Break Up & Divorce

My ex dumped me and is now in a relationship with my friend. Both of them are telling me that I’m wrong for feeling hurt. Am I the bad guy here?

A bit of history about them. My ex and I dated for a little under a year. He’s from Ireland and came to this country at age 28. He was living at home with his mother, not working or helping her out (that’s what he told me). He said his mom kicked him out of the country to get him to grow up. My friend I’ve known since high school. She got told by her parents that she had to move out at 18 and that she would be disowned if she didn’t apply to an expensive Ivy League college. She went to Columbia and paid for it all on her own, started a business and bought a house. My path was this: I went to community college on student loans (I couldn’t afford college), joined the military to repay the student loans, left during the 2008 recession with service connected problems including mild PTSD, when I got out l struggled to find work because of the economy, the untreated PTSD and credit problems due to not being able to pay my bills without a job. I was on the verge of a breakdown until my mom told me to come home to New Jersey. I came home, went back to school and found work

Fast forward to 2024: I was still living with mom due to financing a masters, being unable to afford the astronomical rents in NY and NJ (she can’t afford it on her own either) and taking care of her now that she has health problems. My friend was forced to be totally independent. She meets my ex while we were dating and hears us arguing about how he berated me for not being able to live independently and saying that he wants someone more like her. Then he spends the next three months comparing me to her and nagging me to leave mom’s house and get my own place. I work nonprofit and rents here are at least $3000 a month. He dumps me for not being able to afford that and goes after her. And she was always saying that he’s right about me and that guys like him who live fully independent women are rare. So he goes after her and she accepts. Now they’re dating and I’m broken hearted and hurt.

Updates
10 mo
I cut them both off, and my friend is calling me from multiple numbers and telling me that I’m wrong, that I should be happy for her that she’s finally found someone even if I was in love with him first and my ex is calling me and telling me that I’m being petty, catty and jealous by ending the friendship with her because he chose her.

I’m sorry I sound like a teenager and not like a 40 something. I’m just feeling very hurt, like I should have seen this coming but didn’t. Am I wrong here?
Updates
10 mo
Fast forward to 2025 not 2024. My mistake
My ex dumped me and is now in a relationship with my friend. Both of them are telling me that I’m wrong for feeling hurt. Am I the bad guy here?
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