My boyfriend won't let me break up with him

[Anonymous]

last night I tried to break up with my boyfriend of 8 mo. we've had two major problems/fights in that period of time, both of which destroyed my trust in him completely. I realized that I cannot trust him and the promises he makes are worthless words, so the best thing to do is to break up.

last night I tried explaining that I just couldn't get what I needed from a relationship from him (like trust etc) but he says that all I have given him is negativity.

what he meant by that is our last problem had to do with his drinking in excess. he had made a promise to me about how much he would drink when he went out and broke it, knowing that I would leave him if he did. he begged me to stay and I told him that we could try to talk things out but when he came over to do so he was very dismissive and things were on his terms. he only agreed to not drink for one year, but I don't believe that he can keep that promise because he's broken promises before, and if he couldn't control the amount of alcohol he drinks how can he just give it up cold turkey?

i asked him this, and expressed my doubts about it and told him I wasn't OK with his "agreement" and that's why he says I'm only negative toward him and that it MAKES him WANT to drink.

i just want out, but I feel bad because he says he's doing the best that he can and that I'm not being supportive toward him.

what am I supposed to do? I don't think it's a healthy relationship, there's no trust (therefore I can't be supportive). I don't know how to break up with him when he gets emotional on the phone and I feel bad.

[misuzi]

How can you not break up with someone? You say you want out and it's done. Over. Finished. Goodbye.

And you're right to believe he can't stop drinking. If he really cared about you, he could at least begin to make an effort, but he can't even manage to get started.

He doesn't WANT to drink because you MAKE him, he wants to drink because HE wants too. How could you cause him to drink when he was surely drinking well before he even met you. He just uses that as an excuse because it take the blame off him and puts all the pressure onto you.

He needs someone to put the excuses on or else he has to start looking at himself as the cause.

He's clearly an insecure and weak person. The best thing to do is leave him behind and forget about him.

[Amaryllis_Rose]

I think she means to do it politely, because I tried dumping my boyfriend of 14 months using the classic "we need to talk" and he got all types of defensive then he blamed our problems on me. Then dismissed the break up as nothing because I'm just having a petty little phase that will pass. So we did not break up.

[Orion]

Just think of his emotional behavior as manipulation. He may not realize he's manipulating you but that's essentially what it is. If you want to stop seeing him all you have to do is stop seeing him. don't take his calls don't hang out with him. If he comes over don't open the door.

If he thinks you're so negative towards him he should WANT to go rather than chasing you around.

[Inq100]

Type "controlling behavior" in any search engine. While this may not be the case with your boyfriend, plenty of sites found through this search offer very good advice on how to break up. It's true, if there's no trust, there's no relationship. Basically, you need help of a close friend to do this break-up.

[kheserthorpe]

You say its over, and after a minute or two, tell him you don't have anything else to say, goodbye, and hangup, even if he doesn't say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Just end it and ignore him.