Judging by the "How do I look?" section of this website, the popularity of image-based websites such as Instagram and Snapchat, and the direction of Hollywood and advertisement campaigns these days, appearance is not only obsessed over, but also the main root of many insecurities people have in attracting friends, the opposite sex, and feeling satisfied with life in general. Fortunately attraction involves much more than facial symmetry and solid genes, so applying yourself and working hard to improve your appearance, personality, and way you live your life can immensely improve your attractiveness to the opposite sex
Several things such as improving your health, wearing nice clothing, and smiling are non-gender-specific ways to increase attraction, but biology hard wires men and women to seek different things in a partner they wouldn't expect a partner to seek in themselves. Therefore focusing specifically on attracting the opposite sex using their expectations rather than holding yourself to society's beauty standards is imperative if you want your efforts to pay off. Men tend to focus more on visual aspects and maternal traits while women lean more towards personality and paternal traits when deciding whether to involve themselves with someone new
Physical Appearance
Men love beautiful women as the visual-based sex, so it's imperative for a woman to initially physically attract a man on first impression if she wants to hook his interest. Women require men to stack up to their physical expectations as well, but are more lenient if a good man comes along and also find men more attractive as a relationship develops. Physical attraction, deeply-rooted in biology, praises genes, shapes, and hormones that aid in fertility and represent good health, so catering to traditional male-female attraction and maintaining your health subconsciously initiates attraction despite personal preferences. People with good health and genes give birth to more children and have a higher likelihood of raising their children into adulthood. Sexual maturation, testosterone in men and estrogen in women, and good health increase attractiveness
Traditionally Attractive Male Traits
Cavemen with height, strength, and aggression generally lasted longer in the world and achieved better success in protecting and providing for their wives and children than shorter, weaker, passive cavemen, so women see men with good genes for providing and protection as positive. Women appreciate men with narrow hips and waist, wide shoulders, muscle definition, deep voices, facial hair, strong jawlines, large hands and feet, and high testosterone levels. However, as society progressed and intelligent cavemen created new inventions such as fire, sanitation, cars, and smartphones that improved quality of life, increased longevity, health, and entertainment, men were able to protect their families better, able to produce less children with more reaching adulthood, therefore men with high intelligence can be equally as attractive as those with traditionally physically attractive traits. While most women do like to look at attractive men, an attractive man who get a woman pregnant and leaves her to raise it on her own isn't providing or protecting her, so she is more likely to marry and have children with a less attractive man if he is devoted to her and willing to protect and provide for her even if he is less capable. Women view men older than them as more attractive than those younger
Yes tall men have an advantage in dating--I'm not going to sugar coat this because my ex was pretty tall and I loved it because I felt safe in his arms when he hugged me and wrapped himself around me--but that doesn't mean short men are doomed, so quit dwelling on it. Women prefer men who are taller than them, but most women don't expect a man to be 6' and plenty of short women like me are satisfied with short and average height men as long as he stands at least an inch or two above us. Height is a bonus for most women, not a requirement. Science says couples with a man 1-2" taller than the women have the longest relationship potential anyway, so aim for similar height if you want to focus on height. Note that women find traditionally masculine protective traits more attractive while ovulating (most likely to get pregnant) and traditionally masculine providing traits more attractive while not, meaning a woman will find you more or less attractive throughout the month, depending on her cycle
Traditionally Attractive Female Traits
Cavewomen with high fertility and ability to birth and raise children generally reproduced more children and achieved better success in raising a new generation than those with poor fertility and poor ability to care for children, so men see women with highly erotic genes as positive. Narrow waists and wide hips (a .70 ratio scientifically ranked the most attractive according to men) represent good health in bearing a child for a full 9 months and birthing a child without dying while large breasts feed babies for their first couple months of life and large buttocks and thighs indicate enough fat and nutrients to produce a healthy newborn. The reverse of wide waist, narrow hips, small breasts, and skinny thighs in a woman potentially risks a baby's health in the womb, chances of being born without death, and surviving its first few months alive. Long, thick hair and nails increases health of children in the womb because unhealthy women or women who don't eat enough nutrients have brittle hair and nails as well as unhealthy children. Men view women with high estrogen and low testosterone as the most attractive because high estrogen develops softer features and skin, more curves, a desire for more children in a woman, and a calmer demeanor with higher emotional quotient
Rich men prefer smaller breasts in women while poor men prefer larger (although most men agree that any breast is attractive despite the size), so a man's biological preferences change due to his social standing, accumulated wealth and assets. A man with more means to provide and protect for his children doesn't require as much health and child-bearing potential in his wife because his fewer children have more chance of reaching adulthood with his resources than a poor man's many children. Scientific breakthroughs and technology such as baby formula, prenatal vitamins, and incubators greatly improved life of unhealthy babies (I lived in an incubator for my first day of life because I was born a month early), so women who don't possess traditionally attractive female traits can now reproduce safely and are considered more attractive than in the past. Women have a shorter fertility window than men (15-30), so youthful features such as round face, smooth skin, large eyes, bow-shaped lips, and short height are a male preference. A high-pitched voice is traditionally attractive on women, but Hollywood sex icons with deep voices have caused men over the last 50 years to also view women with deep voices as seductive
Good Health
Health is attractive because healthy people produce healthy and more offspring, live long enough to raise their children, and generally have easier and more fulfilling lives because poor health causes unhealthy children, early death, and complications in navigating life. Eating well, working out, and generally maintaining good health is key to attraction. Men prefer women with a healthy weight and enough fat to produce fertile curves while women prefer men with low fat and muscle definition. Obesity is unattractive to both genders, so losing weight is the number one way fat people can increase their physical attractiveness. Underweight and anorexia are unattractive to both genders as well, so gaining weight for those individuals is the number one way to increase their attractiveness. Smooth skin and good complexion, no acne, thick hair (long hair on women especially) and nails, ability and endurance during exercise, lack of allergies and good immune system all represent good health
In poor countries and society, attractive health standards change. Overweight men and women are seen as attractive, signifying better wealth and resources. Underweight is the norm, so not seen as unattractive. Healthy weights are still considered attractive in poor countries and societies. The Renaissance era exemplifies this societal phenomenon perfectly
Cosmetics And Surgery
Ugly women wear makeup to hide their flaws; pretty women wear makeup to look prettier. Most women feel pressured to wear makeup socially by other women, and especially when trying to attract men, but most women also go overboard with their makeup to the point where men find them less attractive. Science even proves men prefer women with less makeup than women prefer themselves with. Makeup is a hot subject on this site and most of what I've read leads to: attractive women are attractive without makeup, don't wear so much that you're unrecognizable without it, and light makeup is fine and will make you more attractive. Use makeup to enhance your features, not cover up your flaws because that kind of insecurity makes you less attractive
Personally I only wear makeup for special occasions, never to work, and sometimes go out on the weekends without it. People tell me I'm beautiful with makeup; people tell me I'm beautiful without makeup. Women give me positive feedback on my artistic qualities in makeup application; men give me positive feedback about being confident enough to not wear makeup. My ex only complimented my physical appearance when I wore no makeup, so I stopped wearing it with him altogether--honestly I hate applying and wearing makeup, so leaving makeup at home is refreshing and more comfortable for me throughout the day
Surgery is expensive, extensive, risky, and illuminates your insecurities for the whole world to see. Light procedures such as braces, hair removal, and lancing moles are safe, relatively inexpensive, and socially acceptable. Personally I had braces as a teen and people comment on how perfect my smile is all the time (my jaws are slightly offset and my bite is terrible lol) but they were totally worth the pain and I recommend braces to everyone who needs them. Most men prefer real breasts over to implants and you shouldn't be with a man shallow enough to pass over you for the size of your breasts. Penis enhancements are ridiculous and extremely risky--focus more on what you provide to a relationship and ask her how she wants you to satisfy her once you take your pants off. Botox ruins your face completely if botched and wears off in about 10 years anyway. Age gracefully and accept your flaws; confidence is more attractive than insecurity no matter what you look like
Grooming And Hygiene
Good hygiene is attractive; poor hygiene is unattractive. Shower regularly, brush your teeth everyday, neaten and style your hair, clip your finger and toenails, apply lotion to dry skin and people will find you more attractive than if you look like a slob with greasy hair, smell bad, spit food on people when you eat, and speak with bad breath. Groom your body hair and facial hair if necessary: wax, tweeze, or thread unruly eyebrows, shave your armpits, ladies shave your legs, and men do what you need to do to not look like a shag carpet if that much hair grows on your body. Science says women find men with stubble most attractive for short-term relationships and hookups, men with beards as potentially better fathers and protective, and clean-cut men as higher standing in society, but that facial hair in general makes men more attractive if kept neat. Cut your hair, wash your hair, and style your hair--a new hair style is the easiest way to instantly change your appearance
Wear figure-flattering and complimentary clothing. Develop your own style, not someone else's or what celebrities with size-0 bodies rave as "in" fashion because it probably won't look good on you. Women compliment your curves and dress sexy, not slutty. Men clean up and show a girl you care about your appearance (I only agreed to go out with my ex after I saw him wearing a suit first). Wear what you feel comfortable wearing and only buy clothes that fit you properly (too tight looks cheap and too loose looks sloppy). Find colors that compliment your skin tone--warm colors for warm skin tone and cool colors for cool skin tone. Science says men are much more attracted to women who wear red clothing, red or pink lipstick, and heels. Wear contacts or attractive glasses that compliment your face shape, and to make yourself look smarter for people who seek intelligence in a partner. Shop at thrift stores if designer brands break your bank and avoid trashy brands unless you're looking for a trashy partner
Personally I dress pretty modestly and still receive plenty of compliments on my clothing and body because the modest clothing I wear flatters my figure, fits me well, and expresses my personality. My style combines elements of gothic, steampunk, and Lolita clothing, is feminine, and velvet is my favorite material because it's soft to the touch and warm. I wear clips in my hair, but mostly leave it natural because I like my hair the way it is and other people love it too. I wear glasses everyday and use them as accessories (my blue rhinestone pair gets the most compliments, but my ex liked my red ones on me the best). I never leave the house wearing clothing I feel uncomfortable in and I never wear sloppy clothing such as exercise clothing or pajamas and slippers outside. I generally dress like this model in my daily life, but I have curly red hair and glasses. Outfits like this are attractive but respectable, leave something to the imagination, show personality, and act as a conversation starter when meeting new people. I love dresses like this because they flatter my curves without spilling them out everywhere
Personality
Arguably the more important aspect of finding a partner, I'll keep this short because you need to develop your own personality and come off as authentic or people will avoid you. Personality isn't obvious on first impressions and this MyTake focuses mainly on first impressions for people who feel like nobody finds them attractive. Your personality flaws or mentality may be holding you back from a relationship, so working on yourself is important when working on attracting somebody else
Happiness And Mental Health
People find happiness and good mental health attractive because crazy and depressed people risk killing themselves and their children. Acting mentally unstable will cause people attracted to you to not see you as stable relationship material. Alcohol and drug abuse, sleeping around, risky behavior, stalking, obsessiveness, "being bipolar", and not getting professional help for any personality, anxiety, or medical disorders you have makes you unattractive. Smile, relax, and learn to enjoy life if you want someone to want to share your life. Nasty, bitchy, asshole, and sloppy behavior comes off as unstable and indicates poor problem-solving skills and patience (meaning you wouldn't know how to properly deal with and raise children). Acting stable, sane, and happy is attractive behavior
Love yourself first. You can't expect anybody else to love you unless you love yourself. If you're not worth loving, nobody will love you. Make your love worth something by being able to love yourself first. (And narcissism falls into the "unattractive mental disorder" category, so lay off the bathroom mirror selfies)
Respect
Two different studies I've read conducted by two different relationship coaches both came to the same conclusion that respect is the most important factor in a long-term relationship. Yes trust is important, but respect is a prerequisite for trust. Yes love is important, but you can't treat the person you love properly unless you respect them. People who cheat don't respect their marriages and partners. People who divorce no longer respect their marriages and partners. So respect someone you want to date and only date someone you respect. Your garbage in is garbage out; your respect in is respect out
Respect is earned in this day and age, but respect is only earned by those who also give it. Respect people and other people will learn to respect you. Misogynistic and misandristic behavior is unattractive because it shows you don't respect people. People who are racist, homophobic, heterophobic, intolerant, conceded, arrogant, narcissistic, and and always travel with a cloud of drama lack respect for themselves, other people, and from other people. Be a respectable person for people to respect you and do respectable things in your everyday life
Be Somebody
This should go without saying, but some people need to here it: If you want to be with somebody, you have to be somebody they want to be with too. Work hard, support yourself and your future family, find hobbies, develop a group of friends you enjoy hanging out with. Sitting in a miserable basement all day, living with your parents past 30, and working a dead-end job that doesn't pay your bills is unattractive to someone who wants to build a life and family. Ask yourself if you would date yourself--if the answer is no, then you need to make some improvements. Find your passion in life and poor yourself into and people will naturally be attracted to the way you talk about it (I actually had a guy tell me he liked me because he loved how excited I sounded about buying a new sewing machine) because passion in life, for people, your job, and the things you waste your precious time on is attractive. I know I'd rather be with someone who gets excited about a double rainbow all the way across the sky than someone who wins $8,000 at a casino without showing any emotion
Be Open-Minded
When you're open-minded, you're more willing to try new things, meet new people, and have fun doing it. Close-minded and rigid people struggle in relationships and push people away. When you experience new things and travel to new places, you meet new people you never would've met before. Open-mindedness about new experiences transfers over to open-mindedness with new people. Allowing yourself to learn someone's personality even their look doesn't initially grab you may gain you the best relationship you never expected. People bond over trying new things, so being open-minded early in a relationship helps it blossom
Realistic Expectations
Despite efforts, improving your look, improving your life, and being someone worth being in a relationship with, you can't force attraction on someone. Be realistic in your expectations and walk away from someone who expresses disinterest in you. Needy, clingy, and desperate behavior when someone rejects you only decreases your attractiveness. Wait for someone who loves you for you, thinks you're attractive without makeup, and doesn't even think about anybody else.Take risks, live life, make mistakes, learn from them, pick yourself back up when someone knocks you down, be the best person you can be, and the best person you can get enter your life
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