Why it Seems Like There Are No Single Good Guy's Left. (Spoiler Alert: There Are!)

*Not Me*
*Not Me*

I guess I'll start with an introduction. First and foremost, I consider myself a relatively good guy on the basis that I don't really have it in me to be prejudiced or rude to people. It just doesn't seem appealing to me to ruin other people's days. There's nothing wrong with me physically or mentally, and I don't look too bad either. With that being said, I'll clarify that I am a virgin. I've never had a girlfriend or even a first kiss, and I'm about to turn 22 years old this December. Many people wonder why I have never had a relationship, and it boils down to two things. The first being the fact that mutual attraction isn't always guaranteed, and the second being fear. By fear I do not mean fear of women, but rather fear of a tarnished reputation.

To me and many others who share my situation, our reputations are something we are afraid to soil. That is precisely why we don't have 'game' or go around trying to get women to go out with us. When you put in effort trying to ask out women and it fails, people will hear about it, and they will label you for it. From my personal experience I have been called a 'nice guy' or 'incel' by peers after rejections. Even though the accusations are baseless, there is no way to defend against an attack on character. So I did what, to me, is the obvious solution and stopped asking women out. Not out of bitterness, spite, or fear of rejection itself, but out of fear that I will forever wear the label of a man who can't get a girlfriend.

Let me reiterate that there is no negative feeling toward women. All of the women I've asked out were simply not compatible with me. Yet it seems that the general consensus on men who have bad luck finding partners is that they have deeply flawed personalities. To be single is more or less to wear that tag in 2018 it seems. Thus for those of us who have faced rejection, the only course of action that will allow us to save face is to stop trying.

Let's be honest, I dislike an incel as much as the next guy, so to be falsely accused as being one is one of the worst humiliations a man can face. All in all, there are single good men out there who lead upright lives but you won't find us initiating relationships very often. I would rather learn to deal with loneliness than waking up to "you're actually an incel kill yourself lmao" in a group chat with many others.


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Most Helpful Girls

  • There's nothing wrong in being single at 22. That's actually being smart. Smart in a way that you rather not waste time in doing stupid stuff like trying to get into girls' underwear or fooling around for personal satisfaction.
    Dating is a trial and error. But always keep in mind that dating is finding someone compatible to you and your good reasons.

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  • Guys in 2018 have very high dating standards. Blame social media for showing photoshopped images of already beautiful models with makeup that spend hours taking care of their appearance. So they think average women have to look like them and also have a great personality: be funny, polite, smile, don't rise your voice, have a PhD from Harvard, drive an airplane

    So the only kind of guys left of for average women are overweight or old guys. I only get overweight guys attracted to me and I'm average

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    • women's standards are higher than men's

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    • @CT_CD Women have higher standards in terms of personality. Men only care about looks..

    • Women care about looks too and they care a lot about a guys height.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well here's what I see when I read your take:

    I tried to date women.
    Got rejected. (shit happens)
    Other guys / girls made fun of me for it, so I stopped.

    So basically you tried to go for what you want, others made fun of you for it and you just flat out folded, gave up.

    Analogy, 'I started a business (99% of startups fail in the first year), I failed (uuuultra normal), people made fun of me. I stopped trying and got a desk job.

    Giving up is fine. A lot of people do it, actually most do. Everyone has given up on something that isn't very important to them, and many even on things that are important to them.

    What I read in your take is a lack of assertiveness, confidence. And that's maybe the reason why people label you, and maybe even one of the reasons why mutual attraction isn't always sparked (maybe).
    If this is an area that is important to you, I suggest you address that. Nobody will do it for you, and you're the only who will be unhappy as a result of it. It's your life, your happiness.

    As for others making comments, you can choose to ignore, or actually stand up to it. Nothing is stopping you from responding to people being cunts to you or just flat out ignoring them (you can leave the chat for example).

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  • The thought pattern is, "if they were good guys they wouldn't be single." That's why there are no good single guys. When a woman finds out you're single, she'll look for reasons why that is, and will most likely find one or two. Then she'll tell herself you're a bad guy.

    It's also a really good point that merely approaching women will get you labelled as an aggressor if she isn't into you. Usually I don't get the "incel" label, but women will tear me apart when I approach, because I'm not what they are looking for. They have to reduce me to all my worst qualities (which aren't that bad, but you can convince yourself of anything if you focus on the negatives).

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What Girls Said 21

  • There are plenty of good guys around. Women who complain there aren't either don't know a good man when they see one or are around too many low quality people. I think there is a problem with how our society treats men and women like they are different species. If you ever read a dating article for either gender, it's mostly all about obtaining some and changing thier mind like you can own them instead of treat them like a fellow member of the human race

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    • Bravo fantastic the way you say it so very true

    • Same thing can go the other way around. I've heard A LOT of guys ask "What happened to good women?"

    • Good guy is pretty relative. People show their true selves when given power or under pressure.

  • I believe you and know so. I've never been one to say there's no good guys left. I always put being single on my self for not looking hard enough.
    And good gosh man, you're 22! You're a young pup, you have plenty of time to find someone!
    If it makes you feel better my current interest is 35, never been married, and single. I don't give out my age but I'll say it's not like I'm a whole lot younger than him either.

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  • ok... I literally matched with that dude in the pic on tinder.
    guess that was a catfish lmfaooo fuck me lol

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  • Single and good guy dont make sense in the same sentence. The good guys in couples now where assholes before they met their right partner, assholes the first years of the relationship, before they surrendered, if they surrendered. My best advice is establish your inner needs , and find your toad for the smaller outer needs he can provide. The good is in you first

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  • Seriously though, plenty of single people just don't bother and I don't understand why people should bother either. Like yeah many would like to be in a relationship, that's cool and fine but getting frustrated over it and putting yourself is just pathetic.

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  • Ugh,, that guy in the pic looks so cute. If he were a 22 year old virgin guy, I'm soooo asking him out. No need for him to take a risk. I'll approach to him and ask him out,
    oh and attractiveness is guaranteed. :*

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  • That guy in the picture is the perfect combination of hot and nerdy. I would so date him.

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    • Be careful he might be rapist & his parents might have raised him so!

  • Seriously you sound prefect for me not but I'm hitting on you that would be weird. I totally get were your coming from to, I know a lot of other guys like you to, who are really good quality men but have been hurt in the past so don't even bother anymore and deliberately avoid women.

    I myself recently decided but I've given up on men for the same reason as you. I'm also a virgin and very in experienced so the thought of a relationship scares me and I was recently rejected myself by the frist boy I ever really loved and had the courage to really go after him and I fell flat on my face. Now people assume I'm desperate and after every guy I ever talk to which definitely is not ture. So I just think what's the point of getting hurt over and over again and I'm sick of games.

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    • Maybe you twoshould start chating and see where it goes. At worst what can happen? Not talking anymore.

  • I don't know what I personally do wrong but I can't find good guys here where I live. They're probably invisible or scared of me. Otherwise I dunno.

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  • There is no such thing as a good guy in the first place, they all are pimps

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    • desperate times call for desperate measures... when iam nice, caring and show i want someting with a girl she runs away and decides thats not what she wants... not to mention most girls nowadays jump from guy to guy and dont want to be "held down" so how can a guy be good when literally no girl he ever met regardless of her background is serious about dating?

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    • Thank you blud

    • @Thetruth111

      Thanks

      -Pimp daddy

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What Guys Said 46

  • You can try to meet women outside of your social circle so no one knows whether you get rejected when you do.

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  • You say that you are not prejudiced or rude to other people. Frankly, I find the comment "I dislike an incel as much as the next guy..." to be very rude indeed.
    I didn't even know there was an 'incel' label until I came across this website. Who thought THAT one up? WOW! Back in my day (yes... I am an old fart) we just called these people single and left it at that. I could go on about how I feel about people 'sizing' others up and 'judging', labeling and the like, but it would no absolutely no good but waste my time - so... enough of that!

    I would like to know how women define a 'good' guy. Let's see how it compares to my definition (based on my experience):

    Good Guy - someone who will constantly trip over himself to please his partner, checking every word he says. He wrings his hands with worry, hoping he said the right thing and cannot put himself first or work much because his mate will be upset that he / she does not get enough attention. The good guy must also make a lot of money to shower on his mate. This gets tricky though, because it may violate the 'not working too much' requirement. The good guy must always admit he is wrong and never talk back to his mate, but, rather, be a good little puppy and always fetch and roll over on command.

    You have probably guessed by now that I am a zero fucks given asshole, but I have seen a lot of shit that made me this way. This must put me in the 'bad guy' column.

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  • Iam pretty laid back and kind, not dumb nor clingy and can handle my sh*t if i have to... i also work out often and try to eat well, 6'2 and according to every girl i ever met iam very good looking and funny and very loyal, if you're my girl i never even care about looking at another girl no matter how hot she is, one issue though, i am a poor college student i dont look poor at all but i come from a poor background and as a college student it doesn't make my situation any better (i do have a job though) .

    Usually girls are attracted to my looks and its easy talking to them, but i came to realize that while they are ( and it happened) ready to go out with me even when they have a boyfriend they still won't commit to me, they want the thrill of dating a guy they find hot for a short while but when its time to settle down they look for a rich and established dude, its really frustrating when you're trying your best but its never good enough.

    good guys exist iam a prime example of that iam far rom perfect but iam a hard worker, down to earth and fun to be around and if iam good looking to the point of girls leaving their bfs for me ( usually I don't know they have a boyfriend to begin with) then you can be sure i have some pretty good qualities , plus iam loyal af , but its never enough.

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  • You, like every other virgin guy, overthink the situation and worship women as if they were gods That's why some of them act like bitches and paint a bad picture for the modern female.
    You care about being rejected lol. Holy fuck every guy has been rejected.

    "I would rather learn to deal with loneliness than waking up to "you're actually an incel kill yourself lmao" in a group chat with many others."

    by the way that sounds heroic, you are so badass. I think

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  • I agree on most of the part and also the fact that good guys (considering we are on the same page on understanding what we mean by 'good') don't go around with a seal on their heads which clearly distinguishes them as good. They can be really hard to find but are worth it.

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  • dont judge the book by its cover
    my girlfriend tha im now 4 months in relationship with
    she said this words = u look really intimidating i would be afraid to talk to you or even ask a question if we did not match on tinder
    she told me im handsome and she is drolling over herself while looking at me xD , but i also look like the type of guy that u dont just walk up to and start talking not possible

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  • Great take - A sad state of affairs that a guy is afraid to put himself out there for fear of what others will say - When I was your age literally the worst thing that could happen was "She could say No" - In the 1980s INCEL was probably the name of a band and there was nothing wrong with being a "Nice" guy - Sometimes I might like to be young again and there are times when I wouldn't do it for a million dollars.

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  • This take has become a shitfest of both genders complaining people of the other gender are too picky.

    I'm considered ugly in my country but I moved to the Us and I get a lot more looks which is very uncomfortable for me I'll admit.

    So in my experience different cultures have different beauty standards. So when a person might find you ugly another might think you're above average so chill 😅

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  • Well and am your opposite. I am not a virgin and I'm not a good guy. Let me be honest and say I have played the virgin card since I lost my virginity to a prostitute and well it is not good. Everytime I get out, I get the presence of the angel telling what to do.
    So please stay a virgin.

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  • They say that if you call yourself nice then you’re not. Being honest and saying that you’re mostly good is better. I’m 100% any form of cheating whilst in a relationship and generally put the women first but fuck I can be a dick sometimes.

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