The 12 reasons I'm not ready for my first relationship!

[TomBradysJersey]

I know this may seem kind of random but it's something I want to get off my chest and need advice on. Sometimes I don't think people do this often enough. These are not ranked in any certain order it's just the first things that came to mind. But without further ado here is my list of why I'm not ready for a relationship:

1. I need to focus on school (this upcoming school year is make or break for me).

2. I need to focus on my sports and my club activities (I slacked off from time to time last year).

3. I need to decide where I want to go to college (I have two schools in mind).

4. I need to have more confidence in myself.

5. I tend to stick in my comfort zone a little too much (in terms of not talking to new people).

6. I don't know exactly what I want in a girl.

7. I tend to worry if I will ever have a girlfriend.

8. I doubt myself too often.

9. I don't open up to a lot of people.

10. I think about having a girlfriend so much so that it seems like I NEED to have a girlfriend.

11. I feel like I would not be in a relationship for the right reasons if I were to enter on right now.

12. I have not focused enough time on making myself more attractive to girls.

Anyway that is my list.Thoughts? Tips? Questions? Thank you for reading.

[Swiss_Tengu]

Enduring until the important stuff is done is the way to go, but I know from experience, that it will never be as easy to meet people as in school. So at least make sure you can retain contact to those people you want in your life after school.
Working on yourself is ok, as long as you don't hide your true self behind a facade. That would be equal to lying and difficult to cope with. And only if you stay true to yourself, you can be confident in yourself. (And taking down a facade may be more difficult than setting it up)
Opening up is your personal decision and you should go with your gut, but never hide yourself out of fear of rejection. (For the same reason as the above)
Coping with your feelings builds character. Just decide which ones are worth pursuing and which are not.
Knowing what you want comes from experience, if you don't have any, then simply be open for anything. Rather go for someone you share a lot of intersets with, than someone you only find attractive, or someone you would like to become yourself. (Having nothing in common does rarely work out and hoping they will change you for the better even less so) Opening up is most times necessary to find likeminded people.
Confidence is something in my opinion gained by affirmation of your values. You might be ale to do so yourself, but it works way better if other people do it genuinely. Sadly this is experienced rarely these days. Asking for positive feedback may seem petty, but may be necessary, and being reminding of that it would do some people good too.

[TomBradysJersey]

Even if we have the same interests, I don't have the confidence to approach her

[Swiss_Tengu]

Let's go with this:

I order you, to talk to her about that thing you have in common.
If you have trouble finding an opportunity to approache her personally,
just write her a note, asking if she'd like to talk about xyz sometime.
You won't tell her about your feelings or ultirior motives, at all.
This is not a confession, and nothing reprehensible, therefor you don't
have to fear rejection nor condamnation.
Chances are high others will hear about this. That is good. Public attention
would only help her notice you, and can be quite the pleasant thrill anyway.
If anyone asks you about this matter, you will not hide it!

And if you feel to ashamed about this, I am the one the blame,
for I told you to do all of this.

I'll expect you to report to me, after you have done so.
And now go.

[missgatsby]

It takes a strong person to focus on bettering themselves, kudos to you, dude! Before I lost weight I decided that I wouldn't pursue anyone before I reached my goal. Yet, since I was bad with discipline, I got myself into a relationship and ended up more unhappy than I was before. When I finally sat down and did it, I felt loads better, and will be way happier in a relationship now that I have worked on the things that bothered me.

It is much easier and more enjoyable to date others when you have focused on doing the things you need to to either love yourself or prepare yourself for your future first!

[SteppingOnRoses]

It is a good thing and a 1st step in the right direction to be self-aware

Some people are not.

[TomBradysJersey]

What are the next steps?

[SteppingOnRoses]

I am not sure. That's for you to find out lol.

But maybe try choosing 3 of the goals you set for yourself there and work towards them.

12 resolutions is a lot lol

[TomBradysJersey]

I'm saying that all of these will be resolved. I dont expect perfection for myself. I'm just saying what I think is wrong with me.

[SteppingOnRoses]

yes got it

just maybe thought u wanted to change some stuff

like focusing more on work for example... the club activities and maybe keep ur mind off the dating scene for now?

I don't know... that's the impression I got. Unless you were only listing things XD lol

[TomBradysJersey]

Some of these definitely need to change so that way I can be better and more attractive.

[SteppingOnRoses]

Good luck

[TomBradysJersey]

Yeah thanks I'll need it

[Sowhoawolf]

ill i know is, if you get a good job and you workout and eat right. more women will like you. not for the right reasons but you will be less likley to be alone. memories with people we care about are the most profound acoumplishmeants we can really optain.

and if that all fails, with a good job you can afford a prostitute and that will help ease the pain of being rejected by women as life goes on.

[Sowhoawolf]

Sowhoawolf
Sowhoawolf 1 Xper Age: 29
3sec

all i know is, if you get a good job and you workout and eat right. more women will like you. not for the right reasons but you will be less likely to be alone. memories with people we care about are the most profound accomplishments we can really obtain.

and if that all fails, with a good job you can afford a prostitute and that will help ease the pain of being rejected by women as life goes on.

[AmesRocks1]

Perfect. Yay!! You're finally giving yourself time to focus on yourself. I'm so proud👍🏻👍🏻 Good job

[Watermelon15]

12 excuses why you dont think you can get a girlfriend

you can.

[TomBradysJersey]

These aren't excuses. I'm being real

[Watermelon15]

When you accept these reasons - you are giving up

[TomBradysJersey]

I'm not accepting them, I'm listing what I need to work on

[TomBradysJersey]

I know I can't have a relationship right now

[missgatsby]

He's not saying he doesn't think he can get one because of those, he's saying that he's not ready to put in the time and commitment and energy for a relationship with a fellow human being (relationships take work) until he completes all of these things that he feels he should focus on.

[TomBradysJersey]

@emmaleevalentine Some what true. I'm not saying if I met a girl I wouldn't put in the time and energy. I would. I'm saying that I should focus on other things right now. I'm saying that I need to work on making myself a better person before I enter a relationship. I'm not attracting girls so I'm saying that I need to focus on doing my own thing right now. Does this make sense?

[missgatsby]

Yes, it makes perfect sense! I didn't mean to make assumptions if that's what I did. As long as the person doesn't hinder you or discourage you from your goals then there's absolutely nothing wrong with making an exception for somebody either, because you never know when fate'll bump you into somebody you might work really well with.

[TomBradysJersey]

@emmaleevalentine yeah I haven't had success yet so maybe I need to change.

[TheNotorious]

Or just dont start a relationship anyway because you will be better off with none.

[serious]

Excellent analysis on yourself.

[Anonymous]

the same here