A woman's perspective on the nuisances of online dating

[MelindaT510]

I recently posted my question about what women do that is annoying on dating sites and received some terrific responses. So now I get to share my take on what men do that drives me bananas.

"Hey."

That's the worst message I get. I absolutely hate this. It probably accounts for 80% of my messages. Either that or just a WYD. Or you're hot. If you aren't going to put some thought into it, don't bother.

On the flip side, I don't want to read a book. Especially one that reads like a poorly written romance novel.

Then there are the guys that just want to show you their dick or see my tits. There are other places for that. Not dating sites.

Now I am told that it is quite annoying when women post their social media names or links however there is a reason for that. Almost every single conversation I find myself in results in the question "what's your Snap?" This is often the first or second thing we discuss. Because of this I often drop my links just so I don't get a ton of messages asking for it. It's not advertisement. It's inbox cleanup.

The other complaint I see is that women never initiate or put in effort. I for one know I can be better at this and I do try. However it is not always well received. Due to the many scammers and spammers a lot of men don't take me seriously when I message first. Most never respond at all. I also cannot begin to express to you just how flooded a womans inbox can get. With some apps I get flooded with messages before even adding a picture or bio. Dozens of men per hour just excited by the generic cartoon woman face I guess. Once the pics go up my inbox goes straight to 99+. And I'm no dime either.

As far as ghosting, again guilty here. I try not to but I do often lose touch with men I am speaking to. I will say though if we make it to the point of exchanging phone numbers, I won't quit you without an explanation first.

On a positive note, I have had some good relationships, great hookups and made some wonderful friends. All because of dating sites.

[hellacray]

Alright yeah I get your points, but this just goes to show these dating apps are easy for women, but there are so many restrictions for men. As you already know men get barely any matches and they keep advertising things to get boosted or to get more swipes. Some apps even make you pay before you can even start talking...

And as for the response. I kinda get it hey is a boring first message. Also like you said you don't want to read a paragraph. You can see how this makes it difficult to get the ball rolling. A simple hello is what people would normally say when they meet for the first time. Could you imagine you greeting someone in person and then he/she just walks away without saying anything?

Look if the guy is asking for your social media so early on he's probably not looking for anything serious. When I see people post nothing but their social media in their bio I immediately swipe left. Cause a lot of guys looking for something more is smart enough to know what you're up to.

I quit using dating apps because it's a stupid game. Honestly they shouldn't even call it dating apps. They should call it men's swiping simulator or female ego booster.

[VanillaSalt]

I agree. Tinder along with most dating apps are cheaper for women as well lmao...

Online datings bs. I don’t do it anymore... I order my women because women arnt worth the effort these days.

[MelindaT510]

I agree. I can't imagine how difficult it is for men to stand out and be noticed or responded to. Also I've noticed some apps offer free subscription wo women but not men. Kinda sexist if you ask me. But I guess supply and demand and all tbat jazz.

[VanillaSalt]

It’s not supply and demand. It’s personality. Women don’t want dick picks and men want sex... women aren’t willing to settle in looks and generally don’t give damn about reading the bio... ending with them dating 15 pump and dump Chad’s instead of the 5s and 6s that work 80 hours a week to support a family.

[bluetoblack99]

Also about women getting annoyed with just “hey”’. In my experience women ARE MUCH more “one wordsy” on dating apps. I’ve gotten plenty of “heys”’. Don’t be a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

"The other complaint I see is that women never initiate or put in effort. I for one know I can be better at this and I do try. However it is not always well received."

You kinda lost me here ^^. I hear this all the time from women who say they have tried initiating and say they have been rejected or men don't respond well. Well guess what, the same is true for men. The vast majority of women respond negatively when men initiate with them. It's called rejection and any man who wants to play the dating game has to get used to it or just not play. I don't know why you women seem to think it should be any different for you.

Here's the bottom line... both men and women face challenges in dating, but men have it worse. Far worse. Any woman who doesn't acknowledge that is just being dishonest. The end.

[MelindaT510]

I don't disagree with you at all. It absolutely goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, why do so many hold up fish in their dating profiles? That's a personal pet peeve. I get frustrated when I get asked for a Snapchat off the bat, I feel like the guy just wants to make sure I'm pretty before he talks to me. I'm also at a point where I'm not using online dating for hookups. It's pretty clear in my profile. Men still have the audacity to think they'll be the "lucky one," and guys who JUST want to hookup will message me and try to get me to... change my mind. Another reason I don't just give out my socials. If you want it, you'll have to work for it.

[MelindaT510]

I find the "what's your snap" is because they just want nudes or want you to watch them jack off. Plenty of other places for that.

[Vencam]

@MelindaT510 I also believe so, but then why would you rather share your snapchat publicly on you profile instead of sharing it with those who piques your interest?
(I don't use snapchat, so I don't know how big a deal sharing that is, I'm comparing it to IG or FB, where I surely wouldn't want randos following or befriending me)

[Dragonstarterplus]

@Vencam

Yup doesn't make sense. Pretty much every girl I've seen with their social media just plastered on their profile aren't actually looking to meet anyone, they're just looking for attention/followers

[Normallynothere]

Reason we hold up fish it's because it's a hobby and a skill, if you don't like to go fishing that's fine, it's basically the equivalent of someone posting arts and crafts or a sports pic lol, as for the snap.. well they are most likely trying to get nudes, but some people generally also will just use it to chat and send stuff that they are doing

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I've never dated, but I personally think anybody asking for things such as snaps, IG, etc. is a red flag. Reason why I think it is is because they might try to show you content that isn't allowed on the site itself. If not, then worse things. I usually think it's ok though if someone just says a greeting in their first message. I'm usually pretty standard when I talk to anyone online anyway (don't worry-I don't do it because I think the person texting is boring, it's just how I am).

[CanadaGoose99]

Yeah I agree. Especially when they want your snapchat they just want to get nudes

[PBandJ_Nerd]

@CanadaGoose99 Or just send inappropriate videos or cam chats.

[CanadaGoose99]

Yeah totally avoid them guys whata waste of time

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

was hoping to a send a snap of my batman and star wars collection 😳

[PBandJ_Nerd]

@ChocoBrownieMonster I think you would have to tell them that's what the snap is though. And then link it to them.

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

lol i was being sarcastic, sorry, im a guy who pays no attention to social media, it ruins relationships. I reject any profile that has her social media under it, it tells me she just wants followers, she's getting 100s of messages from guys and not being selective about who she talks to. Decent girls are very protective of their social media, if a random guy messages them they get upset like they are being stalked. I therefore know that dating app girls who lack these values are low value. I also know girls that give their number out online without having met first are low value. I appreciate a girl who cares about her number, in the wrong hands it becomes a serious stalking issue.

[Guy13]

It is a two-sided coin here though. The good old days when there were no apps... wish i was part of that.

[thehorriblesheikh]

The problem comes down to a lack of simplicity in women, that is how most men feel like. On the other hand, hot men tell you that women are fairly simple and it is easy to get laid. This creates an image of women in the minds of men, that women are playing with them by acting like they are not simple, in order to lure men into chasing them for attention, all the while the hot men are getting laid.

When these men start to feel like they have had enough, they turn to a new tactic, and that is to message as many women as possible in the hopes of finding some that will not play games with them. Since they are tired and no longer have the same motivation as they had initially to chase women, they just message HI and move to a different girl.

I don't know if these men are right or if they are doing something wrong, but when I was a physically fit person who took care of himself in every way, I would just send a random add to a girl on Facebook and 90% of the time the friend request will be accepted. I would send messages like "I like your boobs", or "You have a nice ass" and I would get a reply ultimately leading to good things. I don't remember ever having to put any effort to attract women.

Everything changed when I got depressed, and stopped taking care of myself. Eventually, sending random friend requests stopped working, sending messages complimenting body parts ended up with me getting blocked. It went from "omg, you are so funny" to "you are such a fucking creep".

What annoys me is that no girl said to me that I wasn't attractive to her, not before the depression and not after it. If we could all just be honest about what we think, life, dating, and hookups would be so much easier. I understand that everyone expects a certain level of beauty in the person they want to date or hookup with, and that is a fair requirement, but calling someone a creep because you are not attracted to them is a shallow thing to do.

This was not in any way an attack on women, just so we are clear.

[Vencam]

You make so many good points I don't even want to add my opinion on this Take anymore. You said it all
*Claps*

[KupKakes]

This is a point that is true in both men and women! Being physically attractive is beneficial whether you're a guy or girl. If you're a girl and also depressed and stop taking care of yourself, guys won't actually try with you at all. In that specific field, we women face similar challenges

[thehorriblesheikh]

I agree. Though I do not believe men resort to calling women a creep or something equivalent to it.

[Investigator]

"A woman's perspective on the nuisances of online dating"

"I also cannot begin to express to you just how flooded a womans inbox can get. With some apps I get flooded with messages before even adding a picture or bio."

I know this ain't exactly a "hot take" or anything, but just by virtue of being a woman on a dating app, you're already at an advantage. I used to get angry about the seemingly-obvious unfairness of dating in general, until I started to think of dating from a pragmatic business perspective and all at once, everything falls into place. There are buyers and sellers; women want commitment and men want sex, and the entire point of the "dance" is to see how each couple negotiates what they want to get out of the other. Is this selfish? Oh, absolutely, but so is literally every other part of society. Capitalism is built on the idea of trying (and sometimes failing) to make people's interests benefit others and the dating market is much the same--only difference is the product is the person and some uncertain, seemingly-unqualifiable metric called "happiness" is the desired outcome. Nobody dates for purely altruistic purposes, unless they have a martyr complex; there's ALWAYS an element of "what's in it for me?"

Do you like the flood of attention you get? Of course you do. Everyone likes being desired, just not by everyone. If Tinder matches and messages only resulted in the kinds of responses you wanted, i. e. interest from whatever you consider "high-value men", then you wouldn't be making posts about how online dating sucks, for either sex. The reason you don't like the bombardment of responses is that they are from what you consider "low-value men" and there's no filter button.

Just like in advertising, where business forever tries to find that "perfect product" for their target demographic, the unspoken truth about all of these posts is that Tinder would be the modern man's/woman's perfect companion if only it presented users with ONLY the kinds of people they wanted and had a system in place to automatically remove the "undesirables"... and who are the undesirables? The 1-star reviewed or not-reviewed "products"--the people who "don't matter"--either because they don't "put themselves out there" or aren't "interesting enough" or some other reason that boils down to "nobody else wants them, so why would I?"

[godfatherfan]

I am in the boat of hating that women don't message first. I realize that women have a whole different experience with online dating, and not usually a positive one. If they message first, at least they know it is worth responding if they get a reply. But 99% of women do exactly what you listed "hey" or "hi". really? that is it? When I first started online dating, I would write a bunch. Now, I do not. Just a couple sentences if I bother to send a message at all.
There are a ton of women that their whole profile is just telling me what I need to be.
" You will be 6' or taller, you will make $$ and you will do xyz". I just skip past those. The women that don't have a picture of their face, or no picture, I skip those also. They obviously are not serious about dating. The ones that the entire profile consists of "ask me", I skip. The whole point of a profile is to convey some information to see if you are at least a little compatible. Otherwise it is just Tinder and you are only going by looks. Same thing if they just have "will fill in later". I see pictures of the same women on POF and OkCupid that have had "will fill in later" for the last 6 years. Do, or don't, don't do half way.

[Vencam]

And after all those skips you're already scraping the bottom of the barrel of not "expanding your search results" already...
At least that's what happens to me, usually
(I don't intend to compare anyone to scraps in the bottom of the barrel, I just mean all that is left are those with which I have no compatibility)

[Vencam]

*if not

[godfatherfan]

@Vencam Not by a long way. There are plenty of women out there. I also may reply to the "hi" or "hey", but I also figure they are using the shotgun approach if they are doing that. That is why I like Bumble. Women have to go first. Admittedly, I don't really date though, so I have only used it a couple of times.

[Vencam]

Well, I guess how many people you can find depends on the app and location of use it from
I often ended up in the situation I described using Tinder from certain parts of Italy

[Daniel3035]

Gosh, wonder what that is like with 1000 of messages from guys? "Hey."
"Hey"
"That's the worst message I get. I absolutely hate this. It probably accounts for 80% of my messages. Either that or just a WYD. Or you're hot. If you aren't going to put some thought into it, don't bother."

Also you: As far as ghosting, again guilty here. I try not to but I do often lose touch with men I am speaking to.

If you aren't going to put effort in why should the guy bother when you ghost him?

Also what is wrong with hey or hello? That is how you do it in person "Hi excuse me do you have the time?" "Hi haven't seen you in a while"
Online: Hi
Like OMG did you say hi? Pathetic.

Then you go... "women never initiate or put in effort. I for one know I can be better at this and I do try." Do you try? Because you said you ghost and guess what guys get scammers and spammers more than you with fake nude pics and you know what most simps are like with a nude pic hence why guys are more targeted.

Face it you played too many games with too many men online and wasted your youth now the time has come to get serious you realised all the guys your age are now chasing younger women your old and yesterday's news. Do you honestly think one small post online going "yeah that happens but we try not to" or "yeah we do that but it's because of [Place excuse here]" when you know what your doing is wrong you just thought it was funny and now it affects you and your life you try to pass it off as a mistake but when it affects men no issue? Please. Your 34 probably never going to find a man enjoy your cats.
Because of girls like you basically spread this "game" to your friends and their friends of friends and now it's common among every girl under 27 ironically they'll all follow the same path as you only the pure-hearted girls will liver happily ever after.

[MissLlyn]

Incel spotted.

[guywithissues900]

It's not an incel mindset. He is correct. Women like you always try to make men bend over for you, while you make absolutely zero effort in return.

[MissLlyn]

@guywithissues900 sorry you can't score a date.

[guywithissues900]

@missllyn Wrong. I have a wonderful girlfriend of 8 months and she's amazingly beautiful as well. Sorry you're so insecure and narrow-minded.

[MissLlyn]

@guywithissues900 lol I'm sure she isn't seeing your true sexist colors.

[MissLlyn]

@guywithissues900 hope she reads this and dumps you

[guywithissues900]

@MissLlyn You identify as a vampire? Get yourself to a mental health hospital ASAP

[Daniel3035]

@MissLlyn Me incel? No, I've had plenty of toys like you. However, fail to see how that's an insult to me? Incel = "Involuntary" celibate the involuntary part is with you not me so what does it say about you? The fact your too picky or stuck up to be open to new possibilities? You have a lot to learn little girl 25 is the limit after that all the guys will be after the new 18+ year old girls enjoy your time while you had it.

[Daniel3035]

@guywithissues900 LOOOOOOOOL she does look at her picture she's one of those crazy girls who can't get a guy so starts hating on them because they don't fulfil their perfect expectations.

[MissLlyn]

Lol I get guys. Guys who aren't sexist pricks.

[Daniel3035]

@MissLlyn Seems to me the only thing getting to you is that redex petrol system cleaner you've been drinking and calling blood.

[MissLlyn]

Still at it? Yawn

[Daniel3035]

@MissLlyn Funny I could say the exact same thing about you except mine would be valid because you came to my opinion without invitation with 3 upvotes from guys and 1 from you so keeping yawning darling. We all know you came here and didn't keep scrolling because your 25 single and butthurt you played with too many guys.

[KupKakes]

@MissLlyn Stfu.

[Daniel3035]

@KupKakes Marry me @;

[KupKakes]

@Daniel3035 No

[Daniel3035]

@KupKakes https://images.app.goo.gl/KHySuesfTmpvz1c47
DON'T DO THAT TO ME AFTER THAT !!!

[Anonymous]

Everyone understands that it’s like that for women, but there’s little incentive to change anything.

The reality is that men are overwhelmingly disadvantaged in this thing. When I tried dating apps, I tried the “serious message” approach – taking the time to write 4-5 lines, including a proper introduction, a comment about common interests, and a joke. But boy that’s fkn exhausting, especially relative to the outcome: You say you get dozens on messages per hour, and 80 % are one word trash. Okay, but even getting past that now I’m more like 1 out of 5 per hour out of 24 hours in a day… it’s still obviously not worth it. Alternatively I can spend 2 seconds dropping a message I didn’t really think about and hop for the best – I don’t get as invested, I don’t waste nearly as much time and effort.

Time and effort are a currency and the way the system is arranged it lends itself to inflation of the currency I guess you might say. It’s to the point where Many if not most guys will swipe right 200 times on tinder (because that’s the limit per day) and then get on with things. I will spend two minutes dragging my finger across the screen without even looking at it because that’s a more efficient use of time than reading every profile. If I spend 30s on every profile, I’ll be there for 2 hours. It’s 100x easier to swipe until I can’t and then only look if I get a match. Sorry but no complaint about what it’s like on your end is going to fix that dynamic or any of the other problems.

Dating apps just magnify a pre-existing discrepancy in sexual power and I don’t see how anything can fix that. It will just be forever toxic.

[Dragonstarterplus]

XFD im right there with you man. After a while on dating sites i did the same. Why even read a girl's bio on Tinder until she matches you? Complete waste of time, just easier and less wasted time to right swipe anything moderately attractive in a few minutes and only read bios of women you actually match with

And yeah women know guys are writing lots of messages but they all want personalized multiline greetings that aren't too long that make them feel special without being cringey that portray our personality all without being too try hard that she will still not reply to 95% of the time. And shit a lot of women don't even write anything in their profiles and still want poems and essays as first messages. If you're attractive enough a one line copypasta like "Hey you seem to have a nice vibe about you, how's your day going?" will work with waaay less time wasted

[DonutsForEveryone]

Haha no body messages me
I respond to hey but I also write hey adding with a compliment or a question
And then I end up talking about how amazing anime is
Or just talking about events in my life
But why don't they talk ya know they might think I'm self centered or something can I hear a funny story
But my favorite conversations are about six digit number exchange ans sauce exchange discussing the sauce
And the flavour
I don't like getting messages from pedos well I mention my age few times
To check and they think i'm naive or something I may be a minor but I've read your text carefully
So I use their text and logic against them
Although i keep my gender anonymous on other sites so that's the reason i rarelt get any messages. As for dating sites I don't go on any but I think people shuould put effort into it both men and women one shouldn't be carrying the whole conversation by themselves
I did watch a combilation of funny tinder posts because I was bored and it's somewhat educational. And I don't like when people message me inapropriate stuff it's uninteresting 2d girls and boys are the best. Haha just kidding or am I?
I'm pretty sure there are hook up sites
But if you don't see in their bio it probably says what they are looking for or describing themselves or some don't but I don't think it's that big of a deal
It doesn't bother me I just send them a bunch of six digit numbers
I enjoy trolling after all any weeb would know what those 6 digit numbers are especially the 177013 every weeb knows this one well most do.
But complaining doesn't change anything . No body will go like maybe I don't wanna be the bad guy anymore
But if ranting makes you feel better I guess I ain't stopping you it doesn't bother me at all people should be able to express how they feel men and women and non-binary and genderfluid and agender how many genders there are doesn't matter as long as everyone is happy

[OpenWine]

I would greet someone in real life first to see if they are even willing to interact with me so 100+ heys are time consuming for you and actually just that. a way to check if there is the slightest bit of interest.

I can be creative if I feel the woman I try to text may have the same interests but the fact that all could go in vain after a few texts and the waiting time in between texts it's discouraging.

that means in the end I am guilty of not putting much effort in my texts but that's usually when all you see is a picture of a pretty girl and her snap/insta link so there is nothing to start up a conversation with but lies made of thin air.

equaly frustrating is to act naive and say something with a good tought and then realize you are talking to a stuck up bitch.

I've had more luck with online dating in the past tho when meeting them it seemed lackluster to date those girls appart from 1 which I lost contact with I don't know how. she wanted to loose weight and come back later lol (I didn't say she was fat! xd)
honestly even a club setting is at least 4 times better than online dating and you get to enjoy yourself if you don't attract any (and on a club setting girls also get hit on a lot).

right now online dating is just a frustrating necessity since clubs are closed for me. I usually just fool around and try to say something edgy that may give a giggle or compliment random girls when I feel like. Imma have to use the app to get to know new people soon as I am traveling and will be far away from my friends so I see there is still value in those apps

[magiusX26]

the social media links issue, for me, comes from every scammer i have come across does it too. and if you think you come acrosd a lot of scams from these apps, try being a guy. from my perspective off that, if every scamnmer was taken out of the equation, there would be maybe 40 women in my city (nashville, tn. a very popular city aka the "it" city as of late). am sure not that many are actually scammers but ereing on the side of caution and off past experiences makes that many "legit" profiles come across as scams.

as for the "hey" thing, its not a lack of imagination or not trying, its an attempt at manners. most times only thing known about you at the start is you are female and supposedly live nearby (another common scam tactic has them either hack in and change the location they are in to always show nearby a potential victim even when they are on a different continent. or they invest a little money to use the app's built in location changing settings)

[Guanfei]

Most women on dating app don't even bother putting a bio, they just post pics and wait.
What are we supposed to say? We know nothing about you, your personality or what you like, how are we supposed to start a conversation? I mean I've spent like an hour today browsing tinder, at least 80% of the girls there didn't have anything more than 2 pics.
Suppose I'm lucky and get a match, what Am I supposed to say? "Hey, you're pretty"?
Also your argument about not putting an effort isn't even our fault, we are indeed tired of having messages from "girls" who ask us to go to an adult site.
And yes you're flooded, exactly for the reason I've mentioned in your previous take: women there are so picky that us men barely have any chance to talk to you, so we jump in any occasion, because that might be the only one we'll get in a whole month, and that's for the lucky ones.

[Barbaric]

This is most women:

Her profile: "I get a lot of messages so you're going to have to at least try to make an effort and stand out. Don't just send me hey or hi how are you"

Her message to the guy she likes: "hey"

As for men not replying to messages, that's just how it goes when you message first no matter whether you're a man or a woman. When you wait for messages to come in, the people you speak with are always interested in you, that's why they messaged you first. When you send messages out, the majority of them will simply be uninterested. This is something most women don't understand whether it's this or approaching guys in person, because they're so used to speaking to guys who were already interested.

[MrNameless]

Women on dating sites are spoiled. Because they get so many matches (men swipe at anything attractive vs women are more selective), they don' bother to initiate. And then they complain that men are boring, because they keep getting the same greetings (more than "hey") and just never give them a chance.

[VanillaSalt]

I like how they pick out the pump and dump Chad’s and ask why men don’t want them... one you have bag taste in men 2 because you a bitch... grow a personality and date real men not these fickle men who just want sex.

[JSmuve]

Oh come on, women are just as bad as guys at messaging first. I've got the most unimaginative messages from girls, it's embarrassing. The guys who message "hey" are guys who have realized that they get the same response from a short message as they would from a longer, thoughtful one, so why expend the effort when it's not noticed or appreciated.

The instagram/snapchat excuse is just a cop out because it penalizes guys who don't have either. If you want to move it to a different messaging platform that's fine, but the girls who just put their information up with the intention of only talking to guys who add them are unduly disqualifying a sub-sect of guys or just fishing for followers with no intention of talking to them.

[Massageman]

Women don't really have to put all that much effort into a dating post/listing. A lot of guys will just see the picture, say "hey- let's hook up" and think that is the end (start?) of that!
It would be nicer if both the goys and gals would at least put down 5 or 10 adjectives that best describe themselves, or write about their best/most disappointing vacation - almost ANYthing to give a hint of what makes them tick as a person.

What makes you tick?

[Dazey14]

My semi successful dating app connections were started with a greeting and a question. It stood out and took very little effort but showed some interest. "Hi Dazey, how are you this evening?" The 2nd person "Hi what are you looking for on here?"
Guy 1 didn't ask me what my purpose was so I asked him. He could've said relationship. or hook ups but wrote a very long entertaining paragraph about his crazy ex that I thoroughly enjoyed. All I was looking for was casual or relationship or hookup which was in there somewhere. He found the question a bit to the point but went to town. I, too, had a break up from hell so I told my story. We then talked about his dog, hobbies etc. He was a bit far and I don't drive but he was willing to come get me. Admitted to a lot of weed use and gaming. I don't care about weed but smoke is a problem. This was a shame. Also I have zero interest in gaming. We still talk. He's cute and funny.

[t-8900]

Online Dating sucks and I think it's ruined it altogether. I like to be able to not be so easily swiped. I will show my personality and all my traits to attract a female, not rely on looks alone. Sadly online dating basis everything on looks in the subconscious mind. I am by no means ugly. But I cannot truly show myself off unless I am in person and photos are limited in trying to show myself off in all my positives. My face I've been told by different women falls between a 6 and a 7 but that I have a 10/10 personality and my big bonuses are that I am 6'3 and I'm good at pleasing a woman with my hands (former massage therapist here). I also have conversations that make you think deeply in ways that many women have not thought about. Deep reflections on the Universe, Life, Philosophy, etc. I value myself highly in ways that my pictures cannot properly convey and that you cannot appreciate. I have many flaws but I have many merits.

[Hunter7754]

""Hey."

That's the worst message I get. I absolutely hate this. It probably accounts for 80% of my messages. Either that or just a WYD. Or you're hot. If you aren't going to put some thought into it, don't bother. "

What do you want? A sonnet? A romantic poem? Its a greeting, we're not your dancing monkeys. Us guys are messaging 50+ women. Many times we just copy and paste the same message and send it to 50-100 women.

"Due to the many scammers and spammers a lot of men don't take me seriously when I message first. Most never respond at all"

Welcome to being a guy. You realize we message 30-50+ women before we actually find someone to fuck around with and/or be in a relationship with? I went through around 30 ish women before I found someone to fuck around with.

[Dragonstarterplus]

So basically you're nuisances as a woman with online dating are messages that are too short/long, dick pics, asking for pics, asking for social media, and just an over abundance of messages

Lol yeah that sounds ruff. Try setting up an online account as an average guy and just trying to set up a single date with a girl if you want to see ruff 😂

[Dragonstarterplus]

I remember during the end days of my time on dating sites. Women have ZERO bio, every single section just has "ask me!" under it so you have nothing to go on but their looks then they want a long thought out 1st message 😂

If its not that then her About Me section is just her telling you what she wants in a man and her demands. Thanks I learned a lot about you from that 😂

I do remember that i did get a few girls who initiated 1st, and even though i had a reasonably laid out profile with my hobbies/interests and other stuff about me to actually start a conversation, every. Single. Message i got was either "hey"' "hi", or "hey how are you?" I think part of this is because most women don't realize that they are just as bad at conversing as most men simply because she will usually get a response no matter how dry or boring her messages are

[genericname85]

i personally think if you expect more than a "hey", you're incredibly entiteled.

you know unlike women, men have to write 1000 girls before one answers. so considering that, tellme: on a scale from 1-10 how worth while would you think reading her bio and looking at all her pictures to come up with a witty first text is, if you're being completely ignored in 99% of the cases anyway?

have some compassion. we don't wanna waste our time any more than you.

[D4nielv]

Exactly this. I never write "hey", but man am I wasting a quality chunk of my time that way. If you have even a single match in your list that you didn't reply to, you're not entitled to complain about receiving "hey"s.

[Unit1]

"a lot of men don't take me seriously when I message first. Most never respond at all."

Welcome to being a man. Quite literally. We know this only too well.

Dating services can be improved significantly by rewarding active users (those, who respond to messages get shown more often than those, who ignore us)

[Hunter7754]

Well said. Women dont understand men when it comes to dating.

[Unit1]

@Hunter7754
And the funny thing is we are as easy to understand as an ON/OFF switch. 🙄