Things Women Do That Piss Good Guys Off While Dating

[ranma187]

Congratulations! You're finally tired of Dating dominant neanderthals who don't drive, create lots of drama, and shortly quit their job almost immediately after moving in with you! You're ready now to take a bolder step to an ENTIRELY different realm of dating filled with different rules when it comes to dating us good guys (sometimes referred to as nice guys... I don't mean THOSE nice guys by the way that think you owe them just because they are nice). I know it can be a little confusing... So here's some tips.

1. If you are dating a more shy type of good guy He isn't ALWAYS going to be aggressive.

Just talking to you might be nerve wracking for him, or asking you out, or holding your hand on the first date, or even kissing you! He probably doesn't have a lot of experience so give him some credit! When you want to move things along, Drop big hints that are hard to miss, or if you have no problem taking control once in a while, just do so. Remember: he's not a player, so don't treat him like one or expect him to act like one

2. Stop playing hard to get.

Ok, he's already talking and laughing with you. You've gone out a few times together, you like him, he wants to take things further with you (at any stage) and you... Run and then act all surprised when he won't play along or even avoids you? No! I overhear girls talk a lot where i work and out at other social venues. I really cringe at a lot of advice that I hear other girls give their friends. Things like, "if he really likes you he'll keep chasing you.". Okay... Maybe works with player types who do like to chase and pursue a lot... But not really with more reserved, shy or nice guys. It might be a big thing just to ask you to the dance floor at a club, or your number or whatever. So if you feel good about him so far, say yes, no need to tease too much. If you go too far and he gets a disappointed blank look, just say, "awe I'm just kidding. of course I will.." and be playful.

3. Listening to your friends and/or other useless dating articles (like this one) advice, when it doesn't apply to him.

Do you already have some positive experiences together? Good build on THAT. Does he tell you what he likes and doesn't like or go out of his way to tell you what really works with him? Really listen to that and heed that advice. Did you ever finally cross a certain boundary with him on your own and establish a more easygoing relationship with him? Good build on that too. If the advice you get doesn't really fit don't try to force him into that model, use what you already know what works with him. Remember it's two steps forward one step back not one step forward two steps back.

4.The no chemistry excuse.

For god's sake you've only been on one date so far... You can't expect him to sweep you off your feet into Disneyland (or whatever it is you expect) right away. You were attracted enough to say yes the first time, so try a bit longer. If talking isn't his strong suit right off the bat, try a few dates where you just do different things together, Karaoke bar, dance lessons, or anything that gets you spending more time with him and finding out what he's really like that doesn't always just involve sitting or walking and talking.

5. He's not a texting guru.

Remember he probably doesn't have much experience anyway, he's much better in person (as you already know) anyway so only use texts to set up a meet and/or wish each other a good day, or to sort of check in.

6. If things aren't working, promptly just say so and walk away.

Why not? He might be a little hurt if you abruptly have to end things if you don't really feel it. but it is much more insidious to a person's soul if you just stop talking to him. It doesn't matter how deep in the relationship you are, (just friends first or dating) Communication is key.

7. If it pisses you off, it will probably piss him off too!

Don't like guys texting on dates? Don't do it. Don't like guys that brag about their other girls they are seeing? Don't do that either. Don't like it when your guy flirts with other girls in front of you? Definitely don't do that. On the plus side. if he does things you like. reward him with doing things he likes! Common sense!

Good luck! :-)

[Azara]

are you qualifying 'dominant AND doesn't drive aAND quits his job, because you think just 'dominant is ok, or are you just painting an overall picture of the kind of guy you're thinking of. i just ask because a lot off women myself included are not attracted to guys trying to be dominant and its not bc they don't drive or lose a job. its bc their behavior is unnecessary patronizing disrespectful and unattractive. and they are usually intractably sexist.

i have nothing to say against your article--except perhaps that its directed at women. i dont think anyone, man or woman should do the things you tell women not to do. and men and women do these things.

one thing though, i think barring physical violence or a situation where a person is being coerced--it takes two. there's never a situation where only one person is playing games. being complicit in ages is participating. if a person does not want to play games then they have a responsibility to not condone it by putting up with it. of course people should not play games, but they do. so if you really don't like it, object. call them out on it. be willing to walk away.

players will play until there's no one to play with. its a lot like bullying. you have to stand up against it so that is ceases to be beneficial to the culprit.

[Azara]

honest communication is great bc it keeps things clear and l;etas you know the other is not laying--or is. players will always evade direct communicxayion., as will a shy person if they feel uncertain about your mptiveds. but if you're clear and show trustworthiness, this will expose a plater, bc a genuine but shy person will be honest with an honest person, a player will not. they'll milk any oopportunity to try to hold control over you best way to control someone is to keep them in the dark. remain ambiguous. make them wonder then feel crazy for 'thinking too much'.

so communicate ! which isn't easy, but some people are worth the effort. some. :)

[ranma187]

Your long post was kind of way off mark meaning it hardly addressed the issues it discussed... and the opening line of my article was Satire... however it is based upon a girl i used to work with. Girls dating guys like that is quite epidemic around here. and Wahh I made a post directed at women. BOOHOO. I have a penis and you have a vagina, and no matter how much hormones i could pump into my body or chop my privates up, i can never give birth or have periods. different genders exist, deal with it. Also spell check is your friend!

[Anonymous]

Looking at this, the one that sticks out to me the most in #4. Women are funny sometimes... do you expect me to sweep you off your feet on the very first date, make you fall in love with me on the very first date?

A lot of women seem to want that fairy tale love, similar to those Disney movies... BUT in those Disney movies, Beauty & The Beast for example, they didn't fall in love in under 2 minutes. After Belle and Beast spent a lot of time together, their chemistry built and got stronger. That is how the fairy tale movies work.

However, a lot of women seem to think that is man can't "woo" her in under 5 minutes, it isn't going to work... and that is why you ladies always end up with the wrong man.

[heavensgift2girls]

This is a perfect example of what chemistry is really like for a long term relationship. The couple that hit it off right away might not have anything special within just a few months.

[bleeeep]

"Drop the games and just be straight forward" would be a good one to add to the list. In my own experiences, women have tried to play games in an attempt to increase my level of interest or to get me to chase her. NOPE! I'd probably laugh a little then move on. No room for games and I'm certainly not going to waste time on a woman who thinks playing childish games is somehow cute or endearing. I find it to be vaguely insulting.

[WhatAreYouReading]

And you shouldn't waste time on things your not interested in. I know a lot of girls who play little games and they usually find guys who play little games back or who don't mind chasing and proving themselves if the need be (I know guys who also plays this game as well and it generally works well for them too, it all comes down to who you chose to play with) and are happy. If that's not for you there are a lot of girls that don't play the games... that's the whole point of dating, finding someone who jives well with you. Playing games doesn't make them wrong per say, just wrong for you & by doing that from the start they are saving you both time.

[samhradh_leannan]

Most of these are fairly good advice, but I disagree with the chemistry one. Chemistry isn't something you can force, and if it isn't there once you start to get to know someone a little, it probably never will be. I was friends with my current boyfriend for a couple of years before we started dating, and we went from not having chemistry to having chemistry (or at least realizing that we had chemistry). But that was because of changes that took place in both of our lives and our friendship that allowed us to start seeing each other in a different light. We both broke up with our previous significant others, we started to spend more time together one on one, etc. There were reasons why we didn't initially feel chemistry and those reasons went away. If you're already in a dating situation with someone and you still don't feel like you have chemistry with them, I'm not sure what would suddenly cause chemistry to appear.

[10dsw]

"if he really likes you he'll keep chasing you."

I'm not shy around women, but I am a "good person" technically. Knowing this, I will only chase a tiny bit. If they do not reciprocate because they are trying to play hard to get... well goodbye then!

Seeing how far a guy will go by playing hard to get is already an indicator that the relationship will suck in the long run...

[LittleSally]

I agree with all of these! =)

Except the chemistry one - if there is no chemistry right off the bat (You say 'yes' to a date because they're cute and you pray there's chemistry later on) - there isn't going to be any later. I've wasted some of my time and the other person's thinking that this is something that can be changed. Not again. Live and learn.

[cyndyrene]

Girl, yes!!!

Chemistry is no joke. If I don't want to jump you everytime I see you. Then I don't want to see you.

[Echo123]

On the contrary, I fell deeply in love with a man who I at first had no attraction to. Attraction will fade OR grow as you get to know someone better.

[dudeman]

i disagree with you on the chemistry part.

[fashionguy17]

@Echo123 Exactly.

[Jager66]

I'm inclined to agree with you on the chemistry thing, except that I just watched married at first sight and got to watch zero chemistry develop into passionate love for someone.. was very eye opening.

[cyndyrene]

@Echo123 obviously your vagina works differently than mine. I was seeing a guy who I liked very much, but there was no sexual chemistry. And I tried EVERYTHING! So no, chemistry needs to be present in order to maintain a relationships and if there isn't any, I walk away.

[dudeman]

@cyndyrene how long where you seeing him?

[Echo123]

@cyndyrene maybe, but I think it depends a lot on perspective and what you consider important in a long term relationship. Everyone is different. At some point sex is not my first priority in a relationship. I'd rather marry a best friend than a lover. To each is own I guess.

[cyndyrene]

@Echo123 Chemistry is important. Period. You have chemistry with your friends. That's why your friends. You click. You get one another. It flows. It feels easy being with them. That's chemistry. And that extends into sex as well. But as you said everyone has things that important to them. For me it's an orgasm. #stayblessed

[cyndyrene]

@dudeman a year. I gave it a shot and something was always missing. And I'm not going to waste my time, just because society tells me I shouldn't be alone. Lol. A lot of women settle. And settling is for pussies.

[dudeman]

@cyndyrene yeah a year is definitely longer than I was thinking. Lol I was thinking a few months lol

[cyndyrene]

@dudeman even my friends were like why are you still with him. And the only thing I can think of, is I like a challenge. But when it starts messing with your ego that's when it becomes a problem.

[Lostsoulman]

@cyndyrene

That is not chemistry, That is attraction wanting to Jump someone every time you see them,

I hated this girl (Physically and mentally) when I first saw her, but we started talking more, and slowly I found we were compatible and started to find her more attractive.

[cyndyrene]

@Lostsoulman no it's chemistry. We were attracted to one another as well as having a lot in common. We can literally talk about anything for hours. But he sex sucked. And sex is important to me.

[onikage]

I agree with this take. I think to make it clearer give examples on 4 and 6 for I think people are interpreting it wrong. 4 is assuming it's their first time meeting an most will have built up false expectations to be swep off their feet like you put it. And as for 6 they've already been on a few dates but it's not going anywhere it's better to end it right there. Most females won't however because they're typically the ones that are benefiting from keeping it going from first hand experience.

[Phoenix98]

I agree with all except 4, as that is kind of a grey area sometimes you know right off the bat if there is chemistry and other times it takes a little bit, and other times usually you'll know by the 2nd or 3rd date. It just kind of depends on the individuals your dealing with so there is no real cookie cutter answer for that one.

[Anonymous]

I also agree that this is great, but #4 has some gray area. We're constantly told to give guys a chance even if we don't find them very attractive... But when we do, we're leading them on or aren't allowed to turn back peacefully after a date or two (even splitting them!). It's a no win.

[meatballs21]

Very good take.

Some observations:

4 and 6 contradict each other somewhat! Give him a chance, but if things just aren’t working, walk away?

You keep saying the guy ‘probably’ isn’t very experienced. Being a good decent guy =/= inexperience.

Once you’ve experienced proper chemistry with someone (when you immediately hit it off, and are like old friends in no time at all) you’ll know why it’s so important to have.

[heavensgift2girls]

You just need to find the right balance. It is good to keep an open mind, but you also need to know when to call it quits.

[aliceinwonderland69]

I agree with all of this except 4. If I go on a few dates with a guy and there still isn't any chemistry I get accused of leading him on. From my experience if you don't want to fuck someone after a couple of dates you probably never will.

[ranma187]

If you don't wanna fuck him, why even go on a date?

[aliceinwonderland69]

Women aren't like men it takes longer than a few seconds for us to figure out if we are attracted to someone.

[ranma187]

Then why do strangers look at my crotch within the first few seconds?

[Jennypark]

Maybe your crotch looks weird? O. o

[WalterRadio]

You are quite right. My experience is on when we first have sex: 1/3rd on the first date. 1/3rd on the second date. 1/3rd doesn't get another date. There are limited circumstantial exceptions.

One funny time, a girl I met at an airport said, "Come to [the city where she lived], I'll show you around!" So I did. She met me at her airport and while we were driving into the city, she said, "I have a confession." "When I asked you to come visit, I didn't think you actually would do it." But we had a good conversation. About 8 or 9 hours later that day, she said, "I am starting to like you now that we have had sex."

[WhatAreYouReading]

@Jennypark
"Maybe your crotch looks weird?"
Haha love it!

[stillagoodgirl]

Ya, I wish I knew that before trying it out because I heard it takes 3 dates to really know... Well I didn't get to the 3rd since the guy changed his mind I guess. I still didn't feel a spark but went on a second date because he was nice to talk to (we didn't exactly click anything special though). No spark but he wasn't too bad lookin. Not my normal type but I was trying not to be too picky

[cyndyrene]

There are plenty of reason to go on dates that don't involve wanting to fuck anybody.

[106473]

communication communication communication thats all we ask for. These one to three word answers don't give us an answer especially if we ask you how you are and just make us want to ask again but then we don't because we realize we won't get a solid answer. Better to tell us then leave us in la la land wondering if we fucked up.

[RationalMale]

Agreed. It drives me insane when girls meet, then they act kind of standoffish from the start, and then say there was no chemistry. It's like "WTF, was I supposed to bodyslam you and start tearing your clothing off?"

[Anonymous]

Agree with all accept 1 and 4.
Yes she can't expect him to always be aggressive, but if that's something she's attracted to she probably should be with another guy.
Which leads into 4. If there's no chemistry you'll know very quickly. One to three dates is enough time to find out.

[Opinion Owner]

Except*

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I will throw in a disclaimer first, I am sure guys do things that annoy girls too but that said there is a lot of truth in what you say, if a girl goes for that type of guy, a lot of your points will come up in their relationship.

[thatboye]

Story of my life. I have been cheated on most of my life because I have been a really nice guy, and the women I dated told me because i'm "too" nice or soft. No big deal I just do me, and keep on going.

[Echo123]

Playing hard to get... If a person enjoys that senerio I'd avoid him completely.

[astrOnaut01]

Cannot stress #2 enough.

Many players will still chase, even though they only want sex and many other guys aren't as keen on chasing, even though they want more than sex, which they don't necessarily even want (the sex).

[BullyDawg]

Problem is we stand next to you daily say hi and smile but we are rarely noticed hugz ladies your best friend could be your best romance.

[Fugue]

The word "chemistry" in the dating context makes me want to puke. It reminds me of Lacy Green saying something like 'it's so science".

[John_Doesnt]

I hate it when they mace me on the first date or use a taser on my balls. Or when they ask "What are you thinking about?"

[Anonymous]

Sorry but this take goes against women biology to want assertive men. They want a leader who is not afraid to make his attention known. Man up and stop being beta.

[Steelcore1085]

Says the guy who decided to go anonymous...

[Opinion Owner]

@Steelcore1085 Says the bunch of whiners who expect women to change their sexual desires for them. What your asking women to do is the same as if a woman wrote a mytake telling men they should like fat chicks.

[aliceinwonderland69]

I'm so glad someone finally gets it.

[ranma187]

Every woman is different. I've had some girls go up to me and be like "I like you, let's go out." I admit these girls are few and far in-between, but your statement doesn't apply to everyone.

[Opinion Owner]

It doesn't apply to everyone but the vast majority of women likes an assertive man who knows how to take the lead. That's how the genders are dynamically attracted to. Women like leadership qualities such as confidence in men. Men like submissive qualities in women.

[cyndyrene]

Run tell that. I'm cool with being the aggressor. However there is nothing more sexy then a guy who is dominate. Who imitates shit. Who leads. Sigh.

[heavensgift2girls]

I agree most women do want assertive men. The problem is guys are being taught that being assertive makes them assholes. To even suggest that a woman won't be attracted to a guy just because he is nice gets a log of hate, simply because that is what nice guys have been taught since childhood, and haven't bothered developing any other trait to offer the woman.

That is why those guys act like doormats to women all the time, and love to white knight any chance they get. They still think it will make them more desirable to women, even though it doesn't work like that. The truth is that most women are sexual creatures just like men, and that is what men need to learn to cater to, as oppose to being the kind of person political correctness says we should be.

[Azara]

trying to lead a partner is delusional. not assertive.

[Kirah]

Congratulations, this is the most sexist opinion of the week.

I'm not into assertive and dominant men, so your generalization is just that: a generalization. Let people be whoever they want to be. The phrase "man up" is a huge slap in the face towards anyone who doesn't fit the "traditional" gender stereotypes.