Would you date a married woman? Or just friends with benefits with her?

[Anonymous]

I'm a married woman, 26 and married for 2.5 years not happy. I'm a good person, go to church, don't lie, never cheated, cook, clean, work, take care of the bills, etc. I have a BA. I'm married to the only guy I've ever had sex with and this is my first and only relationship. But I'd like something on the side, sort of secret. It'll have to be kept from my husband. Why?

There's just something strange about my relationship. When we first got together all he talked about was his ex. Now we can't or it'ds taboo to do anything that him and his ex did. Like we don't kiss on the lips, one time I tried and did the tongue thing and he was really taken aback and shocked so I can't do that anymore. I can't eat strawberries because they use to have sex with strawberries. I can't be on the on top position during sex because that was her favorite position, he refuses to give me back massages because that was only for her. See what I mean? I don't know if he loves me and I don't know if he really loves me. We're just together to be together, you know? But I'm not really happy. It's just for show, for the world to know that we have this perfect successful relationship and I don't think either one of us wants to ruin that.

BUT deep down inside I would like to try tongue kissing and feel that spark. I'd like to have sex in the car, be the one on the on top position, I'd like to eat strawberries and get back massages. You know? That's why I was thinking of a relationship on the side but it'd have to be SECRET. You know? Sort of like Eva Longoria in Bad Housewives where she does the lawn boy even though she's married. And well she's hot, I'm not that hot but I'm 5'3, 120 and have 36C bra size, long dark hair, curves and I've been told I have an exotic look to me (I'm SE ASIAN).

Would you date me? Do you know a guy who would?

My sister was married and she dated a guy, then she dumped her husband for the guy she was dating. Not saying that that will happen but not saying that it can't happen.

What are your thoughts on this? Thanks for answering.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure there would be guys who would love to date you. You sound like you're attractive, and a lot of men aren't expecting a supermodel. I truly believe you have the right to feel valued and respected.

I would talk with your husband about it before you cheat. I think he has a responsibility to try to fulfill your needs, and his fixation with an ex is just ridiculous. Definitely confront him over that. I would be direct and say something like, "I feel that your inability to move past the history you shared with your ex is making it difficult for us to form a successful relationship. We're married, and I need to be your number one priority. I understand if there's a few things you're uncomfortable with, but I need to feel that you're making an effort to put that behind you and get over your hang-ups".

And if he's unwilling to take your feelings into consideration, then go ahead and find someone who does. Right now, it's almost as if he's emotionally cheating on you. I would definitely consider a divorce. Do you feel you can't because of your heritage/culture? Divorce now is so common, that it doesn't affect how I see people. You don't have an obligation to society to have the appearance of a perfect relationship- you deserve to have a real, perfect relationship for yourself. So unless it will seriously impact your other relationships, I would keep it as an option.

If you're looking for someone on the side, don't exclude the possibility of love and marriage with someone else. You only live once, and sex is always best when it's with someone you're in love with who loves you.

[Asker]

wow your answer is amazing. thanks so much for being so thorough. We have talked about it for the last 2.5 years about his ex and how he treats me bad. He just gets really mad and tells me to STFU and he has physically abused me and destroyed things (camera, laptop etc) to show that he doesn't want to talk about it. IT is just what it is. It's like taboo to talk about it. yeah you're right about the culture+it's religious reasons for not wanting divorce.

[Opinion Owner]

Since you've discussed it & he only gets angry, I would not bring it up again. He shouldn't be getting violent, or breaking your stuff. If you ever feel your life is in danger, then you need to put yourself first & get out, regardless of how you'll be judged.

Find someone who treats you well, just be careful- it sounds like he might hurt you if he found out. He may change over time & become a good husband. If that happens, then you should try again to build a good relationship with him.

[glamphotog]

Can one of you explain to me how adultery is in any way better than divorce in terms of culture and religion? Is it because you can try to hide it?

On the other hand, I don't believe you are telling the whole truth here. Not that I blame you. You said:

"no, no divorce because we have a good thing."

Then you said:

"he has physically abused me and destroyed things"

Why would you do this to yourself?

Get a divorce and get the hell away from him.

[themastaplan]

instead of having something on the side, you need to file for a divorse...do you want to live your life unhappy and feel this way?

do the right thing, have some respect for youself and follow your heart...its not happy, it needs to be set free...file for divorse then find your dream guy who treats you teh way you want

[Asker]

thanks I"m not happy but I find divorce really disgraceful and dishonoring. I don't think I want my parents to find out I'm divorced or to find out I'm cheating, I'm kind of don't want a divorce, I just want my sexual side to be fulfilled and be happy on the side and still be with this guy. I don't know I"m confused.

[themastaplan]

how is divorse more disgraceful and dishonoring than adultry?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't jump at the opportunity. I have serious problems in my marriage too. I'm working on them. Its possible at some point I'll ask for an open relationship, if that happened, I'd date someone like you.

It sounds like you don't have kids.

Get out.

[glamphotog]

No.

Cheaters are scum. If you are unhappy with your marriage, get a divorce first.

[Asker]

no, no divorce because we have a good thing. It's just the sexual side that's missing. And also I don't want society to think bad of me because of a divorce. Thanks for your honest answer though. Would you know anyone by chance who would?

[glamphotog]

If you let your husband know that and you give him the freedom to see other women, I don't see anything wrong with that. It wouldn't be cheating in that case, you would just be a married couple that swing.

I personally don't like the idea of being a swinger but there are certainly swingers out there.

[Asker]

the thing is he already had enough fun when he was young, he started to have sex at 17. I never had sex until I was 24.5 years old, so I need to get some fun in. I don't think it would make it fair that he has had so much sexual fun and I have had none so I want some now... I don't think he'd do it anyways, and I don't think he'd want me to do it that's why it would have to be secret.

[glamphotog]

I don't agree with the way you are thinking about it. It doesn't matter what your husband did before he took the vow to be committed to you. When you got married, you both took the vow to be faithful to each other when you got married. Fairness has absolutely nothing to do with it. If you didn't have as much fun as you would have liked when you were younger, that's your problem. Using that as an excuse to cheat on your husband is despicable.

[Asker]

he doesn't treat me as special has his exes, that gives me the right to get it on with someone else who would. And anyways, it's just not the only reason. You know? I"m just not happy with the sex life, he is so he shouldn't have to go looking elsewhere but I do. thanks anyways.

[Naughtyboy71]

Hi I'm Jimmy in a sexless marriage not happy love to chat with you
or text have sexual conversations share our real life experiences be good friends
If interested give me a hollow jamesbridges210@gmail. com

[Booboo210]

Yes I would date you must be very discreet . maybe have erotic sexual chat masturbate
Mind playing with your pussy

[Dchrls78104]

A married woman? Never! It would be wrong on all counts and unwise for me. Let her work out her issues with the man she took vows before God and several other people to love, honour, and cherish.

[Anonymous]

Neither personally. Married = not available period. No matter the circumstances of your marriage. My view, not happy end it.

[Anonymous]

so ok to be honest yes i would im married and would love to have a friends with benefits but you have to accept that you should only gamble with what ur happy to lose.. but i understand that gamble if can be so bad the either way its a win win ;)

[Justababy]

I would date her I would not care

[slutshamer]

Leave your husband