It Happened To Me: My Date Asked Me To Pay For Myself

It Happened To Me: My Date Asked Me To Pay For Myself


You read that right. I paid for myself for the very first time on a date. And guess what? It sucked.

I’m kidding. It really wasn’t that bad. I mean, of course I wasn’t jumping up and down at the chance to pay for myself as I’m used to never having to pay, especially since he was the one who asked me on a date. But I've kept this a secret for a while before sharing this story with everyone because I wanted to make sure I was able to get my point across at the end. That and I didn't really know how I felt about it overall until recently.

It's funny, too. This actually happened right before I wrote my Take about my father, The One Trait A Man Must Have To Date Me And Why. In fact, this event is what inspired me to write that Take.

Also, for those of you who know me, just let me say that this was during a break up with my on and off again SO. So at the time, I was 100% single.

Anyway, on with the story. I’m a little surprised that I wasn’t angry or offended by the request. If any of you have followed me and my opinions then you would know that I’ve always believed men should always and forever pay on the first date. And, yes, in some ways, I still think that.

However, this particular night taught me something: There’s always an exception to the rule. And, normally, I always think this way. I just never thought about applying it to a first date.

Let me provide you with a backstory to my way of thinking. I was raised by both parents who are still in a loving and committed marriage that is now 32 years strong. And my dad has always told me that a real man who genuinely wants to treat me right will pay on the first date. It doesn’t mean he’ll be my sugar daddy and his money is mine nor does it mean that I should never pay for a date once we go out a few times. It’s just that it’s the proper way to court a lady. Same goes for my brother. My brother always pays for his first dates because he believes it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. So, for my entire life, that’s why I’ve believed men should always pay on the first date.

It Happened To Me: My Date Asked Me To Pay For Myself

I can already feel the eye roles from the male side of the audience. Don’t worry, the ending to this will be worth it, so put your eyeballs back in their sockets, and relax.

Anyway, this guy that I went out with wasn’t exactly the most interesting person. He texted me entirely too much and used ‘text talk’, which I absolutely cannot stand. He also uses a lot of exclamation marks at the end of his sentences. However, he seemed nice enough, and I’m currently trying to get away from my snobby habits of judging a man. He was nice and respectful, albeit slightly annoying, but I decided to give him chance. Who knows? He could be the one for me. I shouldn’t let shallow thoughts get in the way, right? Right.

After about a week or so of talking to one another, he asked me out on a date. Yes, HE asked ME out, not the other way around. So, naturally, I expected him to pay.

He lets me pick the restaurant and drives to my area. I’m getting ready to take a shower before we go when I get the text message. “Hey, do you mind if we pay for ourselves?”

Yes, I’ll admit, I was annoyed. Why? Surprisingly, it wasn’t because he asked me to pay for myself. I was annoyed because he asked me this only an hour before I was supposed to meet him. I thought that was a little rude, even though I always carry $20 on my person in case I need it on a first date. However, trying not to be a snob, remember?

“Sure, but why?”

“Well, I just spent a ton of cash on my nieces and nephews for their birthdays and Halloween costumes and don’t have a lot of money plus I’m putting a lot of gas into driving down there. Promise I’ll pay if we go a second time!”

If you’re asking if I was still annoyed, the answer is yes. And, yes, it was only because of the timing.

We went out and had dinner. His burger was $11 and my fish was $15. He shelled out $12 and I put in $18, this all including cash for the tip.

It Happened To Me: My Date Asked Me To Pay For Myself

He and I won’t be going out again as I just didn’t feel the connection, even though he was really nice. But at the same, it really wasn’t the end of the world that I paid for myself. And, no, I’m not jumping up and down at the chance to do it again. In fact, I’d preferred not to pay for myself again. I mean, who would?

But it’s not like he didn’t have a good reason. Spending you entire paycheck on gifts and things for your family and not having any money left over is a pretty good reason. Also, I learned that paying for a date isn't always through the money he hands the waitress. The truth is, he drove 45 minutes to my area whereas the place was only 10 minutes from me. It was also raining on the drive there and raining on the drive back, making the roads a little more dangerous. Pair all that with a 12 hour work day and having to be up at 5am the next morning and you can see where the effort was put in.

So, in a way, I think he did pay for the first date. He just didn’t pay in the traditional sense. But I do think that, until now, I’ve always assumed paying for a date was paying for the actual hour or two spent together. But, in truth, my dad never said that paying for the date meant how much money you drop on the literal date itself. The gas, the drive, the planning, the effort…All of that can be considered pay. And I learned that some of us women expect men to show they value us based on the amount of money they’re willing to spend in front of our faces when that's not the case.

But what about everything else? He let me pick the place, he drove to my side of town, he paid for part of the dinner, and he came to see me after a 12 hour work day IN THE RAIN.

If that’s not paying for a date, then I have don't know what is.

It Happened To Me: My Date Asked Me To Pay For Myself


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If that’s not paying for a date, then I have don't know what is.

    This is exactly the problem you seem to keep missing. You attach him caring with him suffering in some shape or form. Either he's parting with his cash for you because he cares and respects you or he's driving out of his way in the rain after an above average long and busy day.

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    • I wasn't aware putting in effort was suffering lol

    • Show All
    • @FallOutBoy2001 not me or really anyone else I know You need to realize you're 15 and the world doesn't work the way it does in high school

    • Most of my friends parents (as well as mine) knew each other before they started dating

Most Helpful Girl

  • I laughed at the "eye rolls from men" because I was rolling them myself.

    Not too long ago, I met this guy online. He lived two hours away from me. We clicked and he asked me out one day. He said he didn't want to inconvenience me, as I didn't drive at the time, so he drove to me. We went to a Japanese park I go to often right after we picked up a big lunch to go. He pulled out his wallet to pay the whole $35 tab. And I just looked at him. I stared at him for a long time before finally going, "Luis, do you really think you're paying for our meal?" He. Looked. Mortified.
    Him: "Well... I mean, I can assure you that I can easily afford to."
    Me: And I can assure YOU with three reasons why that doesn't matter. 1) You drove two HOURS to see me for a first date. 2) With rights come responsibility. That includes paying for my half at least. 3) Which ties into 2, this isn't the 1950's. A gal can impress guy too. Now because you have insulted my honour, I will pay for the whole thing this time. Hurry up and put your wallet away, you're on financial probation! 😉"

    Even if someone asked me out first, that doesn't mean I don't have to impress them in return. Hell, I always felt that them asking me out made it so the balance was uneven and I had to try even harder from the beginning. Money, to me, was never a ways to impress anyone. How much time and effort (not involving money) you put into seeing me impresses me. When I hear some of the stuff people go through just to see me, I usually pay for all cuz I'm like, "You deserve something (besides the awesome company that is me) for all that effort you put in.

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What Guys Said 39

  • 5|10
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  • Ah the entitlement.
    Even after the realization that guys do more than just pay, you still figure that guys should just pay.
    It's good that there will be no second date because he deserves better then you.
    This take reveals your selfishness, conceitedness, and lack of real empathy for others.

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  • Men need to stop worrying about traditional dates. They're a waste of time, money, and energy. Nearly every woman I've had a relationship with I didn't need to impress her with dates. If she needs dates to be impressed she isn't worth the time. Trust me.

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  • I like your thinking. I do not want to brag but when i read this Take, it gives me a clear reflection on your very strong personality. Flexible and rich. To many people it is not easy to do something against your whole life's ideology and take out such lessons and accept them or observing other perspectives.
    I can tell it's been a very challenging experience for you and i enjoyed the underlying payments that you considered and observed. The preparation process. It's a nice perspective and of course i do believe that yes it is reality. And i guess it would be good and decrease the anger of many men if ladies see and accept what you just experienced.
    However, you and i both are in the same page. I am agree with the whole story and the outcome but i am still as traditional as i can be and i admire what your father have taught you about it. and i embrace what your father and brother would do and That is how i've been raised myself and i am very satisfied with it. So to me it is entirely wrong to just ask a lady to pay for herself but for whatever the reason a man would do it i give you the right to be annoyed, he should've announce you his intentions and raise the question pretty earlier. I mean maybe this would put you off and you are getting ready, taking your time, you are settled for it and suddenly *boom* it does not feel good at all. It is a negative surprise.
    But congratulation for paying your half for the very first time!!! :)

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  • Unless the guy forces you to go with him at gunpoint, you go there voluntarily. *Both* of you wanted to go. *Both* of you agreed to go. And most importantly you *both* consume stuff so you *both* should pay for said stuff.

    Both of you paying should be the norm, not some dramatic misfortune that "happens to you." You're making it sound like you had just been robbed.

    As an otherwise generous and gentlemanly guy I can't believe that people still try to rationalize this nonsense in 2017.

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  • Congratulations, he let you be an adult and take responsibility for your stuff. What an accomplishment :)

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  • I could never imagine having the entitlement to think something like this, let alone write it. ''I had to pay for myself'' sounds like something only a spoilt princess would come up with.

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  • In my honest opinion Men paying for the first date is out dated and pointless.
    I just hate that because i was born a man i'm obligated to ask the girl out and pay for her just in hopes she will want to even see me again.
    Men and women earn just as much these days and are both capable, if other traditions and societal norms are evolving and changing why can't this.

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  • Yay, another girl gets it lol. I'm joking. a lot of girls aren't bothered by paying for themselves. Every girl i've dated barring one time paid for themselves on the first date and the grand majority of those lead to a second date and more. I just always find it curious on here, when I see girls acting like it's the end of the world and that they'd never date a man that has her pay for herself.

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  • >> "I’ve always believed men should always and forever pay on the first date"

    You sexist! Check your privilege! :O

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  • "women expect men to show they value us"

    Well what exactly does the woman do to show they value the guy? Why is it only a one way street?

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    • Simps, nice guys, desperate chumps and men that placed women on golden pedestals helped make it that way.

  • So when do you start asking out and paying for guys on first dates? Or is this only a one way street where the guy has to either sacrifice his time or his money to be considered worthy of your presence?

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  • "I can already feel the eye roles from the male side of the audience. Don’t worry, the ending to this will be worth it, so put your eyeballs back in their sockets, and relax."

    Even though I felt already a strong desire to say something at that point, I kept reading and honestly... it didn't change how I felt about it. You make at the end some good points, but the thing that actually bothers many guys, the "guys pay always on the first date"-part hasn't changed. It just got replaced by "the guy is the one putting the main effort into the first date".

    -------------------------------------------------------------

    "especially since he was the one who asked me on a date" ..."Yes, HE asked ME out, not the other way around. So, naturally, I expected him to pay."

    Why? Did he drag you against your will to the date? No? A date needs always 2 people, one who asks, one who accepts. Both want the date. No talking into it or anything like that. One has to ask, it's just how it is. If no one asks, no date will happen. Your logic would make a little sense if guys and girls would equally often ask out, but it's not like that because most of the time, the guy is expected to make the first move. So making the first move + the asker pays = the guy pays.

    There is nothing wrong with paying for someone on the first date... but it should be something the person does out of his own free will, as nice gesture and not something which is expected. The first date usually isn't expensive, so there shouldn't be an issue paying for your own stuff.

    -------------------------------------------------------------

    "that I’ve always believed men should always and forever pay on the first date."

    Why? You say about paying yourself on the first date:
    "I just never thought about applying it to a first date."..."And my dad has always told me that a real man who genuinely wants to treat me right will pay on the first date"

    Shouldn't it be the exact opposite? A first date ìs really just to get to know someone, to see if you are even interested in someone. Very often it ends like yours... You aren't interested in a second one. So why should the guy try to pamper her ass if he doesn't even know if it will be more than a one time thing? You meet a person and if it ends well and you wanna continue dating, THEN you can think about putting the extra effort and money into it. Splitting on the first date is the fairest method and the one that makes the most sense overall.

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    • that being said, I pay on the first date. Not because I think it's the right thing to do, but just because I don't wanna lower my chances from the start. There is no really good way to suggest splitting (as a guy) so I rather just put up with it unless she's the one offering to pay her part herself.

      I don't have a problem with someone paying for both on the first date, just with your reasoning and logic behind it

  • Oh wow you payed for your own meal when even had he payed for your meal there still wasn't a 100% chance you were his. Bohoo cry me a river. Maybe cause deep down inside your subconscious like deep down somewhere in China you knew that its only fair to pay for your own meal. Guys aren't ATM machines and "I guess I was okay to pay for my own meal because of the timing." Does not make you any better of a person and I don't care about your back story lol your dad obviously spoiled you too much and treated you like a princess which was a big mistake.

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  • Couple months ago a chick asked for my number and and said she needed more friends at college, so she wanted to get to know me. I asked her for coffee, (I'd never ask a date to coffee), just so that I could see what she was like, if I even wanted a new friend or if I thought she was too shallow (some people my age haven't had to use their brains before). I wasn't looking for a relationship, though, admittedly she was literally just my type. She was really giggled and talkative. So we got there and ordered coffee And she got to the counter and smiled, looking at me with her big innocent doe eyes, and I forked a ten across the counter for both of us. I figured it would just be Dutch, but apparently not? She offered to pay me back but I declined.

    I don't like small talk and neither did she, we talked pretty deep she told me a bunch of stories and stuff, things went pretty well, except I hadn't eaten and we were there for THREE HOURS and my leg cramped up. I walked her to her car but didn't get a hug. I don't know - most uncomfortable and confusing three hours of my life.

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    • You never talked to watch h other again?

    • @19magic

      We texted a lot, but never arranged anything. I hated day-long conversations over text because it makes things awkward, and it's hard to keep up with. She seemed cool when we hung out but we were both nervous so it was awkward anyways. we haven't texted since like March. I lost her number.

  • I had a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend where I had to make my own sandwich. It was horrible. The relationship was never the same after that.

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  • Excuse me? He did the planning? How? His "planning" efforts was to ask you where to go.
    Did he let you pick the time and day, too?

    So if he can't afford a fist date, then for Christ's sake, do not date! Wait for the next paycheeck and then ask her out for the first (!) date.

    I do not believe it is a sign of "equality" if he drops all chivalry.
    But maybe, I'm just too old.

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  • lol, talking about the money BEFORE the first date... and they say it's women who only care about it 😂

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  • ARE U OKAY DO U NEED A DOCTOR
    WHAT IS YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
    DOES YOUR HAND HURTS FROM GIVING MONEY
    ABSWER ME DAMN IT
    i need to know hhhh
    :p :p :p :>

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    • I had to cut off my hand. Unfortunately, all the blood vessels in it died once I realized I wasn't a Princess :P

    • do u need cpr hhhh

  • So from what you've written it sounds like:

    I was annoyed that he didn't pay for me. But I know he paid for it in other ways, and I realised that I was a bit of a bitch to expect it... but I'm still annoyed and I don't want to go on another date with him.

    It sounds like you got so hung up on the cost of the date that you didn't even bother to engage with him as a person.

    Having said that, it was irresponsible of him to not have enough money to go on a date just in case you also didn't have any money. I always say the same thing but I have no problem paying for a girl as long as she doesn't automatically expect it. I don't automatically expect any 'action' either so that argument doesn't work on me.

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  • I always pay regardless. If she says no , then I just walk out the door 🚪. And I will never accept someone else to pay for me... ever , for any reason !! Mainly the reason is simple... I'm going there anyhow , if you want to join me.. then fine , if not then fine too. Then again I don't date!!!

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    • See that would annoy me, if I didn't pay for my share then I'd feel inadequate or a gold digger. I'd also feel like I owe him something, and that he now expects to recieve something from me.

    • @19magic According to my status , I won't let you pay, and also ide pick you... this way I can avoid the gold digger. By the way , I would of payed for your meal , and you would never owe it to me. I'm a different type than your average

  • I'll admit that I didn't read the whole thing, but I think I got the gist of it. I still think it's rude of him to do that. I'll never ask a woman out and then pull a stunt like that. However, if I get asked out, I expect her to offer to pay, that doesn't mean I'll let her.

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  • I thought you had a boyfriend

    Anyways, it does seem kinda weird that he literally asked for you to pay for yourself. I mean, I'd figure it'd be assumed unless said dude offers to pay. And that's more of a gesture than expected. Don't get me wrong, I'll pay for the date, but as long as she knows I'm doing it as a gesture and not actually expecting me to do it out of necessity... I don't have to. I do it cause I'm nice, don't abuse it is all I'm sayin. With that said, the dude seemed like a weird cat

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    • This happened before he and I got back together. We've been on and off for over a year. This was during an 'off' period. I'll edit the Take and put it in there.

      And he was weird lol

  • You shouldn't beg someone to pay for your meal, he will pay for you if he is generous enough to be a friend or boyfriend. You should take your role and treat him sometimes too. It cannot always be one person constantly paying for.

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  • the more you talk about your boyfriend the more I think he's using you

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  • I don't see why women pretend to want this pseudo "equality" when in fact they only want the good stuff, and leave the dirty work for men to do. That's bulls**t

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  • In what kind of expensive brothel do you date lol
    Usually on my dates we get a couple beers or something else with fish n' chips and the bill is never more than 15eu.

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    • Different places have different costs of living, a couple beers in new york is like $15 by itself

  • so at the end you werent going to date him and iam assume even from the beggining you didn't exactly like him, this is what guys face when they ask a girl out, they are faced with girls who will most of the time not return their calls and move on, so imagine if i have 2-3 dates a month with different women and i have to pay 30$ each time, and add to that, that a broke student and you will understand why paying for a girl is not exactly appealing.

    i will pay if its cheap like ice ceam or some cheap meal but if you want to eat 20$ worh of food you better bring your own money.

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  • so basically you are complaining because he made you pay and based on that you won't go out with him... i wonder how women in this chat will say some dumb stuff and you are been shallow...

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  • if you have an on again off again you're not single until they are out of your life and you both have no way to contact the other.

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What Girls Said 24

  • What happened to equality girl? Congrats, you've just sent women back 65 years in time.

    Me? I meet my date at the agreed venue. I'm not a spoiled little princess who needs her first date driving her around and picking her up from home, thank you. And I always take my money out when the bill comes so unless he says "it's ok, it's on me", I'll be carrying my own weight cause I'm not a fucking weak woman from the 1950s. It's 2016 for God's sake, girl

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  • You act like this is some sort of traumatic experience. I wish some women would just grow up and pay their bill.

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    • You act like you didn't read it because had you done so, you'd know that I didn't care that I paid lol

    • I did read it all. You said you still think men should though.

    • @Elarra you clearly pointed out that you were only okay contributing under abnormal circumstances, which means that her exclamation that women should grow up and pay the bill still applies to you.

  • I think this is how most dates should go. I like not feeling obligated to him, even if it's only a little, after he paid for me. Not obligated for sex, but to be appreciate extra or to see him again. If I pay for me, I can be totally free.

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    • Yes! That's common sense 2016-2017! Yay to you :D

  • First off, thats a very inexpensive date! No drinks? Ok, So I agree with what you said there is an exception to the rule, my exception is different or maybe not but my exception would be pay for your half if you dont feel a connection and know you won't out again. which is ultimately what happened. And you make good points that you chose the place, he drove the majority of the distance, all things tha would normally just end up being plusses and appreciation points from my perspective for the next date, when I would pay... but still To ask you on a date and then text to pay for your half. Not cool. I think the better thing from his perspective IF he wanted to make a good impression (as I assume we all do in dating) would have been to postpone or offer to postpone saying he just can't afford it this week. If I was really excited to go THIS week I may have offered to share but he did what he did. At the end of it you didn't feel the connection and you went out, ate and had some conversation. for $18. Which I still can't get over. I just had lunch with a girlfriend and our bill was $84 so we each chipped in $50 granted we did have a bottle of wine... I wonder if in the back of your mind, recieving that text to pay half had an influence on your interest level at the date or if it was purely at the face value of it just not being a connection. I always feel a little more of a connection or at least give the benefit of the doubt as to a connection for the effort he puts into me on the date. Little things like that perk me a up a bit and I imagine it would be the same froma guys perspective if i was super engaging and into him even though my boobs aren't bigger or I'm not model height, etc..
    Interesting post. I'd be very interested to know if, when he asks you out again, what kind of arrangments, effort he'll put in. Did you already tell him you wouldn't be going out again?

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  • Whats the big deal? I would not let a guy pay me for the first day. He does not owe me anything. Even if he asks me. I would more likely feel the burden because who knows his financial position.

    Maybe next time have less expectation that someone will buy you dinner

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  • This One, hun, may to Prefer to Go... Dutch Treat when you Meet.
    You have Seen Some of Today''s Toms and they are Not all Alike. And the Ones who Pay all of the Way, may Not be so Hot neither.
    I have Never had to pay on a Date but some have not become a Mate Neither.
    You will Meet all kinds. And if there is One who Sparks your Interest, perhaps you Both could Compromise Thereafter to Live Happily After.
    Good luck. xx

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  • I find this story interesting. However, as I always said it's how you decide to date and want to be treated. At least he told you why he thought it would a good idea to for yourselves. It wasn't a bad idea. That is what I respect. Unexpected, but I respect it. But you know what, let those eyes roll, what matters is how YOUR date treated you.

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  • at least you have the minimal empathy to understand he actually made the most effort and was in the hardest the whole time. as for breaking up, "connection" is just an excuse you just look for a white knight to pay your meals. thats how deeply intergrated this notion is in your head.

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  • I think it's just a sign of more bad things to come... it's never a good thing when a man doesn't pay for a 1st date... i could see it if you were on 20 dates in but the 1st one it's just a red flag for so many things.

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    • What if the guy thinks the same way about a girl not paying on the first date?

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    • @Lewis47 that's what i feel too it's not so much the money but the idea that i'm not special especially when it comes to a 1st date and these girls are on board with it... i guess i'm not the feminist they are

    • exactly, you're a true lady. :)

  • Regardless of however many people write about this, I'll never understand why the default reaction on a date, with normal circumstances, isn't to split the bill.

    SPLIT. THE. BILL.

    We don't get to pick and choose when and where we want equality, and tbh, I think this whole 'who pays' debate in general is just one of those situations where people need to stick to equality.

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  • I'm more concern that you only take $20 on dates.
    He gave you notice before you got there that timing is great. You shouldn't need more than an hour to prepare yourself to pay for a date.
    I know you came to the conclusion that hey it's not all about him paying the bill. But you just seem like you're just whining. I used to be stuck on them paying but I grew up. Realized that people paying for anything isn't a sign of how much they care or who they are.

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  • I don't know why, but when I like someone I willingly give them money and buy them food. I've probably spent fifty dollars on this guy I like and he's spent money for me too. I don't know, its just what I do personally.

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    • Nothing wrong with asking your crush out on a first date and spending 50 dollars on him if that's what you want. The problem is when people think being paid for is normal and having to pay for your own stuff should be an exception.

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    • So you'd pay for him on a first date and like it? :O

    • @roman_CE Im happy to treat someone I like ❤

  • Hmm, I too was raised to think the invitee should pay, and I still think that's true. My mom never explicitly said the guy should pay first, but I think it was heavily implied. However, I think it's ok to go dutch if we're going out like every week, that or we switch it up, I pay one date, he pays the next.

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  • Anyway, regarding payment. You discuss that before you go out and not when its finished. I don't mind paying my share, but I don't mind either being payed or having to pay for both of us. They all have their charm if its clear from the beginning

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  • I really don't understand some people.

    To me, it seems like you were only okay with paying your share, because he put in extra effort. Why do you assume the guy has to pay by default?

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  • To be honest I'm in a few minds.

    1. He texted you to say he couldn't pay for both. Yes he should have said this far earlier to be sure however he did tell you in advance. Your chance to back out was there.

    2. The whole "would have preferred for him to pay" speaks volumes. Your trying to glamourise this post into more than "he didn't pay for me!!" Or at least it comes across like that.

    3. You did see that he did pay for the date through other means, like driving. but I can't see if you are upset.

    TBH I feel for the bloke. I've been there and I always warn upfront

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  • I honestly don't think guys should have to pay. The fact that he asked you and not the other way around changes nothing, if you didn't wanna go you should have said know. He shouldn't have to be buying your time if you said yes. Depending on how far apart you live, I think it's already a lot that he drove all the way to your place. I always meet up with people so that we both have the same commute. And why is it bad that he let you know an hour in advance? In my opinion he didn't really have to let you know at all, I mean why would you expect him to pay for you when he barely knows you? Also, if you always have cash on you, it really isn't a problem. The only thing I agreed with is that the guy put a lot of effort into seeing you.

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  • I don't think any of this is weird except the fact that he asked BEFORE the date... just my personal opinion.

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    • But imagine if he had waited until they were on the date already, and for whatever reason she didn't have any money on her. If I'm going to be asked to pay for the date or split it I would prefer to know up front just to be prepared. I think he was being smart to ask beforehand and I can respect that.

  • He tried you. Thats what that was. . .

    Lol jk, considering the rain and everything maybe, but my first thoughts would be the above lol good for you though, well done.

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  • I understand your point of view but I disagree.

    I think the one initiating the date should be willing to pay if they need to, but I always offer to go dutch. I don't like paying for someone else, so why would I expect them to want to pay for me?
    When I initiate the date, I prepare to pay if I need to, but I still feel it's the proper thing to do for the other person to offer to pay their share.
    Im a student and I live off student loans (and my parents' charity as long as my grades are good) and so does about everyone I know. I don't expect them to pay for an expensive dinner. A perfect date is for me to be invited over for homemade dinner (cooking skills are always a plus) while I'll bring some wine and/or dessert. And next time the other way around. Or doing an activity or watching a movie - restaurants are so stiff and overpriced for what you get.

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  • Men ALWAYS paid for me. If he didn't pay I would have tossed my drink in his face, walked away and left him with the bill.

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    • How are you enjoying your life as the crazy cat lady so far?

  • Hmmm I've always been of the thought that going dutch the first few dates (or even the whole time) isn't a bad idea. That way no one feels like they've been taken for a ride if it doesn't work out long term... because lets face it, if you end up in a long term relationship or married you're going dutch the rest of your life anyway unless you are a couple that keeps their finances completely separate.

    Yes being treated out is nice and if a man or woman really wants to do the treating then that's fine but there isn't anything wrong with dutch. I think in this day and age it should be removed as a given that the man will pay. Especially when a first date could easily run close to a hundred buck if its a nice sit down restaurant (think one shared appetizer two dinners and 2 drinks)

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  • I personally always ask if I can contribute with paying wether if it's the tip or my half of bill. I expect him to disagree and pay but it doesn't hurt to ask. But yes if he asked you out on a date I believe he should pay. Yes he traveled and had good reason but he could of easily said I worked a long day do you mind picking somewhere half way. Or just going out on a day off of his.

    I believe the female and male should pay for themselves IF it was talked about previously about paying for your self (Not a hour before)
    Or
    If you knew going into the "Date" you guys were just hanging out as friends

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  • Id be so turned off, for me the first date is a must he pays but on others I'm cool with paying...

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    • At which point is it acceptable to let the lady pay in your opinion?

    • Show All
    • Would you also be okay with the guy always paying? I've been on 7 dates with this girl and I've gladly paid for all of our dates but I'm not sure if in this day and age it's still acceptable for the guy to always pay.

    • You're sexist. Don't you have an income or something? There is no excuse to be sexist.

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