Yes, there is a list! A well protected, closely guarded document that goes beyond ‘what to wear on the first date’ and delves deep into the things that really matter to the tough ones. Men chase women and women woo men, that’s the way it has always been. But does that have to be so black and white? What about all the shades of grey i.e. those things that men hide when chasing women and the things that women must know when on a men-wooing spree. Now, this is not some ‘out of worldly’ info that was left on earth by the Martians! This piece, my dear friends, is a compilation of things that your men won’t share with you, for reasons aplenty, but expect you to know. Look at this piece as a storehouse of Grandma’s Secrets; and trust us, they know it all. After all, the subtle art of seduction took roots ages before we even walked this planet. Go on now, read the following pointers and try to understand what are the things guys wish girls knew. From space to sex, we have it all right here.
Things Guys Wish Girls Knew
1. Asking girls out is a big deal for us. So, just because we are acting cool doesn’t mean we aren’t shivering inside. It won’t hurt to appreciate the effort.
2. Going on a date is a 2-way thing. Taking an active interest in helping us decide the place would go a long way in letting us know you are in.
3. Yes, dolling up takes time and is really flattering but please, please be on time. We may not say this up front but being late isn’t fashionable and no, it isn’t sweet either; no matter how you look.
4. Also, being ‘fashionably late’ isn’t every guy’s thing. More often than not, we like people, including us, to be on time. Especially when we come to meet you!
5. So you are a vegan..big deal! I like my meat and you going all “Eww..” doesn’t add any feathers to your ‘green’ cap. Just let me keep my choices.
6. We aren’t all pigs. And even if we are, we don’t go out with Miss Pigs. So freshening up and smelling nice for a date won’t hurt. But please, hold it on the makeup.
7. Don’t be an open book. We like a mystery.
8. Ex-talk is a turn off; even worse than bad breath.
9. Keep the conversation alive. Unrequited flirting never turned on any sensible guy.
10. We don’t ask a personal question on dates. And while asking about our best friends is ok, whether or not we get along with our dads is really none of your business on the first date.
11. Reach for the bill but don’t pay. We’d like to be with women who are independent but establishing our chivalry is equally important.
12. Eat as humans please; we don’t date birds. Getting too finicky about food is not classy anymore.
13. Future talk on the first date should be restricted to career and general fun things. If you discuss marriage and kids, don’t be surprised if there is no callback..ever!
14. You want me to listen, pay attention to me too. My game talk is as important as your girl talk.
15. Drink. Don’t get drunk!
16. Guys don’t dislike sharing food. It is just annoying when you order a healthy salad only to dig into our fries and desserts the moment they arrive. We won’t judge you for eating.
17. ‘Am I looking fat’ is a double-edged sword. A ‘no’ is never believed while a ‘yes’ would only be another soup; please spare us the agony.
18. Shopping is our hell. And asking us for opinions that you know you wouldn’t agree with is hardly an ego boost. Also, a little secret – guys don’t get colors. We don’t know teal from turquoise or steel grey from metallic grey. There are 7 colors in the rainbow and that’s where it ends for us.
19. We like our space. We love you but we love ourselves too. So, frowning upon that little beer time with the guys or a little quiet time on weekends or even a while longer in the bed alone is a human rights violation. We don’t frown on your shower time, you don’t get to frown on our ‘lone time’.
20. If we like you, we would want you all to ourselves. You talking to anyone else is out of the question. It isn’t a way of getting our attention; it is just making us insecure and we don’t like being that way.
21. When we love, we love. Screaming ‘I love you’ from rooftops or whispering sweet nothings have to be a one-time thing; real men have other things also on their minds.
22. Yes, we try to impress you, but to an extent; after that, it is full-on moves. So while a lunch date could be an attempt to get your attention, a long drive after dinner is a pretty straight “your place or mine”!
23. Do you want to gossip? Bring it on! Just don’t expect us to participate always.
24. Feel free to compliment us as much as you like. We love to hear how well we are doing; it does the fragile male ego a lot of good you know.
25. You may be a sucker for romance novels and the stories they tell but in the real world, if you like a guy, you can tell him that.
26. What shopping is for you, driving is for us. It’s not about getting from A to B; it’s about a guy and his machine bonding.
27. Speaking of machines, our first cars and bikes ALWAYS hold a special place in our hearts. It doesn’t mean there is any less space for you in there.
28. We know our machine and we know our directions; even when we don’t. No back seat driving, please.
29. Just like you can’t tell us what your friends talk about, we can’t always tell you what we guys talk about. It does not equate to hiding things from you.
30. Being cute or a little silly at times is fine. Being cute and silly all the time is lame.
31. Don’t play too hard to get or you won’t get anything!
32. Remember that male ego? Well, it DOES NOT like being compared to your ex-boyfriend or other male friends! In fact, comparing ‘present’ us to the ‘past’ us isn’t pretty either.
33. Face it... Porn rocks!!!
34. Men live for 2 things – catfights and girl-on-girl action.
35. We know all humans fart; we just choose to believe that women don’t. Please let our Utopian world be!
36. Game time is our time. Once my butt is parked is parked on the couch with the TV in full view, don’t expect me to budge till the game is on.
37. If we stammer or seem to be suffering from spoonerism while talking to you, it means we really like you.
38. Miniskirts vs brains?? Brains win!! Though miniskirts put up a darn good fight.
39. ‘Fine’ & ‘Whatever’ are not the words you end conversations and/or arguments with.
40. Most of the times we don’t mean to hurt you. Even when we do, we end up doing things wrong.
Guys never kiss and tell...is what we’d have you believe.
41. Guys aren’t psychic; subtle, strong or even obvious hints have no effect on us. You have to say what you want to say.
42. Sex? Hell Yeah!!
43. Even better when you initiate.
44. Contrary to popular belief, sex is not the only thing on our mind; there’s food too.
45. If you don’t like my mates or family, don’t give me a tough time about it.
46. Guy’s night outs are just as important as girl’s day outs.
47. Toilet seats are not complicated pieces of engineering… if it’s up, put it down!
48. Fit women are a turn on; female Arnie’s? Not so much.
49. Anything said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
50. Brad Pitt gets paid to look good. We do it for you. Appreciate the effort!
And now that a fair amount of relevant information has been passed on to all the willing readers, let’s talk commandments.
The 10 Commandments
Thou shalt not play word or mind games with us.
Thou shalt not interfere in the beer & sports time
Thou shalt respect the time I spend with ‘the guys’
Thou shalt not hurt the fragile male ego. It’s FRAGILE!!!
Thou shalt not use tears as weapons.
Thou shalt not ask us questions through the bathroom door.
Exes are in the past and thou shalt keep them there.
Thou shalt refrain from using us for making others jealous. It isn’t cool!
Not all guys are jerks!
Checking out other girls doesn’t tantamount to cheating on you.
Men aren’t as complicated as they are made out to be. Just a simple willingness to dive into that beer filled brain, weird as it is, is enough to give you insights into a male mind’s functioning. Don’t believe us? Try the above points out and be as subtle as you can be. Drilling your guy with direct questions can never get you anywhere!