Woman As Initiator: Go Get Him👩🏽💭👨🏻

This is what I'd call a 'follow up' from my previous mytake, Man As Initiator which, not surprisingly, got mixed reactions :D . Not only that, I had a certain GaGer create a rebuttal [replica with a few adjustments] to that MyTake. Honoured. πŸ™πŸ½

The reason why I'm writing this is to communicate that when someone does not mention something, it does not mean they disregard it or don't think about it.

When I do not talk about women as initiators, that does not mean I don't believe women should ever initiate. Hence, I'm writing this one for the ladies about how to go about being an initiator.

[The sad part is that many guys will like this message more than when I encouraged them to be initiators. Kinda separates the men from the boys huh? ;P Yeah shots fired, some of y'all can't take shit lol. ]


There are so many women out there who find directness effortless. It's just confidence. It comes to them. They know they can get any guy they want. They aren't intimidated by men, etc.

There are others however, who badly want to make a move, but are drawn back. This could be for a number of reasons such as:

- She's afraid of rejection

- She doesn't want to appear desperate

- She's just a shy character

- She doesn't believe in herself. She's insecure

- She wants to feel special by having someone approach her first

- Traditional mindset

- Religious expectations state that men must initiate

- Cultural expectations state that men must initiate

and so on. I'm sure there are others I missed.

So, what are some ways I can make the first move, which can then in turn, direct a man to think about pursuing me too?

That is the main question I want to answer.

So as you see, I still believe in the idea that men should lead the overall courtship process, but I think it's more important for a woman to DIRECT him by being upfront with the way she feels. This makes it a lot easier for him, and he will be more attracted to you.

So with that said, I have a few bits of advice about the types of women you should NOT be if you plan to be an initiator, ladies.

1. The Manipulative One

Don't Play Games

This never works in serious contexts. Love isn't a game. Just type in 'memes about women', and there will always be at least one talking about how complicated or bitchy we are. Men would prefer you to just be straight up with your intentions.

You wanna fuck? Make it clear.

You wanna date? Make it clear.

He's just a friend? Make it clear.

Capeesh? Don't lead a guy on if you're not on the same page. Don't manipulate him, don't make him your side guy if you're not okay with being a side chick. Quite simple. You wanna play games, you go back to kindergarten honey. The dating scene is not for you.

2. The Confused One

Don't Dump Him in the Friendzone Too Quick

Give the man a bloody chance, especially if you are the one who approaches him. You can't just be like 'oh he's cute' then walk up to him, realise he isn't as impressive as you thought then consider him friend material. Women in particular jump to conclusions too quickly I feel. Get to know a few little things about him first, then decide where he ends up. TAKE YOUR TIME. You never know, he could be the quality guy you've been looking for, and he's right under your nose.

3. The Cutie Patootie

Drop Hints. Flirt A Bit.

Keywords: A bit. It's quite classy, but also sexy af. Now you actually do want to be this kind of woman. If you feel an attraction towards a man, in some cases, he may not even realise that he could potentially have an attraction towards you back.

You be that first spark, those first few flames. Then, if he's pleased enough, he'll pour some gasoline on that ish ;)

You don't want to be too subtle. As I said earlier, if you're going to flirt, you NEED to stick with it. You don't just flirt, sext or playfully touch him for a day then stop talking to him the next. Stay consistent. I'd also advise you to build up your flirting gradually to keep him on his toes, but give away just enough for him to conclude 'okay, she likes me. She DEFINITELY likes me'. Make him sure. Do you have to be the one asking him to be your man? You could if you wish, but in many cases, he'll be crazy for you by this point and he'll want to explore what you have further.

Some quick examples: eye contact, a smile, teasing/mocking him, pranking him, saying a really stupid pick up line to him, treat him a little different to other guys, compliment him.

4. The Persistent One

Don't Force It

If it ain't happening, it ain't happening. A very common sensical piece of advice I believe, but it's good to mention it anyway. It's great to be direct, but most guys will give you some indication that they're not feeling it. Move on, embrace your ability to even approach someone in the first place, and take it in your stride. Other opportunities will come, lovely.

5. The Insecure One

Don't Stand In Your Own Way

This is a toughie. It's so hard to tell a woman to believe in how beautiful or brave or funny or smart she is. It can never come from anyone else. If we don't believe in our value, then we don't believe anyone else. If you want to approach a man, you need to love who you are, even to some degree. Focus on what you have going for you.

'I'm not the best at math, but hey I'm really good at biology'

'My body isn't in the shape I'd like it to be, but hey I've got a nice smile'

... you know? You need to find something, anything that will make you believe in your ability to approach someone, because let's face it, man or woman, approaching someone can be terrifying. Just be brave. If they're worth the opportunity, you tell the Negativity Committee in your head to sit the eff down.

6. The Dependent One

Don't Rest Your Value On His Shoulders

Let's be real. A lot of women will simply pursue a guy to get some kind of 'feel good' moments out of him, whether it be sexually, if he's a rebound, or even in a long term relationship. If you cannot stand alone, you cannot be in a relationship. Period. Don't even date if you can't live without someone constantly being your emotional crutch. That's not what men are for. Not all of them are gonna tell you that you look beautiful everyday. It ain't their style! Not every man is constantly gonna tell you where he's going. The dude ain't cheating, he just needs space! So what I'm getting at is that if you ain't BO$$ enough to stand alone, loving yourself in your singularity, then you need some more you time.

You know what men find sexy? When you're sure of him. When he knows that you KNOW he thinks your sexy and he don't need to tell you all the time. When he knows you KNOW he's loyal and when he knows you KNOW he thinks about you when you ain't around. Be sure.

7. The Fake

Don't Be Anyone But Yourself

Very cliche, but very applicable. Guys are more intuitive than you'd think. Don't go up to him looking and acting like what you THINK he'd want. You go in looking and acting like who you ARE. If he likes it, great, if he doesn't, what gives? WHO CARES? NEXT!!

It's perfectly okay. Honestly honey, no matter how hard we try, not everyone is gonna like us, so why bother? You are the only one of you in the world. A man who can recognise that is going to love you for it, quirks, flaws and all. Don't go into it trying to be perfect. No one is. In turn, allow him to be himself, as you are yourself. Don't expect too much from him if you don't wish for him to have an entire criteria set out in his mind for you. You must be willing to give what you wish to receive, and more.

Have fun out there darling. <3 I hope this helped you.


justbanANNAz is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Basically if you like someone - man or woman - you go after THEM.

    • Yes, this point was also raised on the previous take. ThanksπŸ‘ŒπŸ½

    • I prefer to initiate but some reason it bothers me when I hear someone telling me it's my job because I'm the man. Not that I get that vibe off you x

    • Yeah, i understand. Thanks

Most Helpful Girl

  • Awesome, awesome, awesome! Wonderful myTake! I think all of this rings true. So many people act as if dating is a complicated game, when really it's so much simpler than that. Most people are sharp enough to spot a faker, so being natural is so important.


Join the discussion

What Guys Said 30

  • I'm not sure what's harder, getting a woman to initiate or getting a woman to give me a bj in the middle of a boring lecture.

  • 3|1
  • Excellent take , this also applies to life in general too , you've got to go get what you want. Encouraging to see a man positive take coming from a woman , one of the main reasons men do not approach women is that men are now conditioned to believe even looking at a woman is " perverted , predatory , rapey " etc , men have been criminalized for the heinous crime of being born with a Y chromosome This blog post expands on this , you may find this interesting. edumckaytion.com/blog/men-notice-women-anymore/

  • Well, I definitely prefer self-confident girls who like to initiate, very good Take :D

  • Where do such ladies reside?

  • Agreed. Especially on point 2. Don't also categorise them in the first place. Unless you are in a relationship or they are, anything is possible.

    • Agreed! I don't get people who categorise people in their head. I don't do that to any females I know. If they're single, even if they are a friend, then anything is possible.

  • Not bad advice but I continue to believe that men shouldn't be delegated the lead role by default.

    • with all due respect, that isn't the topic of this mytake. you have your opinion, i have mine. that's totally cool with me.

  • β€” "I had a certain GaGer create a rebuttal [replica with a few adjustments] to that MyTake. Honoured"
    Still thinking about that, huh?

  • Umm
    How much would you charge to write something for me 😢?
    πŸ˜‚ LOL
    You're seriously awesome πŸ™†

  • Interesting.

  • I would love for a girl to initiate but I need to learn how to do the same.

  • Chad going to have a feel date with easy pussy now if women actual go through with this.


  • I'm not sure what's worse about this article: the fact that you're just like every other girl pretending to be new and original/"I'm not like the other girls" or the fact that this is basically female redpill knowledge.

  • Some good points, way too wordy, typical.
    Women today think men will like them if they are more like men - they actually believe this. No, it's a big turn off. Men don't want women to be like men, they want them to be women. Unfortunately, the stupid men have believed the women that said they should be like women, and women hate that in men. So there you go. ;)

  • Good one Bannanaz!
    "it's more important for a woman to DIRECT him by being upfront with the way she feels" I've been saying this FOREVER!!!

  • sadly some women think os tricks and stuff to get a guy
    come on man up or woman up

  • The sad part is that many guys will like this message more than when I encouraged them to be initiators. Kinda separates the men from the boys huh? Yeah shots fired, some of y'all can't take shit lol.

    lol u can keep rubbing it in, but im still not gonna initiate. and i know many guys who dont and understand the reason. sometimes it isn't worth it.
    and like in this take, we should promote women to do it. thats the best option.

  • This is very good stuff =)
    Great take!
    More people should see and read this!

  • Nice take ☺️

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 8

  • Nice pointers! I had posted my question about this.
    i have been hovering in the confusion ! should i be upfront or ask for his no?
    But when i find he is too shy and sometimes behaves like i am just like any other girl in the class and i stop!! Thinking 'no! if he wanted he could have asked for your no.'and i get stuck. With the thought, Its upto him.. but i wish i could do what you jusy explained beautifully.

  • -When I do not talk about women as initiators, that does not mean I don't believe women should ever initiate.

    -I still believe in the idea that men should lead the overall courtship process,

    >> Which is it?

    Maybe people responded to your other take as if you were saying women should not initiate bc thats your honest feeling and it came through?

  • I try to be the iniatiator wiht a guy I like, around the same age as I am, and that backfired at me, I thought he liked me as he gave me hints he liked me too so I just followed but then he thought I wanted a relationship soonand fast knowign that we met like 2 mos before so that was a turn off for him and he told me he was not interested in a relationship only wanted to be friends. I never told him I wanted a relationship so fast, but he thought I did. First I wanted to get to know him and that takes time of course, but we only went out once and made out at the end and he seem interested in me. I mean my goal was to get to know him first, and see if things could work out in the future and we were kind of compatible but for that to succeed we needed to get out more, well we even talked about going out again, but that never happened but he shut me off after one date, with no chance of me getting to know him more, becaue he thought I was going too fast with him. WTH!!! I mean at 45 years old that we both have and he behaves like a kid

    • I hope that you do not let that scare you away from initiating. I applaud that you did that. I would have been very impressed and given you points for that if it had been me.

  • Love everything you said!!! ❀

    "if it ain't happening, it ain't happening" this is something I needed to hear right now and it made me relaxed now. Thanks a lot!!

  • This take was like a sign from someone for me to initiate a conversation with the guy I like. Maybe I should just go talk to him and see if he's interested πŸ˜” I'm a little nervous!! 😿

    • Honey im in the same position dont u worry! I hope you can at least consider it. It's definitely not easy, i feel u!

  • I agree with this take. I wrote a similar one lol

    I think what is needed next is to how to gain confidence to do so, lets face it, it takes cojones, and how to deal with rejection. You kinda alluded to both here. I'm definitely not saying that your take is incomplete though lol It goes through many points well, especially #1. Everyone needs to stop with the mind games lol

    Good take :)

  • The three times I've approached a guy, I got rejected every time lol
    Now I'm just scared to approach anyone.

  • If I want him bad enough, I have and will initiate. I go after what I want. Life is too short to stand by and wait for people to come to you. I have never been afraid of rejection, because I am friends with a man first and once I know I like him enough to take the next step and I can tell he is feeling me too, I go for it. Usually, it is pretty easy to tell if someone is into you or not after spending enough time with them.