Why I Stopped Dating For A While

I used to complain a lot about being single and how most of everyone I know is in a relationship or married but me.I’ve decided to do a little bit of searching and find out a little more about myself, not just in love, but this is what I have so far.

The Men I Chose

I think about each and every guy I have given a chance (in my adult life) and they all had something in common. They were all useless players that never had a job and if they did, they didn't really have any goals. They didn't want to improve themselves. They all were just going through life being lazy bums or they would make all of these false promises and never go through with them. Instead of focusing on getting an education, or getting a career, they were more focused on how many chicks they were talking to at one time (which explains the high numbers of baby moms and too broke to take care of them). I don't say this because I want a millionaire but I have come to realize that me and these men were not on the same level. We didn't have the same plans for our lives, hell these guys didn't have any plans at all. I started thinking to myself it didn't work because I need to be with someone who has dreams, goals, and wants to do something with their lives.

Why I Stopped Dating For A While

Self Esteem

Something I’m still working on. I never thought of myself as pretty and being rejected when I did show interest in a guy certainly didn't help. So I decided to date the guys very much like reason number 1. They were the only ones who were showing interest in me so I just went for what I can get. I started thinking to myself that maybe this is all I can get and maybe this is what I deserve. After things went bad with the last guy I sort of had an epiphany. I didn't respect myself so these guys didn't respect me. I let them walk all over me and treat me any kind of way because I wanted to have someone so bad. I think differently now. I don't just give in to any guy that wants to talk to me because I can sense what they are about and I just don't need the bullshit right now. I would rather be alone with my laptop and food than to be treated in a way I know I don't deserve.

Why I Stopped Dating For A While

I Still Have Goals I Want To Achieve

I told myself in January that I am going to make 2017 the year of my career. Meaning I am going to achieve every goal I make career wise. Still working on them. All of my energy is being put into that. Having a relationship right now would definitely slow me down. What if I get a job and I have to move and my boyfriend tells me he doesn't want to move? What will I do then? Leave of course, but why go through all of that? That’s just another heartbreak we will both have to deal with. What if I have to work all the time and I have a SO breathing down my back saying I don't spend enough time with him? That’s not fair to me or to him. A relationship right now would not be a good idea because I don’t let anything get in between me and my coin.

Why I Stopped Dating For A While

I Like My Freedom

I am beginning to enjoy having my time to myself. I love the fact that I can come and go as I please without having someone blowing up my phone asking where I am, who I’m with and when am I coming home. I like the fact that I can make my own decisions without having to consider someone else, I don't mean that to be selfish, go back to reason number 3. I like the fact that I can binge watch Law and Order without being crucified about my longtime crush on Fin Tutuola (lmao don't ask). I also like that I don't have to share my assets with someone, unlike marriage when everything combines. I have sparked some interests I may want to look into and I feel I can’t do that with a SO because they will want all of my time.

Why I Stopped Dating For A While

Trust Issues

Hate to admit it but I haven’t gotten over some of the pain of my last relationship. I am still hurt which had led not to trust any guy right now. I would not want to bring that extra baggage into a relationship with a guy I ACTUALLY like. I want to be able to trust my partner and not hurt him. It’s not fair to him to deal with the things that happened in the life I had before him.

Why I Stopped Dating For A While


That’s what I came up with so far. I may have more. For those who are single and stopped dating feel free to explain your reasons.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is brilliant! There is no need to be constantly on a relationship. I still like going out on dates and light stuff like that, but there is no way I'm getting a boyfriend unless he's really special. And no, that's not feminism. That would be if I was going on about my rights to single and how i don't need no man to complete me :)

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    • It amazes me that females like us are considered feminists because men are not number one in our lives.

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What Guys Said 15

  • If you feel you still need to recover from the last relationship emotionally (sux your now ex-boyfriend is an untrustworthy jerk), then you definitely should continue your hiatus from dating.

    You definitely sound like you did some deep (and sometimes painful) soul-searching, so recognition of your issues is the most important step to recovery.

    You'll be ready to date again before you know it!

    P. S. Not every partner is clingy like u were describing

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    • Well, my hiatus is most likely to be permanent because I still attract guys like the one I described but I have better things to do with my time.

  • Well, it is your life. I think you have come to a good decision to stop dating for at least a little bit. But one thing you can try is perhaps not focus on conventional dating. Perhaps try meeting men in groups. You are so young and there are so many interests out there. There are groups for young professionals to meet and discuss various projects. Groups dedicated to speaking certain languages or understanding certain cultures. There are groups dedicated to music, travel, etc.

    It will take away some of that stress for dating one-on-one. It will help to meet men who are already established in terms of career, education, life choices, etc. And also introduce you to some men who have similar interests. And it doesn't have to be serious at all in the beginning.

    I use a site called meetup. It was great for me.

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    • I'm not interested in meeting men. Whether it's in groups, one-on-one or any of that. I've been through enough with men right now and I'm worried about myself.

    • Your choice.

  • Lol I never even dated yet!.. Single and happy.
    Constantly working on myself to improve in all aspects and Already working on my dream career :-)

    I will eventually find someone which I am not that much worried about!

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  • Awesome MyTake and I'm single cause I'm taking time to find someone who i can trust so i don't have trust issues

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  • Good take.
    Although, I don't get the reason why people have to serial date in the first place.
    Got single, stay single. Wanna date, date.

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    • Dating is just stressful to me right now lol I but kudos to those who serial date and even better if it works for them.

    • If you are stressed out dating someone, then you are dating the wrong one.
      Dates should be fun, even if the prep is stressful (like picking the right clothes and such).

    • Well, it hasn't been very fun for me, not even in high school. That's another reason why I stopped.

  • Caring for sum 1 is fine they don't have to be rich just make descent money to live off that is what's the 2 most important

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  • Generally dating is a shitty thing , no one be faithful in a date, marriage is better.

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  • Good take. I love that meme. There is a lot of dumb bitches out there.

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    • Yeah, and I used to be one of them that's why I made this take.

  • You're still single because your shallow.

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  • most women can not reach my standards

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  • I love being single.

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  • ok good

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  • Glad to see a woman admitting that she was the problem not everyone else and taking personal responsibility and action to change things.

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  • ''I told myself in January that I am going to make 2017 the year of my career. Meaning I am going to achieve every goal I make career wise.''

    That comment tells me that you aren't quite there yet in terms of understanding the much bigger picture. I don't even know where to begin. All I can say is that you are on the wrong path and that I hope you discover who you really are from the perspective of your soul / inner self and your higher self. I wonder if you've ever questioned where the focus on career even came from.

    Something is missing here but instead of examining and addressing this, you are doing something else.

    The rest of your take shows that you are ALMOST on the right path and you are still young so perhaps in time, you will find what you truly seek.

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    • How is her focusing on her career goals right now the 'wrong path' and who are you to decide that for her?

    • Show All
    • It's a lot easier to pursue other goals with a steady career established. Maybe her career is her purpose... for now. Maybe it is a means to a higher purpose; some people 'find' their life purpose; some people create theirs.

    • @RichardBrooks and @Nyx_85 Thank you both! I don't understand how focusing on my career is the wrong path either!

What Girls Said 5

  • The thing about love and relationships is that they seem so pointless or disposable or unneeded when you are younger and your boobs are still firm and your health good. ''Always plenty more in the sea'' as they say.
    Thing is, that once you hit 35-40 and your desirability starts to fall, then suddenly you start to realise just how important having a husband or wife is to keep you company or to just plain old look after you and your aging body - especially once your old circle of friends begins to move on to other things through family and jobs.
    I'm not saying that this applies to you. Only that so much of what you speak of such as goals and ambition are only good whilst the option of something else still remains. If you disbelieve me, google just how many feminists from the sixties who followed the ''I don't need a man'' mantra are really regretting that decision now that they are alone and childless in an uncaring society.

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    • Well, that's how you feel but my career is more important. Love doesn't pay the bills and I have wasted too much time on men.

    • Like I say, lets see what you think in ten years time assuming your age is genuine. I believe the rather dark term among those on the dating scene is ''the wall''.

    • Again, I don't think that will be the case with me but ok.

  • I can kinda relate to the self esteem part, even though i haven't actually had a boyfriend nor dated someone who was jobless and/or didn't have an education, I have kinda only dated guys who approached me first. I dont have the self esteem to approach the guys i really want. Even though some of the guys who have approached me has had a lot of the things i look for in a guy, i have dated guys in the past just because they showed me attention.

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    • I understand completely. I just dated whoever came along because the guys I did approach never liked me, but since I'm still attracting guys like I described in my take I'm still going to remain single because I'm not going to keep dating the same type of guys. I'm done with that in my life.

  • Right with you there sista.. whole nine yards. Great Take !

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  • Awesome MyTake :) It's awesome you realized your true worth and are building your life around bettering yourself. Best of luck in your career!

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  • good

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