These dating and hookup sites actually work!

[J_Fitz]

Hey everyone! Have any of you ever been curious about all those sites and apps that look like scams that say that you will find a one night stand or a hookup on them? For the last few weeks, my mission has been to find out if any sites out there are not scams, not full of bots, and actually free. I spent way too many hours creating profiles, swiping, and chatting with scammers to not share this information with you! Among about 50 sites and apps, here are the apps that work- for free! (Not in any particular order). Note: I tried hookup apps, dating apps, threesome apps, sugar daddy sites, kink sites, cougar sites, etc. Also, I am a 19 year old guy, which is important, because guys are much less picky. For example, a decently attractive woman should have no problem finding a hookup on tinder, and won't really need to try anything else. If you are a girl, there are a few reasons to try other sites though: on tinder, you should be explicit about wanting a hookup only in your bio, otherwise you will be flooded with messages from guys that want to date. Since it's more explicit, you may want to go to a less popular site, so your chances of being recognized are lower.

1. Tinder

Obviously. It's by far the most popular site. Even with the free version, I was able to get quite a few matches and set up dates. It's not fantastic for hookups, if that's all you are looking for. When you make an account, you are boosted for the first 24 hours, so you should get a decent amount of likes. After this period, you will notice that new likes come in very slowly, as you aren't shown as often. If you have no success in a week or so, I recommend trying something else, or upgrading to gold (not plus), or buying boosts.

2. Bumble

For more serious dating. If you want a casual relationship, this is not your best bet. That being said, it's alright for dating. There seems to be a decent user base. However, I have found that I get significantly less likes on this app than any other, and strangely enough, girls seem very reluctant to start conversations here, which in my opinion defeats the whole purpose. Nearly every match opened with "Hey" which is annoying, however, I received a handful of good openers.

3. Hinge

Definitely for serious dating. The app works really hard to make conversation starting as easy as possible, which is a relief. Another really nice feature is the ability to message anyone you come across in the stack. It's not super popular, but I was still able to get some quality matches.

4. Hily

Not bad as far as dating apps go. This one allows you to message all of your likes, and allows you to see two people who liked you every day. It comes with an initial free trial, which helps too. It also has a go live feature, which I found to be pretty much useless. The matches I have found here tend to be more geared towards sexting and casual encounters.

5. Plenty of Fish

I found this app to be ok, and very similar to Hily. You are able to message anyone that appears in the stack, and you can also join live sessions hosted by people you want to date. At the press of a button, you can join the stream for a short time and "speed date" with them. I did not find this feature to be all that useful, but it seemed popular. Very few matches here, and did come across some bots.

6. Clover

This is actually pretty good. Despite looking like a normal dating app, this one is pretty good for sexting because you can match with people from far away for the purpose of "chatting". The local matches seem more hookup oriented as well, and I was able to get some decent matches. A feature that I really like is the "Date" feature. It allows you to pick girls you are interested in going on dates right out of the gate. If they accept your request to date, it takes you to chat to plan out the details. It's a great feature for anyone who would rather meet in person than online. Note: the Date feature is actually for dating, not just hookups.

7. 3rder

Of all the hookup-only sites and apps, this is the only one that was free to use and not filled with bots. In fact, in less than a day on this site, I was contacted by a couple who was looking for a third in their relationship. A video chat confirmed that they were real, and they actually wanted to fly across the country just to have sex with me. And yes, they were actually an attractive couple. Unfortunately, I was on that app mostly for research purposes, so I did not accept the offer.

Conclusion: Every single hookup only, or sex related or app ended up being a complete scam (except 3rder). Some sites weren't confirmed scams, but were either just filled with bots or had no users nearby. A word of advice, if a site is not free to message, or asks for a credit card right away, it is almost always a scam. There are some exceptions, however. Some sites, like match.com for example aren't scams, and may even be worth paying for depending on your purposes (for match.com, eharmony, and similar that is middle aged or older people looking for very serious relationships). The only dating app I have payed for was Tinder for a short while, which I will say can be worth it (get gold, not plus, so you can see who likes you and instantly match). Some sites that may be worth the money if you are looking for sex only is AdultFriendFinder, Ashley Madison, and Seeking Arrangement. I only mention that these sites are likely not scams is because of their tremendous popularity compared to other, similar sites. Use at your own risk, though, as all these sites are susceptible to having bots.

Let me know if you have found any other sites that are legit, and I will add updates to this question. Please like and share this to help spread the word!

And remember! No site or app anywhere is safe from scammers. Please never send personal information or any pictures you wouldn't want all over the internet unless you trust the user. If it seems too good to be true, it is. After talking to tons of bots and scammers, here is what I recommend: ASK FOR SNAPCHAT. If the person you matched with refuses to share, or asks to chat via text or email, it's probably a scam. That being said, don't ask for snapchat in the first message. If it is a real girl, it can come off as too forward.

Hope this was helpful to someone!

#dating

#hookups

[Xoxocutekitty]

Hinge promotion here. Of all of the dating apps, I've liked Hinge the most. While, I have been able to meet and even engage in some fulfilling relationships on some other : okcuid, tinder, POF, bumble, I have found that the user experience on Hinge provides working professionals the ability to more easily meet other working professionals. I have found that before I was getting constant messages from students, which when I was a student was okay, but now that I am working, I am looking for someone who is also in a similar "State"of life.

Most Hinge profiles actually have all 6 photos, which is rare for tinder, and it has conversation starters which makes it easy to see how people "would respond in their own words" in real life. So many other sites its either like no info, or if the person has too much liberty, walls of text of they aren't looking for (again not helpful).

I have also found that the people I have met on Hinge have a stronger expectation of putting work into the relationship because the other person is more humanized. You aren't getting a ridiculous number of unsolicited messages or matches, and you actually have a fair bit of personality data, as well as a slew of other "checklist" identifiers such as age, height, eye color, religious background, smoker/ non smoker, drinker/ non drinker, has or wants (or doesn't want) kids, or other very objective "deal breakers" that has nothing to do with the other person.

Its grat not having to awkwardly ask, so do you want kids before you die, on a first/ second date, just so you know you aren't completely barking up the wrong tree if you in fact do want to have a family one day (just not today lol). I think it says a lot to intentionally put "wants kids someday" on your dating profile. Yes, it doesn't necessarily mean with you, but it means, hey I might be the kind of person looking to stick around with someone for a while.

I met my boyfriend on Hinge. We've met each others families and live together and are saving up to move into a nicer apartment when we have the money. We want a corgi and want to be homeowners and it's really nice to be able to dream with someone you trust, let alone be out of the revolving hookup scene.

[J_Fitz]

Thanks! I definitely should have mentioned it. I have used it for a while and I do think it is probably very good for someone looking for something more serious. I liked that you can comment on any of the conversation starters or pictures, which makes starting conversations SO much easier. Starting the conversation is in my opinion, the most difficult aspect of dating apps. I would really like to see more people use this app because it is innovative.

[chrissykerdock]

you forgot adultfriendfinder eventually you'll find someone to meet up with... you have to chat for a week at least to find out what they're like... sometimes they're bonafide nuts or drug addicts that's stuff you got to find out.

[J_Fitz]

I did mention it... I just found that the free version does not have enough features to work. Were you able to find success for free or did you pay?

[chrissykerdock]

i'm a girl and i got free membership for awhile

[Guy13]

Congratulations being on of the five positive takes on dating apps...

[coachTanthony]

2 months ago? 4 the love of god.

[sassy777]

Adult friend finder and Ashley Madison are a huge scam. Personally victimised. I had a boyfriend obbseessed with wanting a polymory relationship. Finally find a chic and he leaves me for her. The worse part was it was for her nastyhabit and nothing more. Saddly you have to set that type of behavior free. Anyway.

As you were doing your research did you notice the same girls are on all the sites? Also , do you get emails from JENNIFER?
I had the most success with bicurious until I bought the subscription. Then it got awful and when I cancelled it they locked me from ever using it again. That was upsetting I had couples in Georgia and Florida (I'm in ohio) wanting to pamper me and send me home or be their pet. Lol
That's the best I have. Also I hate the way my search engine and email gets flooded with thousands of YOU MISSED A FUCK VITE OR JESSICA YOUR NEIGHBOR IS IMPRESSED HER CAT EVEN LIKES YOU. I use to question my boyfriend all the time. Since we have been broke up they still come in.
On bumble I pretend to beat man and women are thirsty. They are nasty and desperate lol. Great topic. We could talk about this anytime. 🙌

[J_Fitz]

I created a new gmail account just for the purpose of dating apps. I haven't tried bicurious, because I'm definitely straight... Be very careful about sugar mommas and sugar daddys contacting you. They are almost always scammers. So never send bank info- ask to use venmo or cashapp if you get to that point

[likelyOK]

I think as an attractive women regardless it is easier to be picky on those sites I have only ever been on Bumble and tinder had several dates but you kind of need to get used to it. I remember when I first joined one 2.5 years ago and felt lost I expected things to progress to dinner right away like in real life and I remember people wasting my time. But the part I meant about being picky is the last two guys I was talking to IRL who I did not meet on an app I would have totally missed on an app. The first guy was too young 22 (I had guys filtered under 27 out) and he was 5”9 and on Bumble I had guys under 5”10 filtered out. The second guy from IRL had a beard and just was not not my type I would have never given a chance on an app.

So it’s been like months since I was on an app and first time looking for a hookup and it was easy I met a nice 25 year old guy and chickened out at the actual sex but other than that had fun I met in on the app that same day and he progressed everything. So yea if your looking for casual it is easy.

[zeitgeist057]

they work, but they are terrible for men to use. I have had two good relationships from these sites (well actually OKC, I only had a hookup from TInder). But the amount of effort a man has to put into the profile and messaging and playing games to compete with hundreds (literally hundreds if the girl is actually hot at all) of other guys is not worth it. It's much more efficient to just go out offline and meet women, you are going to have less competition with other men (who are busy on their phones trying to get a date on Tinder) and get a more genuine feel for who the girl is in person.

The two relationships I did get off OKC that were great were very low effort. The first one I just cut and pasted a message and sent it to 50+ girls and got about 3 replies of which she was one and we became lovers for about a year. The other one contacted me first and we set up a date and then were together for about 5 years.

But otherwise, I wasted hours and hours looking at profiles and sending messages to girls who didn't bother to say a single word back.

[brennanhuff]

I think you need to live in a big city to have good success with them. I've had matches and some where it went well with the convo only for the women to not want to meet up for coffee or whatever. I think a lot of women may want to be open to meet, but when it comes to it, change their mind. But I have gotten likes and two months ago, like 17 likes, but never came across any of them. I don't like tinder for trying to trick people too. I got tired and paid for the month thing so I could see my likes, only to see that the women were, well pretty big or not so attractive, It's a mixed bag, and have had attractive and not so attractive women match me. But tinder, more often not so cute women. But I hate how dating apps like place women who are cute but not even really hot, like they are out of your league.

I don't just swipe right on such women and will swipe right on a decent looking woman if she has a interesting profile or seems cool. But I just figure the cute girls, I'm not gonna get matched with on the apps. Not because I;m not attractive, but because I feel pretty girls more often use them to attention, but not trying to see dudes on them. Plus the tons and tons of likes and just guys they swipe through where I might not be seen. And they will be super picky. But it's annoying too, because while there's tons of competition and I'm not jimmy Garroplo. I still feel I can match many guys or the competition is too much for me. And that's the other reason for not caring for dating apps. It's weird, as I'll see cute girls and know I most likely won't get a match, but they aren't like super hot and the irony of me having dated, sex and ex girlfriends that are just as good looking and more so than these girls.

[brennanhuff]

It's a weird universe. I'm apparently not that attractive for online dating physically, yet I've had attractive women in their early 20s all the way up to 50s check me out, flirt, get touchy, some get googly eyed. I had a cute girl who could have gotten in trouble at dunkin donuts working there give me a large free coffee and didn't charge me. I'm not Chris Hemsworth and don't feel that way, but I've been told by enough people I know and don't know, women and men, that I'm a good looking guy to know I'm not lacking physically, yet it seems like dating apps imply that. It's just a different universe. But my guy friends who are good looking guys have done well on bumble. so go figure. I've had women give me input, get good pictures, funny profile and yet, some matches but no dates. Oh yeah, FYI, I'm more than looks though, I focused on it because that seems to be implied with online dating. I don't focus on my personality because I have even more confidence in that. I don't know if you'll find me handsome, but I do know, I will and can not only make you laugh your ass off, smile, but also charm your pants off. I've made points about how women have looked at me though to show it was their reaction from just seeing me, and not me talking to them. So to show it was a purely visual reaction and not my personality causing that, which one might make a point to why someone would do well irl and not so for dating apps, But that's not the case for me

[brennanhuff]

hinge is a shitty app too. A lot of fat women on there

[Alfleria]

I’ve tried POF maaaaaaaaany years ago. It was so simple back then. And you can talk through email only I guess. Lol. Roughly 8-9 years ago. But it leaves good memories for me. Since I found a guy that I loved there.
Anyway, next tried tinder maybe 2 years ago. Nothing good came up from there. Got lots of likes for sure until I decided to give up on tinder because mostly they’re looking for hookup.
Then I moved to ok Cupid. Out of those 3, I love Okc the most. They will asked you some questions, then they will look for matches that has compatibility with your personality. So the more questions you answered, the more precise the match gonna be.

[sensible27]

Pof?

[Alfleria]

Plenty of fish

[sensible27]

by the way, on okc you can answer as many quest as you like. The trick that somewhat worked for me was find someone who's been there longer and answer the questions they've answer (the one's you're interested in). I'm pretty selective but if you're not it might not be as helpful to you.

[sweetP007]

Thanks for all the hard work. I wish I saw it a few months ago. I had to learn the hard way. I agree with everything you said and your choices you are well informed and took this seriously almost like a homework assignment good for you I can add a good site for you to add it's called locanto. You will have options to look for a lot of different stuff on there but if you scroll down to the dating part it switches to a whole other dating app and I think if you look up low canto dating on the Play Store you'll find it there too. I highly recommend it

[TruthBringer]

I've had most success on Tinder and Happn here in the Netherlands. Even though dating apps like these are filled with superficial entitled scum, it's crucial to have no expectations when engaging these apps. Digging through all the unworthy people, you will eventually come across someone who is worth your time and attention. I've met my now-girlfriend on Tinder and we had a connection right off the bat. Also had chemistry on the first date. But it took a while to find her between all the Tinderellas who think the world owes them everything because they got a vagina.

[Jltakk]

You've had matches that actually commented? That's rare. Tried them all for years at a time, premium accounts and all, and I can see how others might find them successful. Mostly met people that weren't looking for relationships, they were cool. OKC was the best one, had far better results and found people of similar interests to mine there more than any of them. Tinders probably second, but there's far more bots and chat girls in there than the other apps. Also, far less responses. The OKC format I think works better because profiles have set questions and makes opening discussions much easier.

Bumble and POF are two extremes on the spectrum, Bumble is more conservative in its approach. If you want a long-term relationship (like myself), you might like it there. Never had a single response there. POF was mostly hookups (at least in 2012), but it was awful. Other apps like Badoo or Hily can work, but they are also filled with bots.

tldr, they caaaaaan work.

[Daniel3035]

Utter rubbish you clearly haven't used them at all welcome to the life of a man on tinder only done by a woman and even the woman struggles.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DZTIbHIsIYw

[J_Fitz]

Thanks for sharing the video! I never said it's easy haha

[kitty71]

Why would anyone want to find a hook up or date now with this virus still outside? I mean if we can even have some physical closeness how can a person go out and meet a stranger that you dont even know where that stranger had been.. Sex and hook up and find a boyfriend is the least of my worries now. not a priority as mostly you hrdly can go out and gather with friends or go to bars or any crowded place

[curiouscuriouser]

Is the best time to hook up. You gonna all be free no jobs and be indoors all the time.

[kitty71]

@curiouscuriouser Yes but the people u hook up with are strangers you dont know where they came from or who they had came in contact with in the past or weeks before. Remember that this virus can get to you even if you are asymptomatic

[curiouscuriouser]

Everyone will get the virus regardless of what you do. The virus is a more infectious and slightly more deadly type of flu. Practically all human beings will get the flu at one point in their lives. Social Distancing is meant to slow down the spread not stop it. You cannot stop it until you have vaccine and there is no vaccine for common cold or flu. The best they have is some kind of drug to lessen the effects. Flu type viruses mutate way too quickly to have an effective vaccine. There's like at least 6 types of Coronavirus. So might as well enjoy life just use your brain and be careful.

[kitty71]

@curiouscuriouser Im not getting the virus so far since my country had teh first case in march i been following allthe hygiene protocols so far nothing

[kitty71]

@curiouscuriouser Well i been vaccinatred with the influenza shot vaccine and so far for me it has worked so yes for me a vaccine does work in this case the influenza one

[J_Fitz]

Woah! I didn't mean to start any arguments about the pandemic! I certainly advise that anyone make their own educated decisions when seeking a hookup, and there are certainly other risks to consider than just coronavirus. For the record, the number of people looking for hookups right now seems very low at the moment, and I personally have only gone on outdoor dates since the pandemic began. Most of my "research" was done mainly to just see what is possible on each site/app

[curiouscuriouser]

Do not worry. We are all grownups here.

[RiJox]

Have you tried POF ‘plenty of fish’ ?
In USA that app got me very exited.
I met very sexy black guys 6’3 and 6’6 😍🙌🏾
Tinder I don’t really like it, overrated and you gotta pay
Bumble is cool but the guys can’t text first and you gotta pay
Lovoo was fun back in the day, a friend of mine had it - I never had it


Best way to connect is per person though, 😊😍😈 I prefer that way

[J_Fitz]

Yeah POF is number 5 on the list haha... If you liked POF, you might like hily, as the apps are very similar, but hily has more active users. Lovoo was not included in this list because free members are limited to one message per day.

[sassy777]

I had a guy from tinder ask me if I wanted to f*** in his truck on the side of the road. Like whoa your wife would get mad if you brought me home? I shut it down and never got curious again. Whew how are girls safe doing that?

[RiJox]

@J_Fitz
Ok, I would check it out if it’s available in Europe

[RiJox]

@sassy777
Oh I’m sure his wife would be mad if she didn’t know he was in apps looking for other Girls.

I once texted a guy who was trynna fuck and I decided to go over to his place.
Worst idea ever! He lived so far in Texas in the middle of nowhere, smh 🤦🏾‍♀️ I’m glad he was not sick crazy rapist otherwise It would’ve been traumatic.

Then I went in his place, he was sharing a house with other people but nobody was there, his room was so poor, his sheets so old and dirty. When the actual color of the sheets are like ‘no longer able to tell if it’s white or blue’ and those little bumps 🤢🤢
Then he was trynna fuck still and I didn’t, I looked and saw it and I was not in the mood for ducking anymore 🤣🤣🤣
So nasty, there guys need to get their shit together. The guy didn’t even have proper sheets 🤦🏾‍♀️

[nelly83]

Dating apps don’t work most of the time. Why? Because people mainly message each other due to looks. When you’re selecting who to date purely based off of looks, don’t be surprised if you just date for 3-4 months before you stop seeing each other anymore.

[zeitgeist057]

Mainly based on looks, well OF COURSE!

If I met someone who was totally awesome, with a great personality, all the everything you could ever hope for: funny, smart, lovable, rich, healthy, good communicator, etc, etc, etc... and they weren't physically attractive?

That's what I call a great friend.

I don't get people who talk down about "looks" as being some superficial or shallow thing. It's part of the package, and if you aren't excited about the way someone looks, it won't matter if they have everything else going for them. I mean, if you are planning on being physically intimate with them, that is. Key word: Physical. as in physically attraction, physical affection, physical interaction. If mental and spiritual and emotional is what you are looking for, that's great. But why be physical with someone if all that matters to you is emotional, spiritual, and mental connections? No point.

I have lots of friends who I am not attracted to physically that I have a great emotional, mental, and or spiritual connection with. I'm not going to be physical with someone I don't find physically attractive; that would make no sense.

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 You don't need to find someone physically attractive in order to date them. They just need to fit into somthing that is physically " your type ". She/ he really don't need to be above an 8 out of 10 in order for you to have physical attraction. Generally a 5-6 / 10 will do.

But when you put all your eggs in the "looks" basket, thats when you find yourself in a series of short term relationships that don't last. I have seen many guys rotate girlfriends every 4-6 months. Unless thats the type of thing you're into, its better to acknowledge what really will sustain a marriage or long term relationship.

[zeitgeist057]

I’m not talking about 8/10 vs. 6/10 physical attraction, I’m talking about not having a physical attraction at all. Another example would be (for me, a heterosexual male) my male friends. I have a good connection with them, but do they turn me on physically/sexually? Nope. Therefore, I don’t pursue a physical/sexual relationship. same with the girl who I would say is under five out of 10, she’s really just not very attracted to me at all. The only reason I might have sex is if my judgment were impaired or I was really desperate. That’s not the kind of relationship I want to be in. The same way I don’t really want to be in a relationship with someone who has a personality that I don’t really like, but I would be with them only if I was really desperate or my judgment was impaired.

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 you don’t understand what I’m talking about. I’m not only talking about ugliness or a 4/10. I’m saying that if you’re attracted to thick tall solid guys , you wouldn’t be sexually attracted to a thin frail guy. If you don’t like fatter guys , then you would only be dating thin guys. If you like fat guys , you will only date fat guys. This is what I call physical attraction.

No you don’t need to look like a 8/10 in order to have physical attraction. All you need is the person to be your TYPE

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 let’s face it: most of us are plain and average looking. If we all weren’t attracted to anyone under a 6/10 then we are all screwed. Nobody except good looking people will be dating or having kids. Human population would cease to exist

[zeitgeist057]

@nelly83 yeah I guess we are on different pages. I'm not trying to be egotistical, but maybe I am more than average looking based on the attention and compliments I get, as well as the dating options I have.

It is my understanding that everyone out there wants "love" and also most of them also want to get laid, and also that most people IMHO are not that attractive physically. I can take a walk down the sidewalk for a mile and pass 100 people, maybe 2 of them I would be interested to have sex with based only on how they look physically. The other 98 is going to be a mix of those too old or too young (old people and kids), males (whom I am not attracted to), and that leaves a handful of females of which most I find to be uninspiring. Like I said, maybe 1-2. Maybe none.

As for your theory about if anyone under 6/10 didn't date/have sex, humans would not "cease to exist". What would happen is only the >7 would date and have sex, then after 2-4 generations (maybe 50-100 years) most everyone would be a >7 because all the <7 genes would have ceased to exist.
Also, the population on the planet would lower, which would be great because then the environment would recover more and we would have more beautiful nature with animals and clean oceans and forests. Even if the population was reduced by 90%, we would still have about 7,600,000 people on the planet (and that population would grow even faster once everyone was sexy lol), which is PLENTY.

[zeitgeist057]

but back to your OP, what are you suggesting that if you like fat guys you start dating skinny guys because maybe if you gave "their personality" a chance you could have a great partner?

I do understand that, if that's what you are saying, but I am disagreeing. I am saying it's better to be alone. I am saying that if you like fat guys, then date fat guys, and if there are no fat guys, don't date. Unless you also like skinny guys. But if you don't like skinny guys (as in find them attractive) then you meet a skinny guy with "a great personality", then I say be FRIENDS.

This is how I feel about girls that I don't find attractive. They are my mates, same as guys. This is when they have a great personality, but I don't want to have sex with them.

[likelyOK]

@zeitgeist057 I agree especially bc I tried dating someone who I was less attracted to in the past and it was a crash and burn more power to people who can do without it. It just makes me cringe to touch someone like that that I don’t feel attracted to.

[nella965]

@zeitgeist057 I think you're way too obsessed with looks. Just wait till get older and you lose your looks, you will realize how cheap looks really are. Being attractive in no way means you have better relationships or attract better mates. I have seen happily married less attractive people and unhappy single people.

Until you truly fall in love, you will understand that love has little to nothing to do with looks. (Not saying physical attraction doesn't matter at all tho). But It ultimately how that other person makes you feel. When you experience such an intense happiness/ high while you're around that person, you get addicted and can't live without them. You care for them so much because you admire them so much. This is what real love is. My fiance jumped in front of a speeding car to save me from getting killed. Just take a look at that passion. You wouldn't do that for a girl who is simply just "hot" , would you?

[nella965]

@zeitgeist057 type error:

I have seen happily married less attractive people and unhappy single attractive*** people.

[nella965]

@zeitgeist057 And from my experience, many folks who are unmarried after a certain age, usually have something wrong with them. The good ones are usually married off by a certain age such as 35/36. The left overs are the pile where many problematic singles remain in.

[zeitgeist057]

@nella965 I hear what you're saying, but I will have to respectfully disagree on many key points.

1. I don't see people as successful or unsuccessful depending on if they're married or not. In addition to not using marriage as a measure of success, I also see a lot of unhappily married people who are just stuck or sticking it out or even in abusive marriages. Often.
2. I too, I have seen happily married less attractive people and unhappy single attractive people. as well as I have seen happily married attractive people and unhappy single unattractive people. and I have seen unhappily married attractive people and happy single unattractive people. Basically, I have seen all combinations and I don't think happiness and attraction and marriage are variables that have a lot of positive correlation to each other.
3. I disagree that I am "too obsessed with looks". You know nothing about me, who I've dated, etc. Saying I'm obsessed with looks because I don't have sex with people I don't find attractive is taking a pretty big leap.
4. I wouldn't even have to know a person, let alone be dating them in order to try and save their life. Again an example of how you know nothing about me. The idea that I would only help people I have a personal history with is kind of weird to me.

Go ahead and have sex or a romantic relationship with people you find unattractive, I'm not trying to keep you from it. I'm just saying it's not my preference.

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 I can tell from your language and the way you write, that looks mean a great deal to you. And you do not want to directly flat out state it because you do not want to seem shallow.
Unfortunately this will not do you a favor when it comes to finding love, especially as you get older. For most of the population, we just need someone who is physically our type. But for those who have high standards for looks , along with your expectation that she also meets all the inner qualities, its just going to keep you single.
Its ok to be shallow. There is no rule that you cannot be shallow.

But for me personally, I see shallowness as a flaw in a person. I wouldn't marry someone who is shallow. Because one day I know my looks will be gone and I don't want my husband cheating on me with a hotter lady.

[Ayanna240]

@zeitgeist057 I'm not saying that physical attraction doesn't matter. A man needs to be physically my type in order for the relationship to work out. He needs to be acceptable looking. And I will let the rest of him inspire me with who he is. I want to fall in love with THE PERSON, not the looks. If I can't be extremely happy with this person, without his looks. Then a marriage won't work out.

There was a professor who had a quote:

"When you marry, you marry the person. Not the person with makeup"

Meaning that you need to really appreciate and love the person for who they are.

[zeitgeist057]

@Ayanna240 absolutely agree. I don't think love is as difficult as people seem to think. I've never found a lack of wonderful people around me, many of whom are also potentially romantic connections. Finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with I think is one of the biggest decisions you can make, along with your life career/purpose, your place in your community/society, and how you choose to view the world. Who you partner up has a major effect on every aspect of life. I would say it's even more than just loving and appreciating someone for who they are, and also realizing the effect they have on you and whether that is positive or not.

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 Honestly its also important to "settle" in life, if you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone. Because reality is, most people settle in life. By the time they hit a certain age, they just decide to marry their girlfriend rather than their continuous cycle of breaking up. Well, because there is no such thing as a perfect person. You can break up 50+ times in life and still end up dying alone.

[zeitgeist057]

@nelly83 I guess that depends on what you consider "spending your life alone". (since 18/"adult"), I've been single for... actually I have no idea how much of it I've been single for and how much I've been with someone. My guess is that it is about 75/25, since I'm often in a relationship or at some stage of one, but I've definitely had nice chunks of time to myself where I might have a romantic interest or two, but not officially seeing anyone.

The point I wanted to make was that you can be "alone but not lonely" with a sense of good community, friends, family, and romantic or flirty interactions that aren't necessarily a committed relationship. The fact that looking back I don't really differentiate the time I was in a relationship with the time I was single says to me that it's not terribly significant. I think too many people stress too much on getting into and staying in relationships. example: your statement about "settling". I think compromise is important for lots of interactions, be they in business negotiations or personal relationships. But for something that effects you as much as a committed relationship, I think it is a bad idea to accept something you are not happy with. I understand the fears many people have surrounding this, so they make fear-based decisions about their long term relationships. I also see how unhappy it makes many people in the long term.

[zeitgeist057]

More important than finding that "one and only' person to save you from your dread of "dying alone", is maintaining a strong support network of community around you. This is easy to achieve simply by being a good friend/family/community member to others. As I get older, I appreciate more and more the opportunities I have to create a positive impact on other people's lives. It might be just in a single moment, or a more sustained relationship, but when I support others, I almost always feel appreciated in return. And even in the instances where I don't get direct appreciation, I appreciate myself for putting in the effort, even if the recipient was ungrateful. I don't do this for a "quid pro quo", but it has the added benefit of being valued and likewise supported by my community.

As for dying alone, I am of the opinion everyone dies alone; it's a very personal experience and not one I fret about. If you are in fact 25, and die around the average age of 80 or so, I feel 65 years is a lot of time to spend anxious about how you are going to die, and if you'll have someone holding your hand at that moment or not.

[zeitgeist057]

PS I do totally agree with you dating apps don't work, and dating purely based on looks also doesn't work. lol just to keep it in perspective :D This is why I don't bother with dating apps or online dating.

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 the thing is that having your support network of friends and community is not the same as having a spouse / children to support you. If you break a leg , who is gonna cook and clean for you daily? Unless you make a ton of money , you can hire a maid for 8 months while your leg heals. If you lose your job, who is gonna help pay for food and rent? What if you're not in a situation where you can pay them back? No friend is gonna give you 10,000 dollars just to feed you and pay your rent.

Having a spouse gives me a sense of security and the feeling of being loved.
And to not spend Christmas or Thanksgiving alone. Reality is after your parents die , you don’t have any immediate family anymore. Your siblings , who are married , will turn into “relatives”. Their own spouses and kids will be their immediate family. Each of their families will have a separate Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile you will be celebrating Thanksgiving alone every year in an empty house. Sure you can ask to celebrate with your relatives but there’s really no guarantee that they will invite you back again next year.

As people get older, they develop huge Chain networks of immediate family such as multiple children , grandchildren , son in laws. While you’re the same old individual you’ve been your entire life in that same empty house. It’s a very different situation. they might have family constantly keeping a watchful eye on them. You may not.
Though you may always have friends to keep you company , they won’t be concerned for you the same way as your own children

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 marriage statistics :

dating apps actually work 8% of the time. Meeting people at bars or public places work 12% of the time. Meeting people through friends of your friends work 39% of the time.

As you can see, the more you can learn about people beyond looks, the more likely you will find the person you will marry

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057. And the reality about making friends as you get older is that it gets more difficult. As people get older , they already have their own established social circles and tend to have no need to get to know someone new. People get married and tied down to kids so your pool of people to befriend also decreases. People also party less as they get older.

So just because you had a ton of friends in your 20s, it doesn’t mean the same is gonna be in your 40s. You might have a better social life in your 50s when people are divorced and their kids grown.

[zeitgeist057]

@nelly83 you make a lot of imaginative declarative statements about my friends, family, and future that are not true. Things that are true for you are not true for me. In fact, almost every single one of the examples you gave where you said no one would do these things for me, someone did, who was not my partner, parent, or child. My mother has been dead for almost 20 years. My father left the country about 10 years ago. I was in a motorcycle accident and was taken care of by a non-immediate relative for several months while bedridden. Your fantasy scenario of me being alone every holiday is so far from reality. In fact I have to make tough decisions every year on which invitations I have to decline and if for some reason the multiple gatherings I am invited to were to discontinue (as I know they will, some of my relatives being in their 70s+) I have several friends whom I consider family who would no doubt invite me if they knew there was a chance I would come. In fact, one of these friends recently extended the invitation to me to come live in his home rent free with his wife and children (who also love me and there is no doubt he discussed inviting me with his wife before offering). I would consider this on par with a gift of $10,000, considering rent in their area would be around $800-$1000/month for a paid situation. I have several friends who are close enough to me I would do the same for them and about 99% sure they would do the same for me, this wasn't the first time I've had such a generous offer. My friend was pretty excited about the idea that I might come live with them and get to spend more time with his kids, and I was pretty tempted as well.

Again, I'm not trying to invalidate your reality, perhaps all the things you said are true for you. But they are not true for me. I have a different connection with extended family members than it appears you have, as well as my friends.

[zeitgeist057]

@nelly83 regarding "marriage statistics", those look like reasonable enough numbers, but the conclusion you draw from them lacks a foundation in logic.

It would be more accurate to say dating from your friends and social group offline is more successful because you are associating with people who share common values (since friends of your friends/coworkers are likely to have similarities to your friends/etc).

[nelly83]

@zeitgeist057 do you think your situation is the same for most single older people around the US? If this was the case, there would be no homeless people on earth. If every family was so nice to invite you down to live with them, pay for your food, rent. why would there be any homeless people?

And honestly, I doubt they were asking you to live with them. No family would let you live off eating their food, using their water , electricity permanently for free. Most likely they were inviting you back to visit. Some poor, struggling families even rent out part of their homes to strangers in order to lighten the bills.

"Your fantasy scenario of me being alone every holiday is so far from reality. In fact I have to make tough decisions every year on which invitations I have to decline and if for some reason the multiple gatherings I am invited to were to discontinue (as I know they will, some of my relatives being in their 70s+) I have several friends whom I consider family who would no doubt invite me if they knew there was a chance I would come"

That may the case for you, but not most of America. And I honestly doubt you get tons of invitations every year to a million of your relative parties. The most you would get is probably 2.

I don't believe what you're saying is the honest truth.

[zeitgeist057]

@nelly83 if you don't believe me, that's fine, but there is no point in continuing a conversation with you if:
1. You think I'm a liar.
2. You lack the ability to believe there are people experiencing life outside of your preconceived notions.

I do agree my situation is atypical, I am very blessed with a lot of solid friends and a large family with many relatives to choose from (there are also many relatives I talk to rarely if ever).

Anyway, I guess I'm done talking to you, since anything I say that doesn't fit your ideas is going to be shot down as dishonest. Again, no point in sharing my experiences. I hope you have a good life! :)

[zeitgeist057]

In parting and for anyone else reading, I had a friend in college who this reminds me of. I was telling her how my grandmother met with me and took me out to lunch. My grandmother was crying at one point she was so happy to see me, with literal tears flowing down her face. I was telling my friend not to brag or anything, just relating an experience to her. (Similar to this conversation, I'm not trying to brag, I'm just relating how things happen in my life.)
My "friend" called me a liar and said my grandma didn't cry at lunch. I was a bit confused and also offended that she called me a liar. I ended up not hanging out with her anymore until she called me about a week later to apologize and saying she missed me, so we started hanging out again. But then another night she brought up the thing with my grandma and said I was lying again. So I just dropped her as a friend. I look back on it now and think the issue was my friend just didn't have that strong of relationships or connection to anyone in her family, so she didn't see it as possible. Or maybe she believed it, but didn't want to because it hurt to reflect on her own life. I don't really know, all I know is there is no point in being friends with someone like that if there is no trust, there is no real connection or relationship.

[nella965]

@zeitgeist057 I think you are just trying to make up for your own insecurities. Even if this was the case for you, do you think most people in america have these types of friends? Do you think most people in america have "friends" they can rely on to pay their bills? do you think most "friends" would lend you money if you didn't want to pay them back? Do you think most friends would put your needs over their own? NO! Most single older people are lonely, live by themselves, and have little to no one they can rely on.

And no, I honestly don't believe what you have said. Because if people were to be so nice to pay your bills, pay for your food, for nothing in exchange, then won't the world be such a better place? You wouldn't need to work a day for the rest of your life! According to you, I guess most people have this luxury right? Most people wouldn't even give a dime to a homeless man on the street.

[nella965]

@zeitgeist057 Do you realize that most folks in america are living paycheck to paycheck, with no savings? Most husband and wives slaving away their asses at their jobs just to support the kids? Do you realize people need to take out 100k loans to send them to college? Its not uncommon for dads/ moms to work 10-12 hour days. Most people in america are not rich and I honestly doubt all these older single folks would have relatives giving them 10k for medical expenses or rent. If you died, I honestly doubt any friend would pay 20k for your funeral either. Nobody has that much money to spare.

[es20490446e]

They never worked for me, and I'm good looking.

I dare I tried everything, and more importantly I don't have problems attracting girls elsewhere.

Real life is just the best. Both can see what they are getting, it's not as serious, and the people is of greater quality.

[Anonymous]

Older mature women also can have hookups with younger men. Cougar lifestyle is also can try. cougr. net

[J_Fitz]

Thanks for the suggestion! I am checking it out right now, and if it looks decent I will update the question!

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Wait.. Your title says 'these sites work' but in your summary you write "Conclusion: Every single hookup only, or sex related or app ended up being a complete scam"

A bit contradictory?

[J_Fitz]

Every site that advertises as a free, hookup only site is a scam in my experience. The apps and sites I have mentioned are not in that category

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Ah okay.

[Heartonmysleeve88]

I am looking for something a bit more substantial so I don't really go on dating sites as I find all of them to be quite fake.

[J_Fitz]

I find that a majority of people on dating sites are looking for dating- not hookups. Generally I think they are best for short term dating. For your purposes, I recommend tinder, maybe match. com if you are willing to pay, and maybe bumble

[Kiera_Japanese]

They work but I do not recommend it as a first option. You would be better off meeting women face to face. You need that interaction in person more than doing online.

[soleil6997]

No dating sites work sny better than dating offline, in real life.
It's all rubbish that just takes money - you meet the real person, you get the same real problems that the usual life constraints (insecure jobs, lots of abusers and bullies around, no one remotely interested in helping you solve it) bring.