First date ended well so. . . now what?

OlderAndWiser u

This morning, I discovered a post in which I was tagged and I had not responded. @vladikre posted:

"@OlderAndWiser. We had a discussion and I said that after the first date, I wait a week max to send or contact, cause I try to build interest. I state that I don't play games and that's what I believe. what's your opinion on this."

@vladikre, I apologize for not responding when you first posted this question. I think it is a great question and my response is below.

Sometime during the course of a first date, I usually make a comment about being very direct and open about my feelings and that I understand that may be a bit different from what they have experienced with other guys. I know that some people may assess that as being more of a female behavior but I assure them that while I express feelings, play the piano, and know how to roast a turkey . . .

First date ended well so. . . now what?

. . . I also know how to do maintenance on my car . . .

First date ended well so. . . now what?

. . . DIY projects around the house, enjoy being outdoors and I usually take charge of a situation and I'm viewed as a leader. Those statements are very truthful but they also set the stage for what happens at the end of the date.

After a first date, if I don't think I want to see a lady again . . . at the end of the date, I walk her to her car, I tell her that I had an enjoyable evening and that she seems to be a very nice lady, but "I don't think you and me are meant to be and I don't want to mislead you in any way," and then I give her a friendly hug.

This is clearly NOT an I-never-wanna-see-you-again hug!
This is clearly NOT an I-never-wanna-see-you-again hug!

I have never had a woman respond negatively to that direct approach.

After the first date, it it went well and I am excited about seeing her again . . . I walk her to her car, I tell her that I had a very nice evening with her and I look forward to seeing her again. I then approach her and lean forward to see if she is receptive to a good night kiss. If she is receptive, I give her a nice kiss on the lips (no tonsil probing with my tongue!)

Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!

If she is not receptive, she will usually turn her face to the side and I will kiss her cheek very softly as if that is what I was expecting her to do, with no sign or disappointment at all. I then say that I hope we can get together again sometime during the next week and I promise to call her on Monday (assuming that it is a Friday night or Saturday night date.) I ask her to text me when she arrives home safely and, when she does, I respond and tell her that I am home safe and I look forward to talking again soon.

Not a good idea to get THAT drunk on a first date!
Not a good idea to get THAT drunk on a first date!

If you try to manipulate the timing of when you reveal your interest, ultimately that causes problems. It may look like you are being fake or manipulative. Instead of building interest, she may assume that you are not genuinely interested and go back online looking for her next suitor. Or she may just assume that you are someone who plays games and you are not sincere.

If she is turned off by the fact that I am more eager to see her again than perhaps she is, I might be disappointed but better to learn that now rather than a month from now when I am starting to feel some fondness for her while, unbeknownst to me, she is looking elsewhere. If she is enthusiastic as me about our first date and eager to see me again, then it's great to have that right out in the open. And, hopefully, we have that second date within the next week.

First date ended well so. . . now what?
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