Commitment Phobia is real!

[Anonymous]

I have read people saying that commitment phobia isn't real and people with commitment phobia are just really not interested or wanna have sex with multiple people, etc...

Really, that's not the case.

I am a commitment phobe and this is why I know that I am one-

1) I am a virgin

So therefore, I do not go around sleeping with mutiple men every night. I do not even flirt with a lot of people. Or anyone at all. Why? Because I know that I will break up the relationship(if we get to one) at the end for some weird reason. I have done this three times already. It wasn't that I didn't like the guy, I was just scared. So, now, I just stay with me.

2) It is always like a flash

Hours before the break-up, everything would be going fine. I would love that person but suddenly I will have a flash. That flash would make me wanna break-up for reasons which I always ignored about him.

3) Sometimes I worry about the other person

I was in a long-distance relationship. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to give him my all, which would mean that he would be upset with me. Therefore, I broke up. (I know my reasons are weird.)

4) I am insecure

What if he stops liking me? What if he finds someone else? What if he breaks up with me? What if I am not beautiful enough for him? These questions again lead to me breaking up with him.

5) There is a guy that I still like

I have loved him since 4 years and yes, I broke up with him too. I couldn't find a fault in him which made me think that he was too perfect.

6) The flash goes once I sleep over it

The next morning I would be back to normal, happy in my relationship.

I have been taking councelling. All I wanted to say through this 'my take' is that commitment phobia is real and if you like a guy/girl with commitment phobia and they suddenly wanna break up then- Do not plead them or tell them that you are gonna change. It's not your fault. It's kinda our fault.

Do tell them to sleep over it. And if their feelings are the same the next morning, break-up. Don't hurt yourself over them.

Really, it's not that we don't like our partners, it's just that we are too scared for both our partners and ourselves. We are highly insecure people.

[SITdown]

You produce what you feel. Your entire list is all fears that are designing to be excusable as the hard make-up of your DNA. Who ever gave you the right to define yourself? NOT YOU.

Fears are irrational thoughts that people try to harbor as beliefs. This mindset is only designed to destroy confidence in self esteem.

We must not allow this because it keeps your mind sick and produces even more unrealistic fears that only produce sickness of mind body and soul.

bring a belief mindset into your everyday and moment of thought of who you'd like to be like (reasonably). Thought of constant Happiness, confidence, love, empathy, desires of all ranges of yours to posses. Absolutely believe in that you are what you believe. then know deep in your soul that you posses these desires as real and as truths and as you are already living this new way of life , and your life will begin to change and begin to bare fruits of your laborious belief system.

positive thoughts brings positive out comes that has no room for fears or phobias and sick mindsets.

Sick thoughts brings sickness, what are you going to choose?

[randomfemale]

I'm a commitment phobe. I also have a fear of falling in love, relationships and rejection. Mine all stemmed from an abusive relationship though. I liked your take on this however!

[WeeGeeTheSecond]

This is really hard to understand, mainly because many (if not all) of your motivations don't make sense at all.
For example: You are constantly saying you are scared, what are you scared of? How is the fear of him breaking up with you avoided by you breaking up with him instead?

Look, i am not saying you are crazy (i also have my "eccentricities" and weird fears when it comes to women), but doing therapy really helps with these things. If this commitment phobia really bothers you, you should definitely look for help, because its totally worth it!

[myTake Owner]

As I said before, I am taking counselling :)
I was or probably still am scared of getting hurt... so, in that moment, in that 'flash', to me, it seems as if the only way to save myself is to not be in a relationship at all and break up
but as I said before, it goes away after a while when I realise how stupid I am behaving :)

[Stacyzee]

There's literally a phobia for anything.

A phobia is unhealthy and needs to be overcame.
If you claim you have a phobia I get it.
But in order to progress in life you need to make steps to overcome that phobia instead of saying you have one and being content with that fact.

[myTake Owner]

As I said before, I am taking counselling and this is just a my take on what I feel about myself... doesn't mean that it's right or I am not trying to change it :)

[Stacyzee]

Well great then ! We all know a phobia is a cover up for a underlying or deep psychological issue. But thanks for sharing though

[Stacyzee]

Hopefully you do get some help because a "phobia" of anything is unhealthy. Best wishes.

[NoClueFrau]

I liked this take. It describes all the points a commitment-phobe undergoes.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you :)

[Moose2coolvargas]

Yeah the girl that shows all the signs, you act on it say you like her, then she gets mad at you for liking her it seems? Then she blocks you online, and pretends you don't exist, ignores you walks the other way when she sees you... that tells me one of two things, either she likes me back and is nervous and shy or she can't f*cking stand me, wish I would go away... but also noticed what I do and sometimes picks at how I act? Weird

[Anonymous]

"Really, it's not that we don't like our partners, it's just that we are too scared for both our partners and ourselves. We are highly insecure people."

Well there you go, you said it yourself Commitment Phobia is just another term for insecurity.
Hence Commitment Phobia is not real! You're just simply insecure.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, we are insecure but it's not only about insecurities...
It's just a constant fear at the back of my head, as in what if that person dies? Can I really have a future with that person? What if they don't feel the same?
I am a confident person myself, but things like, is this the right decision for my life? Is he the one? leads to this...

[Anonymous]

What a silly MyTake. This is entirely based off your OWN personal insecurity problems, not an informative article about a legitimate problem others have (as the title would have you believe).

I think most people who are averse to commitment have their own personal reasons, whether it's having a distrust of others because of past negative experiences, simple immaturity, not wanting to feel locked down to anyone, the list can go on.

[ThisDudeHere]

You are seriously over complicating things. I mean, I don't intend to be rude, but I wouldn't want to even try and date you. Most guys have probably the same line of thought over this.

Aren't you afraid you'd end up alone? (not attacking u here)

[myTake Owner]

Haha... yes, I do think that
but then I am also a hopeless romantic, so, I kinda have this notion in my head that one day someone will come who I would be selfish enough to not wanting to let him go :)

[CaliforniaMe]

Why would you date someone with commitment fears? You say your not attacking but it's kind of common sense. . (No offense OP)

[Mesonfielde]

You're the only one who can decide whether establishing a long-term committed relation with someone is worth it or not.

But it feels like you probably don't care about them too much if you can break up with them on a whim.

[myTake Owner]

I think we are selfish but it is not that we don't care. It just starts feeling like a burden really (cause I feel like I am lying to them). I mean whenever I break up, I always tell myself that it's better if I do it now than if I do it later. Cause, in my mind, I won't be able to take the relationship forward for a long time and it will hurt them more if I did it 1 year later than if I did it now.
As I said before, it is our fault.

[Gvanca]

I think I have this phobia. I rejected many guys who liked me, the reason was fear. I liked them back but I rejected. I don't know why, but it became like a habit for me. But I long to set myself free of this stupid fear

[myTake Owner]

Counselling or basically, talking to people about it really helps!

[valeriewen]

Haha, sounds exactly like a guy I really liked last year. Jeez, not my fault but still got hurt because he's such a commitment phobe.

[myTake Owner]

I am sorry! But yeah, I hope you find someone better than him or him with a better attitude and mindset :)

[Anonymous]

Yep its a real issue. Usually commitmenphobic people breakup with you when they actually start developing feelings for you. So the more they like you, the more distance they need from you.

[myTake Owner]

The last part is really true :)

[red324]

Is Kristen stewart really a virgin? How come she's always portrayed as one? Is it cause of the movies she's been in?

[sexyasianboi26]

I dnt think she's a virgin. The character she plays in most of the movies she's in are like the average type of girl in my opinion. Innocent, brunette or dark haired, reserved/aristocratic type.

I mean Seth Rogen is like the perfect image of the average American joe :p, as well as his characters in movies.

[james_mark]

You worry too much.. Get over your insecurities because it's not only gonna hurt your relationship but your friendship and everything else.

[BaileyisDarcy]

Why do you think she's getting counselling?

[Anonymous]

Does that flash, is just overpowering emotions cause of your period., I think so so I ignore any emotional decision women make when they are on period

[PeachSunset]

VAMPIRE DIARIES.
IAN SOMERHALDER. SEXY. OMF.

[girlsvsguys1]

i have a problem that is she realy loving are just thinking like that to commit.

[Aristotle]

You just sound insecure and young

[AmericanPoet]

agreed. the problem is, I have met 30-something women who do the same crap. I had this one girl who literally ever week usually on a Saturday or Sunday would say "I can't do this!", leave, delete my number, vanish... Tuesday I'd get a text asking if I wanted to see her. It got to be a running gag. She'd flare up and I'd say, "see you Tuesday." that made her so mad. Apparently this is how she has been her whole life and then in her 30s she can't figure out why she can't find love. smh

[Aristotle]

I'm only 19 and I've had it with everyone girl I've ever been close to, so I can definitely imagine it carrying on. I've given up at this point, it's just stressful and frustrating.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, we are insecure but it's not only about insecurities...
It's just a constant fear at the back of my head, as in what if that person dies? Can I really have a future with that person? What if they don't feel the same?
I am a confident person myself, but things like, is this the right decision for my life? Is he the one? leads to this...

[myTake Owner]

@AmericanPoet The girl you are describing doesn't sound to have the same 'symptoms' as me...
I mean, if I break up (which I do), I am never able to look that person in the eye, cause I know I have hurt them and I mostly try to never talk or interfere in their life ever again...

[Nahidpie]

This is a very nice take. Well done 💕😊

[myTake Owner]

Thank you :)

[Nahidpie]

You're welcome 😊

[MarkTwain]

At least you own it... kudos

[myTake Owner]

Thanks :)

[Anonymous]

And your status is"dating"? I'm confused