If He Isn't Chasing You, He Doesn't Want You.

If He Isn't Chasing You, He Doesn't Want You.

I can only imagine the black lash that I am going to receive from both men and women who may disagree with me. But the truth of the matter is, is that if a man is interested in a woman, there should be some sort of effort or pursuit after her. Or else, easy come, easy go?

Biology

Men are hardwired to be the hunters. The level of testosterone secreted in the hunt and sense of accomplishment upon attaining their goal is undeniable. When there is no motivation, no challenge, and no gain- the hormonal secretion is inhibited and the relationship doesn't plateau to the potential that it could.

Easy come, easy go

If a man works hard for something, and truly wants it- there is nothing wrong with putting forth effort to attain it. Whether it means great communication, or gentlemen like behavior- the more emotional attention, the greater the bond.

Effort = care

If you care about someone would you put in the effort to make them happy? To do the small things? To make sure that the other person knows how you feel about them? I would say "yes". Therefore, by going out of their way, a man can demonstrate care towards a woman that he fancies. Nothing wrong with a little chase.

If He Isn't Chasing You, He Doesn't Want You.

3|0
1045
amandaschwartz is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Most Helpful Guy

  • What an absolute load of horse shit. The same could be said for women, if they like a man they should pursue them. And there are many men who like women, but are too afraid to chase after them because of the way women are today: bitchy, stuck up, arrogant etc.

    0|10
    0|0
    • lol I was thinking 'If he IS chasing you... be difficult, aloof, and a little bit cunty. If your cuntiness pushes men away THEY DON'T DESERVE YOU!" LOL womens magazines man...

      The older you get the less men are likely to kiss your ass. Be great if women realized that by like age 25 instead of age 35 when its too late for them.

      elleuk.cdnds.net/.../...-sex-and-the-city-cast.jpg

    • @demonics They have made their bed, let them lie in it.

    • Until they start demanding a 'bachelor tax...' Hell we already have one come tax time when married couples get back triple the returns that I get. The incentives are not worth it though... RESIST lol.

      When I was young the black girls were like this, not just standoffish but genuinely antagonistic, "fuck are you looking at?" smacking them on the ass and telling them 'bitch come here' was how you flirted with them. Anything less and you were deemed "lame."

Most Helpful Girl

  • If he isn't chasing you it's often because you aren't worth chasing. Some girls pine too much on being chased after that they turn it into a game, only to be totally disappointed when a guy loses interest. A lot of men feel less inclined to chase a woman because they've experienced women who abuse such a luxury.

    I do agree though, most men will make effort for a woman he wants, but most won't waste time with a woman who doesn't make any effort on her end.

    0|6
    0|0
    • The women we are usually inclined to pull out the stops for are the ones we've had feelings for for a long time. If we aren't already enamored with you, especially if you're practically a stranger, it's kinda ridiculous to expect all of this. Especially because, as you said, it does get abused and we learn not to do it. And we shouldn't even be expected to.

Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 44

  • there is also the fact that PLAYING HARD TO GET pisses off a lot of guys and give up.
    Flip the tables for a second : what do you do when a girl keeps playing hard to get even if you chase her... you fucking give up because the message she is sending is "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE"

    1|6
    0|0
  • I don't chase women. Never did. Don't compete with other guys for their attention. I limit my dating pool to women who think I am the shit and don't play games. Making a guy chase her is playing games. Can't decide if you like me? I'll decide for you. Can't decide between me and another suitor? I'll decide for you.

    1|5
    0|0
  • Chasing, implies going after something that is moving away from you.
    Why chase something that doesn't want to be with you?

    Now, I do agree with men should put effort into impressing you, to show you they care. But that's not the same thing as chasing.

    0|1
    0|0
  • So guy should do all the work while women don't have to put any effort? This is stupid. If woman shows no effort then i will just lose interest, even if i really wanted her. Why should i "chase" someone like that? If girl like someone she SHOULD put some effort and show some interest. If she won't do that, why should i waste my time?

    0|4
    0|0
  • That's a hard no.
    I don't have patience for playing these mind games. If she actually likes me, she wouldn't act like this, instead she most likely only wants to feel validated by men's interest and doesn't actually want to date me.
    If a girl seems like she wants me to chase her, I just walk away from it. I don't need her.

    0|3
    0|0
  • Oh shut up, don't tell us what we want and what we are hardwired to do. I'll have you know that there is no thrilling rush of testosterone and adrenaline when making a move. It's usually just anxiety. We don't want to be the 'hunters', we have to be because women, women like you, are so full of their own bullshit that they believe it.

    I will agree with you that men who truly care will want to put in a lot of effort, but that's more for women we're already completely enamored with. If we have been on 2 dates, sorry but I don't really care about you that much. And you don't really care about me that much. There's nothing wrong with that.

    This assertion women have that men they barely know should care enough to chase them is absurd. What is it you think we should care about so much right from the get-go? Your looks? Your vagina? You want those to be a guys priorities? You're barely more than a stranger. There's nothing more to you yet to be enamored with.

    The reason for any backlash against you for writing this isn't because you wrote about some profound but controversial truth. It's because you wrote a mess of cliche and outright false gender stereotypes based nothing more than how you want things to be. It's kinda like how a lot of guys will think they rocked a girls world in bed when really she just thought 'meh'. You know why there's a disconnect? Because they don't know what they're doing. Neither do you. You're clueless, you spouted off some pseudoscience and some advice straight out of those magazines in the checkout line aimed at teenage girls with '21 steps to rock his world' plastered all over the front.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If a man " chases " a woman , he WILL be perceived as weak , needy , lacking options & low value... this WILL lead to rejection !! Effort = care is correct , but ONLY in an established relationship , otherwise in the early stages , this will backfire on a man.

    1|2
    1|0
  • effort = care
    Why should anyone waste their effort on someone who doesn't in turn care about them?

    0|9
    0|0
  • If she isn't in the kitchen, making you a sandwich after having spontaneously sucked your dick then she doesn't love you.

    Because biology n shit.

    0|5
    0|0
  • ''If you care about someone would you put in the effort to make them happy? To do the small things? To make sure that the other person knows how you feel about them? I would say "yes". ''
    Right so men have to do everything lol? Men of value don't chase they show interest and put themselves out there. Girls have this delusional view that the man of their dreams will be the one that does everything for her and chases her...

    1|1
    0|0
  • I'm not chasing Scarlett Johansson, but that doesn't mean I don't want her.

    1|6
    0|0
  • When I was a teen to college... I used to chase. Women are funny today, because they mock men who chase them. I see women post conversations on snapchat/instagram of men trying to talk to them and mock them. Women aren't that mature today, to be honest.

    Women always try to tell me how we SHOULD be... but they have no idea what it is ACTUALLY like being a man.

    I don't chase women anymore. If I like a woman, I will ask her out on a date. After the date... I will put slight effort in to see if she wants to continue seeing me. If she doesn't put any effort back, I move on. Simple as that.

    0|6
    0|0
    • Yeah, never let a woman tell you how to be a man as they don't have a clue.

  • Wrong, wrong, wrong. Any men that read this and take these false notions to heart will waste years upon years constantly frustrated in the dreaded 'Friendzone.' Do not be misled. As much as 'The Game' is frowned upon, I strongly urge any and all my brother men out there to digest it thoroughly. You must learn to tear down the barriers and tests that a woman puts up before you can conquer her. It will seem hard and unnatural at first but that changes with time and practice. It eventually becomes second nature along with confidence. I can assure you that you will get loads of women if you put in the effort and you will ultimately be master of your love life.

    Shame on you Amanda, shame on you. You deserve a swift kick in the ass for putting this crap out.

    0|3
    0|0
  • If I don't chase her, it's because I want evidence that she'd be worth my time. I'm more concerned about getting hurt, than I am about winning her attention.

    0|0
    0|2
  • Thing is, I take a lot of us guys don't really know how to interpret the "hard to get" at times. Like, when is it supposed to be it, and when it isn't. How is one to tell? Beyond that, I can only agree.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Women, if you want to understand men, read mens magazines.
    Men, if you want to understand women, reads men's magazines.

    Womens magazines and online articles are for people with low self esteem who need pick me up. They know how to generate clicks with garbage advice. How many women would read cosmo if they were successful at getting long term relationships? It is in their best interest to keep you single, over weight and stressed out about trivial shit.

    78 Spicy Positions for The Bedroom to keep your man, annoyed because he's perfectly fine with doggy.

    Top 10 reasons why you're still single, and why thats ok!
    1. Nothing to do with you.
    2. His fault.
    3. Society is bad
    4. Also not your fault.
    5. You're TOO perfect.

    0|4
    0|0
  • Dont ask guys to chase guys it just causes problems if guys think they're supposed to chase and it will likely be the guys your not interested in that take your advice.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Rubbish we men are valuable and a prize so rubbish if he does not want to play games try being straight up thankfully those days are dying

    0|3
    0|0
  • Ugh... This comes from the one, who has cheated in the past. Why am I not surprised?
    But for the sake of this mytake I am willing to look past it.

    "Men are hardwired to be the hunters."

    No, *I* am not.
    I also don't play mind games and I quit when I get a sense of hard-to-get.

    "When there is no motivation, no challenge, and no gain- the hormonal secretion"

    When it comes to relationships - for me - it makes me want to rather go away and probably stay single. Challenges are for video games, which I like to practice but not in relationships with women.

    "If a man works hard for something, and truly wants it- there is nothing wrong with putting forth effort to attain it."

    Okay, this is actually true because I am an example of it.

    "If you care about someone would you put in the effort to make them happy? To do the small things? To make sure that the other person knows how you feel about them? I would say "yes"."

    I agree!

    0|3
    0|0
  • Depends on sexual market value. A female with a really high market value, is going to need to be chased, convinced, and wooed a little bit.

    If she's a basic chick on the other hand, she better be chasing me or she can settle for the beta dude she'd cheat on in a heartbeat for someone like me.

    What makes the market value go up? physical, financial, and social traits. So a great looking chick might actually be avoided if she's a broke ass gold digger that's banged every guy at her work and then some. But what if this great looking chick wants to and can go dutch while she's socially knowledgeable enough to figure out if dudes aren't worth the chance without taste testing all those dicks? Assuming you're a "worth it" type of guy, she's going to be worth a little chase and she's going to recognize you're worth a taste test (a chance).

    0|1
    1|0
  • Assuming the implication of this Take is that men should put in tons of effort into chasing a girl without her returning much (or any) effort. I disagree; the effort to establish and prolong the relationship should be reciprocated. The "argument" supporting your belief was weak, and could be summed up to: "Because penis!" Scientific sources: fictional cartoons and movies I watched while I was growing up A. K. A. none. Something a middle-schooler is capable of coming up with.

    On the bright side, at least you anticipated the inevitable backlash (from both males and females) that would occur as a consequence of the lack of factual support in your claim. In a situation where you do not have adequate evidence to support an assertion of this magnitude, at least explicitly state that it's nothing more than a personal opinion--nothing wrong with having one.

    1|2
    0|0
  • You're partially right, but where it counts you're so wrong that it really throws everything you have to say out the window.

    Yes, a guy should pursue a woman he's interested in... BUT you know what? In todays culture, such single minded pursuit can land you in legal trouble. SO... guys have learned by necessity to only attempt to land the plane when they're being signalled that it's safe to approach.

    That's flirting. That's the whole thing about flirting.

    AND GIRL IF YOU DON'T FLIRT BACK OR RESPOND IN SOME WAY, THEN IT WON'T MATTER A GOOD GOD DAMNED SHITE IF HE WANTS YOU - HE IS NOT GOING TO CHASE YOU IF HE'S A GOOD GUY.

    0|1
    0|2
  • Well what you wrote is mostly true. But would it be desirable for only the men to have to work for their desires? This ideology only favours muscles over brains. That is retrogressive and a bane to our society. It empowers those with primal instincts and less scruple. It renders women a prise, an object, and takes away their agency in the matter. You couldn't expect a woman to still hold the right to deprive a man of his "prise" because she's not into him, although he has put in worthy effort. We all know how big of a problem people see in all that these days.
    So everyone should be equally empowered to chase after what they desire. Those with strong drives will still thrive.

    0|0
    0|0
  • "Men are hardwired to be the hunters."

    wrong, as i said in a previous take, HUMANS are biological hunters, not just men, not just women, but BOTH are.

    "If a man works hard for something, and truly wants it- there is nothing wrong with putting forth effort to attain it."

    same can be said for women who want something.

    "If you care about someone would you put in the effort to make them happy? To do the small things? To make sure that the other person knows how you feel about them? I would say "yes". Therefore, by going out of their way, a man--"

    ... or a WOMAN can do the same shit.

    seriously, why is it so fucking hard to just tell someone straight up that you like them nowadays?

    0|2
    0|0
  • Okay right, but if i keep on "chasing" a girl for about 4 years, this is too much, even for my taste

    1|0
    0|0
  • Girls just think I'm a creep if I show interest in them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Excuses so women don't have to put in any effort.

    0|8
    0|0
  • This bullcrap of a take stinks a lot.

    0|3
    0|0
  • There are exceptions to every rule

    0|0
    0|0
  • Interesting

    0|0
    0|0
  • Show more from Guys
    14

What Girls Said 9

  • While I do agree with the statement if you really want something you'll fight for it, I don't think that just because a guy doesn't necessarily "chase" you, he's not interested. But that's just me, we're all entitled to our own opinions

    0|4
    0|1
  • I have been chased by people who just want to play games with me, and left alone by people I know are dying to work it out with me. It's complicated. I do agree that some girls ignore clear signs in order to cling to their delusions, I see them do it all the time when a man's body language shows the world he doesn't want her. But for those who are wanted they know their circumstances might differ from some.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Can't believe this sexist bullshit is being pushed as fact 🙄

    0|8
    0|0
  • I find that backwards, if a guy is chasing then he's clearly interested. Yes some chase to prove to themselves that they can get the woman even if he doesn't really want her, but most guys do it cause they are interested. And I don't mean Chase by going after her for weeks or months, I mean by him simply going up to her and asking her on a date. If she says no or doesn't give a direct yes or no, then that's when the chase should end and the man move a long.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Bullcrap. I'm an assertive outgoing woman. I go after what I want and I get it. I'm no way waiting for some guy to chase me. What a waste of time. If someone chases me, great! If not and I'm interested ill go get him myself. Never failed me yet.

    0|2
    0|0
  • If he's not chasing you, he doesn't want you. If he's chasing you, he's stalking you. Looks like guys are pretty much screwed, these days. :P

    0|3
    0|0
    • Don't you mean NOT screwed !! True , very true , hence most men do NOT chase , there are huge potential risks !!

    • Show All
    • @tyber1 ot really. Not if he's a beta male like you seem to be.

    • A beta male? Please. My co-workers call me boss. I'm not their boss, they just do what I say. I know how to take charge, I'm just done pandering to women's expectations. They'll meet my expectations or they'll get nowhere because I'm not willing to cave. That's pretty much the opposite of a beta male. Beta males do what they're told they should do, they don't think for themselves or if they do they spinelessly cave in anyways.

  • Tip: you must never stop pursuing your spouse no matter how long you have been together.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

    0|0
    0|2
  • yet some guys won't chase even they love like a mad

    0|0
    0|1

Recommended Questions

Loading...