Ex girlfriend reads emails I send her multiple times within a day, but doesn't respond.

[Anonymous]

I know this because I use an email tracking program.

Say I'd send her an email in the morning, she'd read it in the morning, afternoon and evening.

It seems like she is interested in reading them, even though I do NOT stroke her ego in them. And does so multiple times a day.

Why doesn't she just respond? And do you think she cares at some level?

She has been giving me the silent treatment ever since 2 weeks after breakup. I contact her about 2 times a month on average. Have been broken up for 6 months, relationship lasted 4 years.

I was forced to dump her, but let her know I cared, I apologized and wanted to reconcile.

Updates

+1 y

Didn't realise, the title can be read in two ways.

What I mean is I sent her an email, which she read multiple times.


And don't be mistaken, I have accepted the situation already. I am just looking for possible reasons as to why reread the stuff - if you don't care.

Updates

+1 y

For the people that want to know what the program is, its called 'spypig', just google it.

Updates

+1 y

She just read it again btw.

[CallaLily]

My ex and I dated for over two years, and I broke up with him because he was a douche to me...and treated me like sh*t most of the time, and every time I left him he'd beg for me to come back and I always did. But when I finally left he called me non stop and so I had to change my number. now ...two years since the break up I still get emails from him. I don't reply, only because I know there is no point, even though sometimes I do care and think about him and kind of want to reply, I know there is no point because well, now I have a new boyfriend whom I love and even if I didnt, I wouldn't want to be with my ex. I wouldn't trust him not to hurt me again like he did before even though he insists he's changed and would never hurt me again- I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever went back and ended up putting up with the same sh*t for a second longer than I should have. yes I care, it's hard not to when you used to love someone, but I just don't want to waste his or my time or confuse him or me by bringing up old memories or feelings or something dumb. I just choose to ignore it instead. I do that same thing, I read them, then a couple days later I read the same email again. sometimes I think of what I would say if I was going to reply, but that's all. I never will reply. Hope this helped...?

[Asker]

Could be, she definitely thinks its 'unwise' to go back for some reason or another. Although the only thing I did to ever hurt her was to 'dump' her. She's had chances to come back though, she chose not to.

She must be listening to someone elses advice, because there was absolutely nothing wrong with our rlationship, it was pretty healthy.

[Dddontlie]

Probably right. Nobody gives worse advise to your girlfriend than her so called friends. This friend of my girlfriend shot her mouth off one day and I told her from now on since your such a friend to her you can take her father and mother in your house happily, completely support all of them happily, and you friend needs 5k to pay off her casino debt and I was going to give her but you love her more so go ahead and pay it off

[Anonymous]

I had the same problem. Had an email tracker on my account & sent a mail. The ass has read my mail 60 times in the last 4 weeks and has not responded. I sent a harsh,"leave me the hell alone, and do not contact me email" which he was not expecting but I was so over him controlling me & knew if I didn't send it, I would never have the courage to say how I really felt. He reads the mail sometimes at 3am, 12pm during his lunch time, on the weekend and has read it sometimes 10 times a day. Now he reads it a week apart and then again day after day then two weeks apart and then the same pattern. I just see obsession and pride. I told him in the mail he was obsessed and quite honestly the tracker proves it. The pride side of things is the fact that his ego has been hurt and I haven't given him room to respond by saying stay out of my life. He does care. Someone who doesn't care would just delete the mail & not read the words over & over again. He is hurt & he thinks that silence could harm me lol

[nergiz]

I think she wants to see you suffer, enjoys reading the mails and tortures you by not responding.

[Asker]

I think you hit the nail on the head. Because she also doesn't 'send my stuff back' which I request her to in that email.

Can I expect her to behave differently at some point down the line? Or will she stay hateful like this? What do you think.

[nergiz]

I hope it works fine for you at the end.

Thank you for the best answer :)

[nergiz]

Well, depends on how long the relationship took place and the reason for break up really. My advise you hit her with her weapon and stop the contact at all. If you can do this I am sure she will try to contact you.

[Asker]

No problem & thanks for clarifying.

I guess I chose yours cause it gives a good explanation and it also has some 'hope' attached to it lol.

[Confucius16]

There is no way you can conclude that she is reading the messages to make you suffer, QA. There is just not enough proof. Unless she's that kind of person, then no, she isn't doing that. I read messages from someone I was infatuated with long after I was rejected, because it made me feel like reading the messages gave me a look into her mind (the person I was infatuated with). That's the closest I got to contact. So it probably makes your ex feel sad, and wistful, that the good times are over.

[sweetone]

Her rereading those emails doesn't mean she wants him to suffer. She doesn't know it's being tracked. She prob ignores him because they broke up! Doesn't that make sense? lol

[Asker]

She DOES know it's being tracked.There's a picture in the email saying 'i know youve read my mail'.

And I asked her to return an item of me, which I'd pay the postage for. Which she hasn't.

So that's why I think this answer could be true.

[Confucius16]

Unlikely. When I was rejected for my infatuation with someone, I wanted to have something from her (it sounded weird, so I let it go) so that I could remember. Items from loved ones have sentimental value. Your ex probably feels that when she has your things, she remembers the good times. Other than that, it's not right to give something to someone, and then ask for it back. And the picture in the email doesn't indicate that she is being tracked. It just says you read email.

[nergiz]

Confucius16 unless it is not the one who reads the mails, I assume QA is the only one who can tell the right or wrong by knowing two sides...

sweetone it is very sweet of you to think that way :)

[Confucius16]

Maybe the boyfriend reads the emails to see what the QA is saying?

QA: what kind of person is your ex? Is she the kind of person that would hold it against you over a break up, or is she the kind of person that would be sad and wistful, and try to read your emails to remember you, but not contact you because she's trying to distance herself? Also, is she currently in a relationship?

[Asker]

I think she's the type of person that's bitter/resentful (or perhaps sad and doesn't want to show it). She had a new relationship within 5 days.

But I'm pretty sure he isn't reading the emails, because she's keeping it a secret (I think). The emails are being read in her student accomodation- I don't think she brings him back there, because her housemates would see him. And for some reason she's trying to hide it.

[Confucius16]

Maybe she's in a rebound relationship? Did she really care for you when she was in a relationship with you, QA?

[Asker]

Don't believe in rebounds. But yes she did, we were together 4,5 years!

The guy was the reason I had to let her go, she was too clearly interested in him...

[Confucius16]

Does she know that you use an email tracking program? Otherwise I doubt she's trying to make you suffer. She has to go through clicking your email multiple times a day, so I don't see why she would take the time to do that.

I don't know how you can be forced to dump her. If so, then maybe she feels sad and reads your emails because it makes her feel better. By reading your emails, she gets a look into your mind and she remembers the good times you had. You can't be with someone for four years and then forget about them. I was infatuated, got rejected, and couldn't forget it for two years. Perhaps your ex still has feelings, so it has nothing to do with you stroking her ego.

Also, no doubt that by you contacting her, it makes it even harder for her. It makes her miss you. So she reads your emails.

[Asker]

Nice answer.

[Confucius16]

Thanks.

[Prof_Don]

I don't see any spam on this question; not all 1-2 word answers are considered spam.

[Sublimenj]

same situation, seeing same things, she reads an email 32 times in 12 hours... BUT BUT... explain this one... She still comes here and flirts, and hangs out with me. BUT very rarely uses the email to contact... and this after 14 years, 2 kids. SOOO little different, but she reads the emails a lot. Not ego strokers, just real facts. Or saying thanks for coming by etc... we had Jan through May good, we were getting close, she shut it off. After a 2 month stoppage, she is slowly still coming by, but not as close as we were. So I don't know if she wants to try or? she has gotten nicer over the last 2 visits, 5 total since she started coming around again.

LIke I said, she won't email much at all, but she reads the crap out of my emails... I don't know why...

[defectivedude]

I use email tracking software to protect myself from scammers and theives and a few enemies I have made along the way. I forgot all about it and let the subscription expire when the death threats from the enemies stopped. One day I turned it back on and found that the girlfriend that just vanished from my life had been reading my emails over and over. I had not emailed her in a year, but the most recent time she read one of my emails was just 5 days before. I missed her horribly, yes, I broke her heart and I learned a million lessons from that and will never do that again to anyone, not even a pet. I decided to try and send her a new email and only ask questions about her life and say nothing about mine. Lo and behold! I got a response that told me she still loved me, but was afraid of being hurt again and did not know how to find out if I would do it again. She said she was working a lot now and did not have time to find a new boyfriend of even answer my emails very often, but she was willing to let me prove that I could be trusted. I don't know how you do that long distance over email. I told her I would email her every day and just tell her what happened that day in my life with. Just the facts. I also have decided to write a paragraph about why I loved her and why I would never leave her again, even if torchered. I still haven't gotten a new response after a week, but now she reads my new emails the moment they arrive. I hope I am not being stupid again. I can only recommend, always tell the truth. Own your mistakes. Change and mean it. Don't embellish your life. Be honest about how you feel about her. If she does not come closer after a suitable waiting period, move on and tell her you are moving on because she is not moving forward. Then, get over it. After I stupidly broke up with her the first time I had plenty of love interests after that which destroyed my heart and humbled me greatly. That forced me to see the world through her eyes and appreciate the wonderful woman that I had and threw away. Learn and grow. If she really wants you back, let her take her time. Otherwise, remove the tracking from friendly emails and let it go. Stay safe.

[SarahDean312]

She's trying to detach from you. She feels bad about the relationship still and still has feelings for you. She reads them because she thinks of you and wants to respond but feels that her guard will fall if she does. It's true, females take so much longer to let things go and in some degree may take things more emotionally which makes it hard to detach. Contacting the person she's trying to get over still only makes her think longer about them and yearn for them even more. She's distancing herself to build herself back up as more independent. Hope this helped -Sarah

[Asker]

Thanks

[Confucius16]

I agree with most of this. I've felt the same way once before, although I didn't want to be independent, but I didn't really have a choice.

[Asker]

She is definitely distancing herself. The in my eyes 'bizarre' thing is that she is holding on at the same time. By not sending my stuff back like I requested...! And keeping contact with my family etc.

[thisisawkwardbut]

I read messages from Xs. She's probably feeling nostalgic, missing you, or trying to understand what went wrong and gain more perspective on the relationship. When I read the messages, it's just to gain insight into what I was like and what mistakes both the guy and I made so that I can learn not to make them again.

[Sparkling]

It is absolutely not okay for you to spy on her like that! That is no less stalking than sitting outside her window looking in! I don't know about the legal laws of your country but whatever they can be it is morally wrong to keep track of her that way.

[Asker]

Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Seeing if a person has read your email goes against no moral boundaries at all.

Perhaps you could try and answer the question instead, thanks.

[Sparkling]

If she isn't aware that you can then it does, you are invading her privacy which is considered immoral.

[kereru]

Why does she re-read these emails? how could we possibly know? you keep saying you're over it and have accepted it but your actions say differently...if you were over it, and had accepted it, you would be tracking her emails, or asking us this question,

no matter how you try and spin this, that is just not healthy, moved on behavior .

[Asker]

I didn't say I was over it. I said I've accepted the situation.

I'm also just asking opinions as to why... but yea thanks for the rant anyway ^^

[Confucius16]

Actaully, I think that she might be sad. I think that by reading those messages over again, she remembers the good times.

[Solodolochick]

The reason she's not responding back is because she's mad at you for breaking up with her after 4 years you ccan't just break up with someone and expect them to be your friend again.. it takes time... I'm pretty sure she still cares about you she's just hurt.. you just have to give her time to heal.. eventually she'll get over it and talk to u

[Dddontlie]

Yes you can. Only thing necessary is unspoiled honesty and most men and women aren't capable of being halfway honest

[Sparkling]

The big question is why are you emailing an ex when she has made it absolutely clear she does not want contact with you?

And you're saying you've sent a tracker that can tell you not just that it's read but when it's reread? I really hope I misunderstood that! And that you will correct me, because that not okay.

[Anonymous]

She probably doesn't know you have a tracking program, so she's reading them because you're still in her heart to some degree.

She's not responding most likely because she's trying to get away from the relationship you guys had and that takes a long time. It's better if you don't speak for a long time.

I had a 3 year relationship, we broke up, didn't talk for 2 months, then got together and spilled our guts, then didn't talk for a year.

Now we're fine.

[Asker]

Yea, I agree that she is trying to 'let go'. To be fair, she should have beeen over it already, because it has been 6 months, and she started a new relationship 5 days after the breakup.

Whereas I am still single and have already accepted it + forgiven her.

You'd think that if she'd REALLY want to let go, she would just post my things back, like I asked her to do in the email. I am pretty sure she still has them and hasn't thrown them away.

It's asif she's holding on and trying to let go.

[RositaV]

Girls reread messages to help them analyze the stuff they go through. It doesn't mean She wants you back. She uses it to remember how NOT to make the same mistake twice. Stop spying on her and move on.

[Dddontlie]

Spying? Ok. Stop lying and people will stop trying to figure out why... A woman or man looking into why their wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend is full of poop isn't spying. They are looking for the truth they deserve so THEY CAN MOVE ON! Gtfooh now

[Anonymous]

You sure she's not showing it off to someone else? Maybe she's trying to figure you out and asking opinion? its hard to say since we have no idea what is the content of your email. Love/hate mail? Anyway, its a pity that you were 'forced' to break up with her when you still seem to love her, if your question/ behavior is any indication. Four years is a long time.

[Asker]

The email states:

It's a shame you can't seem to bring yourself to post my stuff back, even though I have already paid for the postage. In my opinion only someone who isn't happy would act like this, and it makes me sad to sense your unhappy. I have forgiven you for what you have done long ago.

Anyway perhaps if posting it is too much effort for you, I could come pick it up.

And otherwise never mind and keep it.

I never wanted to end the relationship, you were the one that wanted that.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, I suppose if my ex sent me this email which sounds condescending by the way, I would prolong his irritation. I will definitely send his junk back to him cause there's so much of it in my house and I want to start afresh. I suppose she's still thinking how to reply you. If she's upset with you or considering a reconciliation, she's possibly thinking how to phrase her words. You're still hung up on her. Even if you want her back, I don't think it's a good idea until you've forgiven her completely.

[urdreamgirl]

Oh, she cares...

It seems that she wants to be with you, but is trying to listen to her conscience

But I could be wrong ofcourse, I don't know the whole conversation

[Asker]

The email states:

It's a shame you can't seem to bring yourself to post my stuff back, even though I have already paid for the postage. In my opinion only someone who isn't happy would act like this, and it makes me sad to sense your unhappy. I have forgiven you for what you have done long ago.

Anyway perhaps if posting it is too much effort for you, I could come pick it up.

And otherwise never mind and keep it.

I never wanted to end the relationship, you were the one that wanted that.

[urdreamgirl]

Hmm.. is that the only email you've ever sent her?

[Asker]

I wrote her a handwritten note saying I regretted sending the necklace back. And included an insured sealbag in which she could send it back to me with.

-She didn't-

So I then asked if she could at least use the sealbag to send the other stuff which is at her place back to me with.

-She didn't-.

I'ts clear, she just hates me and is acting childish. I should let this go.

[urdreamgirl]

Haha I think you should move on, hun..

you only live once. Don't waste your one life on a silly girl

[mike5150]

There is an email tracking site?

Anyway I can't really answer your question I am dealing with something somewhat simular but somewhat different than you. Funny thing is she was the one trying to dump me yet I keep sending emails.

[knight]

stop emailing her for couple of days and see what happens

[Asker]

Yea, wasn't planning to contact her again. Seems like win-win.

[dragonfly6516]

No offense, but that opening line of your question makes you sound like a stalker.

[Asker]

LOL. Didn't realise, the title can be read in two ways.

And indeed, the second way sounds stalkerish - asif I send multiple emails in one day.

I dont. I sent her 1, which she read multiple times !

[dragonfly6516]

Yes but the fact that you're checking constantly to see if and when she reads it is obsessive, and that's how stalking begins. Being a stalker isn't some kind of conscious choice. It's a behavior that develops and then escalates. I'm trying to say that you're getting yourself worked into a dangerous state of mind. You should back off from her now before you get yourself more upset. This is not good for you or her.

[Asker]

Dont worry, I am not a frikkin stalker! I have stayed away from her for 6 months when things were way worse.

What makes you think I have not backed off? Because I have, I am just askign opinions on here!

[enigmatta]

Stop torturing yourself with this. Her silence speaks more that her possible replies.

Bottomline: she doesn't want to talk to you now.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Dude, you're broken up. She doesn't reply because she doesn't want to interact with you any more. You sound like a stalker.

[Anonymous]

i sometimes take a long time to reply because I keep putting it off. the heavier the content the more emotionally draining it is to reply so I need to prepare mentally and find time to focus.

[Prof_Don]

She isn't willing to talk, I would quit monitoring the emails and wash your hands with the situation.

When or if she wants to contact you, she will.

[Confucius16]

By the way, I see lots of spam on this question.

[Confucius16]

I see. I meant things like "there's a way to track emails?" Idk, I consider that spam, but maybe I'm the only one.

[Anonymous]

She's your ex. She's trying her best to move on and you don't have a space in her heart anymore.

[Asker]

She had another guy within a week after breakup, she already has moved on.

[Confucius16]

Maybe the boyfriend is reading the emails to check for suspicious content?

[Anonymous]

she doesn't want you back, but maybe she likes reading them to boost her ego..