Consent is verified when both people feel comfort and mutual attraction, the bridge of trust joins together and the resulting action is final phase of flirtation. For both parties it is intuitive and there is a moment of absolute certainty, when I was younger I asked a girl I was attracted to if I could have a hug and I was granted consent without hesitation. She granted it to me without hesitation because a dialogue of trust was established, a few years earlier however my skill in gaining consent was poor. I was attracted to the daughter of a family friend overseas, after I thought I had established trust I ended up hugging her out of impulse. I did not differentiate between trust and impulse, I misinterpreted flirting in the preliminary as leading to consent within the preliminary phase aswell. She wasn't mad at me (as she did quite like me over all) but she wasn't thrilled either.
Interesting analogy. I don't think its really that clever or accurate. But it's one way to look at it, I guess. Your right, people are entitled to change there minds. If I'm inside her and mid pump and they promptly dont like it. Then she cries rape or sexual assault, what is a person to do then? I'm confused. That's happened on a couple of occasions around where I am. Ruined man's life because she wanted revenge on him for breaking her heart... there are outliers were this isn't cut and dry. Consent may be pushed on the guy, but means nothing to a vengeful, vindictive woman. So as easy as this concept may seem to you, they are still finding way ruin lives.
Improving society and protection for the individual go hand in hand. It's not anyone else's job to make someone feel safe. It is your own... consent yes, it is a very important thing. But when consent is weaponized... then that's when it becomes a problem. Do men take it way too far, yes... some scum of the earth men who can't control themselves or their urges need to understand the concept. However, it has gone too far the other way. Like the example I mentioned in the previous statement and many other cases a stare the wrong way turns into sexual harassment. Which I didn't know need watch someone was sexual harassment.
And the statement that yes, some women have 'rape fantasy.' Here is the thing. Back in my day, girls use to want a guy that made the first move. I dont agree with that philosophy, if you want something or like someone, you should go for it. Anyway, women expected men to kiss her or what have you. I've also known cases where a man was charged with sexual harassment for going that far and the woman decided afterwards that she didn't like. And yes, DECIDED she didn't like it, so she tried to report it. I'm not saying this is common occurrence but the point is. This issues isn't as cut and dry as you think it is.
Videos dont do it justice. We need as a society to come and have a discussion and realize the part that we all play in this. I very aware of what consent is, and false accusations. But a video won't do a thing about it since I have been living through a lot of it where I am. It's a very real thing. But no one wants dare talk about how it ruins (mostly men's) lives. Now, I'm not saying that to never trust someone that makes accusations like that. But we have to take it with a grain of salt because anyone can accuse these days. And unless their is a witness or video, the accused will get there life destroyed. We dont even worry about hard evidence, like DNA or medical examination, or stuff that will make sense because it hard to prove that it was consensual, and it's even harder with she said vs. he said. So we need to come to the table and actually discuss and agree on a course of action. Which frankly will never happen.
I'd also add that once the person has drunk the tea, changing their mind later on, and saying that they never in fact wanted the tea, is also a bit off.
That happened to a friend of mine's brother, and he ended up spending time in a remand prison, because of a person who did that.
Using the act of reproduction and make it entertainment is too complex for me to be taken shallow as making a cup of tea. Beside humans few species managed to do that. I don't know of any of you guys and girls, but whenever I encounter someone taking that lightly I will be making my own tea only for my self. You make your own tea, or bring it along. I don't mind as long as I am not part of all that nonsense. This society is not mature enough to have open conversation about sexually, and now they are acting like they have it all figured out
There's nothing really to understand, no means no and yes means yes, consent is consent.
The video also leaves stuff out like women just flat out accusing men of sexual assault for doing things like saying hello on the street and I've seen actual cases like that.
The video is more black and white when the reality is more grey and murky.
Assault is when a person touches another with out that person permission, be it your girlfriend or wife , even your child. If you leave or abrasion, scratch or even just a discoloration then you will be charged with abuse or assault. It doesn't have to be sexual in any way. But gentlemen or even females , if you do something to your partner and they don't want to, if you don't seem to care then that says a lot about the person you are.
If a woman feels violated because you talked to her consider what you said and how and whether she was open to conversation, just because you want doesn't mean you should or have any right to.
Well, then, Joey Tribbiani would be accused of harassment by saying, "How YOU doin'" every damned day on Friends. Hello isn't assault or harassment. When good morning or hello become harassment, then all bets are off. We'll have to stop talking. I remember after exercising in the park a few years ago before me too, I told a lanky runner he had beautiful legs. I guess I couldn't say that today. Was I harassing him? No I admired the fact that he was attractive and fit and I was noting his level of self care. I wasn't trying to pick him up. I didn't say, you got hot legs baby, come over here. I want you. It is a gray area. But we have to live with SOME ambiguity.
@Screenwriter this consent post specifically refer to sexual assault, not inappropriate social exhanges.
The opinion owner said someone can charge a person of sexual assault for saying hello -- it's not true at all. There will be no physical bruises or emotional trauma a real victim of sexual assault can be examined and the case will not be carried forward.
Also, if you are out in public, you aren’t entitled to privacy. It is no ones concern if you feel violated by someone saying something you do not like or otherwise disagree with. Plenty of people say things I don’t like, nothing I can do about it. In America at least, you have the right to say anything, at anytime. If someone is offended, it is on them to deal with that themselves.
@Billygee6969 I'm quite aware of what Assault is, your not saying anything that I or anyone else doesn't already know but what I am saying is irregardless that's not gonna stop some crazy person from trying to accuse you of it if they feel like it, don't matter if you physically touched them or not, at the end of the day it's a woman's word vs your word.
And to many lives have been destroyed and messed up due to false claims. Even if you are proven innocent it won't matter because your reputation is already ruined and you'll always been the person who got accused of sexual assault, harassment or whatever the person claimed you did.
That's the point I was making, that there are people out there who will accuse you of things you didn't do and it is a increasing problem these days, unfortunately.
Very good. I agree as well. You can also tell when someone is uncomfortable or not ready so don't force them. I always allowed the women to initiate with me, it was easier. Now i want a cup of tea. 😎
I don't see why people are getting so angry about this post. It's quite simple; don't force people to have sex with you. How hard is that to understand? If that angers you, then you have problems and should go see a therapist.
Sadly the losers who get mad are the ones who lack morals and have no brains. Only think about themselves. Think its ok to have sex all the time. Believe she turned me on and wants to have sex. Guys like this can't think except about how his penis is hard. They dont care about consent and blame the lady for turning him on.
Most guys like to get to know you and how you like your tea before they offer. However I've had one guy make me tea, I didn't ask for it and I didn't want it. But he made it and made me take it. It was the most painful thing ever and it could be comparable to scalding hot tea being forced down my throat. I don't wish that on anyone.
I think when your twenty years old and you go to a mans room at 2am something happens. Than you make millions of dollars you make wild Clemens about that person unless you give the money back. I grew up some were other than Hollywood and at ten years old I even knew what the directors couch was. I know of a lot of girls that have sucked a c-ck for a lot less and you don't here them crying. Shit for 19 mill I'd do it myself you could take pics and show everyone wouldn't hurt my feelings.
"But rape is women's number one sexual fantasy!" What does he mean by "women's"? That's generalizing. That's like saying: "But being forced to drink tea is women's number one fantasy!" It's important to ask the woman (in the beginning): "Is it a fantasy of yours to be forced to drink tea?" If she says yes, then that's different. I don't know of any woman for whom rape is a fantasy. If it is, it's not really rape.
I suspect men know exactly what you're talking about. But, unfortunately, there are too many men who put their needs first (like it says in "Are Women the Stronger Sex?" free from obooko) so if men could get an orgasm by getting women to drink tea, there'd be too many men pouring tea down women's throats, I'm sad to say.
But there are those who say no think you to tea, but gulp it down eagerly once it arrives.
Being unconscious, or asleep is not necessarily non-consensual. Consent may be blanket until withdrawn. This obviously doesn't apply to random people, but it often does to regular partners sleeping in the same bed. It depends on what the individuals involved have agreed to, explicitly or not.
I couldn't count how many times I was woken by my partner taking advantage of me. It's fine.
Very true. Schools should teach this. I was never told, but I knew the difference between rape and consent and too young and too old but 9 days after my 19 birthday I had sex with a 16 and that same day an altercation took place while I was having sex and was interrupted by authorities and they found the age difference and I was charged and convicted of statutory sexual assault and sentenced to a 2 years and register as a sex offender for life and I didn't know that I was doing anything wrong at the time because I was never told so I believe that high school should make an awareness for it to prevent what I went through to happen to others. #consent#awareness
Yes there needs to be better consent awareness not just for adults but for newly legal adults and teens. There are some areas where once you are 18 and a legal adult if anyone a day under 18 has sex with an adult they are at risk. As for other areas there is a 4 year age difference rule in place for anyone 16 and older with full consent. It would save many that fate if it was more spread on the laws in people's areas.
What about the young lady that says, "Hmm, I've never had tea before. I'd like to sample a little." So then there's all these individuals offering a sip of their tea. She sips one gentleman's simple basic tea with a lot of cream. "My goodness," she states. "That is quite tasty." Then this Spanish gentleman offers her taste of his spicy tea. "Wow," she exclames. "That does have quite the kick to it." Then a rather large muscular man offers her a bit of his straight black tea. "That's the strongest of all of them," she noted. Finally this woman offers some tea with several cubes of sugar. "Oh," she bursts out. "You really know how to make the tea so sweet and taste just right."
So in the end, she's asked what kind of tea she'd prefer. "Well, if it's okay with you, is it possible to go around the table again?"
Does a person really need to watch anything to know right from wrong. The number of times you sleep together has nothing to do with it. You can be marred for 20 plus years and you still don't have any right to violate your parent. Just shows the lack of respect you have for them and yourself. And that goes both ways ladies,
You people should stop ranting about this crap all the time. We don't care. Some white knights might pretend they care cause they think they'll get a crumb of pussy if they agree with women on everything. But men with self-respect aren't going to sacrifice their dignity just to avoid hurting m'lady's feelings. We really don't care that you see the penis as a lethal weapon. Get over it.
I'm not offended at the post; I'm offended that society had so completely degraded that we have to explain something as simple as the definition of consent to adults that are college read.
@Screenwriter So we downplay everything now because people want to feign ignorance? People know what rape is. They just want to justify their actions by arguing shades of grey.
I like that this is gender neutral and does not imply that " all men are rapists " , we are bashed simply for existing in Western countries. So glad this will never be a concern for me , I am a strictly " hands off " person and never touch anyone. ( I am not fond of people in general ) The only women in my life are platonic arms length friends only.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
84Opinion
Consent is verified when both people feel comfort and mutual attraction, the bridge of trust joins together and the resulting action is final phase of flirtation. For both parties it is intuitive and there is a moment of absolute certainty, when I was younger I asked a girl I was attracted to if I could have a hug and I was granted consent without hesitation. She granted it to me without hesitation because a dialogue of trust was established, a few years earlier however my skill in gaining consent was poor. I was attracted to the daughter of a family friend overseas, after I thought I had established trust I ended up hugging her out of impulse. I did not differentiate between trust and impulse, I misinterpreted flirting in the preliminary as leading to consent within the preliminary phase aswell. She wasn't mad at me (as she did quite like me over all) but she wasn't thrilled either.
Interesting analogy. I don't think its really that clever or accurate. But it's one way to look at it, I guess. Your right, people are entitled to change there minds. If I'm inside her and mid pump and they promptly dont like it. Then she cries rape or sexual assault, what is a person to do then? I'm confused. That's happened on a couple of occasions around where I am. Ruined man's life because she wanted revenge on him for breaking her heart... there are outliers were this isn't cut and dry. Consent may be pushed on the guy, but means nothing to a vengeful, vindictive woman. So as easy as this concept may seem to you, they are still finding way ruin lives.
I don't think it is trying to be clever I believe. "Tea and consent are guidelines to improve society, not a protection for the individual."
Improving society and protection for the individual go hand in hand. It's not anyone else's job to make someone feel safe. It is your own... consent yes, it is a very important thing. But when consent is weaponized... then that's when it becomes a problem. Do men take it way too far, yes... some scum of the earth men who can't control themselves or their urges need to understand the concept. However, it has gone too far the other way. Like the example I mentioned in the previous statement and many other cases a stare the wrong way turns into sexual harassment. Which I didn't know need watch someone was sexual harassment.
And the statement that yes, some women have 'rape fantasy.' Here is the thing. Back in my day, girls use to want a guy that made the first move. I dont agree with that philosophy, if you want something or like someone, you should go for it. Anyway, women expected men to kiss her or what have you. I've also known cases where a man was charged with sexual harassment for going that far and the woman decided afterwards that she didn't like. And yes, DECIDED she didn't like it, so she tried to report it. I'm not saying this is common occurrence but the point is. This issues isn't as cut and dry as you think it is.
Of course it's not, or else this whole MyTake will turn into a thesis nobody will read.
If you're interested, there are 2 other videos discussing the issue more futher and less "dry".
Videos dont do it justice. We need as a society to come and have a discussion and realize the part that we all play in this. I very aware of what consent is, and false accusations. But a video won't do a thing about it since I have been living through a lot of it where I am. It's a very real thing. But no one wants dare talk about how it ruins (mostly men's) lives. Now, I'm not saying that to never trust someone that makes accusations like that. But we have to take it with a grain of salt because anyone can accuse these days. And unless their is a witness or video, the accused will get there life destroyed. We dont even worry about hard evidence, like DNA or medical examination, or stuff that will make sense because it hard to prove that it was consensual, and it's even harder with she said vs. he said. So we need to come to the table and actually discuss and agree on a course of action. Which frankly will never happen.
" Tea is a bad idea" video:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yX6va9glqgA
Interesting analogy. I've not seen that before.
I'd also add that once the person has drunk the tea, changing their mind later on, and saying that they never in fact wanted the tea, is also a bit off.
That happened to a friend of mine's brother, and he ended up spending time in a remand prison, because of a person who did that.
False rape allegation? There is another video on that:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yX6va9glqgA
This is horribly funny and miserably depressing.
Using the act of reproduction and make it entertainment is too complex for me to be taken shallow as making a cup of tea. Beside humans few species managed to do that. I don't know of any of you guys and girls, but whenever I encounter someone taking that lightly I will be making my own tea only for my self. You make your own tea, or bring it along. I don't mind as long as I am not part of all that nonsense. This society is not mature enough to have open conversation about sexually, and now they are acting like they have it all figured out
It's a shame when someone has lots to say but none of it contributes anything to the discussion.
Ouch!!!
There's nothing really to understand, no means no and yes means yes, consent is consent.
The video also leaves stuff out like women just flat out accusing men of sexual assault for doing things like saying hello on the street and I've seen actual cases like that.
The video is more black and white when the reality is more grey and murky.
Saying hello is not an assault. Assault is physical attack?
Your right it's not but that didn't stop the woman from calling the police and accusing the guy who said hello and smiled to her of sexual assault.
I think the proper term is harassment 🤔
Assault is when a person touches another with out that person permission, be it your girlfriend or wife , even your child. If you leave or abrasion, scratch or even just a discoloration then you will be charged with abuse or assault. It doesn't have to be sexual in any way. But gentlemen or even females , if you do something to your partner and they don't want to, if you don't seem to care then that says a lot about the person you are.
If a woman feels violated because you talked to her consider what you said and how and whether she was open to conversation, just because you want doesn't mean you should or have any right to.
@Billygee6969 yes correct, sexual assault and sexual harassment are not the same.
Well, then, Joey Tribbiani would be accused of harassment by saying, "How YOU doin'" every damned day on Friends. Hello isn't assault or harassment. When good morning or hello become harassment, then all bets are off. We'll have to stop talking. I remember after exercising in the park a few years ago before me too, I told a lanky runner he had beautiful legs. I guess I couldn't say that today. Was I harassing him? No I admired the fact that he was attractive and fit and I was noting his level of self care. I wasn't trying to pick him up. I didn't say, you got hot legs baby, come over here. I want you. It is a gray area. But we have to live with SOME ambiguity.
@Screenwriter this consent post specifically refer to sexual assault, not inappropriate social exhanges.
The opinion owner said someone can charge a person of sexual assault for saying hello -- it's not true at all. There will be no physical bruises or emotional trauma a real victim of sexual assault can be examined and the case will not be carried forward.
@Billygee6969
Actually, you are thinking of battery. Assault is the implication that you are going to harm them.
@Billygee69
Also, if you are out in public, you aren’t entitled to privacy. It is no ones concern if you feel violated by someone saying something you do not like or otherwise disagree with. Plenty of people say things I don’t like, nothing I can do about it. In America at least, you have the right to say anything, at anytime. If someone is offended, it is on them to deal with that themselves.
@Billygee6969 I'm quite aware of what Assault is, your not saying anything that I or anyone else doesn't already know but what I am saying is irregardless that's not gonna stop some crazy person from trying to accuse you of it if they feel like it, don't matter if you physically touched them or not, at the end of the day it's a woman's word vs your word.
And to many lives have been destroyed and messed up due to false claims. Even if you are proven innocent it won't matter because your reputation is already ruined and you'll always been the person who got accused of sexual assault, harassment or whatever the person claimed you did.
That's the point I was making, that there are people out there who will accuse you of things you didn't do and it is a increasing problem these days, unfortunately.
Very good. I agree as well. You can also tell when someone is uncomfortable or not ready so don't force them. I always allowed the women to initiate with me, it was easier. Now i want a cup of tea. 😎
Literal or figurative tea? LOL!
Damn. Now you made me think of the figurative tea. Lol
Wow!! This is Awesome Thank you So Much, mind if I use this to Show Perps when explaining to them?
Sure no problem. The content does not belong to me by the way, you can use the video link I posted above to give credits :)
Thank you
I don't see why people are getting so angry about this post. It's quite simple; don't force people to have sex with you. How hard is that to understand? If that angers you, then you have problems and should go see a therapist.
I posted this because a user asked a question about his friend being raped earlier this year. She said no clearly but... You know how the story goes.
I have no idea why they get mad about this simple thing. Imagine if they have a teenage daughter, wouldn't they want her at least be aware of this?
Sadly the losers who get mad are the ones who lack morals and have no brains. Only think about themselves. Think its ok to have sex all the time. Believe she turned me on and wants to have sex. Guys like this can't think except about how his penis is hard.
They dont care about consent and blame the lady for turning him on.
Most guys like to get to know you and how you like your tea before they offer. However I've had one guy make me tea, I didn't ask for it and I didn't want it. But he made it and made me take it. It was the most painful thing ever and it could be comparable to scalding hot tea being forced down my throat. I don't wish that on anyone.
I think when your twenty years old and you go to a mans room at 2am something happens. Than you make millions of dollars you make wild Clemens about that person unless you give the money back.
I grew up some were other than Hollywood and at ten years old
I even knew what the directors couch was.
I know of a lot of girls that have sucked a c-ck for a lot less
and you don't here them crying.
Shit for 19 mill I'd do it myself you could take pics and show everyone wouldn't hurt my feelings.
"But rape is women's number one sexual fantasy!" What does he mean by "women's"? That's generalizing.
That's like saying: "But being forced to drink tea is women's number one fantasy!" It's important to ask the woman (in the beginning): "Is it a fantasy of yours to be forced to drink tea?" If she says yes, then that's different.
I don't know of any woman for whom rape is a fantasy. If it is, it's not really rape.
I suspect men know exactly what you're talking about. But, unfortunately, there are too many men who put their needs first (like it says in "Are Women the Stronger Sex?" free from obooko) so if men could get an orgasm by getting women to drink tea, there'd be too many men pouring tea down women's throats, I'm sad to say.
But there are those who say no think you to tea, but gulp it down eagerly once it arrives.
Being unconscious, or asleep is not necessarily non-consensual. Consent may be blanket until withdrawn. This obviously doesn't apply to random people, but it often does to regular partners sleeping in the same bed. It depends on what the individuals involved have agreed to, explicitly or not.
I couldn't count how many times I was woken by my partner taking advantage of me. It's fine.
Very true.
Schools should teach this.
I was never told, but I knew the difference between rape and consent and too young and too old but 9 days after my 19 birthday I had sex with a 16 and that same day an altercation took place while I was having sex and was interrupted by authorities and they found the age difference and I was charged and convicted of statutory sexual assault and sentenced to a 2 years and register as a sex offender for life and I didn't know that I was doing anything wrong at the time because I was never told so I believe that high school should make an awareness for it to prevent what I went through to happen to others. #consent #awareness
Yes there needs to be better consent awareness not just for adults but for newly legal adults and teens. There are some areas where once you are 18 and a legal adult if anyone a day under 18 has sex with an adult they are at risk. As for other areas there is a 4 year age difference rule in place for anyone 16 and older with full consent. It would save many that fate if it was more spread on the laws in people's areas.
You were an adult, she was not. Doesn't take a genius to know that you were in a position of power over her & you used that to your advantage.
What about the young lady that says, "Hmm, I've never had tea before. I'd like to sample a little." So then there's all these individuals offering a sip of their tea. She sips one gentleman's simple basic tea with a lot of cream. "My goodness," she states. "That is quite tasty." Then this Spanish gentleman offers her taste of his spicy tea. "Wow," she exclames. "That does have quite the kick to it." Then a rather large muscular man offers her a bit of his straight black tea. "That's the strongest of all of them," she noted. Finally this woman offers some tea with several cubes of sugar. "Oh," she bursts out. "You really know how to make the tea so sweet and taste just right."
So in the end, she's asked what kind of tea she'd prefer. "Well, if it's okay with you, is it possible to go around the table again?"
Again, it's up to HER.
@CaptainKaraoke "Woosh" Right over your head ;-)
I’ve actually used a similar example-but with food. It’s crazy to force feed someone just bc they waited a sanders a month ago.
People will often say the DIFFERENCE is the person offering tea is aroused. And it affects them if you don’t drink it 🤨
Does a person really need to watch anything to know right from wrong. The number of times you sleep together has nothing to do with it. You can be marred for 20 plus years and you still don't have any right to violate your parent. Just shows the lack of respect you have for them and yourself. And that goes both ways ladies,
You people should stop ranting about this crap all the time. We don't care. Some white knights might pretend they care cause they think they'll get a crumb of pussy if they agree with women on everything. But men with self-respect aren't going to sacrifice their dignity just to avoid hurting m'lady's feelings. We really don't care that you see the penis as a lethal weapon. Get over it.
If you don't care then you have the choice to ignore. Move along.
K bye 😘
Dude if you had a daughter I wonder if you would say the same thing.
@ThisIsMyOpinion I'd tell her to stop being such a drama queen.
Hope you never do then.
I'm not offended at the post; I'm offended that society had so completely degraded that we have to explain something as simple as the definition of consent to adults that are college read.
Everybody serving tea isn't college read. Don't make any assumptions.
@Screenwriter So we downplay everything now because people want to feign ignorance? People know what rape is. They just want to justify their actions by arguing shades of grey.
I like that this is gender neutral and does not imply that " all men are rapists " , we are bashed simply for existing in Western countries. So glad this will never be a concern for me , I am a strictly " hands off " person and never touch anyone. ( I am not fond of people in general ) The only women in my life are platonic arms length friends only.