Is he mad I wouldn't have sex with him?

I went on my fifth date with this guy that I met three months ago. Our date lasted 9 hours...we went up the eiffel tower together and we had dinner at a nice restaurant after, and after we came back to my place to watch a movie and he also came to help me study for my french exam (since he's french). During the movie, things got pretty heated, and he ended up taking his shirt off and my pants off. He knows I'm a virgin, so we were taking things slow and I told him I didn't want to have sex. He then took my underwear off and started to finger me and then he said he wanted to go down on me, but I wouldn't let him because I was too nervous. Then he pulled back and said "I don't know any other 20 year old girl like you that doesn't do this stuff. It's normal. If you're afraid of everything then you're gonna miss out on a lot of things in life." I felt like he was trying to guilt me into doing more with him, which kind of hurt. But after we started kissing again and he dropped a piece of gum on my hair and I told him to get off. He got angry about this too, and he was like alright fine, and he just turned around and gave his back to me and said he just wanted to go to sleep.

In the morning, he woke me up because he was getting ready to leave and he said I had been snoring.. (lol so embarrassing). Then he was just standing like waiting for me to do something, but I just stayed in bed and said bye and he was like "ok..bye..." and after I woke up I got a text from him saying "so nice!" Why is he upset with me? I'm so confused... I asked him if he was upset but he said of course not and then he asked how my exam went...but then after I told him I was having a going away party and he should come and he just responded with "ok"...then yesterday I texted him saying "I want to see you :)" but he didn't respond.. what is his deal? What did I do wrong?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You led him on. That's why he got mad. OK let's make things clear. Yes, he's acted quite inconsiderate and pushy - even self-entitled. But you acted poorly, so I can understand his frustrations. He seems young. An older, more mature man probably would have realized you guys were incompatible in what you were looking for and wouldn't have wasted his time dating you/ wouldn't have end up in such a cranky mood. I'll tell you how it's done, and you'll see.

    You've dated this guy for 3 months. That's a loooong time. I've never dated someone for that long. Usually, I date a guy for a few weeks, well under a month, and it goes one way or another after that: things progress to an exclusive relationship OR the guy pressures for sex a little, and it becomes a casual no strings attached relationship based on physical intimacy. I can't really speak for his persistence. To me, you guys were dating casually and he was hoping he'd get sex with you if he was persistant and patient enough.

    Length of dates. 9 hours is a reallly long date. Usually leads to physical intimacy. That's normal and expected, IMO. He brought you places, probably paid for dinner and all that yada. He's made huge effort. When you invited him over to ''watch a movie'' and ''study'', he wasn't expecting to do either of those things. That's code for fooling around in bed. No people dating can manage to actually watch a movie at home. It's impossible. Yes, you told him you didn't want to have sex. But you DID let him remove your clothes, underwear AND finger you. That's contradictory. Yes, I've done it too, I get it. But when you invite a guy over and you let him do all those things, you can't expect him to get sexually frustrated. If he invites you over and whatnot, I think it's a different story. ANYWAY, the rest is all silly immature game IMO. He was rude with the gum and all. He wasn't worth sex with you anyway, if he acted so poorly in the end. BUT you didn't even get up when he was leaving. That's really rude and selfish of you. Yeah, he played dick moves on you, but if you allow him to sleep over anyway, you should have the decency to say goodbye and give him a peck or something. Personally, if things went down like that, I would have just kicked the dude out. Wouldn't have to deal with the crap in the morning.

    Oh and I'm sure your text got under his skin. Guys hate teasing girls and that I'm sure he got real irritated when you claimed you wanted to see him but didn't even lift a finger when he was leaving. I'd say don't expect you two to go out or date again. You screwed your chance but his intentions weren't the best either, so it's not a waste for either of you.


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What Guys Said 3

  • He's frustrated you won't have sex - or apparently take the initiative to do anything with HIS body while he is trying to pleasure you.

    People will be divided on whether he's an evil spawn of satan for 'making' you feel guilty, or whether, in fact, he's quite free to want what he wants just like you can want what you want and neither of you is right or wrong, or if you were in fact (accidentally) sending him mixed signals.

  • Basically, you did everything wrong, and despite your ingenuity, I doubt you ignore it. If it is really the case, reread your post.

    If you didn't want to have sex, you had to tell him prior to going on a fifth date with him. You don't invite someone you're dating in your bed just for sleeping.

    He was probably hoping you would do something cute or maybe sexual with him in the morning, after a night of reflection. Instead, you acted like you didn't care about him.

    His "so nice!" text was plain sarcasm.

    I think he's waiting for you to solve these issues before seeing you again.

    You should call him and have a discussion about all that happened, and see how it goes.

    • We did say if he came over all we were going to do was snuggle and watch a movie and have him help me study for my exam...he even said that was fine with him but after he was just trying to get physical..

      and I thought he was mad at me, so that's why I didn't get up to kiss him...and I thought usually guys would just prefer to leave girls homes silently..

      should I text him again? I feel awkward now since he didn't respond to me saying I wanted to see him..

    • Show All
    • I'm fully aware she was on the fifth date. Irreverent if it was the first, third, or fifth.

      She told him he wasn't getting laid that night. The idea that he's still going to press her then get upset afterward when she re-affirms her previous statement is just sleazy on his part.

      If you expect sex by the 5th date, fine, stick to your principals, but don't get upset over it because she's doing the same thing. And yes I get she was a little ignorant and hurt his pride.

      Guilt isn't the answer.

    • If you're going to literaly listen to everything a woman says, you'll never get laid. When a guy says no, usually he means it. When a woman says no, god knows what it means.

  • Yes, he's been guilt tripping you because you would sleep with him. He's being a spiteful little shit if you ask me.


What Girls Said 2

  • What a pushy inconsiderate french guy, he sure nearly did you in with the guilt trip. When you're not ready, you're not ready!

    • i know right! it really hurt when he was saying this to made me feel like he thought I was some freak or something..and then worse after he said he just wanted to go to sleep, he turned his back to me and didn't want to cuddle or anything...

    • He's just insulted you because you didn't submit to his demand. It's just to spite you.

    • agreed also

  • TheY have points here ...I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that.

    Also don't invite a guy home because they tend to think more than they should...


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