How Dating Apps Made it Surprisingly Easy For a Newbie With Social Anxiety Disorder to Enter the Dating World

[just_tired]

The implication

One big problem I've had in the past is that I'd always been really bad at showing my affection to someone and always seemed to end up as the friend. I'm quite fine with talking to new acquaintances, but flirting just hasn't been my forte. The good thing about dating apps/sites is that the implication is already there. I find her interesting, she finds me interesting and we're both looking for something more than a friendships (whatever that is..). That hurdle has already been passed.

The first approach

The first approach is always a bit awkward and there's quite a lot riding on it. The first impression is quite often the only impression you get. If you freeze up and end up just having an awkward silence, that's probably it. In dating apps/sites the first approach is done through text and chatting, which is much more forgiving way of doing it. You can look at the other person's bio and pics and formulate something interesting and actually engaging to say. No awkward silences, you're chatting. It's not the end of the world, if you think about an answer a bit longer (as long as it'd not too long..).

First impression and showing your best side

You don't always look your best and you probably don't get to tell/show all your best traits on every approach in real life, but in dating apps you get to use your best pics and show your best side on your bio. They're something you really want to work on and I asked about my profile from bunch of people before actually starting to use them.

The first meeting

When you actually meet for the first time, you've already been talking for a while. You're just continuing your convo from your chats and I at least felt a bit more comfortable because of it. Now, just as a hint, you don't want to chat too long before asking for a date. You want to take the convo to the real world fairly quickly, but once a date is (hopefully) arranged, chat away and get to know them.

Have a good day!

[torken]

positive spin i reckon

honestly, i dunno how people meet folks without apps nowadays.

hell, even if i start dating a friend, lots of times i have already swiped them on an app "as a joke" lol

[melanieeeB]

I'm really glad it's working for you! (:

[just_tired]

I guess I was kind of inspired by your words :) you know, getting the implication out of the way..

[melanieeeB]

That's really amazing!

[just_tired]

So yeah, thank you! It's been going more smoothly than I could've ever imagined.

[Logorithim]

Glad to see that this worked so well for you. In my experience, breaking the ice is the hardest part and it seems like you found your own personal hack for that. Well done!

[brennanhuff]

You must be in a large city, because good looking guys, extroverted guys can have a hard time with dating apps and online dating as women are often pickier on them than IRL. It would be nice as I can be shy at first. I've done multiple things with profiles, good pictures, interesting funny stuff on info, though Bumble there isn't much write about. Friends that are girls to look at it and if it's attractive and what I can do. But had a hard time getting matches or a reply but than that's it. And that's only magnified if you're not living in a big city as many girls won't either search just 30 minutes radius for you to come up and less options show up. But from what I've seen it can be very hit or miss for even good looking guys on dating apps even in large cities.

[just_tired]

Yeah there kinda seems to be a lot of either very positive or very negative opinions.

[10dsw]

I actually kind of agree! But you have to have basic aesthetic going in though. When I was 21-22 I was super awkward and average looking at best (but tall). I had a hard time with the apps + I was competing for the toughest demographic of women to date which is 18-24.

Over the years though my social skills went way up, my looks increased tremendously as well, and so did my confidence. In a way I can sort of thank online dating for that because it forced me to actually meet up with people, etc. I'm at a point now where if I have online dating for too long I can't get rid of certain women

[jamesmark1903]

Quite funny! I don’t have social anxiety and I never even got any matches on dating sites or apps. I spent a lot of money, but no success. I haven’t even been on a date or had any girlfriend. Dating apps made no difference for me. Girls reject me in real life and dating apps just gives me no matches.

[just_tired]

Well I can't really judge your situation, but you should spend a lot of time working on your profile and get as much feedback from other people on it (preferably from women if possible) and make changes accordingly.

[bloodmountain1990]

I hate online dating but still use it anyway just because I have a hard time meeting women in person, at least ones I’m into

I’d say the biggest issue with online dating people have so many options. It comes with the territory but definitely makes dating harder.

[just_tired]

It seems it depends a lot on where you live. They really don't seem that bad in Finland. Girls do have a lot of options, which is why you gotta really work on your approach.

[bloodmountain1990]

Where at in Finland?

[just_tired]

The capital area

[TheUglyMan]

It's a preselection for women. Women are the ones with lots of options

[bloodmountain1990]

@just_tired cool, I got a friend in college from Helsinki. He used to live behind Children of Bodom’s practice space.

[just_tired]

Oh wow.. I imagine that it would've sometimes been awesome and sometimes an absolute nightmare. CoB guys are pretty heavy drinkers :D

[bloodmountain1990]

yep they sure are, especially Alexi Laiho

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Thanks for sharing your Take with GirlsAskGuys Community.

Basic Features expected in Any Dating App ↗

[HotDogg]

This seems very generalized to just about anyone. How does it specifically relate to those who have social anxiety disorder? A comparison, showing the contrasts betwen those who do and those who don't would be a much more informative post.

Besides that, it was easy to read.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Because the idea of going up rock a girl once person is damn near impossible if you have sad. Actually, for a lot of things people with social anxiety, online dating is kinda rough for a few reasons. But I’ll give you a relatively mundane example; think of going to the store. For most people, going to the store is nothing. For someone with social anxiety, you generally get the feeling that people passing you buy are judging you for what you buy... even something as generic as ice cream. Then you kind of get over it and go to checkout. You think the person registering and the person bagging are also judging you for the crap you buy, and the person behind you, too. Now, again, that’s just going to the store. Trying to date is about 30x the anxiety.

[LasPlagas]

that is complete bullshit, I have social anxiety too and tried for several years online dating, I met dozens of nice girls but never met anyone, as soon as the question "lets meet/go out on a date" comes, they refuse/disappear or ignore you. All those online dating apps gave me was frustration. Also as long as your profile pics doesn't look like those of an abercrombie&fitch model you get no reply. You also have to compete with a lot of other guys on there. And being said texting is also not everyones strength, girls get very easily annoyed or to stay interesting only by texting.

[just_tired]

It already worked for me so it literally can't be complete bullshit.. I know plenty of average looking guys who get matches (including me) and have gotten dates. You also seemed to get matches since you talked to dozens of girls. Maybe you should think if there's something wrong with your approach or what you chat about? Oh and obviously, if you're not good at chatting, dating apps aren't for you -.-...

[LasPlagas]

Well you guys seem lucky champs.
Looks like both online and real life are not for me 😅

[just_tired]

No luck, just worked hard to improve myself my entire life. Social skills can be improved by quite a lot.

[Donlgoff7]

The main problem with social anxiety is NOT BEING ABLE TO CHAT WELL, especially with women. Saying that dating apps help people with anxiety then in the same breath saying that if your not good at chatting then dating apps aren't for you just doesn't make sense. I've tried tinder and ok for the last few years and have social anxiety and neither have done anything for me except being osteicisised for how ugle I must really be.

[just_tired]

Social anxiety disorder does not equal being bad at chatting, it just means getting excessive and lasting anxiety symptoms from social situations. That does often result in one being much less social and not developing as good social skills as others, but it doesn't necessarily result in that. Exhibit A: Me, I have a diagnosed social anxiety disorder and I have good social skills and chat just fine. Anyone else who has the disorder can develop similar social skills, but it requires a lot of work.

[Donlgoff7]

Interesting. I'm undiagnosed ( because I just can't afford the medical coverage to get checked, Obamacare really messed that up for us) but I find any situation with a female I don't know talking to me the most anxiety inducing thing ever, unless she's just openly unavailable for whatever reason. Maybe it's American girls, maybe I'm just not cut out for dating, either way I'm taking a looonng break to work on my career and at least try to better myself.

[just_tired]

For profit healthcare and insurance companies messed that long before Obamacare, but that's beside the point. Anxiety wise talking to girls I'm interested is the worst too, but it really helped that the implication was over and done with so I could just talk to her like I would talk to anyone. Taking a break and focusing on other things ain't a bad idea, that's what I did. It's how I got better at socializing in general.

[meowcow]

A better idea would be to address the underlying problem, rather than hide behind it with a dating app.

[just_tired]

I am, I'm going to therapy.

[LegateLanius]

Mixed bag really. Its like going to a casino. Some win, some don't I tried that for a while and only had one woman that had any interest. She also just wanted to chat but never meet. Needless to say I dropped it.

[just_tired]

Hmm yeah.. reading the comments that analogy seems to be the case

[OpenWine]

I don't like girls who keep their heads constantly on their phone. also I suck at texting for real and sometimes even at smalltalk but I manage to talk to girls irl if they seem to have interest so online dating..

I tried it but it gave me the feeling that it wouldn't increase my chances at all and in the process made me even less social than I already am

[Red-Blaze]

That is an interesting side I never really heard or think about the dating apps
Never really think as them as an easier way for people that its hard for them

So thanks for the share, give me a new view on something in the world :D

[monkeynutts]

Cool, it can be fun sometimes I think it's too much work though, I think online dating works better for women, who are just more successful at getting any kind of action.

[just_tired]

All dating works a bit better for women as long as men do most of the approaching/first moves.

[MyExBackCoach]

I have friends who have had success with apps and websites to find great people. I think that tools that help us meet people are good things. We still need to learn to be good dates, catches, etc. And later, good girlfriends and good boyfriends.

[BillieJean1070]

I've never used a dating app. I hear horror stories from my friends that have.

[just_tired]

Yeah I can imagine it can be intimidating for a girl

[Zantigo]

I truly does make it easier.

+ it builds confidence, with that confidence I've been able to confront random people on the street. Seek discomfort ;)

[Brokenheartedx]

I’ve only been catfished by an ex or had taken men try to get me to meet them
You must not attract psychos like the majority do... well done on your success story

[clampfan101]

Not for me. I get hardly any views, let alone actual attention.

[just_tired]

You can always try and get honest feedback on why that is

[clampfan101]

How?

[just_tired]

Ask you friends to look at your profile and give feedback. You could ask them to ask from someone they know (like I did). You could ask on internet, like I kind of did here on g@g from certain people.

[clampfan101]

I have none.

[just_tired]

Aaah.. well, I guess you can then ask some people here or post it as a question or the same in another forum.

[Amazing285285]

Wow I'm surprised. I think all white men did

[clampfan101]

@Amazing285285 you thought all white men did what?

[Amazing285285]

Success with dating sites

[clampfan101]

@Amazing285285 What would make white guys different?

[Amazing285285]

There's white are better looking

[Amazing285285]

They say white guys are better looking

[clampfan101]

@Amazing285285 So you’re saying I’m surprisingly unattractive? 😒

[Amazing285285]

No I'm not

[crswalkerr]

Good read. Do you have any tips on online dating for those of us who haven't tried it?

[just_tired]

My stint with them was very short, but I can give a few tips.

Work on your profile and ask a lot of feedback on it. It's better to have more "natural pictures" from your life than selfies. Have at least one full body shot. It's good to have different expressions in them. In your bio tell what you're looking for and maybe couple good facts about you, but try and be playful with it.

Try and be unique with your approaches and get ideas from the pics and the bio. Don't chat too long, you should be asking the other person out after maybe about 10-15 messages. You can continue chatting after you have the date.

[crswalkerr]

You should definitely put that into another MyTake, that's some really good advice. Maybe with a template bio as you just described.

I can see how the selfies thing might be an issue too, it probably gives off the wrong vibe.

[just_tired]

I'll consider it :D

[bubble_tea]

I'm really happy to hear that you have a good experience with dating apps. 😊

[Amazing285285]

If you see a black guy on the site what turns you off his skin color, or do you judge his looks?