Overthinking It: "What Does It Mean When A Guy/Girl?"

[ManOnFire]

Alright. Sorry, but I gotta say something about this. We've seen questions like this from younger people for years on the Internet. They have almost always been from young females, but even the guys nowadays are doing it more. Which, for them, is sadly because males are becoming more feminine today, and are somehow picking up female behaviors.

- but, that's beside the point.

Anyway...we see so many younger people asking for advice about a crush on sites like GaG and others, and so many of them are based in the form of "What does it mean when a guy/girl says/does such and such?" And when they ask these questions they always include exactly what the guy or girl says or does, which is something you really can't read anything more into! But they think there is some kind of underlying meaning in the person's words, some silver lining they know is there. Questions like "What does it mean when a guy says your special?" "What does it mean when a guy says you're his best friend?" "What does it mean when a girl says "call me"?" or "What does it mean when a girl says I missed you?"

What kind of answers are these people looking for other than what is clearly known in their situation! It honestly is so ridiculous to me. What do they believe is really underneath a guy saying you're his best friend? Or a girl saying "call me"? I know people sometimes do have unclear intentions in something they say or do, but what hidden messages are there in someone simply calling you their best friend or saying you're special? These things are actually more honest and direct than what a lot of people will do who can't express themselves, or are even afraid to say what they think.

Overthinking it

Earlier I said that you mostly hear younger females asking these kinds of things. And I think it's because females are always overthinking, even the small stuff, where there's no reason to. Females are also trying to figure out "what it means" with a guy because they try to be what they think is "discreet" when interacting with guys, not being 100% direct or clear and sending "messages," so they then imagine a guy is doing the same thing when he's really not. If guys are telling you something, 9 times out of 10 they're being direct and transparent. And if there really is something you have to read between the lines about, then you should be worried.

But why are so many young guys nowadays doing the same things? About 10 years ago, I almost never saw a guy asking a what-does-it-mean question on an online forum, but today you will see it often. Have males today become so much more feminine that they're picking up female behaviors even in the dating game? I honestly don't know why it is this way, but I think we all can see it. So now the guys are overthinking direct statements/actions from a girl and trying to figure out "what it means" too.

Bottom line

So the point here is: don't overthink it. If a guy is directly telling you you're his best friend, or that you're a sweetheart, take him at face value. If a girl is honestly saying, "I miss you," take her at face value. You take the person for what they're showing you to be until or unless they're doing things that you notice are particularly conflicting or giving you reasonable doubt. If you tell a guy he's you're best friend or that he's special, wouldn't you want him to take you seriously? If you tell a girl "call me," don't you want her to think it's what you really mean?

So go from there.

Namaste, and good luck.

[DaveJord]

You don't know why it is that guys are acting more like women these days?

Come on @ManOnFire of course you do, why you are playing it like you don't? Okay you're, 36 and I am 46. So, I am a Gen-X (Xennial) and you are a Millennial.

So basically, Xennial were raise in the analog age... pre- internet, pre-video games, pre- everything social media. We came of age in a pre- digital age.

Millennials came of age in the post digital age, and Gen-Z were born and raised in the digital age.

So basically, the men for the last 20 plus years have been de-emasculated by society in ever shape way and form. Everything about the male ego has come under attack or criticism from all directions and its constantly being pumped into their minds by social and mainstream media. Women good, man bad... and white guys especially bad, because not only are white guys sophistic, but we are also racist. Don't act like you haven't been paying attention.

So, to your main point, in my day men acted like men and we were expected to act like men. And women were women who acted like women, but we forgave them for that because we loved women, we cherished them, and we wanted to protect and care for them. So, when boys and girls did their silly little boy and girl things, we were all more forgiving of it, because men were men, and women were women.

There were just things men did not do to women, and men were not expected to cry about the things women did to them. Men were expected to sand up and be men.

But now days we do not really celebrate the difference between the sexes or genders and want to pretend they don't exist, and this goes against our very human nature and instincts. So, this why the gender roles are so confusing to young people, because instinctively, as a man, they want to react in certain ways. But they have been programed not to do that, and now they are confused as what to do. Because men must have great respect for women and not to do these things or that thing. Same for women, who now exert greater influence, and demand more respect, but they don't really know how to act like men because they aren't men... By and large women do not want in general to be subjected to male behaviors, until they find a man, that they now expect to act like a man. But how does he now know it's okay to act like a man, when he has been subconsciously programed to reject his natural male instincts?

So, everyone is confused, and nobody knows who is supposed to do what, and when old farts like me tell them why, they act like I am some old fart who so clueless, and out of touch with the world. I am call racist sophistic and our voices are canceled out, but the cancel culture. Because how can we possible be proud to be a man, everything is our fault, especially those what guys particularly.

Even when throughout the Millinia of human civilization there's been no confusion until right now, within the last 20 years or so... so where do they turn? THE FUCKING INTERNET, don't you know all the answers are right here on the internet.

[ManOnFire]

No, I agree with you, and I do know the reason, but I was trying not to sound so absolutely definitive about it. But, yes I think the same things as you.

[DaveJord]

Oh, my bad, I was trying to give it away. :-)

[Sixgunsound]

Don't ever apologize or listen to complaints of mansplaining or racist or sophistry. You're calling it like it is. Please don't ever change, the future of humanity is dependent on people who remember when the world made sense.

[DaveJord]

@Sixgunsound Will do trust me.

[Starbers99]

I think he wanted us to answer the question, think for ourselves using the brain we have been given, to make sure it is doing what it is supposed to be doing, critical and independent thinking. Thanks for ruining it for the people at the back and giving away the test answers to the lazy ones😊

[ManOnFire]

@Starbers99 Lol. Yeah, I didn't want to directly say exactly what I thought on it, but you got it.

[DaveJord]

@Starbers99 😆 My bad... lol

[Anonymous]

I think some people overthink because they have people the benefit of the doubt in the past and got screwed over for it. They do not want to be a suckered again.

But on the flip side you can overthink and screw up a good opportunity.

This really comes down to your gut instincts. Deep down I knew 95% of the time a woman is being disingenuous. But I wanted to give her the benefit of doubt hoping (naively) it would be okay.

For example I once had an on and off ex in other state text me “hey I didn’t get a valentine from you”. We still had this long distance (ish) thing going on. So I took my time and put together a nice photocard valentine of pictures I had of us having fun.

What did she do with it? She posted a pic of it on Facebook saying “he lives over a 1000 miles away and yet he did this for me. Yet I can’t get the time of day from this other guy.”

What she did to my sign of good will was absolutely beyond disgusting. Made me feel used and like a complete fool. Picture perfect example of how women exploit nice guys.

So instead of taking her valentine request at “face value” I should of asked her more questions beforehand. It was an offhand request.

[ManOnFire]

God, I really hate those kinds of chicks.

[DaveJord]

"What did she do with it? She posted a pic of it on Facebook saying “he lives over a 1000 miles away and yet he did this for me. Yet I can’t get the time of day from this other guy.”

What a fucking bitch!!! Guess you should come on G@G and got some advice first. (Sarcasm indented). Sorry man that some fuck shit right there, I am sorry.

[Opinion Owner]

@DaveJord if instant karma existed I would of had a sex tape of her and I could posted beneath her FB post for everybody to see. Of course I am not the person to do something like that. But in that situation it would of been well worth it.

[Exterminatore]

@anon

What you should not have done is take anything at face value, but once she pulled that BS flush her out of your life with the rest of the feces.

What a narcissistic little turd she is.

[Opinion Owner]

@Exterminatore there were warning signs earlier but I didn’t take them seriously. I guess you can say that was on me. Hindsight is always 20/20 but I should if screenshoted it, sent her a message and told her riddens and good luck. Why I didn’t do that at the time is absolutely beyond me.

Young men need to be taught not tolerate slights and bs from women. If he doesn’t stand his ground she will just keep double down. Women don’t feel guilt over that bs unless it backfires on them.

But when you are attracted to a girl you sometimes you get rose tinted glasses. Doesn’t give you an excuse to be naive but it does blind many guys to what everyone else can see as plain as day. Also it doesn’t help that modern society keeps telling men to kiss woman’s asses.

[ManOnFire]

Yes! Everything I've been saying forever. "Young men need to be taught not tolerate slights and bs from women." - I had to learn the same thing and stop letting women disrespect me.

[Opinion Owner]

The thing is parents and society do make an effort to educate young girls and women to avoid abusive assholes. Good fathers are notably supposed to be tough about this. But many women dive head first into the dark pit anyway.

But boys and young men are NOT being thoroughly warned about crap. I sure as hell wasn’t. I was sorta warned about promiscuous women but never about woman like experienced above.

I actually didn’t tell very many people about that incident. I guess as a man there is the attitude “well you should have known sucker” and the fact she had gall to do that supposedly says something about me.

But when women get screwed over they are “victims”. When men get screwed over they are “chumps”. People wonder why we are more cynical.

[ManOnFire]

Dude, you have GOT to write a Take about this. Everything you said is everything that's been on my mind for a long time.

[Opinion Owner]

I will. I guess with that valentine incident I was tight lipped because similar to being a victim in a financial scam it’s extremely embarrassing to admit it happened. Embarrassing to admit you are a “sucker”.

Obviously my pride was hurt. I tried to bury it and forget about it for a long time. Pretend it never happened.

[NeverknowNeverTell]

yes clearly it's over thinking, I've been there when I was a teen and even catch myself overanalyzing now. since I'm straight, I would sometimes ask. "if it were a girl doing this, would I care as much" and usually that's reason enough to redirect my attention to something more productive.

Although I thinking having these crushes and trying to figure things out is a necessary part of developing cognitive empathy. learning to understand how people display there emotion, or even understanding your own feelings. regardless of gender, questioning and understanding relationship and interactions is part of how we identify ourselves.

It might be annoy to deal with but it's a part of growing up I guess

[desperatelyhungry]

in my opinion sometimes it’s more than overthinking. Both sexes are sometimes guilty of
Playing games and there could very well be an underlying meaning. Yes, at the end of the day, the best person to ask
Is the one who said it, but it’s not uncommon for a person to say one thing, example, “I’ll treat you better than you’ve ever been treated. I’ll
Do anything to make this work.” And then immediately ghost you or do something shitty. I could see why stuff like this would cause people
To ask wtf did them saying it really mean if they clearly did not mean it? The dating world is hard and confusing for young whole to figure out. Give them some grace

[Maybe_1day]

Because relationships nowadays have turned into mind games. It lost it's purity. The authentic, genuine version of living a relationship has slowly faded away. Nowadays we have relationships full of games, full of partners not knowing what they actually want. It's sad but bitter truth

[ManOnFire]

@desperatelyhungry Hence why I said, "You take the person for what they're showing you to be until or unless they're doing things that you notice are particularly conflicting or giving you reasonable doubt." Don't bother wondering "what it means" if they initially said they'll treat you better than you've ever been treated, etc. If that's what they said, then let it play out. And you found out that they ghost you or do something shitty, so walk away and don't look back.

If you're going to overthink everything someone says or overthink every person you meet, then you shouldn't bother trying to date.

[desperatelyhungry]

I agree with the actions over words, but when you’re a young person you don’t know that. I have a suspicion you were young once and may have even had a crush on someone. Despite your best efforts, you probably couldn’t get your mind off them and probably wondered about things they did it said. I just fail to see this as being as deep as you’re trying to dig if

[ManOnFire]

@desperatelyhungry You're right. It's not deep. That's the point of this Take. People are overthinking things that are not that deep.

When I was young I didn't ever wonder "what it means" when a girl or did or said something. Instead I would wonder things like if she was ever really interested based on how LITTLE she spoke, if she was starting to avoid me, etc. THOSE are the cues I picked up on, not rolling it over in my mind repeatedly if there was some underlying meaning in her saying "You're a cool guy," "You're sweet," "We should hang out," etc.

[Guy13]

But Why ⁉️

😎

[dragoblack]

A big part of it is people are treating romance and dating like a mind game instead of being honest. That and no one gives romance guidance in the past several generations, so they go off of romance & dating depicted in entertainment which is honestly romantasized garbage.
People need guidance and to stop playing mind games of hints, mind reading, "guess what i actually mean".. etc. bullshite. Guys are not becoming more feminine, they are becoming lost on what to do, especially when almost all of the old tactics were sexual harassment, catcalling, posessive, ... etc. which obviously made women feel super uncomfortable & unsafe. That and the unrealistic expectations told to kids over the past generations messed them up too.

Guys are lost on what to do, women are trying to be safe, but also have unrealistic expectations, all of them hate dealing with inconvenience & slightly awkward situations, and none of them can just be honest & show physical romantic terms of endearment.
Heck, one of the old tricks i was tought, was how to make a rose out of a disposable napkin to give a girl you have interest in.

[DaveJord]

He said,

"Guys are lost on what to do, women are trying to be safe, but also have unrealistic expectations, all of them hate dealing with inconvenience & slightly awkward situations, and none of them can just be honest & show physical romantic terms of endearment."

Might be MHO worthy.

[Exterminatore]

You really are a man on fire because you are spot on. On fire so to speak.


I also agree these questions are annoying. I often read them and think the person must be stupid. Can’t figure out how else someone in their 20’s can’t understand. Most especially the women. They have no excuse as guys are straight forward.


As far as guys go, sometimes I can see where they may get confused. Women are not know to be direct. She says: “I’m fine.” It means she’s not fine. I can understand to a point being confused by them a little. I just bottom line everything. Would a person who says: this, act like that? So maybe the guys get slightly more leeway here but not much and the girls are outright dumb for thinking guys are anything but obvious.

[ManOnFire]

You got a point there, yeah.

[TheNameIsRob]

I think it’s people wanting to believe something is more than what it is and are hoping that others will say what they want to hear. As far as whether it’s guys or girls doing it more, I don’t know.

The pussification of young men has been happening for what seems like the last 20 years or so. Terms like toxic masculinity only serve to further advance the weakening of men. There’s being a jerk and then there’s being masculine, two very different things. It’s tough counteract when young people are bombarded with messages of how bad they are from schools and colleges.

Masculinity is ok when it’s time to defend others, do a gross or filthy job, do something dangerous or something physically demanding, but not when it’s something that a woman might also want to do?

Fortunately not all men are becoming soft and not all women want soft men. It’s really up to parents, mostly fathers, to raise young men that are masculine as well as courteous.

[CallmeTheKnight]

It means you're prone to create a nonexistent problems for yourself

[ManOnFire]

Exactly.

[1User12345]

smart man

[spartan55]

This should be required reading for girls, and sadly, some guys.

[Exterminatore]

Absolutely.

[Manuel2]

The simple answer is this

You have experience it. But that does not mean some one else has.
Like how do teach your daughter to use a tampoon.
Now as a man, we may have an idea. But it is better to take her to some one who not only has periods but knows and even show how to use tampoons and so on.
Like a child will tell you a joke you heard a thousands time but that child their first time.
That is why they overthink unyil they get the answer

[Naruto_Uzumaki]

I don't trust these words. Their actions show their true intentions

[Anonymous]

Honestly I don’t read anything that’s a full article lol….
But don’t tell anyone

[Libidononexistenteww]

Men shouldn’t lie and make false promises then

[Avicenna]

Good points….

[strateguy632]

good point

[jamartheg]

Hey Jeffrey