1 mo

I once had a woman contact me through a matchmaking agency and was eventually rejected by them, and now I'm just thinking what even happened that day.

TL;DR: A woman through a matchmaking service initiated interest in me, then stopped pursuing interest and I'm confused about what happened.
This isnt her, but she wouldve looked like this.
This isn't her, but she would've looked like this.

So, one day, while I was asleep on the weekend, around noon or 1pm or so, I got a call from some random woman, waking me up. She tells me I signed up for some dating site I don't remember signing up for. This is likely though, as I spent my whole twenties looking for love, and even considered going to matchmaking companies for it, but it's never worked out. I am always too short for women to be interested in, or too dark-skinned/black, or too ugly/unattractive, or not wealthy enough/too poor, or in rare cases, too overweight/not fit enough for them. And if the 95% of straight women out there didn't choose those as a reason, the remaining 5% would probably say I was just not compatible with them, or "too weird."

So this twenty-something year old white woman who calls me; says her name is Kate and she's from a matchmaking service/website. I don't remember the name, because I was too confused by this. She says some other woman say my profile and face online and was interested in me. Knowing how women are never interested in me, I assumed it was a troll. But Kate insisted it was real.

I asked about the suitor and she said it was a 35 year old mixed race, but predominantly black woman. Now makes sense and I get it now. Considering that is my race, some black women try to talk to me, considering my education and vocabulary (in other words, because i'm not ghetto and have university degrees). However, they are the stereotypical kind who I would have nothing in common with; church-going, likes bad R&B, somewhat traditional but votes Democrat, overly assertive, and so on. I have nothing in common with those women and I'm kind of a nerd who is young at heart and enjoys gaming, writing, and mixed martial arts. I tend to have the most in common with introverted, nerdy, agnostic, politically neutral/centrist, plus-sized white women (the other ones most likely to be nerdy introverts) but they never want to have anything to do with me for reasons I stated above.

So, sure. I entertained this notion that some rich, educated doctor was interested in me and likely didn't read my profile, but just looked at my pictures, despite my lack of looks and being an ugly bastard. So the agency lady, Kate, said she wanted to interview me and if things seemed good, they'd set us up on a date, with the expenses paid by the interested women, but probably subsidized by the company. It would be all free on my end.

She told me the woman was a doctor, around 35 years old, and lived nearby, but not actually in the city. I honestly didn't care about this mystery lady, because I knew we very likely wouldn't be a match anyway; her race, profession, and apparent wealth implied that, but I was willing to be open-minded. Then Kate wanted to ask questions about me, so I agreed. Education, background, job, etc. It felt judgmental and invasive, but I was willing to play along, even though (from all previous experience), it seemed like I wasn't going to be good enough for this lady, who one would assume would want a tall, accomplished PhD earning close to seven figures a year. Maybe she heard it in my voice, but Kate assured me that "all sounds good" and that the interested lady "...wasn't looking for perfection, but just a 'good man.'" I doubted that, but continued on.

Then she got to physical appearance questions. Although I had two headshot pictures up on this site they were calling from, according to Kate, she wanted to "make sure" I was real and weren't using fake pictures to catfish. So I confirmed most of the details about my physical appearance, although I didn't want to. You see, as I said earlier, I am never what women find the least bit attractive. https://imgur.com/a/sZP5m And I accept that. I'm ugly, I'm fat, whatever. So be it. However, my main insecurity comes from how short I am.

So when the interviewer got to that question, how tall am I, I didn't want to answer it. Kate was unsure about why, and was even confused. I deflected and asked how tall the doctor lady was. She said 5'8", 5'9" or so, with a thick body and very curvy figure. (She met her in person, so was eyeballing the height.) I asked Kate how tall she was; she said 5'6". I really didn't want to answer, so I said "less than six feet, so I'm short" and insisted we move on to the next question. Kate, confused, said "Wait, on your profile, you said that you're [_]..." and I apparently had typed my height in the summary, although I didn't put it in on the profile itself. Why I did that, I have no idea, but I don't even remember what site this was or how long ago I was on it. I assume Kate was confused because she thought I might have been lying about it and was really 5'2" or something. She said "Why wouldn't you want to tell me how tall you are? You're almost si..." and I got pissed off at her and interrupted, telling her it's not good enough and to just move the hell on. Now I remembered why I potentially put it in the profile: as something under my list of my flaws, since I tend to be open about myself and not leave anything to disappointment later. I've done this before, and while most people wouldn't do that, I had nothing to lose with it, since as I said, I always get rejected for those, anyway. So basically, I was pre-empting rejection by letting girls know ahead of time if they'd like me or not. The negatives among the other aspects of myself let girls know right away if that would be the case or not.

So Kate, decides to talk to me 'personally" by saying, "Look. We match all kinds of people up with each other. We believe no one is undateable. That everyone has their true love waiting out there." And so on. It was to get me to calmly answer the question about my height. I cringed and finally said it. She typed it in with a "Mmm-hm." I guess, although I wasn't interested in this matchmaking suitor, the more I talked with the agent, the more it seemed like a crazy possibility. But me admitting my Dealbreaker flaw would've closed off those possibilities. Especially since, unlike other guys like me, I don't want to settle for someone I dislike because "it's the best I could get" or bribe my way into feeling loved. Whether society thinks I 'deserve it' or not, I want to love someone who genuinely loves me, and I love her. Many guys are willing to bypass that and be with anyone, even if it means they aren't right for each other or the romance is only one way; towards the woman, if he just keeps on paying her and buying her things. I don't, and never wanted that. In other words, if I had any chances with this eccentric doctor lady who hired this matchmaking agency, then they just went out the window.

So after that, there weren't too many other questions Kate had for me. She asked me if I wanted to know more about this doctor lady, who we'll just call Barbara, and I said 'no,' because I was still upset about the last thing. Kate gave me a hesitant "Okay..." before wrapping up. She said she would talk to the client once again in her office and then contact me to see if the client wants to set up a date with me. And that ended the phone call.

I never heard back from them. After the call, I was kinda annoyed they even called me. They had waken me up, after all. I suspected I wouldn't get a call back, thinking it was the first time a stranger had ever called me over the phone and I had been rejected through a matchmaking service, presumably for not fitting any of their physical criteria once again. I was thinking "I can check 'rejected through a dating agency' off my list." I don't know what to really make of it.

Why the hell did this woman even have this matchmaking agent talk to me anyway if I wasn't her type? Was she just "curious?" I mean, I don't photograph well under any circumstances and if I didn't have to get pictures taken for work and other places, I would never take any at all. But, they were there, so she at least knew what I looked like. I was just kind of annoyed by it. Still kind of am, to be honest. At this point, I had given up all dating apps and completely stopped trying to find someone, which is where I still am, now. I guess, I keep thinking "Something made her want to have them reach out to me, and then, something made her no longer pursue interest." But what was it? I don't even know.

I once had a woman contact me through a matchmaking agency and was eventually rejected by them, and now I'm just thinking what even happened that day.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • DamnSam
    You know that this is a common scam strategy from dating platforms where you need to pay for the service...

    If you look up male profiles on their sites (most time they have multiple sites with different names on the same server), you probably will find a few with exact the informations you gave them, but not related to you... legal, written down in the agreement, of course, not easy to understand

    Its a high chance that all the ladies talking to you where in fact not interested in dating you, but working for the company as "user motivation", to get you spending money there

    Every dating platform owns up to 55% of all profiles, to motivate their users... yes, over half of all profiles are usually fake
    thats complete legal and is written down in the agreement you probably didn't read (almost no one reads them)...
    These profiles got a different worker every day and own a list of informations already given out...

    These jobs are described as chat moderation with a lovely phone voice...

    It gets clear when you try to get out of the agreement and they won't let you... and then you spent a lot of time to get them to delete the informations you gave them... and even if you are successful with that, there is no warranty that they won't use the informations just a month later, on a different site, in a different language...
    Is this still revelant?
  • Bluemax
    It's kind of strange to me that you seem annoyed that someone showed some preliminary interest in you. I mean, I like to sleep in too. However if someone showed preliminary interest in me, I would be pleased even if I only got a minute of sleep!

    Why do you think Ms. Doctor showed preliminary interest in you? Why do you think you never heard from her after the interview?

    You are not an "ugly bastard," by the way.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Petra150
    She might didn't knew how bitter and frustrated you obviously are toward women in general. No your height thing seems to really puzzle you, how on earth do you think other coupe with there height, what I understand from other of you post , you are excatly the most preferred height a guy can be. Just a fraction below 6 feet, and hell most men are shorter if that give you peace. And to be very straight to you ( I'd think you'd been rejected on every other reasons than you height every time you'd been rejected) but women might just tried to be pretty nice to you, and come up with s relatively objective rejection thing as height, but my best explanation to you is , drop your bitterness and look for the things you like in your nearby, rather than focusing on those very few cases where a girl really use height as s real rejecting thing. You'll se quite a few shorter guys or guys your fantastic height , have really nice and even taller girlfriend. Guess you know my relationship , as I'd tried to text you so many times , but you haven't even have the nerve to text me back anymore. Still I'd want to give you all my comfort, as I know there will be several women out there who will find you attractive in all ways, but forget being bitter and think every proposal is fake and it's useless for you to try return love
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • MannMitAntworten
    The nutty thing is with so many men checking out of the dating word, singles sites and speed dating has tanked. I was reading where a number of speed dating events had to be canceled as only one maybe two men would show up to these things. Funny really. Personally I still prefer meeting by chance while out and about in my day.
  • you like someone truly, eyes will stop watching other and heart will beat only for that person
  • nerobyrne
    Yeah bro they phished you, what you should have said is "you have all my info" and hang up.

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