It also shows that you have terrible judgement when you have broken up so many times in life. It’s kinda like hiring 30 people for one position until you find the right one. It shows that you have no idea how to ASSESS romantic potential. There is a reason why some people get engaged 3 times And break it off all 3 times or get divorced 3-4 times in life. Meanwhile most people get married once and never get divorced. Some people only remarry once while you remarry 8 times. Either because you have bad judgement in selecting the right person or you tend to rush in your relationships.

2. Having so many partners in life is NEVER a good sign because there MUST be a REASON for all those break ups. It is similar to when you have A job applicant who never has successfully MAINTAINED a job for more than a year at once in his life and he’s worked 6-8 jobs. Why would he quit so often? THere is a reason why he’s job hopping. Is he likely gonna stay in his next job for more than a year? NOT LIKELY.

Personally I don’t believe that you need to have 30 gfs in order to find love. Most people on average date 3-4 people in life And they’re able to find their spouses. Constantly being engaged to the wrong people , dating way too many people unnecessarily shows that you have absolutely no idea know what you’re looking for or you don’t know how to pick persons that you’re most likely gonna be compatible with.

[nella965]

And If all your exes have something negative to say about you or they all really hate you. Or that you always seem to hate all your exes, that is a negative sign too. If you date 80 people and 79 of them all have terrible things to say about you, that is an indicator that I am likely to also hate you. There must be a REASON why everyone hates you.

Dating is a huge investment of time and effort. I’m not willing to sacrifice my leisure to fall for a serial dater who has no clue what he’s looking for in life, most likely has issues , or that I’ll have more chance of him being his ex than his next fiancé. Your daring resume says a lot about you.

You also don’t have to worry about nobody chasing me because I’ve had all types of guys for me. Your the one who is arguing because you’re a serial dater who is INSULTED.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

No, not at all. Some people just don't want kids, and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I find it responsible to recognize that and choose not to bring children into this world that you don't really want.

Personally, if I ever decided to reenter the dating scene, I'd prefer a guy with no kids, because I'm not sure I want kids, myself. I've also witnessed blended family drama and don't want any part of that mess (and I know firsthand how blended families can be awkward, though admittedly my late stepfather was one of my favorite people; but there seems to commonly be some tension in blended families and I just want no part of that).

[FatherJack]

Quite the opposite , but there is unfair stigma on long term / permanently single men , that are often viewed with suspicion , unlike the growing legions of single by choice women that are celebrated and elevated in this " I don't need no man " Western culture , it is far harder for men to win over women , than vice versa. Being a single FT working dad , single dads mostly stay permanently single , as the overwhelming vast majority of women will not find such " baggage " desirable , I knew this on taking full custody , and not bothered as the marriage I endured and ended took it's toll on me , and I want to stay single permanently.

[OlderAndWiser]

I got married at age 32. For 17 years, I was married to a woman who could not have children. She developed a disability after two years of marriage and adoption would have been a horrible decision for us, even if we could have been approved. By the time we got divorced and I moved on with my life, I was 49 years old. That is too old to start having children.

You need to look at the circumstances before you decide that a guy without kids is a red flag.

[Meatunnel69]

Well your story is believable and girls would understand your circumstances but not every man is in your shoes

[sejla]

Probably not to a woman who also never wanted kids. If a man wants a child but doesn't find the right person for them the only thing he can do is adopt. I personally am not sure if I would could have a connection with a man who didn't really like kids nor never wanted them. I'm just so much a kids person from the time I was pretty young and worked most of my life with kids. At one of my jobs a mom called me the kid whisperer.

Again it isn't a red flag to the right person. I have a younger friend who doesn't want kids so this would be the right kind of man for her.

[Cynicaldreamer]

That's a huge turn on for me!!! Red flag my foot, I'd be wondering why he's not taken, or why he's still single.

Believe it or not, I'd prefer that. Even moreso if he doesn't like or plan to have kids. Not all women want kids, so it wouldn't phase me.

[SpacedCharr]

No, it's a turn on if they DON'T have kids.

Having children is like having pets.

You're not a saint for it, you just have demanding dependents who require your full attention.

[SpacedCharr]

Also, if you want more votes, give better options.

Your voting options are like "No" and "Yeah, No".

[Texaskid1]

Back in the day it was a red flag. Most people married before 30 and popped out a few kids. If a man or women was not married by the time they were 30 people assumed they were gay. Which way back when was frowned upon.

But in this day and age - thanks to the glories of feminism- much of the family structure has been weakened and if not all out destroyed. The courts tend to favor women , young college aged girls - who are in their biological prime - have been indoctrinated with all of this 3rd wave feminism bullshit about how all men are rapists, all men are oppressors , don't need no man ( in 20 years they will all bitch and moan "where are ll the good men at?") , bla , bla , bla. Add to the fact that we men see how marriage ruins a lot of men both financially and emotionally ( alimony , child support , total or partial loss of retirement pension ) -etc.

What man in his right mind would want to get married and have kids in this day and age?

[btbc92]

It's neither a turn on or a turn off. It's his life, his choice. But what is a turn off is him banging every chick he had and no responsibility anywhere. Not attracted to that. But other women again have to make their own judgements.

[btbc92]

Asker, it's helpful to not make biased answers and offer other instead. And then maybe we could vote. Not all of us are shallow or else your just starting a troll question. And of you are, suck it up. We're not stupid.

[Meatunnel69]

Everyone would choose other that would be pointless

[btbc92]

How's that pointless? Both of those answers do not equate to how all of us feel. It only does so to the two that you say that voted.

[btbc92]

Because it was pointless to you, then this is not a question that cares about how a woman really feels or how another guy may think. Then it's a question of validation. You don't need no validation from other people. You live your life and you live out your reality, not worry what's a red flag. Because what may be a red flag to one person may not be a red flag to the other or the other just doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think that’s true personally. I look at the person and their reasons. I may wonder why the guy with kids didn’t work harder with his partner to make it work. And I may look at the guy without kids and respect how much passion he has for his work etc.

[Opinion Owner]

Well obviously people aren’t voting on your options, look at your choices, they both say the same thing 🙄 so the clear answer is that most disagree with your presumption.

[Anonymous]

It's the opposite actually.
I think it's reasonable for a man who doesn't want to have kids ever because why spend all of his hard earned money for an annoying mini human that will eventually saying that they hate their parents. I certainly won't if I'm a guy.

[jss123]

Interesting question. I had a vasectomy because my ex was older than me and reacted badly to contraceptives. I've always wondered if that would turn off women.. Someone I know said so recently. She said it was a deal breaker. I wondered if not having to use contraceptives would actually attract some women.

[purplepoppy]

Turn off. Why would I want a husband that's paying half his wages out in child support rather than providing for ours.

[AbleLearner]

Why should I be expected to have kids? I've been single all my life and I've been sexually responsible and otherwise responsible. Why should any rational woman consider that a turn-off?

[alice55]

Its not. Why would it be? My uncle is in his 5Os never got married never got any children (he always date much younger women though) but I don't see anything wrong in it.

[taksuga]

If a middle aged man doesn't have kids and never wanted to have kids, then we have a lot in common already. Great sign to me haha.

[Avicenna]

As a middle aged man with three kids, I can tell you it's a plus with some women and a dealbreaker with others

[GuildLegend435]

buddy, single fathers will have it just as rough as single mothers. it's not rocket science.

[Taylor_C]

I personally would see it as a good thing, because I don't like kids and don't want any around.

[jasco]

well honestly some people just dont want kids and well for me if i was a girl i would have just ask him if he wanted them or if not and if he was waiting till later to have them

[PrettyRegular]

I think you have a typo in that vote. It's like +- or -+, but I think it's a good thing. He knows how to use protection. It's obvious he shouldn't make just anyone pregnant.

[RedThread]

Why do I feel like your voting choices are deliberately misleading?

[Kitty46]

My boyfriend has a daughter, but he not middle age, he is 43.

[MannMitAntworten]

I have heard the same said of women in the same boat. It's a load of bullshit.

[Liam_Hayden]

Not sure but that is my future. I'm congenitally sterile so when I reach that age I won't have kids.

[moonpie89]

No. I don't want kids so it'll be much easier to date him

[Nitnit2585]

It means he doesn't want kids for whatever reason.
Not necessarily a red flag

[Sweetbrunette305]

I don't care if he doesn't have kids.

[Agape93]

Doesn’t concern me