Girls: Dating 101: True Love Waits

AmandaYVR

This is going to be the first in a series of Dating 101 myTakes I will be doing.

I will take one very common question, scenario, dilemma or subject, and unpack it, decrypt it, explain or explore it. Some will focus on girls, some on guys, and some on both together.

First up, 'Waiting'

Girls: Dating 101: True Love Waits

I'm going to talk about this because I see variants of it come up a lot.

Ex:

'I created an account on [whatever site]. I lied about my age, just to check it out. I'm curious. I've been talking to this guy. He's a lot older than me. I'm a virgin and he doesn't know. He wants to sext with me. Should I?'

'I really like this guy, but we don't know each other well yet. He asked me online what type of stuff I'm into sexually. He doesn't live that far away from me. He wants to hook up. Should I meet him?'

'This guy I just met has a lot of experience, sexually, and I haven't done anything yet. I'm worried I won't be enough for him, he'll get bored of me if I don't fulfill his fantasies. I'm freaking out.'

'I've never given a blowjob. I'm kind of curious about it all, but nervous. I've been talking to this guy. I like him. But he told me, "spitters are quitters", and I'm not sure if I'm ready for swallowing. It kinda grosses me out. What should I do?'

'Do all guys always expect a blowjob before intercourse?'

'So What Should I Do?'


Do not listen to the [sometimes loud or convincing] voices of some guys who are attempting to pressure you into an 'everybody's doing it' mentality. They do not speak for all guys. This is called Persuasive Argument Style. It's a tactic. They have little to lose. Well, they could lose you, but what seems to be happening more, is that young girls are pressured into doing sexually more than they are entirely ready for it. Do it because you want to. Know that you want to. If you are getting 'a funny feeling' about the way a guy is acting, or alarm bells are going off in your head, or if your feelings about deciding to do it stem from insecurity, it's not right. Just because somebody (one person) wants something, doesn't mean they need to get it. Waiting for things, patience, and earning things is important. It values them more.

As a matter of fact, some of the better guys will be put off if and when they find out you did succumb to this pressure, and fell for 'the bad guys.' (And no, they don't want you to lie to them about your experience.) It's not that they all see you as 'trash', or that they all have sexist double standards. It's that they see you as a person who is easily convinced, manipulated, and doesn't have good judgement. It is incorrect (and unfair) to categorize these types of men as 'ones who can't get laid.' They are discerning, and they want you to be too.

I know there have been shifts in dating, relationships, and communication, etc. But, them liking you, and you having a relationship with them, is not dependent on whether you quickly have sex with them (or sext, give bj's, etc.)

This is not a lecture about what you should or should not do. I am not here to judge you, and no one else should either. I support you, I support freedom of choice, but I support you in it being your decision. I only want to convey to you that there may be expectations sometimes, yes, but there is no 'standard', no 'normal.' And even today, in this particular climate, there are many guys who will wait for you to be ready, to be as enthusiastic as they are, and to find out if you are the girl they want to be with, and vice versa.

From What I Have Observed, & Discussed Privately With Guys Here, Guys Fall Into One of These 4 Categories :

1. He Won't Wait Around Guy: He's seems interested. You've been chatting, small talk mostly. Things get sexual pretty quick. "I might like him, but I'm not sure if he's just into me for sex.. So I kind of made up an excuse, said I gotta go", or "I took a while to get back to him" or "I ghosted him a bit to see what he would do, and then I didn't hear back from him." "He likes talking to me about sex, but when we're not, he disappears again. A: Run, girl, run. He's looking for easy pickings. His interest in you is limited. He'll do a small amount of work but that's it. If he's slow to respond, is unresponsive, and shows little interest in you about all other topics... drop him. He didn't pass Phase I. As Gandalf says, 'The way is shut.'

2. Double Standard Guy: This is the one you need to sniff out and ascertain quickly. He puts on the charm, feigns interest in you, may also act [temporarily] enthusiast and passionate, but secretly he doesn't respect you when you do sleep with him. Yes, he wanted it/you, for a night, or maybe a little longer, but ultimately, it was for fun, and it was a test. He's allowed to sleep with whomever and however many he wants, but he doesn't think you should be able to. (Friends with Benefits guys also don't want you to be with other guys. They won't commit, but they are jealous and don't want anyone else to have you either.) He's glad you had sex with him, but now he sees you are being an 'easy lay', not discerning, and now that he's 'captured the flag', he's lost interest, and moved on to his next target. In his mind, you're no longer 'relationship material.' But it's alright, he's a douche, and you're much better off without him.

3. Experienced, Sexually Active, Yet Patient Guy: Now some of you are wondering if this guy actually does exist, and... he does! He looks good, he started having sexual experiences years ago, he can get laid, he's hooking up right now, but he wants a legit relationship. He hasn't found 'the one', but he's 'having fun' in the meantime. If you sleep with him on the first date, first month, etc., he'll be happy. He'll love it. He also won't judge you for it. It won't have any bearing on whether or not it works out for you two, and if he sees a future relationship with you. He's a modern man. He loves that girls are sexually liberated, and believes you have just as many freedoms and choices as he does. He's looking for fun, but also connection. It all comes down to chemistry. He doesn't have to have sex with you to be interested. He's checking you out. He's into your body, into you as a person, and so far, he likes what he sees. He will wait. Not forever, though. Have you expressed your interest in him? Your desire for him? Tell him. Show him. Taste each other. He wants to get to know you. You're driving him sexually a bit crazy, but he can go and take care of himself. But what is required is that you open up to him, share with him, show him who you are, what you like, what you want, and allow both of you to explore whether you are truly compatible.

Explain your reasons, whatever they are - "I want to make sure how I feel." "I'm cautious about whom I open up to." "It's my first time, I want it to be right." "I've made mistakes in the past. I want to be smarter now." All of these are valid reasons. But don't leave him hanging, indefinitely. Guys are very often 'put in the friend zone' and they hate it. Absolutely hate it. Sure, they like you as a person, yeah friends are nice, but they want to be with you. They don't mind being a shoulder to cry on for a little while, but eventually it comes down to, "Why aren't I good enough?" "If you like me so much, why don't you want to be with me?" So show him, tell him, make your feelings and intentions, or hopes, known. That, he can live with. But not knowing, or being left in the wings, or being held in back-up position... he cannot do. That's not nice, and not fair. If you are really into him, and it's just sexually that you don't want to rush, he will wait for you. All you have to do is ask him/tell him.

4. Virgins & Waiting-for-Marriage Guys: Some are concealing it well. Some are upfront about it. But both of them are looking 'the real deal.' Don't look down on them. It's not that they can't get a girl. They can. They're just very, very careful. Sometimes shy, sometimes cautious, sometimes choosy. They're doing the slow play. They don't like the idea of a girl, their girl, having been with other guys. They're trying to be open-minded, but it bothers them. They haven't rushed this, and they want a girl who hasn't either. Yes, there might be a small element of possessiveness, and a little bit of not being able to stomach that someone else had you before them, but at least there's no double standard here. They're consistent. Solid. They'll wait a long time for you. Some will wait until marriage. They want you to as well. Others want you to be inexperienced, sweet, even innocent. They've been thinking about this for a long time. Many, many years. Porn exploration starts at 9 (for both sexes.) They want to act out all their fantasies with you. It won't be dull. It might be fast (at least at first), but they will put everything into this. Just because they don't have experience, doesn't mean they're tame, boring, or dull. They want to rock your world, and be everything you want in a man.

So, the TL;DR is: You do not have to do any of it in order to get a [good] man.

Get to know each other. You can talk about sex, absolutely. Curiosity is natural. But talk about other things as well. Talk about what interests you, what you are passionate about, what matters to you. Look for the guy who will listen, and do the same for him. Everyone, no matter what age, what sex, what gender, what level of relationship experience wants to be heard, and to feel that others (and sometimes just one person) understands them, or at least appreciates them. This is the goal.

I would like to see fewer queries from young women asking 'What is expected?' and more declarations about what you want, what your expectations and desires are - and I'll tell you - this is what guys want too. They're here to find out how you think, and what will make you happy.

You are more than a warm body, a Tinder profile to hook up with, or just 'some girl on the internet', to get off to. And True Love Waits. (And in the non-Disney-non-fairytale-non-princess version of life... good guys wait.) So be someone worth waiting for. You deserve it, and so do they.

Radiohead, 'True Love Waits' (unfortunately I cannot find any version of this song that will be playable in app. They only play in web/desktop version of GAG.)

Radiohead, 'True Love Waits' (lyrics)

[And by the way, I asked my husband what his single piece of dating advice for young girls would be, and he, in typical male fashion gave a succinct reply: "Wait." (I filled in the rest for you. 💛]

Girls: Dating 101: True Love Waits
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  • Grond21
    I wish more girls saw this! It is so true. The amount of pressure that is put on them, and how often their sexuality is tied into their desirability as a tactic to get them to be sexual really disgust me. I've seen it over and over. Well-meaning good-hearted girls who want to be desired. They want to be chosen. And they listen to a guy who tells them that in order to be desirable they can't wait, but they have to give sex right away.
    When a girl lowers her standards, a guy loses respect for her. We don't always realize it when we do, but it happens every time. And then the girl is setting herself up for failure.
    Obviously this is an every girl. Some women choose it freely. But I've seen this happen over and over.

    That's for me, I'm the fourth option. And you described me well. I'm 32 years old and a virgin. I'm just waiting for that girl. The one I can give it all to. And our sex life is definitely not going to be boring! I have tons of desires and fantasies, and I have a keen interest in learning what she wants and welding the two of our desires together. I want a fun and active sex life. But I think it's worth waiting for, and so that's where I'm at right now.
    Thank you for writing this. I feel seen by you
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • AmandaYVR

      I'm so happy. "I feel seen by you" makes me smile. That is one of my goals - to give a voice to people, connect people, and help them be understood.

    • Grond21

      You succeeded very well Amanda. It was incredibly refreshing!

  • hellacray
    Haha well I'm glad you're telling girls this. I'm getting a little worried that teen girls are so self conscious of their virginity. I even remember some girl that asked on GAG if she should just lose her virginity to some random guy just to "get it over with."

    I'm not saying girls should stay virgins until marriage. I'm just saying definitely don't rush things.

    Altho I'd say waiting is not the best way to go about it either. Cause you can sit there and just be waiting forever.

    Besides women pretty much naturally play the waiting game since it's guys that approach. If you want to find love you need to look for it. Don't just sit there and complain you only get approached by jerks. And you can't seem to find a good guy.

    Well the reason you can't find a good guy is simple. You never started looking...
    Like 3 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • AmandaYVR

      Agreed!

    • AmandaYVR

      Oh yeah, and regarding this:
      "Besides women pretty much naturally play the waiting game since it's guys that approach. If you want to find love you need to look for it. Don't just sit there and complain you only get approached by jerks. And you can't seem to find a good guy.
      Well the reason you can't find a good guy is simple. You never started looking..."

      I wrote a mytake about this:
      The Personal and Societal Benefits of Girls Taking the Initiative With Guys in Relationships ↗
      (Notice the male mostly-enthusiastic approval, while again, almost silence from the pinks.)

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What Girls & Guys Said

432
  • t-8900
    Ma'am you are a goddamn certified genius and I wish I had shown this to my recent ex. It's clear as day we wanted long term something different. In a mix of the last two men you mentioned. Simply put I was raped as a child. I didn't get to choose who to lose it to or when. It was a grown woman and I was just a little boy, not even a preteen. When I turned 24 I caved during a very weak moment when my whole world was falling apart band I had no one to comfort me. The ex kind of engaged in it with me at my home. We got to intercourse but about 5-6 mins in I stopped and started crying. I got off her, apologized, told her she had to go, and ran to the bathroom. It was a mistake and I want wasn't really ready for love making because I wasn't in love yet. I simply had my father, my only family in the hospital dying and no network of friends in the new town I had moved to. Under normal circumstances it would never have gotten there. I can't ask for or expect a virgin and I don't. I just want a patient woman who can be there for me, give me time, honor a monogamous relationship, and act with class and nurture my aching and lonely heart. In return she'll have all I am as not only a man, or lover, but as a human being with h 💯 dedication for the rest of my days.
    Like 2 People
    • t-8900

      sorry typos galore on here with my cell phone touch pad oof! >.<

    • AmandaYVR

      lmao. Well thank you 🤝

      Yeah I read what you went through in your mytake, and relating to your q and our exchange on that... That's a lot and would definitely have a huge impact on one's life. Stay true to who you are, what you absolutely need, and don't settle on anyone who makes you feel less than because you won't validate their own sense of self-worth by jumping into bed with them right away. Girls are used to being wanted sexually. They lash out at you because they feel rejected themselves. And that is just about insecurity and a lack of empathy and perspective.

  • 0112358
    True love waits … sometimes. It doesn't always. That's okay. There's not one perfect person out there, and people need to find one who lines up with both where they are in their life and where they're going.

    One challenge that women (AND men) who want to move slowly need to be aware of is that if they're hoping to make that first relationship work, they kind of need to 'thread the needle' and get lucky. Why do I say that? They're looking for someone who will be compatible with them both in the 'move slow' stage AND in the 'once comfortable' stage. I'm not saying this to tell people to move faster, or that 'everyone must hook up right away to determine compatibility'. I'm simply noting the reality: the partner who puts no pressure on early may disappoint you with a lack of enthusiasm once you're comfortable. Or not!

    The point I'd agree most strongly with that you made, and I think is one of the two most important: You really need to explain what's going on. Guys are not just going for sex quickly because they want sex (though that's a reason!). They're also trying to figure out how interested you are. If you don't want them to interpret slow movement as a lack of interest, you need to tell them whats going on really clearly. Essentially your actions are saying 'I don't find you attractive', and actions speak louder than words: so your words better not be a few hints, your words likely need to be very clear and consistent to compete with your actions.

    The other one of the 'two most important' is that there are, indeed, guys who are great guys and will wait. I've encouraged several virgin nervous women here to start relationships with guys who were really into them where the woman was really concerned the guy wouldn't wait, and in every single case the guy would have waited much longer than she needed. That doesn't mean things always turn out that way. In all of the cases, the guy liked the girl a -lot-. In all of the cases, the guy was actively looking for a girlfriend, not a hookup. In all of the cases, the woman actively tried to work through her own insecurity and fear, pushing not to do things she didn't want to do, but to not just sit because she was nervous, to lean into nervousness on things she wanted but were new. And in all of the cases, they allowed the emotional side of things to rocket forward - assuring the guy of their connection, but also creating the emotional space for the woman to feel comfortable with the physical side. Putting the emotional side on ice because you're not ready for the physical side isn't a great way to get comfortable, or to have him be supportive.
    Like 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Well said. I agree with all.

      This was nice phrasing... "... they allowed the emotional side of things to rocket forward - assuring the guy of their connection, but also creating the emotional space for the woman to feel comfortable with the physical side. Putting the emotional side on ice because you're not ready for the physical side isn't a great way to get comfortable, or to have him be supportive."

    • @0112358
      "the partner who puts no pressure on early may disappoint you with a lack of enthusiasm once you're comfortable.". I disagree with this, bro. I have an ON/OFF button, because I believe that there are situations where it's appropriate to be sexual and situations where it is not. Right now my button is turned OFF. But after I get married, I'm going to be sexually "Active" (pardon the pun.). It's going to be a night and day difference. My wife will probably think I'm a super freak. Like, "where did that guy come from?". Hopefully she will have listened to me all those times I gave warning hints along the way!

      Though I do hear what you're saying about the clear and consistent communication. I do try to do that, ... but I also try not to make it TOO clear, because I'm a very straightforward person by nature and girls get scared away when I am direct.

      But, like @AmandaYVR, I totally agree 100% with everything in your last paragraph.

    • 0112358

      @Jamie05rhs perhaps it sounded like I was implying more then I was. When I said “MAY disappoint you” I really did mean “may”. There are more people walking around with very low sex drive then most people realize and few of them are up front about it. Many don’t even realize it. They simply think they have better “control” then other people who can’t control themselves. But when it comes down to it they’re really not interested in sex much at all. Some of them think they will be “when they time comes” even though they’re not actually horny at all now. I’d you’ve got an on/off switch I genuinely hope your future partner is the same and most significantly that your versions of “on” are somewhat similar.

    • Show All
  • princesssnowflake
    As a teen, it’s quite refreshing to read this and know that not every guy just wants you for quick sex. I always thought guys just cared about getting their dicks wet, not really for relationships or commitments. I guess that it mainly has to do with the fact that I date hormonal high school dudes, but I was starting to think that it was male mentality. However, knowing that there are guys out there who are willing to wait and appreciate taking the time to know you first, is reassuring.
    Like 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Good, I'm glad to hear it.
      I had a boyfriend at 16 in high school who was incessantly trying to convince me to sleep with him. We liked each other, got along reasonably well, but he wasn't mature enough for me. I said no. We broke up. And I don't regret that. It was a fairly easy decision. Aside from some other minor dates and making out a bit, I stopped dating teenage boys. That was it. As soon as I graduated high school, the world opened up, I met men, and it was all uphill from there.

      Learn to filter out the boys, see the glass half full, and appreciate the good ones. They exist, you just have to be discerning. It's not true that all guys want all girls for just sex. It's a process to find out their motivations, but don't give up or lose hope.

    • I understand you, cause you sound a lot like me. I’m not really a typical ditzy teen girl. But that’s not odd for me, since I’ve always been mature for my age. People have always been assuming I’m older than I look or am. I think I haven’t been dating cause I’m waiting to graduate. Though, my first experiences kinda also swore me off of dating high school dudes. They’re too immature. Most are recently discovering they have a penis, and they behave like that as well. A lot of them also have no idea how to be romantic, gentle or caring. I guess maybe my standards are too high, considering that inexperience is to be expected, but I feel like the problem is that most don’t care. That’s mainly why I’m waiting to be in college. Also because there’s a high probability I’ll go study at another state, and I don’t wanna go through a break up or a ldr.

    • AmandaYVR

      We are similar, you are right.
      I think your reasoning is all sound.
      I did ldrs and it's pretty awful. I advise against it. Though I did marry one and we are still together, all these years later, despite the nightmare of it all.
      Be careful with the college boys too, though. Probably not much better. I only dated guys who were long out of school. When you're 19, say, go upper 20s with the guys.

    • Show All
  • Lliam
    Great advice, Amanda.

    I think I was a cross between #1 and #3 when I was in my teens and 20s. There was no internet, so no texting, ghosting and crap like that. I was willing to pursue girls, date and be patient to an extent. Virginity didn't interest me. I liked liberated women.
    But I wasn't one who developed crushes or would pursue someone for long. If she wasn't interested in sex fairly early on, I would let it drop. By the way, I never pressured anyone. Sex was their choice and, as it turned out, they were all on the pill.

    In those days, I was interested in having a relationship, but not marriage or kids. So we would have a relationship and I would be dedicated and monogamous. I expected the same thing. I really liked those girls a lot. I won't say love because, looking back, I really didn't know what that was, although I think the girls thought they were in love. But the infatuation for me eventually wore off, and because I didn't want to settle down, I eventually moved on after several months. I was living life and gaining knowledge and experience. In hindsight, I think I did the right thing.

    By the time I met my wife at age 40, with lots of knowledge and experience under my belt, I was a solid #3. She wanted to wait and develop a relationship before sex. She was looking for a solid relationship. She was up front with a three month rule. I honored that. She was smart. Now look at me, 26 years later (24 of them married). LOL I wouldn't trade her for the world.
    Like 3 People
  • winterfox10
    My only really objection to this is that women need to understand that good men, regardless of how good or in love they are, aren't going to wait around forever. I think that a lot of women want the guy to be fine with having his romantic life put on hold for long periods of time, but that's just not how life works.
    Like 3 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Like where I wrote, "He will wait. Not forever, though."
      And then I went into more detail to address this.

      So I agree with you. I don't think 'objection' is the right word.

    • Yeah, I saw that! It’s important that women make the observation too 🙂

  • Unit1
    The problem with girls is that they ghost, ignore or do not respond/initiate communication to the men they claim to want. Either these girls are lying and are uninterested or they bought someone's terrible dating advice and have used it. What a mistake. Hence we won't wait for very long. It's either on or it's not. Single or taken.

    i get the feeling that they take their youth and beauty for granted since they were teenagers and carry it over to their 20s.
    Like 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Yes, Unit. This is a whoooole other topic. Or a sister topic. 'Riddle me this, Batman/Amanda." I'm working on it. But for now, one thing at a time, thus, this.

    • Unit1

      Yes. It's just something i added on top of what you have provided. In effect this means sometimes girls make it harder for both parties and patience is only so much.

      That besides. I don't believe in waiting. I believe in going out and getting what I'm after like I'm going to get a hot dog. Hence i go out and try to find a loving woman. I'm not waiting for things to happen.
      But right now for me this does not apply. I must return to Europe first. I also don't really speak their language here. Seems like people are too lazy over here to develop themselves further and just settle for low standards but instant gratifications.

    • AmandaYVR

      Ok, first, "hot dog"? Ewww. Yes, prostitution works like this but I know you know sex on demand is different than relationships. So hot dog + loving woman is a pretty strange pairing. But I think you're just being facetious so I'm dropping it.

      So have I earned enough gold tokens yet to find out where you do live now? The suspense is getting untenable. Pm or something.

    • Show All
  • Manab
    That’s not true. If a guy waits , girls always put him on friendzone and takes favours from him without giving anything in return. While continue dating and having sex with other guys. I was that guy for long , not anymore. I don’t like playing games or waiting anymore for anyone.. I prefer to say my intentions clearly , if you are not on the same page good luck with your life.. I want someone who is sure about me not look me as an redemption option...
    Like 4 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Did you read all of it? Because I addressed that.

    • Manab

      Yes I have seen it. But men get friendzoned more than women and still many women still prefer guys to pay for dates and other things. So a women who's not sure is a bad decision both mentally and financially for men. Maximum should be two or three dates...

    • Manab

      Also you are somehow assuming girls are always victims and men can be either good or bad... People shouldn't wait for their perfect partners cause that's mostly non existent and I am saying as a guy who have waited long...

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  • ecfresh
    It’s a good reminder as I see more and more the Tinder generation wants to jump into bed on first meeting and then date if they felt chemistry.. that’s backwards. So as you suggest I label waiting as ‘old school’ and believe in it myself. Speaking of old school the title made me think of a song from Buddy Holly: https://youtu.be/-9ex9p_mbEs
    Like 3 People
  • KaylaJoy
    This was a very great MyTake! I don’t let pressure get to me, but it is still discouraging when you’re waiting for marriage to have sex, but al the guys you know are 1’s and 2’s. It’s encouraging to remember that there is still 3’s and 4’s out there.
    Like 4 People
    • Lmao. Nice burn. And I hope I'm one of the "4"s! 😅

  • TremorJay
    Love it, can't wait to read more.

    I didn't find myself in 1 of your 4 categories, but that's alright. I'll figure it out eventually
    Like 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Do you think I need to add one, another category? Lmk.

    • TremorJay

      I really don't know if it warrants another category, because it may just be a tangent to #3
      Experienced, Sexually Inactive, Yet Patient Guy?

      Hoping to get out there again in a few years

    • AmandaYVR

      Hmm. I see your point. Yeah, I don't think the 'not active right now' part is so integral. Reasons could be 1. Necessity (covid, etc.), 2. Not interested/taking a break (in which case, the girl isn't going to be faced with a guy like this, who's raring to go, or 3. Waiting for the right girl (in which case, he's got some patience)

      "... in a few years"? Holy cow. That's a pretty big timeframe.

    • Show All
  • Jjpayne
    I'm number 4! I'm number 4! I'm number 4! 😂 😎
    Good my take! :)
    Like 3 People
  • RiJox
    I love this article.


    I have been in so many situation’ships because I could not Wait and he could not wait. Lead to it being a casualty rather than a real connection.


    I am the type of person who though “sex means love “ 😞 and I am wrong, I have been used and afterwards I felt so bad that I was not worthy of more.


    I am doing a celibacy (again) after being with someone who didn’t want me for more “he wanted just fun” and I called things off because I deserve more, I am more.


    I am learning from my past actions, I forgive myself and I am healing. I fall in love very quick so that’s why I suffer deeply 😟 that’s my last heartbreak and from this I am getting what I want, period. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳


    Thank you for sharing about relationships I am very naive and considered “easy lay” but I won’t be anymore.
    Like 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      You're great.
      I fully support you.
      Welcome to gag.
      {hugs}

    • RiJox

      Thank you 😊
      You’re great 😍

  • termanator
    I am so impressed with the thoroughness and understanding in this article , I’m the number 4 guy , and most people don’t seem to get it. Thanks for sharing much Love my sister
    Like 2 People
  • Jamie05rhs
    That was a fairly good Take, Amanda!
    I would like to make a couple of points, though:
    • Message to females in general: do not ever, ever, lie about your age. We don't like lying or dishonesty in any form. It's a turn-off.
    • No, we don't necessarily expect a blowjob before intercourse. It's just a part of foreplay that you can do if you wish. (I can't see myself ever refusing one.)

    I mostly agree with your 4 categories. Though there are some details within those categories which I disagree with:
    Ladies: Ghosting someone is not a good way to see if they want you for more than sex. The guys who are looking for a relationship will be the ones who want to talk to you the most. The guys just looking for sex will get bored talking for very long if you're not making plans to meet up for a booty call. You shoot yourself in the foot when you reject the guys who just want to talk. How are they going to talk to you if you don't talk back? No arguments on that one.#s 1 and 2 can offen look like #3; so be careful. (And make sure he's not the type that's looking for a wife but he still wants to bang other chicks on the side.) This is what I am, so I can speak to this personally. FIRST: No, I don't necessarily need to act out ALL of my fantasies. But most of them would be nice. (Otherwise I might want to look up a video of someone else doing it and masturbate to that. But I'd much rather do it with you.). But this is why we discuss those things during the dating process. So if I ask you about sexual topics, it's not because I'm trying to sext, so don't freak out; I'm just exploring compatibility. Trust me; it's as awkward for me as it is for you. Also, at the end of the day, keep in mind: I'm a virgin. Any sex is better than no sex. So don't worry too much if there's a particular thing that you don't want to do. I'll most likely be fine. I'll deal with it. Besides, who knows? You may change your mind and want to explore and experiment a bit more in 20 years or so. We have a long life ahead of us. SECOND: No, it won't necessarily be fast. I am willing to move at your pace. If you just want to look at each other and touch each other on the first night, that's fine. I want this to play out like a real relationship. Yes, I'm religious, so yes, that means we'll be starting at Zero (sexually speaking.). We don't have to go from Zero to 100 in one day or even one week. (Though I would kinda like to have vaginal intercourse (VANILLA) within one week. Just saying. It would be nice. But please correct me if you think that's unreasonable.). I want things to flow naturally. Like, yes, we're married and so now everything is allowed, but I think it would be more fun to pretend we were teenagers in a relationship for the first time and exploring sex together over time (if that makes sense.) THIRD: Yes, I do want to rock your world. But I don't want to hurt you or scare you, either. I'd rather take it easy at first.
    I absolutely AGREE with everything else you wrote.
  • asshole_
    But if you're in your 30's women, and you're still not a mother.. you're gonna need to speed things up, if you want to have kids, of course
    Like 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Right, exactly. What I wrote is for younger girls. Fertility drops dramatically at 35 so they definitely need to be proactive. And one would also assume people of that age know themselves and others better, they can read behaviour more, are more decisive, more mature, and less bound by societal and cultural pressures. To a woman in her thirties, I would more likely say something like, 'Go for it, girl. What are you waiting for?' It's better to start. People need time to get to know each other, and bond, before considering bringing kids into the picture.

    • asshole_

      You hear that girls?

      AGE MATTERS. IT ALWAYS WILL

      Just like looks, matter

    • Though there are some girls who have waited and are older now and want to just jump into things, but that's kind of dangerous for them because they have no experience dating and so they don't know what to watch out for. They could be easily taken advantage of. At least the younger girls are more cautious, to their credit, because they know they have time.

  • loveslongnails
    I like your husband's answer. It avoids a lot of words. LOL. Had you put it first, I might not have read your take, which is pretty darn good. :-D
    Like 1 Person
  • ztrok
    This is pretty much on point. I'm #4 and would like to wait for marriage. In my opinion we are the most straightforward. You can find a guy like #3 but I don't think it's as likely to work out. By definition those people don't take things as seriously even if intentions are good.

    If you're looking for eventual marriage and long term commitment I'd recommend looking for a guy who's a virgin or had a ltr that ended because of very difficult circumstances.
    Like 1 Person
  • DiegoO
    I don't have an eternity to wait for anything or anyone. If I am in a "serious" relationship and something is missing, and nothing gets better, despite a million efforts, I am out. Some things are just not meant to be.

    Between more you force your will to make that 1 thing work, you realize, it will not. Not now, and probably never.
    Like 1 Person
  • luvstoned4him
    Yes! I can appreciate all the time and effort you took in writing this and every bit of it is true.
    Like 2 People
  • DavidHart
    Those guys who are hunting for sex prey will not like your post.

    What a nice advices you've given.
    Thank you so much.
    Hope there will be more.
    Like 1 Person
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