My parents explained it to me pretty simply. If you, as in, anybody, male or female, invites someone else out to eat, whether dating, in friendship, a co-worker, anybody, you, the asker, should expect to be the one to foot the bill for dinner because you asked not because you are a man or a woman. Case in point: if I ask you over for dinner at my house, you don't expect to show up at my house and have to cook the meal yourself, do you? No, because I asked you to come to dinner because my intention is to treat you to a meal.
So what is it about a first date that's different and that tends to ruffle a few feathers? Well, guys usually do the asking for dates right, so they usually would then "have to" pay. If you're not the richest guy or you go out a lot on dates or you're just a guy in general, that could add up pretty quick especially if you're also, I don't know, "expected" to not be cheap on a date, to not use coupons on a date, to not, not pay, right? I fully agree with this guy's point in the video that at the very least, for all those reasons, when it comes to the first date bill, regardless of who asked whom, both parties involved on the date should offer to pay for the meal. Kind of like that same friend you invited over for dinner at your house at least offering to help you wash the dishes afterward, and you being a good host, saying, no you're a guest, relax.
We don't live in a time where most women, thankfully, are the legal property of men and don't make their own money anymore. We live in a time where women have fought pretty damn hard to be treated as equals in society, and yet with some things, women tend to still divert to this sort of helplessness like we can't do anything, like we aren't educated, like we don't own our own stuff. If you don't want a guy to say, I expect you to cook, clean, and have sex with me because you're the woman, it's expected, why do women then say, we expect a guy to pay? In either situation, it makes what you're doing seem forced and unwelcome because someone is demanding you do it or automatically expecting you to do it simply because you are the sex you are. As the speaker said, if you as a woman are raised right, you'll at least offer to pay, and if he's raised right, more than likely on a first date, he'll pay for dinner.
Me personally, I'm a go dutch girl on the first date. I pay for me, you pay for you, that way I feel there is no owing anybody anything, and we're on a date because I want to date you and you want to date me, not because I'm trying to get something from you, or you me. Usually the guy will insist on paying for both which I think is nice, but I don't expect him to pay, nor would I say, "you're paying right?" as if it were some sort of foregone conclusion.
I was raised in a pretty fair and equal house hold. Both my brother and I were expected to both cook, clean, do yard work, pump gas, or whatever chores when we were old enough. There was no, because you're a girl or because you're a boy. My parents are the same way. They share all tasks equally even though they both grew up in households where things were either strictly a "man's job or work or a woman's job or work." They hated that and saw how unfair it was and really worked on growing their equal partnership and teaching us the same lessons.
On down the road, once you get past that first date awkwardness, I really think that any relationship should evolve into one where its not a you, you you, who pays, or a me, you, me, pays, or a, I'm the guy, so I should just pay all the time, it should become you, man or woman, pay because you genuinely want to take care of that other person and treat them. And if you're genuinely on the struggle train, you let your partner know up front and you work it out with understanding, instead of demanding. I just think its high time we let go of notions of forcing someone to pay or do anything because their gender or sex is "supposed" to do it.
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