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Sexual assault and consent

shimmeryns

I feel it is important for me to create awareness for those who may have not understand the concept of consent in sex. Also for those who may have not seen the video animation titled "Consent: It's as simple as tea."

The content below does not belong to me. You can watch the video (link below) but I'm going to just type everything out for you because... I know many of you don't even want to click on the video. Maybe you prefer reading than watching, right?

Consent and Tea

Consent is as simple as tea
Consent is as simple as tea

If you’re still struggling with consent, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.

You say, “Hey would you like a cup of tea?”
And they go, “Oh my god, I would love a cup of tea! Thank you!”
Then you know they want a cup of tea.

If you say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?”
And they’re like, “Ummm… you know I’m not really sure…”
Then you can make them a cup of tea, or not, but be aware that they might not drink it.

And if they don’t drink it then, and this is the important bit: Don’t make them drink it.

Just because you made it, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to watch them drink it.

And if they say, “No thank you.”
Then don’t make them tea. At all. Just don’t make them tea. Don’t make them drink tea. Don’t get annoyed at them not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, okay?

They might say, “Yes please, that’s kind of you.”
And then when the tea arrives, they actually don’t want the tea at all.
Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone through the effort of making the tea but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they don’t.

Some people change their mind in the time it takes to boil the kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. It’s okay for people to change their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it.

And if they’re unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want tea and they can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea?” because they’re unconscious.

Okay maybe they were conscious when you asked them, “Do you want tea?” and they said “Yes” and in the time it took you to boil the kettle, brew the tea and add the milk they’re now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe. And this is the important part again: Don’t make them drink the tea.
They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people don’t want tea.

If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it and passed out before they finished it, don’t keep pouring it down their throat.

Sexual assault and consent

Take the tea away, make sure they are safe because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this.

If someone said yes to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around to their place unexpectedly and make them tea and force them to drink it going, “But you wanted tea last week.” Or to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat going, “But you wanted tea last night?”

If you can completely understand how ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they don’t want tea; and you are able to understand when people don’t want tea then – how hard it is to understand when it comes to sex?

Whether it’s tea or sex, consent is everything.

And on that note, I’m going to make myself a cup of tea.

Now, I'm going to put in my bit...

If you feel you were being forced to "drink tea" (have sex) then you have the right to report it -- that is sexual assault, unwanted sexual contact.

Even if he says, "But rape is women's number one sexual fantasy!" Right, fine. He can say that to the court. Hint: I'm sure a few of you might notice such opinion being posted on here.

This post is gender-neutral, men can also be victims of sexual assault although not always.

I hope some of you might find this helpful. Thank you for reading.

Sexual assault and consent
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  • Snakeyes7
    No one is under the misapprehension that doing anything for anyone without consent is a good thing. The problem with this video is that it is forgetting a lot of the extremely bullshit cases. It leaves out the cases where:

    -they finish the tea and say “thanks I hate it” or say after days to you or someone else that they never really wanted the tea, they said yes to avoid hard feelings.

    - The mere asking the question or approach to ask is the violation (aka harassment)

    -The tea burned their tongue or just tasted disgusting and they withdrew consent and now brought you through the ringer with management.

    In any other case where things can’t go extremely wrong for either party due to the air-headedness of one or both member members, this analogy works great.
    Like 16 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • shimmeryns

      Thank you for adding valuable opinion and being respectful when making your point across. A lot of blue users leaving insulting opinions when they disagree on this mytake.

    • Snakeyes7

      Yeah I don't know what’s up with them but I think they might agree with me.

      As far as I have seen and am aware, the definition of sexual assault seems way too broad and has lead to a lot of witch trials.

      Violations include: unwanted advances, compliments, jokes, causing feelings of discomfort or queasiness or even “benevolent sexism” like holding doors open or some crap like that.

      Besides the last one, those other terms were never defined.

      Sure, the “nice tits” stuff is obvious but that is never specified so any variation of any of it could be a valid complaint. At least the benevolent sexism seems absurd enough that most people are fine with it.

    • shimmeryns

      I think that is loosely defined as sexual harrassment, not sexual assault. Assault = physical attack.

    • Show All
  • MrHopper
    Yay my tea video! Glad am not the only one who shares it ☺️
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • shimmeryns

      You shared a mytake about it on here? I'd love to have a read too :)

    • MrHopper

      Oh not a mytake, but i mean i have posted that video 10s of times on here when any one questions about consent. I see a lot of people question it and say "but what about when she decides 10 days later she didn't consent" ... well yes that sort of thing could happen, but millions of people have sex every day and it doesn't, millions of people walk down the street and dont get hit by a car, but every now and then some one gets hit... just the way the world works, and finding fringe cases is what everyone does these days to champion what they believe to be true

    • shimmeryns

      Couldn't have said it any better, thank you!

      All those angry opinions on here talk about "weaponized consent" -- but then how often did it happen? I have mentioned it to another user, the video is not meant to be a protection for the indivividual but rather guidelines to improve society.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

1282
  • OlderAndWiser
    I understand and agree with everything that you said. The difficulties arise when you are in an established sexual relationship. The fifteenth time that the guy gets in bed with the girl, he doesn't ask, "Is it okay for us to have intercourse tonight," because they have already had intercourse of fourteen different occasions and he assumes that if she did not want to have sex, she would not invite him into her bed. Established couples simply do not engage in express consent exchanges every time they have sex and most of them don't want to engage in such dialog.

    Consent is often inferred from conduct without being expressed verbally. At the end of a fun evening, if a lady leads me into her bedroom, removes her clothes, removes my clothes, then invited me to get between the sheets with her. . . what should I think? When she starts fondling me and making me erect, should I stop her and ask. . . "Would you like a cup of tea?"
    LikeDisagree 8 People
    • slatyb

      Right, you don't have to verbally ask your long-term partner if they want sex. They can either participate or refuse without saying a word, and the difference is obvious. I don't understand men who continue having sex with unresponsive women.

    • So right. I'm a grown woman. I have a mouth. It would be weird to ME if my man asked before sex each time "Would you like to have sex?" I cringe just thinking about it. But since I'm an adult with a working mouth, if he starts initiating it and I don't want it, I open my mouth and say so. And if that happens THEN I expect him to respect that.

    • KristaGrym

      If she says no is no. Man... How you can be influencer in this App? I see your comments and clearly something is not ok with u

    • Show All
  • SydneySentinel
    Thank you for sharing this. I think consent needs to be taught in many different ways.

    I also think women need to carry some weight here. I know someone from high school that "made a mistake" and called rape on a guy because she regretted her actions. Regretting sex with someone DOES NOT equate to rape.
    Like 2 People
  • RickPen
    The post is not precisely gender neutral due to the descriptions, only to finalize with a short sentence that "men can also be victims of sexual assault although not always." To reverse the gender bias of the statement, women can also be victims of sexual assault, but not always.

    Thank you for posting this, but as someone who was drugged and raped (waking in the middle of it), along with receiving years of sexual abuse as a child (at the handes of women), I find this take a bit demeaning toward men in general.

    Simply put, men don't get support if they're raped. They're laughed at, ostracized, and threatened. At least, that's what happened to me, and two other guys I later found out were raped by the same girl (drugged by her). The long-held belief that men can't be raped, but are the oppressors has to stop. We don't know what numbers of men are raped, because we only have very little anecdotal evidence on which to base sketchy statistics.

    Maybe *some* men don't understand consent. I'd wager just as many women don't. This is not to rain on your parade, but I'm extremely sick of hearing that men are rapists, personally being called a rapist for having a penis (yes, it's happened many times), or being bombarded every single day with something either in the media, online, or in person that men are some sort of terrible, horrible abomination for existing. There is *NO* justice for a raped man. None. I tried for years. Nobody gives one single second of thought when a man is harmed, injured, or taken advantage of. They are laughed at, berated, and derided as something subhuman. I took my lumps for even voicing my opinion, and I'll keep on doing it, just to provided at least one shred of counterpoint to the feminist argument that there is a rape culture.
    Like 1 Person
    • shimmeryns

      Were you raped? By who? A woman or a man?

      When you said you tried for years -- how exactly did you try? Did you file report against them?

    • Faint

      Umm those are some victim blaming personal questions you are asking op.

    • shimmeryns

      @Faint Where exactly did I say it is his fault may I ask?

    • Show All
  • themaker39
    What a load of propagandistic horse shit, schoolteaching me when I'm allowed (who needs to allow me except her?) to fuck (or something else, didn't read it all) a woman as if I was sodomizing her by breathing over her divine asshole. "if you're still struggling with consent" - just read this phrase carefully a couple of times, it's infuriating how unjust it sounds.
    Your videos mean nothing in real relationships people have. I personally would stay at least 10km away from a woman who wanted me to ask her for permission every time for every physical thing. Real people's relationships override piles of shit like this (it would be silly to call them rules).
    As a man, the effect this metooistic bullshit is to make me filter women a lot more carefully to not end up with some cuckoo head with this kind of ideas.
    No sane woman would have you jump through this kind of hoops, she would get really pissed off, annoyed and eventually furious if you tried to insist with this shit on her. This comes from a woman I know.
    At the same time, if she actually takes care of her vagina, she would stop you undoubtedly clearly if you were going farther then she's comfortable with. I appreciate girls who stop me, because it shows they're able to resist sexual tension - that may talk about loyalty.
    Last but not least - I would be really turned off by a girl who claimed to me she's been raped multiple times because she didn't _have to give_ consent and let things happen like a mute puppet.
    If you regret sex the next day, because you cheated or because he's the tenth this month, it may indeed tempt you to throw the responsibility off yourself and onto the guy you had sex with, to make yourself feel pure. That doesn't mean you've been raped, it means you have no self control.
    LikeDisagree 8 People
    • shimmeryns

      Would you want your teenage daughter at least have this basic knowledge? Or you are okay with her being forced to drink tea without her consent?

    • themaker39

      I don't like my teenage daughter bring taught sexual behavior by the media.

    • shimmeryns

      Ah, interesting.

  • happyhedgehog
    I don't see why people are getting so angry about this post. It's quite simple; don't force people to have sex with you. How hard is that to understand? If that angers you, then you have problems and should go see a therapist.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
    • shimmeryns

      I posted this because a user asked a question about his friend being raped earlier this year. She said no clearly but... You know how the story goes.

      I have no idea why they get mad about this simple thing. Imagine if they have a teenage daughter, wouldn't they want her at least be aware of this?

    • Sadly the losers who get mad are the ones who lack morals and have no brains. Only think about themselves. Think its ok to have sex all the time. Believe she turned me on and wants to have sex. Guys like this can't think except about how his penis is hard.
      They dont care about consent and blame the lady for turning him on.

  • JimRSmith
    Interesting analogy. I've not seen that before.

    I'd also add that once the person has drunk the tea, changing their mind later on, and saying that they never in fact wanted the tea, is also a bit off.

    That happened to a friend of mine's brother, and he ended up spending time in a remand prison, because of a person who did that.
    Like 2 People
  • I_Am_Sazerac
    I have been assaulted. Tried dating a man just to see what it was like. He was upset that I didn't want to fool around on the first date because it was new territory to me. So he tried to physically force it.

    He wasn't fully successful though; the thing is people never believe me when I say I can fuck someone up all because I'm a "nice guy." I beat his ass to the point where he wound up in the hospital and I almost got charged with overuse of force.
    Like 3 People
    • shimmeryns

      I'm really sorry it happened to you and I am so glad you are able to defend yourself. Not a lot able to though... Sometimes people need to be reminded that no means no. When someone is not ready, they are simply not ready.

    • Something tells me he wouldn't have cared and that only his needs mattered. Well I certainly gave him a new set of needs. But I've never tried dating men since. Now I have a better understanding why many women hate us so much.

    • And I have no desire to try again either.

  • talloak
    Unfortunately, the problem is not usually an issue of men not knowing better.

    Recently I asked a question as to who were all these feminists who encouraged women to hate men. I had read so many posts declaring exactly this that I assumed I missed something in popular culture (I often do). I realize that man-haters exist but I couldn't name one. Most respondents couldn't name a single name, insisting there was some secretive army of feminists influencing women under the radar. One respondent was able to give me three names. They were all very obscure. None of them espoused hatred of men. They simply were not the influencing anyone outside of the alt-right.

    I probed deeper to find out what the hatred was supposed to be about. The answers they gave chilled me. They all believed that most, if not all, reports of rape are false. They believe that women entice men to have sex so they can falsely accuse them of rape for the pleasure of destroying their lives. One guy "proved{ his accusation by pulling up 3 cases of false accusations of rape. This amounts to just 1 in every 100,000 rapes, and for him that was proof of the remaining 99.999 charges. I have since met men here who accused they wives or girlfriends of being complicit in their rapes.

    I did some research and that was chilling too. Incidences of rape decreased steadily for 20 straight years, like clockwork. Starting about 2013, it increase sharply. Rapes increased 20% in just five years. So what happened then to reverse the improvement? My theory is the 2012 elections. So many Republican candidates were accused of assault that year, they attempted to discredit the women (successfully it seems) by claiming that they were all false claims. With the ascension of Trump, they had to convince themselves that the 30 claims of sexual assault against him were all false because all women were liars who hated men. Now that millions of men bought into this conspiracy, so many believe that women deserve to be punished that at least some of them act on it. A great many others would like to act on it.

    Woman must now be especially careful. Not only are your chances of being raped higher, especially by someone you know, but the chances that you will be blamed for the rape are maybe 10 time higher than before. And this is not only the men in your life; the police are buying into this too.
    Like 3 People
  • AnAcutalOpposum
    I think these kinds of videos are misguided. No one, or at least very few people, are under the impression that forcing sex on someone or pressuring them into it is okay in any form. People understand consent; the problem is that there are certain people who simply do not care. People who claim they didn't understand are simply using it as an excuse, and by believing them, you are downplaying the actual severity of these crimes.
    Like 4 People
    • There have been many studies of rapists. None of them believe they are rapists. I mean convicted rapists. They know what rape is. They understand consent. They do not believe they did not get consent.

    • Then they are either in denial, or lying to make themselves look better.

    • The studies believe they are in complete denial and it's almost impossible to persuade them otherwise.

  • Phoenix98
    There's nothing really to understand, no means no and yes means yes, consent is consent.

    The video also leaves stuff out like women just flat out accusing men of sexual assault for doing things like saying hello on the street and I've seen actual cases like that.

    The video is more black and white when the reality is more grey and murky.
    Like 2 People
    • shimmeryns

      Saying hello is not an assault. Assault is physical attack?

    • Phoenix98

      Your right it's not but that didn't stop the woman from calling the police and accusing the guy who said hello and smiled to her of sexual assault.

    • shimmeryns

      I think the proper term is harassment 🤔

    • Show All
  • MementoMori_
    Ehhhh I don't buy it. Libido is a complex thing, not simple at all. I've been with women who want to play out their rape fantasies and want you to play along. Also sometimes women have mixed feelings. They want to have sex, but feel guilty about it. So they get hot and cold during the process of the act sending mixed signals and sometimes have regrets later and delude themselves into believing it wasn't consensual to assuage their feelings of guilt. It's not at all as simple a matter as consent or no consent.

    Then there are women that have sex willingly and later falsely accuse men of raping them (or don't have sex at all and still accuse a man of raping them). In my opinion, any woman found to falsely accuse a man of rape should get the same sentence as the man would have gotten if he actually did rape her. But this never happens. Women get away with this despicable crime all the time with no consequences.

    It's nowhere near as simple as some want to make it out to be. And too many men are falsely accused.
    Like 3 People
    • hahahmm

      Yes but outside of a serious relationship it’s just not worth the risk. Guys should be wearing vest cameras like cops for all casual sex encounters.

      The dumbest guys are the ones banging drunks. Doesn’t matter if she’s the biggest slut on earth. She can put the guy in prison anytime she wants to. And I don’t mean blackout drunk. I mean, a sip of wine “drunk” too. Ha

    • I agree... having sex with a woman is dangerous. In addition to a body cam you need to have a lawyer with you to draft a consent agreement before you get into it.

  • JohnAlaska43
    Well so many losers who say its a top fantasy for women are morons.
    Regardless if it is or not who the hell gives you the right to rape them.
    Just because you like it doesn't mean she will.
    Rape is Rape. Sex is Sex.
    If she is not having it or not wanting it respect that.
    So what if your turned on get over it.
    So many lame asses on here have no respect for women.
    Like 4 People
  • Matt57
    I agree, but the mass majority of people already understand this and value, but the people that are doing the assaulting just don’t care and will not listen. Although this post is from a gender-neutral point of view, this reminds me of the “teach men not to rape” kind of people.
    Like 4 People
    • VIVANT

      Acutely a lot of people don’t understand it they pretend not to.. i guess we can’t know for sure lol

  • COMMODOREII
    Very good. I agree as well. You can also tell when someone is uncomfortable or not ready so don't force them. I always allowed the women to initiate with me, it was easier. Now i want a cup of tea. 😎
    Like 2 People
    • shimmeryns

      Literal or figurative tea? LOL!

    • Damn. Now you made me think of the figurative tea. Lol

  • TheMadAsshatter85
    Sounds like someone is finishing intro to Soc class. Just consider the source if you're a soft science major... Many will stretch the truth, have double standards, give half truths , use inference to bend an argument in their favor...

    Case in point- Very commonly given statistic they give out is the 1 in 4 will be assaulted... Weeeellll... Half true., and has a double standard... Yes, 1 in 4 will be assaulted (and sucks that it's the way it is)... Sneaky statisticians though, they don't mention that in their recording of data, any kind of sexual activity after drinking gets filed under non consentual as inebriated folks can't give consent... Even if both parties are wide awake and willing.

    What do you think- Someone get's black out shmammy at a party, stays the night and finds themselves being startled awake by one of the other folks that was also in bed , flipping out on them for getting hand-sy... "No hey go away", no "meh I'm not feeling it" no hey fuck off.. just immediate flipping out even in the absence of force being used, while it was never on the table to begin with...

    If said person is is a woman, people would argue she was trying to prod interest while being way to drunk and is likely to have substance abuse problems... If said person is a guy, Default to rape. This guy is dangerous- Better follow him for years telling new people he meets how creepy he is behind his back.
  • ActiveSh1tter
    You people should stop ranting about this crap all the time. We don't care. Some white knights might pretend they care cause they think they'll get a crumb of pussy if they agree with women on everything. But men with self-respect aren't going to sacrifice their dignity just to avoid hurting m'lady's feelings. We really don't care that you see the penis as a lethal weapon. Get over it.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • Moonchild714
    Wow!! This is Awesome Thank you So Much, mind if I use this to Show Perps when explaining to them?
    Like 1 Person
    • shimmeryns

      Sure no problem. The content does not belong to me by the way, you can use the video link I posted above to give credits :)

    • Thank you

  • DiscomfortZone
    You're a sad, strange little person in desperate need of some attention. The only person you have a chance of educating is yourself, and you might want to worry about that instead of spamming trivialities.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    • shimmeryns

      If you don't find this useful, move along.

    • shimmeryns

      You're one bitter internet troll.

    • DicomfortZone is a dumb ass. Lack of brains and morals.

  • Rob171977
    You neglected to mention how women cry false rape allegations ruining a man's life between society making him out to be the bad guy and media giving him a bad rap and bad attention while the woman who cries rape goes scott free with no ill or dire consequences. Especially women who have one night stands then regret it the next day and cry rape because of a bad decision they made by sleeping with someone and having that "buyers regret" attitude.
    Aside from that I agree with EVERYTHING you said in this post. But what you forgot to add is for women to not be so damn wishy washy either. They need to set clear boundaries as to what they find acceptable in a relationship and what the sexual limits are as well and what they're comfortable and not comfortable with.
    What I don't like about your post is how one sided you made it all seem as if men are always at fault when women are at fault as well for a lot of stuff that happens hence my above explanations. Also you neglected to mention how women can rape other women or men raping other men. You made this post be extremely gender biased in favor of all women being completely innocent. And you also neglected to mention about women raping men which YES does happen and goes vastly unreported due to the amount of embarrassment and lack of support for male rape victims out there due to societies fucked up thinking. Again next time you make a post like this don't be gender biased and state it from every possible situation instead of giving a stereotypical opinion type post
    Like 1 Person
  • jcclifton
    I think when your twenty years old and you go to a mans room at 2am something happens. Than you make millions of dollars you make wild Clemens about that person unless you give the money back.
    I grew up some were other than Hollywood and at ten years old
    I even knew what the directors couch was.
    I know of a lot of girls that have sucked a c-ck for a lot less
    and you don't here them crying.
    Shit for 19 mill I'd do it myself you could take pics and show everyone wouldn't hurt my feelings.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
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