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Sexual assault and consent

shimmeryns

I feel it is important for me to create awareness for those who may have not understand the concept of consent in sex. Also for those who may have not seen the video animation titled "Consent: It's as simple as tea."

The content below does not belong to me. You can watch the video (link below) but I'm going to just type everything out for you because... I know many of you don't even want to click on the video. Maybe you prefer reading than watching, right?

Consent and Tea

Consent is as simple as tea
Consent is as simple as tea

If you’re still struggling with consent, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.

You say, “Hey would you like a cup of tea?”
And they go, “Oh my god, I would love a cup of tea! Thank you!”
Then you know they want a cup of tea.

If you say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?”
And they’re like, “Ummm… you know I’m not really sure…”
Then you can make them a cup of tea, or not, but be aware that they might not drink it.

And if they don’t drink it then, and this is the important bit: Don’t make them drink it.

Just because you made it, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to watch them drink it.

And if they say, “No thank you.”
Then don’t make them tea. At all. Just don’t make them tea. Don’t make them drink tea. Don’t get annoyed at them not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, okay?

They might say, “Yes please, that’s kind of you.”
And then when the tea arrives, they actually don’t want the tea at all.
Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone through the effort of making the tea but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they don’t.

Some people change their mind in the time it takes to boil the kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. It’s okay for people to change their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it.

And if they’re unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want tea and they can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea?” because they’re unconscious.

Okay maybe they were conscious when you asked them, “Do you want tea?” and they said “Yes” and in the time it took you to boil the kettle, brew the tea and add the milk they’re now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe. And this is the important part again: Don’t make them drink the tea.
They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people don’t want tea.

If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it and passed out before they finished it, don’t keep pouring it down their throat.

Sexual assault and consent

Take the tea away, make sure they are safe because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this.

If someone said yes to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around to their place unexpectedly and make them tea and force them to drink it going, “But you wanted tea last week.” Or to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat going, “But you wanted tea last night?”

If you can completely understand how ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they don’t want tea; and you are able to understand when people don’t want tea then – how hard it is to understand when it comes to sex?

Whether it’s tea or sex, consent is everything.

And on that note, I’m going to make myself a cup of tea.

Now, I'm going to put in my bit...

If you feel you were being forced to "drink tea" (have sex) then you have the right to report it -- that is sexual assault, unwanted sexual contact.

Even if he says, "But rape is women's number one sexual fantasy!" Right, fine. He can say that to the court. Hint: I'm sure a few of you might notice such opinion being posted on here.

This post is gender-neutral, men can also be victims of sexual assault although not always.

I hope some of you might find this helpful. Thank you for reading.

Sexual assault and consent
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Snakeyes7
    No one is under the misapprehension that doing anything for anyone without consent is a good thing. The problem with this video is that it is forgetting a lot of the extremely bullshit cases. It leaves out the cases where:

    -they finish the tea and say “thanks I hate it” or say after days to you or someone else that they never really wanted the tea, they said yes to avoid hard feelings.

    - The mere asking the question or approach to ask is the violation (aka harassment)

    -The tea burned their tongue or just tasted disgusting and they withdrew consent and now brought you through the ringer with management.

    In any other case where things can’t go extremely wrong for either party due to the air-headedness of one or both member members, this analogy works great.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you for adding valuable opinion and being respectful when making your point across. A lot of blue users leaving insulting opinions when they disagree on this mytake.

    • Snakeyes7

      Yeah I don't know what’s up with them but I think they might agree with me.

      As far as I have seen and am aware, the definition of sexual assault seems way too broad and has lead to a lot of witch trials.

      Violations include: unwanted advances, compliments, jokes, causing feelings of discomfort or queasiness or even “benevolent sexism” like holding doors open or some crap like that.

      Besides the last one, those other terms were never defined.

      Sure, the “nice tits” stuff is obvious but that is never specified so any variation of any of it could be a valid complaint. At least the benevolent sexism seems absurd enough that most people are fine with it.

    • I think that is loosely defined as sexual harrassment, not sexual assault. Assault = physical attack.

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  • MrHopper
    Yay my tea video! Glad am not the only one who shares it ☺️
    Is this still revelant?
    • You shared a mytake about it on here? I'd love to have a read too :)

    • MrHopper

      Oh not a mytake, but i mean i have posted that video 10s of times on here when any one questions about consent. I see a lot of people question it and say "but what about when she decides 10 days later she didn't consent" ... well yes that sort of thing could happen, but millions of people have sex every day and it doesn't, millions of people walk down the street and dont get hit by a car, but every now and then some one gets hit... just the way the world works, and finding fringe cases is what everyone does these days to champion what they believe to be true

    • Couldn't have said it any better, thank you!

      All those angry opinions on here talk about "weaponized consent" -- but then how often did it happen? I have mentioned it to another user, the video is not meant to be a protection for the indivividual but rather guidelines to improve society.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

1282
  • 1stPlace
    This is a terrible analogy. Tea and sex.

    "Would you like some tea?"

    "Would you like to have sex?"

    See how one works and the other doesn't? Sex just kinda happens nine times out of ten. You read each other during the situation and it just happens.

    People who talk about consenting to sex, talk about it like you're filling out a form. Maybe I'm being too harsh and a kinda sarcastic. I know someone reading is probably going to think "he's mad!" Far from the truth. I just hate when people take something so simple and make it seem like quantum physics. Again, that's a terrible analogy.
  • CaptainKaraoke
    This is one of my favorite videos
    This is why I always say "It's up to her."
    Obviously, I like Tea. If I let her ask, then I always know if she wants tea.
  • LogicBomber
    I love how they forget to mention that if you regret drinking tea the next day don't claim it was forced down your throat.
  • grega239
    Everyone understands the concept of consent. That video is old and is from a time where feminists thought men were too stupid to know what consent is... idiot
    • Clearly, calling someone an idiot makes you a genius isn't it?

    • grega239

      No. But it makes me less of an idiot than someone who lectures about consent on a site used mostly by adults

    • You know, if you don't find it useful and if you don't have anything good to contribute without the need to name calling in an attempt to make yourself feel superior, my best suggestion is to move along. I thought manners shouldn't be taught.

    • Show All
  • nilloc93
    The issue is when someone drinks the tea, waits 6 days and then says "i didn't want tea". This idea that men dont understand concent is moronic, women often are not assertive enough in refusing
  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    The problem isn't that men don't understand all this. The problem is that there's a certain kind of man who sees this sort of thing, and willingly ignores it anyway. He makes her "drink the tea" because he ENJOYS the fact he's forcing her to do it. So while videos like this aren't doing any harm, they're also not going to do anything to reduce the number of men who rape women. Rapists, by very definition, don't CARE about consent. And yet so much of the public dialogue these days is about the nitty-gritty details of "what is consent?" and "how to talk about consent". Rather than asking the important question: "how do we STOP MORE RAPISTS from attacking women?"
    • Be careful there, I've been attacked and blocked because they assume I said "All men are potential rapists".

      The concept of consent goes both ways. The video serves as guidelines for society, not protection for individuals - either from rapist or from being given false rape accusation.

    • Surely though the function of a societal guideline is to protect individuals? But perhaps I'm splitting hairs, I suppose there's no harm in talking about consent at the societal level.

      I just think we as a society are still bound by this taboo of not talking about rape prevention. Like you say, as soon as the conversation goes to preventing rapes, people either say "oh so you're saying all men are potential rapists?", or they say "oh so you're saying it's women's fault for getting raped?"

      So we have these intellectual, academic, feel-good PSAs and "public forums" about the X, Ys, and Zs of consent. Because it's easier to talk in terms of "what consent means" rather than in terms of "preventing sexual violence". And I don't think sexual violence rates will go down until we accept the fact that predators don't play by society's rulebook. Acknowledging this fact needn't imply that "all men are potential rapists", or that "getting raped is the woman's fault", etc.

      I just find it telling that sexual assault rates haven't appeared to go down since all this talk about consent began.

      Although who knows, maybe there are guys out there who aren't actively seeking to harm women, but who are actually too dumb to understand that, say, an unconscious woman can't give consent. Maybe they legit don't see the problem, so highlighting the problem might be instructive for them. But for genuine predators, this talk of consent is all just a big joke to them.

  • aialex
    I've seen the video over a year ago (iirc).

    Most of the times, they just splashed you with the tea.
  • LukeLugh
    Consent is verified when both people feel comfort and mutual attraction, the bridge of trust joins together and the resulting action is final phase of flirtation. For both parties it is intuitive and there is a moment of absolute certainty, when I was younger I asked a girl I was attracted to if I could have a hug and I was granted consent without hesitation. She granted it to me without hesitation because a dialogue of trust was established, a few years earlier however my skill in gaining consent was poor. I was attracted to the daughter of a family friend overseas, after I thought I had established trust I ended up hugging her out of impulse. I did not differentiate between trust and impulse, I misinterpreted flirting in the preliminary as leading to consent within the preliminary phase aswell. She wasn't mad at me (as she did quite like me over all) but she wasn't thrilled either.
  • DanOh2018
    You forgot to mention that it's best to avoid tea with crazy people, as they may throw scalding tea in your face or ruin the china.
    • If it doesn't feel right, avoid them at all cost.

  • ChefSwol
    What the fuck does tea have to do with consent. This was the biggest shit of writing I’ve ever seen.
    • How about you re read it and listen to the concept rather than focusing on the metaphor. It's called using your brain. Keeps you from sounding like a judgmental idiot like you just sounded like.

    • @I_Am_Sazerac, couldn't have said it any better... Although I would've called @ChefSwol a DUMBASS or Asswipe... But you're a bit kinder than I am... LOL

    • Believe me I can be unkind but there usually isn't any need for it.

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  • Exorcist_Rampage
    I agree. When men and women have sex, both should have agreed to it first.
  • xJeremyx
    Was this sparked by my question regarding my friend who was assaulted? Jeremythedrummer here by the way. I lost my old account.
    • Yes, definitely. And that specific user who threw insults saying it is her fantasy kinda pissed me off lol!

      You can find that user response in the opinion section to this mytake.

    • xJeremyx

      i ended up reporting him. sucks tat i lost my old account tho. And my friend is seeking professional help.

    • How exactly did you lose it?

      I'm glad your friend is seeking professional help. Many of the users here seem to dismiss how a real sexual assault actually affect the victim tremendously mentally. Maybe false rape charges is just too common in the US?

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  • GreatnessBack
    People need to open their damn mouths and say what they want or not.
  • AD240pCharlie
    Don't be afraid to drink tea on your own! It's not as good, but it's still tea!
  • Gedaria
    All fine, but what happens when she said she had tea but didn't have any tea, and was forced on her?
  • zagor
    I've been having tea a couple times a day. Unfortunately, in this case it is not a euphemism.
  • motownplayer2000
    Interesting analogy. I don't think its really that clever or accurate. But it's one way to look at it, I guess. Your right, people are entitled to change there minds. If I'm inside her and mid pump and they promptly dont like it. Then she cries rape or sexual assault, what is a person to do then? I'm confused. That's happened on a couple of occasions around where I am. Ruined man's life because she wanted revenge on him for breaking her heart... there are outliers were this isn't cut and dry. Consent may be pushed on the guy, but means nothing to a vengeful, vindictive woman. So as easy as this concept may seem to you, they are still finding way ruin lives.
    • I don't think it is trying to be clever I believe. "Tea and consent are guidelines to improve society, not a protection for the individual."

    • Improving society and protection for the individual go hand in hand. It's not anyone else's job to make someone feel safe. It is your own... consent yes, it is a very important thing. But when consent is weaponized... then that's when it becomes a problem. Do men take it way too far, yes... some scum of the earth men who can't control themselves or their urges need to understand the concept. However, it has gone too far the other way. Like the example I mentioned in the previous statement and many other cases a stare the wrong way turns into sexual harassment. Which I didn't know need watch someone was sexual harassment.

      And the statement that yes, some women have 'rape fantasy.' Here is the thing. Back in my day, girls use to want a guy that made the first move. I dont agree with that philosophy, if you want something or like someone, you should go for it. Anyway, women expected men to kiss her or what have you. I've also known cases where a man was charged with sexual harassment for going that far and the woman decided afterwards that she didn't like. And yes, DECIDED she didn't like it, so she tried to report it. I'm not saying this is common occurrence but the point is. This issues isn't as cut and dry as you think it is.

    • Of course it's not, or else this whole MyTake will turn into a thesis nobody will read.

      If you're interested, there are 2 other videos discussing the issue more futher and less "dry".

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  • lofii
    Reading this shit made me want to cut off my own dick
  • shomicka
    Using the act of reproduction and make it entertainment is too complex for me to be taken shallow as making a cup of tea. Beside humans few species managed to do that. I don't know of any of you guys and girls, but whenever I encounter someone taking that lightly I will be making my own tea only for my self. You make your own tea, or bring it along. I don't mind as long as I am not part of all that nonsense. This society is not mature enough to have open conversation about sexually, and now they are acting like they have it all figured out
    • It's a shame when someone has lots to say but none of it contributes anything to the discussion.

    • shomicka

      Ouch!!!

  • Jmaic36
    Very true.
    Schools should teach this.
    I was never told, but I knew the difference between rape and consent and too young and too old but 9 days after my 19 birthday I had sex with a 16 and that same day an altercation took place while I was having sex and was interrupted by authorities and they found the age difference and I was charged and convicted of statutory sexual assault and sentenced to a 2 years and register as a sex offender for life and I didn't know that I was doing anything wrong at the time because I was never told so I believe that high school should make an awareness for it to prevent what I went through to happen to others. #consent #awareness
    • Faint

      Yes there needs to be better consent awareness not just for adults but for newly legal adults and teens. There are some areas where once you are 18 and a legal adult if anyone a day under 18 has sex with an adult they are at risk. As for other areas there is a 4 year age difference rule in place for anyone 16 and older with full consent. It would save many that fate if it was more spread on the laws in people's areas.

    • snowtiger

      You were an adult, she was not. Doesn't take a genius to know that you were in a position of power over her & you used that to your advantage.

  • MrShaun
    What about the young lady that says, "Hmm, I've never had tea before. I'd like to sample a little." So then there's all these individuals offering a sip of their tea. She sips one gentleman's simple basic tea with a lot of cream. "My goodness," she states. "That is quite tasty." Then this Spanish gentleman offers her taste of his spicy tea. "Wow," she exclames. "That does have quite the kick to it." Then a rather large muscular man offers her a bit of his straight black tea. "That's the strongest of all of them," she noted. Finally this woman offers some tea with several cubes of sugar. "Oh," she bursts out. "You really know how to make the tea so sweet and taste just right."

    So in the end, she's asked what kind of tea she'd prefer. "Well, if it's okay with you, is it possible to go around the table again?"

    Sexual assault and consent
  • DustinTheWindow
    I'm glad it says they as opposed to he and she, guys get sexually harassed and assaulted too
  • markscott
    This is an excellent explanation.
  • SongBird3
    Love this video. You should see the followup video
    • Yes I have seen them. They're kinda funny lol!

  • Wowgirl30q
    Awesome job girl
  • kim45456
    Great take. I know 3 men who were raped.
  • TyPilot
    What a GREAT way to put it! Well done!
  • Keith469
    It's that simple. Thanks for posting.
  • Massageman
    Nice analogy. I'm glad I don't like coffee.
  • scooogy
    I can relate to this. :)
  • karan123456789
    Hi
    How are you
  • good809
    Hello
  • MoscowMitch
    Spanish courts should take note.
  • ShadowedSoul
    👍👍
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