Me and my girlfriend took a break, she slept with someone, now I can't seem to love her.

[Anonymous]

Title is basically it. She was taking me for granted for a while, really treating me like crap. we broke up, came back to me asking to get back together, said she'd change, etc, I was overjoyed. I later found out she slept with someone in my absence of about 2 weeks (She was very, VERY intoxicated, not just alcohol either), and ever since I found that out I'm completely unattracted to her sexually and emotionally. I feel bad because I know she's trying, she will literally do whatever I say (I told her she's not allowed to do drugs or hang out with guys anymore) and she's really been taking the initiative to get us back as a functional couple. I just feel a mix of jealousy and anger and depression and insecurity, just weird unpleasant emotions when I think about her or talk to her, and she knows it.

Advice would be greatly aprecciated.

Updates

+1 y

Also may I add, she was a virgin prior.

[AltTech]

The relationship is doomed. You don't see her the same way you did before, and now that she knows you may not want her, suddenly she wants what she can't have.

Games aside, the relationship won't ever work because you'll always feel betrayed by what happened, and you'll always hold that against her. On her side, you never know when she's going to turn into the same person and dump you only to go out and rip your heart in two a second time.

I know it sucks, but you need to let this one go, it will only bring more frustration and disappointment. In the end, you'll both be better off. You won't have to deal with being with someone you resent and don't trust, and she will learn that actions have consequences.

[Asker]

You summed up this whole situation perfectly, thank you.

[AltTech]

No problem man.

[Anonymous]

if you really love her bro then you'll forgive her but then again ya'll were on a break when she did it so practically that isn't cheating. you just want her to be perfect and sh*t but then again women in general are rarely perfect. I was in the same boat except we were apart for six months and she slept with three guy. I was heart broking, I made her take a HIV/AIDS test and I look at the result myself...the point is it took me a while to forgive her and blind myself with all the hate but I did manage but we hand breaking up again a year later so my point is if you really love her and think she's worthy then you can forgive her

[AltTech]

You're experience was you got cheated on, got back together, and then broke up again, and you're saying he should forgive her and get back together? Your experience proves what I said all along, the relationship is doomed no matter what, its not worth even dragging out any longer.

[Asker]

@AltTech

Exactly what I thought, I just needed some reinforcement. I told her the other day I wasn't able to forgive her, she begged me to give it some time, I really have a hard time saying no to her.

[Opinion Owner]

read my response again idiot..I never got cheated on. "we were apart for six months and within that six months she slept with three guy" his a kid under 18 years old so please give him some f***ing word of comfort

[Asker]

Why the hell would my age make you want to lie to me to cater to my naivety? I'd rather save myself the torment of staying with a girl who I can't trust constantly telling myself "It'll get better" by getting advice from more knowledgeable people.

[Opinion Owner]

oh lets blame her for ya'll fail relationship, the break up and everything else...it was all her fault. this is pathetic if you don't want her then just f***ing tell her straight up that you don't rather then f***ing making feel feel like sh*t and miserable for something that's probably not even her f***ing fault. better yet I blame your ass for her sleeping with another guy while she had alcohol in her system. bro you gonna wish you kept this girl a few years down the road

[heywat]

here's the thing, don't get back with her. your always gonna have that thought in the back of your mind about how she wasn't "faithful" during your break. your always gonna haev that jealousy and wondering if you are as good as the other people she slept with. Even if you do forgive her that's gonna be somewhere in your mind. Save each other the long term pain and end the relationship once and for all!

[Asker]

Also she was a virgin prior :( That's what really cuts deep.

[heywat]

it's always gonna be that way for girls sex is also very emotionally attaching!

[Asker]

You mean you think she still has feelings for him? Oh damn...

[heywat]

well maybe not him but you! the person you lose your virginity to is usually the person you become extremly emotionally attached to!

[akula]

I think you should give her a chance, I was her fault no matter if she was intoxicated or not. But if she really seems to be trying give her a chance. If she slips up again..boot her. Being fresh out of a relationship is probably the worst feeling ever, you feel lonely and there is nothing you can really do about it you just want someone to be there for you.

[uber069]

getting drunk is no excuse. EVER. Not for a man, not for a woman.

She has to re-earn your trust. If you think it is not possible, then you need to say so flat out and break it off.

we are time-travellers - we travel FORWARD in time. You cannot go back.

You cannot repair a shattered glas. Even if you take every last little speck and glue it all back together it will never be the same.

Understand that this is her fault and no one else's

good luck

[Anonymous]

no offense but she sounds like a back stabbing bitch. I had a girlfriend like that once who literally did the same thing, my only advice is be stronger then that and leave her you deserve better, she took you for granted and treated you like crap so she is bound to do it again. find someone that will truly appreciate you and never want a break or to leave your side and you can't go wrong :-)

[dnately]

Well, if you can't love her any more after that, than you can't. I'm not sure there is much you can do about it. Just remember that being on a break means that she was not cheating on you, even if she was sober.

[Prof_Don]

I say leave her be...

...this is EXACTLY why breaks are stupid. Either you're together or you're broken up.

See how these "gray zones" have people ending up getting hurt?

Honestly...forget her now. Those emotions are only going to get worse.

[Anonymous]

She chose to fuck this other guy, alcohol is BOT an excuse.
She did it because she wanted to see what being with someone else was like. Whether she “regrets” it now or not... in the moment sue wanted it... so you have to ask yourself if you can get past the idea that she let some other guy fill her with goo.
I had the same thing happen and honestly, no matter how hard you try, that image never goes away. She destroyed any possibility that you will ever be the same.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, she sounds like she's trying, but she's not worth it. This saying sounds cliche, but its 100% true: There are other fish in the sea. You need to do some fishing ;)

[Rapuzzled]

You weren't exclusive at the time, and unfortunately that behavior was probably a coping mechanism for her, as maladaptive as it may be. Either love her or leave her...based on the accusations of drug abuse, I'd probably leave, right now!

[DeanWillis]

She was a virgin. Wow that sucks something major dude. Just forget her. Move on. Be done with it. Find the guy and f*** him up.