Why I Gave Up Online Dating

[Chief16]

We live in an age of security and safety that has somehow made our world more paranoid and schizophrenic than ever before. The access of instant information at our fingertips has also somehow increased our uncertainty than bolster our confidence in the fellow man.

More particularly in this case, how online dating has become a mess and has actually screwed up interpersonal relationships. I miss the good old days when I was seventeen and I wrote letters to my girlfriend. I remember the genuine effort it took to pour my feelings into a sheet of paper, the emotional involvement, the battle to find the right words to tell her how much my time with her meant to me and how lucky I was to have her(I genuinely was). And the much anticipated response I would wait for the day after I gave her the letter. Those feelings alone meant so much more than the sex. Because they were proof that no matter what happened in the future, no matter how distant we grew after. We had that moment. And that memory alone would light up some dark day of your life down the lane. I might have been hopelessly naive but somehow looking back, I have no regrets whatsoever. I feel foolish now for having been so embarrassed to have been in love. The purity and intensity of those feelings still surprise me when I think about it and makes me wonder when I changed so much and became such a skeptic. Maybe it was the lack of actual responsibility or distinction back then but I don't remember having 'worked' so hard for love before. Don't mistake me, I'm not complaining, in fact those days were amongst the most rewarding in my life.

I have come to understand a bit, after my own personal tryst with online dating that the prospect of relationships has become secondary to dating itself. This is evident by the conversion of dating into a numbers game.

The whole judge a book by its cover mentality is so strongly fostered here even if that wasn't your mentality before. I'm not for interracial couples, nor am I against it. After all, love is love and preferences are preferences but you'd have to think how stupid it is to make assumptions about an individual on their race and ethnicity alone. I'm not gonna dig deeper into this, as it is, on its own a very complicated issue which unfortunately for all the internet has done good, has helped spread racial discrimination. Again, an entirely different issue.

There was a time when dating was just a prelude to relationships. If you wanted to know a person, you'd have to learn them, spend time with them, learn to judge for yourself their character, values, etc. And more often than not it would be worth it. But not so these days. People swipe off profiles faster than they can form a relevant thought about it. I'm guilty of it myself.

There is no spark, no spirit of adventure, no romance and ultimately no love. What's worse still is advent of the 'Dating Industry'. Its so messed up, you have books on dating, pick up artists, coaches, even psychologists earn a sizable fortune from this factory produced dating template.

You could be driving down the road with the girl and you could find the perfect sunset at a nice cozy spot. You could stop the car for five minutes and watch it with her and it could be the five most beautiful minutes of your life. But no. Things don't even get that far. It could be that some sleazeball 'pickup' artist told you that it would be the perfect time for a shag or that you have to say something stupid to ruin the moment. No.

The best things in life are found by yourself and for yourself. Not because someone made a computer algorithm to match your profiles(as if the computer banged someone in its shelf life before). That we trust its omniscient knowledge in choosing our partners. Look, I'm not saying that you can't find mate online. If you do, good on you. Good luck and God Bless. However, after nearly two hundred days and seventeen dates with nothing culminating anything near to an actual relationship other than casual sex, I believe with good reason and no regret that online dating is best left for hook ups if nothing else.

[JimRSmith]

It's never appealed to me, and some of what you've said suggests my gut feeling about it was right.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have found several very good partners online.

1. There is a great difference between sites.

2. You must put in some effort is f you want to reap a reward.

3. There is no online dating; there is only online meeting. Once you meet online, you need to schedule a meeting in person. At that point , it is no different than dating someone who you met through a friend.

4. If you stay online for too long with someone, that is not online dating. That is using the online experience to avoid actual dating.

[Chief16]

I'd maybe, be inclined to agree with you if I were closer to your age about finding good partners. I guess us younger folks have become shallower.

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't think you are more shallow. I think your communications are shallow because you rely so heavily on texting and other digital varieties of avoiding actually talking to each other.

[Logorithim]

With a topic as broad as online dating, you're going to have a range of experiences.

One positive is that it's really the best way to meet someone who isn't located nearby, and you can target your search to specific people rather than wondering, for example, if someone is single and interested in meeting someone.

[coachTanthony]

It is takes like these that threaten my 9 room mansion and my 2 Lambos sitting in my private drive "with a waterfall." LOL Thanks a lot man. HA..

[Chief16]

Threaten a charmer like you? Lol. I doubt it. But thanks.

[Astoriana]

Maybe if you had a more affordable lifestyle, it would be under constant threat.

[Astoriana]

*wouldn't

[Wolframium]

There are spaces before parenthesis, you know? It’s so irritating! The more, when it’s just a little thing like this.
Cool. Do you know that feeling, which you get, when you reading some article and waiting for it to get to the in title advertised point, and…about in half it just glances over it, then kind of gets to it in the end? Yeah, this is the feeling, what I have now.
I’m IT guy. And I just cannot let that “computer banged someone”. Not cool. Just…wrong. You can have knowledge about something without actually dealing with it. Space exploration, particle research…
I’m sorry, I was expecting something better. Yes, I seriously did. Joke is on me then, I guess.
I see there some statistic about women rating, and…silly me! I was expecting you throwing some words to it. Or…give the same statistic for men. Nope. Fuck me, I guess.
The whole thing about dating industry…yeah, it’s “wrong”, I don’t like it either, I agree with you on that, but where is demand, there will be product. Pick up artists? Worthless scum, if you ask me. Yeah, he can pick up a girl. But…I hope that girl knows, that it’s not real. She is just another “item in his database”. If not, then…poor thing.
One question. That casual sex…well, you need 2 people for sex, so the other girls and you… If you slept with them, you are part of the problem, which you defined. If not, then good.

[Chief16]

Sorry, I typed this over the phone. My 4.7 inch screen makes typing very laborious. My statistics is for women only is kinda natural, right? I'm a guy. Besides I'm not making a comparison or a study. I'm saying why I'm giving up Online dating.

[Wolframium]

Why, for the love of god (which ever of them you want) would you write this on a phone? You have some masochistic tendencies? That's the only explanation, which comes to mind.
Why would you write thin on your phone, seriously? PC, Word, keyboard, mouse, comfort, big monitors… Sounds much better for anything.
Yes, I’ve noticed the blue color… It is natural, but I don’t think it’s…complete picture. For example, I’ve read somewhere long time ago, that men got 1 star (on this kind of scale) lower rating. What a surprise (sarcasm)! And it would be nice to show that.
Besides, you haven’t answered everything. What about that last part with sex?

[Chief16]

Well I wasn't home and I was waiting on someone so...

[Wolframium]

…so you could just…wait. Simpliest thing ever. Do nothing. :-D
I'm just looking for solutions. That's what I do.

[Chief16]

Much wisdom, you have. Lol.

[TikiTook]

Yes!! A year ago I would have said it's what you make it and it can work really well, but you hit exactly what I've been feeling the last few months after dating online for 2 years-

"There is no spark, no spirit of adventure, no romance and ultimately no love. What's worse still is advent of the 'Dating Industry'. Its so messed up, you have books on dating, pick up artists, coaches, even psychologists earn a sizable fortune from this factory produced dating template."

What made me realize this was when I got a new job and there are a couple of guys at work who have caught my eye, and I *think* I've caught there's. It's so much more exciting, magical, and fun. Now each day I get up and think about how I can approach them, steps I can take, or the luck I will have in seeing or passing them that day. We sometimes run into each other and just seeing them from afar makes my heart just turn to mush. I get so warm and it feels good to have that crush and excitement, and you don't get that from online dating. I never knew how much I missed that feeling until I stepped out in the real world instead of locking myself up and swiping left or right and robotically responding to random men who really just are photos online. Even when i meet them in person, it's awkward and I find many of the men I meet aren't who they presented themselves to be in person. One guy lied to me about all his interests to match my interests, and in person he knew nothing about anything he said he was interested in while we spoke online. My overall takeaway from online dating is that I like having internet friends, and those I meet online I'd prefer to just remain online friends with because in person it's never the same and it just doesn't feel natural or exciting. Online dating took away the mystery and thrill of meeting someone randomly by chance, and I've decided to reclaim that part of my life and be more social because I want that experience back.

[TikiTook]

Caught their's* - sorry spelling error by phone autocorrect and sorry if there are others as well.

[10dsw]

I would not give up on it - I've personally had great luck with online dating but I think for most guys, it should be something they do on for fun on the side. It should not be taken seriously just like women in bars and clubs.

The problem with it is that most guys use it for hook ups (it's a lot easier than finding a relationship) and most girls get so much attention that long before you know it, the 6/10 girl thinks she's going to find (and deserves) a guy who's 6ft+ and earning $100,000/yearly.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

She'd think that even without the apps.

[10dsw]

@Barrabus_the_Free Yea most likely aha

[TripleAce]

True. Online dating has a pool of some of the more judgmental and critical ones out there

And for good reason too. All you have to go on is a silly still picture with one angle and a resume lol. Judgements is all we have

Sitting behind a computer with out worst habits and insecurities just pop big time --> its obvious to see girls that have had shitty relationships, girls terrified to get off the internet and actually face each other, big girls hiding their large bodies --> I've literally seen the same girls on there year after year i come back 2 years later for a peak and look its her wow lol still hasn't got a boyfriend yet. Something is severly wrong with these girls

The list goes on

[colossalJinx]

I'm online dating but uh I met him through a friend who I met online on a very bizarre Facebook group.
So I assume you mean... like. Dating apps. :/

People say "try online" but like why do people interpret that as a dating app? Join a Facebook group centric on something you're interested in & that's a great way to meet people, & potential partners.

[Chief16]

Well, I'd still think Tinder is a lot better than Facebook for dating, for a lot of safety reasons too.

[Megalyssa]

Well like everything else in life, online dating is as bad as your perception of it is. My experience was always fun. I was getting attention I needed in my down times. I met some awesome people online. Watched sunset, starts and ocean with the best ones. Even had long term relationship.
Im single now and planning to give it a shot soon.

[Vmm90]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I too have tried online and I was surprised at how some of the guys were talking to me, sometimes I felt as though I wasn't a person. I am not saying they are all like that, I had some nice conversations but nothing ever came of it. There was one guy I had met and apparently who he was online was different from how he was in person. We can become who ever we want through the magic of a keyboard and after no luck I gave up on online,

[Comawhite666]

I met my boyfriend on OKCupid just as I was giving up hope on dating sites~ none of the guys were interesting to me and one played around with my emotions.

I have never been happier in a relationship and we both feel as if we were meant to find each other :)

[DoBravery]

The most pro female online dater I've encountered found me. She didn't have any pics on her profile, but instead sent me pics of herself. She said she liked my profile, and after a brief message exchange (just to prove I wasn't an immediate perv), she asked to meet for coffee. No exchange of phone numbers or anything.
The point is that she sought out what she wanted. Not took her pick from the scum that messaged her. She also understood that it's hard to have have a meaningful exchange online with a total stranger. The chemistry you want to test out is in person--not text chemistry.

[Brianc713]

Tried a few of the dating sites. End up being a hook up or just not a good relationship. Who people think they are and who people really are is two different stories. And online people make themselves so glamorous. Does everything have to be so flashy and fun all the time?

[Tasos96]

I haven't personally ever bought anything from a "pickup artist" but there is a reason these products exist. Because of sad guys like who have never found a girlfriend and have never found "love" and don't even know if it exists. You say the best things in life are found by yourself, so either a loving relationship is not one of those best things or what you're saying is bullshit because I've been alone without buying any stupid books or using online apps (since I live in the middle of nowhere) and still haven't found a girl that's even remotely interested in me. I can totally understand why people use online apps.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

This could be boiled down to "You're smart".

If you're not a trust-fund-baby-male-model or thug, or willing to settle for rubbish bin women (fatties, single mothers, and post-Wall harpies), online dating is pointless for a man.

[Margillard]

Dating sites are a sausage fest, too many guys competing for not enough girls. It is good for the girls though.

[MileyHouey]

I understand you... But for me, it depends a lot on the dating service which I use for dating online. I have just started dating on Secret Benefits. You can read the review on it on
and I have to say that I really like using it! Maybe you will find it interesting, take a look there. But anyway, be careful with dating online and stay safe!

[Anonymous]

Interesting mytake, maybe it is better for hook ups but most profiles say they don't want that, I think I've been on them longer but not even one date yet, sent a few hundred messages with only 5 replies but I don't get any further so I don't know where to turn anymore

[Astoriana]

Most dudes on online dating sites are about as interesting as watching paint dry. I am not much for it either.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

The women are even worse. The only thing the majority (99.985%) of them have going for them is warm, wet holes. But they think they're the gods' gift to all of the universe.

Online 'dating' is for hookups, nothing else.

[Astoriana]

@Barrabus_the_Free men have those too. After you stab then anyway.

[Bulgarian]

Internet is full of idiots. The internet made people lazy. And everyone can now be anonymous and trash talk people. Everyone can make a fake profile and exploit honest folk, etc.