One Big Reason Why Guys Don't Want to Pay on a First Date

Anonymous

One Big Reason Why Guys Don't Want to Pay on a First Date

I know, one of THESE takes again. Let me preface this by saying I don't mind spending some money on a girl for a first date. I'm not one to even go to a restaurant for a first date and I do prefer doing an activity where we don't have to worry about money. But I do understand the feelings that some guys have on this topic and I think SOME guys don't understand why it really upsets them and thus can't verbalize it properly to girls. So this take is for both women AND men.

As someone who is a male I can really only say this from a guys point of reference. Going on a first date is nerve-wracking. Hell, even before that when you build up the ball sack to even try and initiate a first date with a girl is beyond torturous. And so, anxiety is already very high for a first date which is a shame since it's hard to have fun when you feel all this pressure. And so to pay a bunch of money at the end of all this anxiety filled date is just the cherry on top of a PTSD inducing experience. But that isn't what some guys are most afraid of.

It's feeling unappreciated.

I hear a plethora of reasons for why girls want guys to pay on a first date. For many of them I do get it. And I try not to blame women (I'm human and do occasionally have brief weak periods of bitter hatred towards them) for these things because a lot of it is parental and societal upbringing.

But a few excuses I hear from girls on why a guy should pay tends to stand out to me the most and I feel offended by. The two I see often which are very similar are

The guy is showing he is willing to be committed by paying on the date.

or

I want to know my time is being appreciated

One Big Reason Why Guys Don't Want to Pay on a First Date

Both of these, while they may seem innocent from the girls perspective, are incredibly insulting and humiliating from the man's perspective. Respect/appreciation and commitment are all two way streets, yet here they are being treated like it only has to go one way: The man giving these courtesies to the woman. This says that a woman's time is worth more than the man's. Already from date one the girl is saying she is above the man whether she consciously acknowledges it or not.

This says that the man is worth less than her and he is below her. Girls say they just aren't sure if a guy is serious about her but we as guys face that exact same dilemma as well and it's no less bad for us. We have zero clue if a girl is actually serious about us, either. Yet while men are expected to give girls some assurances that we as men are serious, they for whatever reason do not have to assure the man that she is serious.

I personally feel the most insulted about how girls say they are giving up their time for a man and that's why he should pay. Am I not giving up my time as well? Or is my time worth nothing more than mud in a woman's eyes?

Ladies, if a man saw your time as being worth nothing more than garbage would you really want to spend time with him? Because the reverse of this is happening when girls say a guy needs to pay to show he appreciates her time. Our time is worth so little that not only is it free but we even have to pay a girl for sharing our time with her.

Honestly, I don't think most guys enjoy paying on the first date. Yes, quite a few do enjoy it but I think most guys do it out of obligation or genuine fear of being rejected. So when you are thinking about how thoughtful they are, in their minds they could actually be building up resentment towards you and the first date hasn't even ended yet. So girls, you may think most guys don't have a problem with it since most guys do pay. But a lot of the guys paying are not doing it because they want to. They are doing it because they feel like they HAVE to. Which I'm sure isn't a pleasant thought since that kills the romance. But honestly it is true for a lot of guys out there. The guys you know who are super gentlemanly very well could be among them. Guys will never admit it because it will make them look bad in a girls eyes.

One Big Reason Why Guys Don't Want to Pay on a First Date

Anyways, I know this is not all girls or even close to it (God I hope not) and I know I'm going to have a hard, maybe next to impossible, time by not being automatically excited about paying on the first date, but I just don't want to start a relationship already having subconscious hatred for the girl for making me do something that I perceive as unfair. (Yes there are things that society expects women to do for men in a relationship but I will never ask a girl to do something for me that I wouldn't do for them). People say if I don't pay on the first date I shouldn't expect to get a second date (which again shows that I'm apparently beneath the woman for simply being a male) but I like to think of it as if they expected me to pay then they don't get the pleasure of having me for a second date even if they wanted one.

Again I don't have a problem paying for smaller dates where there is no check since you pay at a counter before going in or just buying ice cream which is like nothing. But if I get a smell of entitlement from a girl that I should pay or they're annoyed I didn't take them somewhere fancier I'm extremely turned off. I want them to be dating me not my wallet.

Maybe I'm feminine but I just want them to appreciate me as much as I would appreciate them. It's literally the only thing I ask for. But for the majority of people I guess that's asking too much.

Again, I love women and am not just trying to bed them without using money. My goal isn't even sex; I want an emotional connection first and foremost. I want a friend, someone who I can talk to. Someone I can be vulnerable around and someone I can be there for when they are feeling vulnerable. That's why I can't date a girl who expects me to throw money for them on a first date. I'd never be able to be open with my feelings around such a person because I don't feel respected by them. And for those of you that like old fashioned dating that's totally cool. I am okay with you wanting to do dating differently from me. All I ask is you be kind and return that gesture and not force old fashioned dating on me.

#Sorrynotsorry

One Big Reason Why Guys Don't Want to Pay on a First Date
One Big Reason Why Guys Don't Want to Pay on a First Date
13
30
Add Opinion
13Girl Opinion
30Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guy

  • Bandit74

    "People say if I don't pay on the first date I shouldn't expect to get a second date"

    In addition to it beings an unfair expectation, I dislike how inconsistent they are. The same girl who might expect me to pay in order to earn a second date has probably sent nudes and hooked up with men who didn't spend a dime on her. Now I am not saying she has to send me nudes or fuck me on the first date too. I just think its insulting that she was willing to send naked pictures of her body and spread her legs for men who didn't do anything for her and now I am not even going to get a chance for a second date unless I prove my worth by paying for her half.

    I would much rather have been one of the guys she didn't hold that expectation over. Furthermore, there is nothing they do to reciprocate that gesture. Like if you were to compare a girl who expects the guy to pay and one who is willing to split the bill, there is nothing extra that the girl who expects you to pay does for you. They say they are traditional but the tradition of the guy paying is usually the only one they care about upholding.

    Oh and that "whoever asks pays" bs doesn't really make sense logically and it pretty much translates to the guy pays because the guy is usually the one who asked.

    LikeDisagree 7 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Bandit74

      Homestly wasn't expecting to be downvoted by a guy 😮

Most Helpful Girl

  • LoloWaye

    I believe in splitting the bill because it's not guaranteed anything will progress from then on. Why pay for someone who you're not going to see again?

    Like 13 People
    Is this still revelant?

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

1229
  • genuinlysensitive

    The reason I no longer go for expensive first dates is there are too many (not all) women who make a game out of seeing how many free meals they can get. They flirt with you go out with you, then they "aren't feeling it" and later you find out they had no intention of dating you, they just wanted a free meal! I mean women still expect us to pay, it isn't oppressive, just choose cheap or free dates for the first one. Coffee houses, walks on the beach etc. It is about getting to know her, right? Besides I find its a great way to weed out gold diggers!

    Don't believe feminists when they tell you "you only want sex from women." It is a psychological shame technique to get to you hate yourself for being a heterosexual man. DO NOT FALL FOR IT!

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • WODSE

    there's a lot of other reasons other than the one you pointed out wich i kinda agree with , but mine is just they got their own money now.. The first date is just like a tryout , the person in front of you isn't really the person you gonna meet 7 months down the road, i didn't even know you existed 1 month ago now i gotta pay for your food? And its not sustainable, imagine im looking for a girl to settle down with, and i go on multiple dates with different person , a average date cost for both people is like within the range of 30-50$ lets say i go on 4 dates well thats 200$ just like that... yeahhhh fuck that!

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • Kantana

    One of the benefits of not paying on the first date is to see if she's there for you and not the free meal.

    Like 3 People
    Reply
  • ShortCircuit

    *Round of applause* I don't upvote myTakes often 👍

    Reply
  • Botchie

    Between "It's feeling unappreciated" and "Ladies, if a man saw your time as being worth nothing more than garbage would you really want to spend time with him? Because the reverse of this is happening when girls say a guy needs to pay to show he appreciates her time. Our time is worth so little that not only is it free but we even have to pay a girl for sharing our time with her." You completely knocked this out of the park. Extremely well said! This entire myTake was brilliant and well thought out.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • Phoenix98

    Speak for yourself I have no issues with it.

    LikeDisagree 8 People
    Reply
    • Anonymous

      That's fine good thing at no point anywhere within any part of this did I say this was all guys *rolls eyes*

    • Phoenix98

      One Big Reason Why Guys Don't Want to Pay on a First Date

    • Anonymous

      Lookin for the part where I said all. Mmmm nope don't see it.

    • Show All
  • tyber1

    It's not about the money it's about the implications

    Reply
    • Anonymous

      Please read the take before commenting.

    • tyber1

      I did I'm agreeing with you

  • StickStickity13

    It's the same type of fear women get if they have sex with a guy. They feel used.

    Like 2 People
    Reply
  • Usersame

    The one who invites out should pay. I don't care if it's a guy or a girl.

    Reply
  • matt1209

    I pretty much pay on the first date, but if the women insist I let them split it or buy me a drink.

    Reply
  • harabi

    Why should we? That's backward oppression. Old-school patriarchal feminism

    Reply
  • Afrochick

    One big reason guys don't get a second.

    LULZ

    LikeDisagree 26 People
    Reply
    • Because women are ungrateful for what they do and only cared about their money instead of them? yeah, how dare they have self respect.

    • Unless you put out on a first date having diner with a women isn't something we consider "getting seconds".

  • Adigelunar

    nice post'

    Reply
  • Anonymous

    Women don't deserve it anymore.

    Like 2 People
    Reply
  • Anonymous

    I cna understand how this feels becuase i use to spend $60-$200 on dates i never thought too much about it at first till i seen how certain girls expected u too pay even if its a $20 date. My current girlfriend paid for what she got during our first date which was a nice date but now that we have gotta to known each other. We both trick the other 3 nights ago i tried paying the bill and she ended up tricking me out of doing so. Which i have done 3 times to her its a fun little game of ours.

    Reply
  • Anonymous

    Dating is for getting to know someone. I don't think either side is wrong, you just have to find someone who agrees with your side of the augment. I know a lot of girls who rather pay or split because they don't want to feel like they owe anyone anything & they like to be on equal footing in the beginning of the relationship. To each their own I don't think either is wrong everyone is looking for something different which is why we date in the first place.

    Like 2 People
    Reply
  • Anonymous

    Look at that. A sensible take.
    I pretty much agree across the board with the reasoning. This is also why I'd be most reluctant to pay for a date if she expects me to. If on the other hand it will truly be appreciated and there is no expectation for me to pay her part, I am much more inclined to do so.

    Like 2 People
    Reply
  • Anonymous

    For me it has always felt a little uncomfortable if the man pays for me... I mean, I am uncomfortable every time someone pays me. I respect most men who wanna show me respect by paying, but it won't make them any better if they are bad in other manners.
    Let me tell an example: I was out on a date with a guy I met on the net. He had used an old pic and looked a lot different. The only things he talked about was: money, sex and alcohol. For some reason I didn't respect him any more when he paid the bill, but I let him because I felt like he had wasted my time.
    I think it doesn't matter if he pays or not, but if he suggests something expensive and them doesn't pay, it is kind of insulting. The guys that has always been running out of money and really had no money to put on me, did it anyways, which is when my respect is earned. They pay from the little they have and show me I am more important than their money. But that is the situation where I get the most uncomfortable. I always offer to pay too, but they never wanted me to.

    LikeDisagree 9 People
    Reply
  • Anonymous

    Because women are gold diggers. I am not trying to be an asshole here by saying that, I am just being honest.

    Have you ever went on a first date with a woman... whether it was bowling, a nice dinner, out for drinks, roller skating, etc... those all sound fun... right? Imagine if your bill for the two of you for any of those dates was $20 dollars. Now imagine after the date, the girl ghosts you. THIS happens to me all the time.

    Girls will expect you to pay for the first date, and after the first date, they go full on "ghost mode" and you never hear from them again. Do you know how that makes the guy feel? It makes him feel used. It makes him feel like a chump. Makes him feel like he wasted his hard earned money, money he could have used for something else. It's not fair to the guy.

    If you plan on seeing the guy again on a 2nd date, I would have no issue paying on the first date... however, if plan on "ghosting" the guy after he paid for your date... don't have him pay. That's wrong! I know you don't owe the guy anything, but that's cold blooded... especially since times are hard for people these days.

    Keep that in mind.

    LikeDisagree 5 People
    Reply
  • Anonymous

    I honestly would and have paid even when I was already told there would have not been any second date.
    And I get insulted only if she offers to split or even worst to pay the check.
    And I'm poor.

    Disagree 1 Person
    Reply
    • Anonymous

      You place way too much of your manhood on money.

    • Anonymous

      Not at all. I do that with my friends in general also. I just like being generous, it makes me feel better.

    • Anonymous

      If you like doing nice things for people why do you feel insulted if someone simply tries to do the same for you?

    • Show All
  • Show More (1)
Loading...