Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

MandyRuth

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

#OnlineDating #WomansPerspective

It’s hard to believe that it has been nearly 5 years since I met my boyfriend through online dating (Plenty of Fish, to be exact). It was quite the adventure, to say the least, and I can now say I am one of a luck few who found long-term success through online dating. But it didn’t come easy.

Men assume women have it made when it comes to online dating and that we have the pick of the litter. Simple, right? No. The truth is online dating can be a nightmare for women.

For starters, we get bombarded with A LOT of messages (sometimes 100's a day), especially when first signing up to a dating site. Sorting through hundreds of messages can be overwhelming, and unfortunately, a lot of these messages remain unread or get deleted.

So you wonder, what kind of messages are filling up our message boxes?

“Hey” and Other One-line Openers

These types of messages will most likely get deleted. If you want a response, try getting a little more creative than just “hey”. We female folk like it when you actually take time to read our profiles and respond with messages that show us you have a genuine interest in us.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

“Sexy”, “Babe” and Other Nicknames

You may think these nicknames are cute, but when they come from a complete stranger, they come across as creepy and degrading. These names are best saved for a relationship, not meeting women through online dating.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

Perverted Requests For Sex

Dating sites are for people who want to date, not a F*ck site or some fantasy site to satisfy wild fetishes. If you are into that kind of thing, there are other sites that cater to that kind of thing (such as Adult Friend Finder). Just don’t expect to get too many replies from these kinds of messages on a dating site (especially when women blatantly state on their profiles that they are NOT looking for a casual hookup).

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

Messages Focused On Physical Appearance

Yes, women like when men make them feel beautiful, but compliments about physical appearance don't feel special to us when they come from a stranger who we have never met. We want to know that you see us more than just an object. Try focusing on her personality and interests at first and save the complements on appearance for actual dates.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

Unsolicited Dick Pics

And I emphasize, UNSOLICITED! No Woman ever wants those kinds of messages, ever. Yet for some reason, guys keep on sending them. So guys, just stop. Please. Keep it in your pants where it belongs.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

Persistent Messages

In a real life situation, you wouldn't ask a girl out 3 or 4 times after being rejected, would you? The same logic applies to online dating. Persistent messages are perceived as annoying and pushy to us. If a woman doesn't respond to your message, just assume that she is not interested and move on.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

Aggressive and Mean Messages

As frustrated as men may get with online dating, lashing out against women is never the answer. Online dating is already scary enough for women without receiving mean and threatening messages from men (and believe me, we do get them).

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

The Catfish

No article about online dating would be complete without mentioning catfish. Women and men alike get messages from people pretending to be someone they are not. Women (and men) have a right to be skeptical. If it looks too good to be true, it probably isn't.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

...And Everything In Between

During my online dating experience, I received some weird messages from guys. Everything from older married men looking for a threesome to foreigners with marriage proposals, believe it or not. While these kind of messages pretty entertaining, any man with common sense should know that these types of messages will repel women.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

This is just a glimpse of the some of the types of messages women receive on a daily basis. Yes, there are a lot of nice guys out there who are gentlemen (a point I will make in my next myTake), but, for many women, unfortunately it only takes a few bad apples to spoil the whole online dating experience.

Although I have only addressed the "online" portion of online dating, actually meeting guys in person is a whole other scary aspect for women. In fact, it is one of the riskiest things we can do. We all know there are lots of crazies out there; it is only natural for us to want to take precautions.

I know that online dating is a completely different experience for men, and there will always be guys who still think women "have it easy". I am hoping that this myTake has provided guys who have been unlucky with online dating a better understanding of women's experiences.

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective

What has been your experience with online dating? This is your chance to share.

Stay tuned for my upcoming myTake with online dating tips for men and women!

Online Dating Demystified: A Woman’s Perspective
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Paris13
    Great "My Take" @MandyRuth, I Really Enjoyed this.
    I went on FB six years ago, and this is where my husband from Egypt had found me and I ended up flying over to meet him and his family. Months down the Line, I ended up going back, Where we ended up Tying the Knot at the Ministry of Justice and where I ended up Residing for awhile.
    I still have my Online Dating Profile on a Reputable Dating Site that I still use. I have Dated many from there, And in fact, I am Meeting a Man who is Moving to Denver, Colorado, From Brazil, In a few weeks, So I am planning on going out there over the summer.
    A person should Get Educated with anything Online. I have Done my Homework well, And never have had a Problem with Anything in Dealing with Any of my Dates nor Mates.
    However, Online or Off, it doesn't always mean it is going to end up to be a Fairy tale ending. My husband and I are always Breakingup and Makingup for i have not returned to be with him out There, And with other Personal Problems, The Chapter is Closed right now.
    It's Not for Everyone, But with having had many Relationships Before the Online Line, I found I really like this Best from the Rest.
    Good luck and Great work. xx
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • coachTanthony
    Your take is spot on! I am tweeting this take right now! Your 5 minutes is up! HA HA HA.. OMG so ridiculous.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1942
  • niahc
    I agree except for saying "hey"
    That is a perfectly acceptable way to start a conversation in real life. I met my boyfriend on OKcupid and he started with "hey"

    Lets be honest, women are going to reject men they don't find attractive regardless of their opening line. Men have to message tons of women to get a reply, and thinking of something specific to say to all of them is time consuming. If I'm interested, I'll read the profile
    • JSmuve

      Were you a dude in a past-life because I think this is the first time I've seen a girl actually acknowledge the realities of online dating for guys.

    • MandyRuth

      There's nothing wrong with just saying "hey" but statistically speaking, people who reply with more than just "hey" get more responses.

    • niahc

      Maybe it is just me. I actually feel bad for guys having to put so much effort in. I'm sure most women don't understand what its like to have to make the first move all the time

  • the_rake
    A few things about "hey, what's up":

    1. If 100s of girls messaged me saying that, I'd be overjoyed - I mean, I'd have my pick of the litter. I can at least pick ONE of those girls to talk back to. Ok, so that ONE girl is stupid, or whatever - well, now I have 99 girls to talk to, . Realistically though, it's not 100s of girls.
    2. Ok, so I'm a sapiophile: 'hey, what's up' just doesn't cut it for me. Well guess what? I can check HER profile and see what else she has to say about herself. If she still has NOTHING written and NOTHING interesting then
    4. Not everybody has something outstandingly brilliant in her profile that makes for excellent conversation material.
    5. In fact, some people have NOTHING in their profiles whatsoever. What the heck are you supposed to say to them.

    Some of the other stuff: that snapshot was of a guy trying to be interesting because guess what? A simple & respectful introduction like "Hey, what's up" doesn't cut it when it comes to online dating.

    As for the general compliments about physical attractiveness etc. ... well that is just another example of this phenomena. A guy does not know what to say in the face of,

    (a) very little interesting or outstanding material written in people's profiles
    (b) he can't just say "hey, how are you"
    (c) women tell men that "pickup lines don't work" (and yet they have a higher success rate than "hey, how are you"

    I'm agreed with you about all the perves - I would not like to deal with that either. But let's be honest, online dating is 1 x 1,000,000[to the power of 1,000,000] times harder for men than women.
    • 4. Not everybody has something outstandingly brilliant in her profile that makes for excellent conversation material.
      5. In fact, some people have NOTHING in their profiles whatsoever. What the heck are you supposed to say to them.

      These two. These are what makes online dating harder. Either a girl who have nothing on her profile or just very vague profiles. It seems like 90% of the girls profiles are almost the same too. You'll see ones that list interests like outdoors, sports, country music, rap, exercising, reading, movies, etc. I mean if they at least got more specific then even if we don't like the same bands, movies, books, etc then at least they're putting effort into their profile.

    • the_rake

      @bloodmountain1990

      Correct. And if the girls like, oh I like mountain biking, Elvis Presley and Picasso or something there's not much you can say except something like, "oh me too!" Then she'll just write it off as generic anyway, so what's the point?

      I have better lines and stuff and more hours now but it took absolutely ages to get the hang of it. I can write what they're looking for, but I just think, "why should still this burden be on me?"

    • If you don't find her interesting then don't message her.

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  • MsCookie
    Love this take. Can relate to most of them. The only ones I have yet to experience and I hope I dont have to , is the random dic pics. Like ew, why even bother doing that so someone can reply with " is that your pinky toe?" 'LOL!

    I do reply to the ones that say "hey, whats up?" BUT only if they are attractive and their profile ( self summary and what not ) is as well. Which rarely happens since the two never allign. That is, the person who sends the "hey, whats up?" start actually having a profile of substance, or being able to even hold a conversation. Mann sometimes I feel like a guy because when I get those type of starters by attractive guys. My mind wants to engage soley to make them my one night stand and erase them lol. ( im kinda messed up I know -_- ) .

    Like another commenter stated, I've also build up my list of rules and guideline as went along my online dating journey ( only been like a month now ) and I one thing I always do is never respond to older men messages. Whether their starter message is to simply send a "sincere" compliment my way. I dont engage because that just opens up a storm of irritation, for them to send persistant, unsavory messages. I also dont post full body pics and in doing so, I have been able to not experience the random dic pics, lesson all the weird pervertish messages I recieve ( almost non-existant! ), and passive aggressive horny ones as well. Since there's no body parts showing to get hard about muahaha! I only post a natural head-shot and let nature run its course and its been working out really well. :D
    Last thing Ill note is that the guys who actually take time to read my pro and send a starter with something that piques their interest has 99% of the time proven to give more stimulating conversation. I always respond to those whether Im feeling them or not to show that I appreciate them taking the time to send a thoughtful starter. Who doesn't admire intellect. Meep. :3
  • godfatherfan
    I do online dating. I do sympathize with women as I have heard the horror stories. But women are no bundle of joy either. 99% of the women profiles on POF have some kind of rant about the guy that "shouldn't bother texting me if..."
    Well when your profile reads like an angry rant against men, the only men that you will hear from are the ones that you don't want. From my perspective, if you don't say anything about you, or very little, and just tell me what you don't want, your high maintanence and/or have anger issues toward men. I stay clear of most of them.
    You would be amazed at how many women just send "Hey" or "hi there". if you do that, then your using the shotgun approach and doing it to two dozen other guys. I just delete those.
    The worst is when I write a paragraph or more, telling her something about me and asking questions, then she gives me a 1 sentence or less reply that doesn't mention anything in my previous comment. I sometimes will will give them a day to add more in case they were just short on time and wanted to reply with something. But after a day, and nothing else? then they get deleted. She obviously isn't that interested.
    The difference is that we don't have the volume of messages women do.
  • aficionado
    Until now I haven't dated online, but my dating experience as been minimal. When I do eventually get back into the dating scene, online dating would be the best platform for me, since I have a strong preference for vegetarian/vegan women. I won't even know the dietary habits of women I meet, and it maybe kinda rude to ask. But with a dating site, I can state that I am only seeking vegetarian/vegan women, and only contact those!
  • Cosytoasty
    I've never dated online, but i would assume the lesser of two evils is sifting through 100 messages vs sending out 100?

    Once we boil down to it, online dating is even more of a numbers game than real dating. The only relevant thing is getting someone's number and setting up a meet since it's only from there that a relationship with all it's meaningful parts like personality, compatibility, common interests etc. Have value. In this sense, women have a vast advantage over men.
    • MandyRuth

      As far as numbers go, yes, it is easier for women. But the quality of messages are few and far between from my experience. My point is, that this is why many women give up on online dating. Just try receiving a dick pic or 2; it is a HUGE turn off. Online dating is nothing more than a tool to meet others, not a magical match-maker. Again, this is something I will address in an upcoming myTake.

    • Cosytoasty

      Thats fair enough, i'm interested to see how one could see it as equal for men - unless you're going to say the number of 'quality interactions' is about the same for both genders? Something i find difficult to believe since even if we assume 20% success rate for both genders, 100 (20) messages is going to contain a higher number of quality interactions than 10 (2).

    • MandyRuth

      Its quite difficult to say who's experience is easier, as it is mostly subjective. But that's not my point. My point is that is a difficult experience for both sexes, as different as their experiences are. It is more of a response to the belief that "women have it easy", because we really don't. But for some reason, these articles always turn into a battle of the sexes, lol.

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  • JSmuve
    "Men assume women have it made when it comes to online dating and that we have the pick of the litter."

    Well you technically do have the pick of the litter if you're being bombarded with 100s of messages. Just because you don't like the quality of the litter doesn't change the fact that you still have the option of picking anyone.
    • MandyRuth

      Yes, there is no denying that. But my point is that it isn't as easy as men think it is.

    • JSmuve

      Depends on what your standards are I suppose.

  • guy532
    I found my girlfriend on pop as well. We've shared our online dating experiences with each other and I also have plenty of friends (males and females) who use online dating. Also, I used online dating on and off for 3 years. Having said all that I'm 100% certain that women have it sooooo much easier, you seriously have no idea how hard it is to get a woman's attention on a dating site and even if you do, good luck keeping it for more than a couple days since they're bound to get messaged by a guy that looks like a model.

    I'm going to be frank and honest, I am more attractive than my girlfriend (her words not mine), I also have better prospects than her, overall my dating profile was much better than hers. Hers was a couple of sentences saying the generic while I had constantly been editing mine for years into a very well written paragraph (I found that I had the most success when I only wrote one paragraph since it was shorter and faster to read... I researched the shit out of this). My girlfriend has told me that my description was one of the best she's read. So I basically had a very well written about me, good pictures (I usually get rated around an 8 plus or minus 1), and good info that girls look for (pics with lots of friends having fun, exploring different countries, hoobies such as guitar, funny (at least I think so), saying I was in med school... basically all the things that girls look for). I put A LOT of effort into it and I would only get around 1 response per 20 messages and no they weren't just "hey", they were thought out messages, ones that girls always claim they like and ones that actually took time to think of. My girlfriend who had a dating profile for just one month and one she literally put up in 5min had more success on it than I did in my 3 years. I'm only using her as an example. Don't even get me started on my other female friends, it's ridiculous. You seriously have no clue how difficult online dating is for guys, unless you're a perfect 10. If you still think that women have it hard (which they don't, big woop you had to read through 100 different heys and you had to block some guys with one click... that must be sooooo hard).

    How about you do this: Get some pics of an average decent looking guy, a guy who isn't ugly but not really that attractive and type out a somewhat generic profile and see how hard it really is for guys, go ahead.
  • Accipiter
    I had my hopes up that I was meeting a nice beautiful girl. Turned out to be a gay guy who tried to tell me I had to have sex with him before I could meet that girl. I've also had girls break contact with me when I sent them photos of myself, that hurt a lot. So that poisoned my perception of online dating forever.
    • MandyRuth

      Omg, I'm sorry to hear that :( there are so many catfish out there today and just really mean people. Experiences like that can certainly turn someone off online dating for good.

    • Accipiter

      Yeah it does. Should I give it a second try?

    • Accipiter

      I mean it has been a while.

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  • 10dsw
    Umm what's the point of this...

    Obviously 99% of both men and women on dating sites are scum.

    I am doing a joint masters in applied math/chemistry. You could probably imagine what my POF experience was like. (Hint: single moms looking for $).
    • MandyRuth

      I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience. But there are actually decent people out there. I understand as a young professional, its hard to meet quality women. As a woman with 2 masters degrees, it was quite difficult to find quality men. I guess I was just one of the fortunate few to find success. Best of luck!

    • 10dsw

      Haha believe it or not I actually found a decent gal on Tinder =)

    • MandyRuth

      See! There's hope :)

  • pavlove
    I think the big question still remains the same: why do men want to strange women like queens but often treat their girlfriends like s***

    If men can get out of this cycle and treat girls they're picking up like normal girls and not goddesses and if they can treat their girlfriends like the best girl in the world things would be a lot calmer for all parties involved.

    Hopefully your take helps convince guys to just be funny and cool instead of overly nice and boring
  • dragonfly6516
    2 years last Monday, from OKCupid, and we started as friends with benefits, really as a "no label" relationship. All the perks of a commitment, but no label, or restrictions for the first two months.

    When I still had my old profile up, I'd hidden a sort of key-phrase in the "about me", and if I didn't see that word in the subject line of the first message, I usually didn't open it. You're right, we DO want to know that the guy has actually read the about me, and isn't just drawn in by how big the boobs are in the display pic.

    When it came to picking guys from shared interests, I maybe see that they also like Metallica, and then my message is something to affect of "Which Metallica song is your favorite? Mine is "Enter the Sandman", because I feel like reality is the dream". Or maybe they also love "Star Wars", and I ask, "Do you also agree that Han shot first?" I show them that I'm not some brainless drone trying to pretend I'l be fun and interesting just because I think they're "hot".

    I don't care about money and looks; I like a man with depth and personality. His abs and his bank account can't talk me up when I'm down, or have deep conversations about hows stars aren't just balls of gas burning billions of miles away, they're also just tiny specs against the great expanse of the unknown.
  • TheDevilInside
    - one guy actually sent me something like this "hey Christie, how are you?" My name is not Christie. Obviously a fail.

    - some creep posted a pic of a hot guy and said he's from Australia. We talked, and I kinda liked how we connected. Felt too good to be true, right? So I asked for a Skype talk. He said he couldn't that day. OK, then send me a voice message. In his message, he said "hello, dear..." I thought, fuck this is an Indian guy. No other English speaker uses the word dear anymore. Plus, he has no Australian accent whatsoever. His accent sounded slightly west Asian too. I questioned him about that, he denied it profusely and said he's a white boy. Then the day came and we skyped. I was very surprised and disappointed to see an old, balding, fat middle eastern man on my screen. Trying to be nice and smile took away my entire energy. I quickly said I'm tired, and with disgust shut the video. Yuck. Don't want to see him any second longer. I confronted him about the lies, he still said it was him in the pics. I thought could it be him when he was younger? No. The nose and mouth are wayyyy different. Gah. Goosebumps. Ew.
    • lol that is hilarious! Sorry you had to deal with that. Online dating comes with a lot of trust issues because its so easy to be dishonest.

    • MandyRuth

      That is so gross! Definitely another bad side of online dating.

  • Scrambledagain
    Only when men have reached the bottom of the barrel, do they fully commit to online dating. The only other way online dating should be approached by men, is to see it as mass marketing. You just throw it out there and hope for the best. Never take that shit seriously.
    • pnl86

      Haha, I love that bottom of the barrel comment lol. Online has changed the game substantially. I don't want my picture being online. I don't want it on Tinder, and I don't want it on a dating website. I don't want to be going out with a girl and for one of her friends to later be like, "He has an account on Tinder, or so and so." Plus, I don't feel like being 1 in the 2,000 messages per week that an attractive girl gets. It's easy to lose a message in the shuffle. It's hard to miss a guy in real life. You can't ever beat meeting people face to face.

    • @pnl86 I know right. If men are going to use online platforms, the best thing to do is use it for meeting people of similar interests then meeting them in real life.

    • Then Meetup would be a good tool to use. You start out with a group outing to something you're interested in, then zone in on potential dates. One of my brothers met his girlfriend through a Meetup event.

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  • Rissyanne
    I have done my share of online dating... I could probably write a book on it. I made some guidelines or what you would call rules for myself. I made them as I went along. I finally got a great man. Actually we reconnected online after 30 years. We went to high school together... but I went through a lot of frogs before I found my prince.
  • Belliebella
    I can relate to most of this! ! I have met one decent guy on online dating and even though he was very nice and a gentlemen his pics where very misleading! Anyway, nice take!
  • AleDeEurope
    Sooooo you do have it easier. A man's message will be between another 100 messages, so you gotta be lucky if she responds. But not just that, your message has to be pretty awesome in order for her to reply.
    Men barely get any message, so if a woman messages first, even with a "hey", 95% of the time she'll get a response.
    If you know you're easily gonna get a response if you message first, why don't you message first?

    You gotta go through bad apples, I know that cause we have to go through bad apples too. So yeah, women having very easy in online dating, you just gotta leave your ego aside and message first.
    • MandyRuth

      Again, that is not the point of the article; who has it easier. I'm saying both men and women have different struggles with online dating. If both sexes have a better understanding of each others struggles, it makes it easier for everyone. I don't know why these things always turn into a battle of the sexes, lol.

    • Lol... women have it much easier in the dating game. It's not a power thing or battle of te sexes, it just is.

  • cmale123
    One thing you are wrong about is saying hi. Putting too much effort writing something nice to girl is pointless and leave frustration. A simple hi and hey should do more than enough to get the girl attention. If no response move on. In the end this guy no different from the rest
  • Negrodamuss
    "Men assume women have it made when it comes to online dating and that we have the pick of the litter. Simple, right? No. The truth is online dating can be a nightmare for women.
    For starters, we get bombarded with A LOT of messages (sometimes 100's a day), especially when first signing up to a dating site. Sorting through hundreds of messages can be overwhelming, and unfortunately, a lot of these messages remain unread or get deleted."

    worlds smallest violin playing, haha. I mean, getting "too many" messages is hardly a bad thing. Try getting zero messages and zero interest. I'd much rather get hundreds of messages and sift through the ones that are interesting versus getting virtually no replies whatsoever. Online dating is several times more difficult for men than it is for women... and if you're a minority, its even harder
    • MandyRuth

      Reiterating the point I have made time and time again, its the TYPE of messages that women get that turns them off online dating. After receiving several dozens of messages from creeps and pervs, it really makes online dating unappealing to us.

      And again, I never said it was harder for women or easier for men; there is no comparison. My point is that men and women face different difficulties with online dating. I get that its hard for men; that is not the point of myTake. Unfortunately a lot of guys here can't at least take away something from hearing a woman's perspective.

    • men already understand women's perspective on online dating. The issue is that when it comes to online dating, the issues that women have to deal with are close to being non issues, as they are easily rectified by blocking/ignoring. i mean shit... if a girl sent me a message saying "hey" on an online dating, i'd be legit shocked.. no joke. My point is that many women live in a bubble when it comes to online dating, and they don't really see how good they have it.

    • on top of that, many girls dont even bother filling out a profile, as they think putting up a hot pic is enough. Then they expect some super elaborate message to be sent on them based on no info/effort on their part. Kinda hypocritical if ya ask me... but again, bubble bubbles... haha

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  • belindaskyler
    Online dating sounds easier than offline dating, in truth, it's actually tougher. Dishonesty, catfishes, players, perverts, weirdos... why even bother?

    in my opinion, people who have online dating profiles are not trustable because they could be chatting with a stranger anytime anywhere.
    • MandyRuth

      That is very true, and why it is very scary and risky for women. There are a lot of creeps and weirdos, but there are nice guys. Again, online dating is just a tool to meet people. You still need to use your common sense and better judgement.

  • John_Doesnt
    I can't believe how you women expect men to do everything perfect all the time. If guys online knew how to talk to women they wouldn't be dating online. It's typically for socially awkward people, so getting weird messages comes with the territory.
    Women send weird messages too sometimes.
  • Jager66
    I think online dating has exposed the sexual market place in a way that has previously been impossible to expose it.

    The result is millions of men who are so disillusioned about how much shittier it all is for men that they can't muster any empathy for the struggles women face. For many men the struggles that women face are problems they wish they could have, yet they see women complaining instead and men are largely baffled by the women's inflated sense of entitlement. Kinda like a millionaire bitching that it's hard to manage all that money to someone who struggles to keep food on the table working 60 hours a week.
    • MandyRuth

      Again, both genders have different struggles.

    • tyber1

      This guy is on point. This is why many men won't take this seriously.

  • ManOnFire
    As a guy, online dating was no good for me either. I only tried it for awhile some years back because the sites were free, but the quality of women were not good to me.

    Not trying to be rude or discount you or anything, but online dating isn't a very great experience for guys either. And getting few or no replies to your messages is the least of it. It's about the quality of women. Plus we're alerted to matches who are nothing like us. From what I notice, it seems to be that most of the women on those sites are looking for men with big pockets, star looks, hot careers, and men who are willing to tell women whatever good they want to hear about themselves to feel loved. Ultimately it seems like women on those sites don't have the guts to really go out and meet people or get social, so have delusions that they'll find better online.
    • MandyRuth

      I agree that men don't have it easy either. It is a different struggle for both genders. I didn't go on online dating for any of the reasons you stated. I stated because I had a busy school/work life and was not meeting guys at University. So do not assume all women are bad.

      I will be making the point in my next myTake that online dating is only a tool to meet people, and ultimately, you get what you pay for. Of course free dating sites are going to have less quality people, because it's free. But for people who are serious about finding a relationship, there are more "high quality" sites that will weed out the bad ones, simply because you pay for the service.

    • I think my biggest struggle with online dating isn't so much getting the dates, but keeping them around. There's so much competition going on that while you could have had a great date with one or a few girls, they see the next best thing the next day and you just don't make the cut.

      Even though it's a double standard for guys where you get high fived after being with so many women, it's not really that great if your dates and flings, lead to nothing and are only fun while they last.

    • meowcow

      Yeah that's pretty accurate. Although I have not encountered gold-digging women online, mainly because I was very selective when messaging them, and probably after reading their profile and writing up a message that was not copy/paste to 10 women, it would lead to a single date with one of them.

      Quality of women was definitely an issue. Often it was the 20-30 year olds with high school education, or working minimum wage in retail with no career aspirations. Of those who dress like skanks and use those photos as their profile picture (yes, I know many men are attracted to that, but that's going to attract douchebags looking for sex, not someone who's going to think you're girlfriend/wife material).

      It's the luck of the draw when you engage in online dating. Most will come out with nothing good, which is a shame.

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  • Nothanks700
    I've never really found it difficult. Just come up with something funny about her profile pic that doesn't have to do with her body, or whatever else. And about 7 or 8 comments in, ask for a date. Simple as that. I think a lot of guys over think it.
  • LittleMissCuriousity
    I was on eHarmony for several months, and can honestly say that all of the men I came across as sexist, passive aggressive, and condescending. I can honestly say, I haven't touched a dating site since.
  • EllieLexis513
    I met my last relationship online and it sucked. I don't think online dating is for me. I think I'm one of the few people who will just have to have a random chance encounter with a man.
  • Sixgun77
    Wow, that must be terrible knowing that you can get a date whenever you want. Quality of that date is irrelevant, you're never going to be alone unless you want to be.

    I don't mean to sound callous, but it's extremely difficult to be sympathetic when you've sent literally thousands of messages of the type that women claim they want, yet still get very few replies, and very few of them result in conversation, much less a date.
  • shinyunicorn
    I've finally given in and signed up to a dating site a few weeks ago, I thought it was going to be easy but damn, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.
  • lightbulb27
    Good topic and coverage.

    My experience... and this is interesting to me... the farther away they are, the more likely they are to respond. That is true eventhough I'm looking for LTR. I think maybe they feel safer? I don't know. Locally, I've had no luck. Out of the country and state, several.

    OLD is hard on guys, we can put a lot of time into sending messages and not get responses and wonder what we did wrong, or if anything went wrong.

    One other thing to do correctly is do not over communicate on text. Send a few lines and that is it, don't send more than what the other person sends. Meet in person quickly is my opinion because the girl will get cold feet and you won't figure out chemistry over text.
  • TinyHope
    I totally agree especially on the point of "Aggressive and Mean Messages"!
    I got them a few times after saying sorry I think we don't match...
    I didn't say anything bad or mean.
    This is so rude and hurtful!!!
    • MandyRuth

      Some people are so mean :(
      I had guys messaging me with ratings, like "you're a 5/10 at best" for no reason at all.
      Sadly enough, I think some people get enjoyment out of being mean to others.
      However, it helps to know that there are nice people out there :)

    • TinyHope

      Rating someone without being asked is just rude and very impolite. Why do they even do that? I mean, if I don't like the person, I don't even bother saying something along these lines. Anyway, they just cut their own karma. And yeah, this behavior helps to ditch out the losers :P

  • Polocrew
    How to score on tinder

    > Be big jacked athletic
    > Put ur shirtless pic with war grease on
    > Get a big jar
    > Collect pussies
    • Afrochick

      ew i visually imagined pussy in a jar

  • Rufus335
    this isn't online date demystified. this is online dating for dummies. there's nothing in this article worth reading.
    • MandyRuth

      It's called myTake not yourTake, so I really don't give a fuck what you think.

  • Coffinspire
    I've personally never been on an online dating site, but I know tons of girls that have and oh boy do they have some horror stories!!

    The worst one I've heard was when my friend was actually talking to this guy, went on a date with him and everything, and he called her while she was sleeping wacking off!! Another one was incontinent, she was very sweet and understanding about that, props to her.

    LIke I said I've never been on a dating site, but as soon as any of my social media read single, I got bombarded by guys messaging me to date them. Like, stop telling me to give you a try, maybe I don't want to you controlling mf.
  • orphan
    "In a real life situation, you wouldn't ask a girl out 3 or 4 times after being rejected, would you? "

    Let's see how you rejected him. Post the message.
  • canadachic
    This hits the nail on the head. Online dating has it all: the good, the bad and the ugly.
  • Bluemax
    "In a real life situation, you wouldn't ask a girl out 3 or 4 times after being rejected, would you?"

    Sadly a lot of people do.

    As for people who send dick pics and messages like "can I suck a cucumber from your butt" (or whatever the hell it was), I suspect MANY of those people aren't serious, or have weird humiliation fetishes, or they are like dogs chasing after cars; they would be shocked and bewildered if a woman ever responded positively.

    I'm curious, MandyRuth, do you ever watch creepy text theater?
  • Words_and_Wisdom
    Honestly I'd rather sift through garbage and yet have a lot of attention than to bust my ass off for no response.
  • WhaChaChaKing
    This one guy messaged me and said my main pic was stupid and slutty. I was just making a silly face and wasn't showing anything off. Like why? Some can be pretty mean.
  • grashopper
    Women complain about messages like "Hey, what's up" and that men don't take the time to read their profiles? Seriously, most women make these mistakes with men as well. But for them it is ok.
    • MandyRuth

      For the hundredth time, I am not complaining. I am simply giving my perspective and I am aware that men have some of these issues as well. Men obviously cannot take a bit of constructive criticism well.

  • chc0009
    Online dating is a scam.

    I've tried it and I only got answers from divorced middle-aged ex-wives, ghetto hoodrats, and fat ones.
    • zagor

      I've known some people for whom it has worked out very well. About the same proportion as come home rich from Vegas.

  • meatballs21
    "Hey is for horses."

    I fucking hate that. Saying that, that is. How else do you say hello to people in real life except, 'hey', 'hi', 'hello'? You certainly don't launch into a speech or autobiographical tirade.

    Can we have a Man's perspective? Girls who disappear suddenly during what has otherwise been a fun, humorous, and stimulating conversation? Girls who lie on their body type? Girls who put angry 'DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF' terms and conditions on their profiles? MySpace angles! Duckfaces! Group pictures!
    • MandyRuth

      Statistically speaking, messages with more content then just "hey, what's up" get more responses. There is nothing wrong with it, but I feel like a lot of guys go overboard with just saying "hey" to every single woman they message in hopes that any of them will message back. The only reason I ever read my bf's message on POF is that it was very sweet and he actually seemed genuine.

      This is just a woman's perspective, so I cannot speak on a man's behalf. I never said guys have it easier also. Online dating is difficult for both sexes. Perhaps you should do a myTake on a man's perspective?

    • Writing sweet and genuine messages tailored to each girl is incredibly time consuming and soul destroying, especially when they will usually be ignored. This is why guys resort to saying 'hey', because that is quick and easy and eventually you'll encounter a girl who isn't so far up her own backside.

      I haven't online dated in over a year, so I'm a bit out of practice for writing any detail.

    • Sandrino

      That is why i quit that shit. Online dating is just made for girls who rack up likes and followers to look good to people that are just as stupid as them lol.

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  • YingKim
    This is why I try stay away from those things :/ So hard find a good guy today :O
  • ChromAzonyx108
    1. 'Hey' and other one-line openers
    We male folk like it when a girl's profile is not generic and there is something substantial we can comment on. Second, someone could say 'hey' and still be genuinely interested, otherwise why say 'hey' at all.

    2. Nicknames
    Okay, I get how this can be creepy. But degrading? Calling someone 'ugly' is degrading - 'sexy' is not degrading (unless you interpret it as objectification).

    4. Messages focused on physical appearance
    Fair point. However, personality is difficult to see, especially online and when you only get to see what women choose to present in their profile.

    5. Unsolicited dick pics
    Just a suggestion: if you get an unsolicited dick pic, send a picture of one back and say 'here is mine.' That should stop them :P
    • MandyRuth

      Good points.

      1. The topic of profiles is something that I will discuss in my next myTake (both girls and guys need to put effort into it). My point about the "hey" messages is that, statistically speaking, messages with more content then just "hey" get more responses. I had a lot of guys who would send like 20 messages with just "hey"... it gets old pretty fast.

      2. I did mean objectifying.

      3. It is difficult to see peoples personalities from their profiles, however, when guys message "you're hot" or again "hey sexy", it feels like they are just focusing on appearance and nothing more.

      5. Good idea! I've seen some pretty hilarious replies from girls who get dick pics, lol.

  • bloodmountain1990
    The funny thing is about "hey is for horses" is nearly all the messages I've gotten where the women messaged first literally just "hey" or "hi"

    I have no issue including more content though because I wanna find someone where there's at least similarities. Dating someone with no common interests, which I've been guilty of, seems desperate regardless of how physically attractive they are because eventually you'd run out of things to talk about.

    Having said that, some people need to put more on their profiles and be less vague. I am less likely to message a girl who says just ask on her profile because what are you gonna ask? Or a vague profile that says I like music, food, movies, reading, (insert vague broad interest)
    • I can't stand catfishes either. I've never had someone pretend to be someone else but I've had people use very misleading pics and information and when I'd meet them I'd have no physical attraction. Is physical attraction everything? No but there's gotta be at least some physical attraction.

    • zagor

      Yeah, I once meant a girl whose profile pic looked stunning, but when I met her it was obvious it had been a professional photo taken after a massive makeover. I might have overlooked that if she had been an interesting person but she really didn't have anything to say. And I had felt a little bad because my profile pic was a couple years old...

    • @zagor Yeah, I feel that when you're dating someone who has nothing to say, it puts pressure on you to constantly think about interesting things to say or else there'll be many awkward silences, which of course will be your fault to the girl you're seeing.

      The thing about girls who have nothing say is the uncertainty of if they're shy or uninterested and you're bothering them. It can be hard to tell.

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  • anonman32
    im never going to do online dating. it seems like a total sausage fest.
  • 00Lelouchxx
    Online dating is over rated. it not even trying it really is cheating vecuase you dont have to have that person present to get to know them. By the time the date comes you know everything about them through text.

    Online sex is awsome. I USe this when I don't want to waist a lady time. aka I don't feel like lying

    I rather date in real life. girl in real life don't vet hit on as much as u think they would. Now when it comes to online hell yeah they do.

    The reason why guys say hateful thing if u don't response if because either feel rejected or lonely or both. Most guys online are just really really lonely. so they really all thy want is to chat not even date.

    You usually here this with older guys. But older guys are usllay looking for three thing fucking to get married or talking.
    • MandyRuth

      I agree that online dating isn't for everyone. I will be discussing in my next myTake how online dating is only a tool for meeting others, not a magical match-making machine (which is unfortunately how a lot of people view it). Its true that nothing is better than getting to know a person face-to-face.

  • jesusnicolas768
    I feel it some people are either real or fake when it comes to online dating
    • MandyRuth

      Definitely. People naturally embellish details about themselves, but some people take it to the extreme. It very difficult to disern the genuine from the fakers.

    • True that

  • 06CuriousMind
    this is completely accurate. lol.
    • Giacomanzo

      Oh no, it is accurate. If you are hot.

    • @Giacomanzo wait so you're agreeing or not? Lol

    • Giacomanzo

      Meh, I'm saying that all what she said is a plus, not a mandatory religious thing to follow. I used to do and still do basically all this "How to score on Dating Apps" articles say just out of common sense, and guess what? Never had a single date in months.
      Those things are what keep the conversation alive, but to get the first response, especially if you are a man (women get much more attentions on Dating systems) is to be very much hotter than average. That's all.

  • GreatnessRevamped
    I've never online dated.
  • skykidx1
    It is more easy for women
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