This is a relatively short mytake and it was spawned by a recent personal heartbreak so if I get emotional just bear with me. I was raised by a very old school grandmother who taught me growing up that it was improper for girls to make a move on a boy and I incorporate it into my dating life as an adult. At thirty, I can still count on one hand how many men I’ve been in a long term relationship and only one finger how many men I’ve been intimate with.
Not once have I ever made a move on a man, despite arguments from my friends of both genders that it would increase my chances of finding love because of how stubborn I was. Then when I was twenty eight years old, I met a man whom I instantly just clicked with. Cute, funny, single, my age, looking for the same things I was but he was also highly sought after by other women. We started as friends first and got more flirtatious after knowing each other for a year. And then it seemed as though my attraction towards him was mutual. He told me that I had really beautiful eyes, called me all the time, asked if he could call me immediately once I got home and we talked for hours after only just seeing each other that night.
Then my attitude about making the first move started to change and I knew that if I didn’t make the first move soon, someone else would and I would miss my chance. But every time the opportunity presented itself to tell him how I felt, I was too scared to do it. What if I was wrong and he didn’t feel the same? Then another girl came into the picture. I’ve never actually met her, but I saw their interactions on social media. Frequent tagging on both parts, suggestions from her on fun things to do together and consistent jokes between them, and eventually I felt him getting more and more distant. The compliments and teasing ceased, the phone calls and texts stopped, he was asking me to hang out less and eventually he was cancelling on plans and declining my invites, and he wasn’t even calling or texting me to do so.
If I called or texted him, he would respond through Facebook messenger. Then he invited me to breakfast one morning and I declined because I was in school and had finals all day, and he never reached out to me again after that. And then two days later I saw that the other girl put on Facebook that they were in a relationship. I asked him if that was why he got distant with me and he said “yes and no. I was legitimately busy and she always came to see me. I tried to get close to you but you weren’t responding, so when she made her move, I decided to see where things went.” Then I confessed that I wanted to tell him how I really felt but I was too scared to do it.
He just wished me well and said that he hoped that I overcome that fear and find the right person but that he thought it best for my well being and for his relationship if we ended the friendship, which we did. It’s now been almost a year later and I still keep in touch with our mutual friends. He’s still with the other girl and now he recently got engaged to her. I’ve disputed advice from both his friends who knew me (who sensed that we liked each other) and my friends to make a move out of my own fear and stubbornness and now I’m alone and wondering what could have been. Would it have lasted? Maybe or maybe not but now I’ll never know.
Ladies, if you’re interested in someone tell them. It doesn’t mean you have to chase him and make all the moves. Just tell him how you feel and let him react how he sees appropriate. Don’t wait until it’s too late and he’s already with someone else like I did. I know that I’m no longer anything but a distant memory to him now, but I’m still trying to retain hope that I’ll have the same connection with another man. That’s all I wanted to say.
Gentleman readers, please feel free to post your thoughts on here for the ladies who, like me, are too scared to make the first move. Thanks for listening and good luck.
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